I guess it's true.
Drugs always have a price.

The ******* took my sense of smell and voice,
The ***** my sense of sight, judgement, and reality,
The marijuana got rid of my beauty.

But you, you took away
My soul,
My heart,
My mind,
My heart.

You are the most expensive drug of them all.
I gave you all this and it still wasn't enough,
Loans were made, never returned,
And here I am.
An empty carcass addicted to you.

They tell me to move on,
As if its that easy.
They say things will get better,
But they haven't.
They say I'll find someone better,
But you were perfect for me.
They say I'll find true love someday,
But I had already found it.
They say I should hate you for what you did,
But I can't because I love you.

I'm numb to feelings now.
I'm in an eternal state of nothingness.
I care about nothing.

I know you're gone and aren't coming back.
I know nothing will ever be the same between us.
I know I should move on,
But I gave you my heart and its still yours.

See, I can smile
Like the sun only shines on me.
But with every wrinkle and every fold,
Every muscle that works to create this fallacy on my face,
It hurts more than the pain,
I try to keep hidden inside.

Look at those stars we claimed our own,
Picked them one by one and named them too.
Now as I look up to the sky at night
Tears, I try to hold back.
Fighting to make myself believe what you are..
Only a lie imprinted in the back of my mind,
Slowly fading into the dark.

I have learnt to forget memories,
The ones that hurt the most.
I have learnt to not look at a star
And wish that things could be bright.
I have stopped dreaming,
Knowing they don't help at night.
I have stopped waiting,
Because its time that deepens the scar.

When I'm picking up broken pieces,
Of a life that derailed when I lost you to time,
All that remains are your words,
Leaving me writhing in pain,
On endless dark nights.

I know you don't check on here anymore,
But I still can't post about you.
Because what if you should stumble across them someday?
How would you feel?
Would you miss me at all if you saw the pain I'm in?
Or would you keep scrolling the page,
Pretending not to even see it?
I don't really know, but you'll never see any poems I write for you.
Not that you care.

It's been awhile since I last saw you
I heard that you found her
The perfect girl
That is not me
And you treat her like a princess
While I am obsessed
With listening to the voices in my mind
Telling me to die
Everyday