I'm breaking down
Just to lift you up
Up above the clouds
That drown you out
I just wish you would see
That you do need me
So when I leave
Your life may fall apart
But I'm not looking back
Not now
Not ever
Take my stuff
And all our memories
Throw them away
And burn them up

Death is all around me
So much that
It's soaking into my skin
Permeating my rash existence
Crushing what hope I had
Replacing it with
A helpless feeling
That takes over
Leaving me empty

You only have eyes for him
He's only ever loved you
You fight,  scream,  don't talk
He leaves or you do
But never for good
Twenty years and two children
Love still burns bright and wild
Behind their eyes
You can see it
In the way they speak
And look at each other
The kind of love that lasts
The kind I can only hope for

Your eyes hold continents
Bold and bursting with life
Holding promises
Just for me

If you want to go somewhere
I want to take you there
I want to be the one
To hold your hand
As we run
Not with a loaded gun
But with a silver tongue
A crisp walk and a happy life
To go with everything you may
Have lost along the way

You grabbed some letters
Threw them into words
Stuffed them down my throat
And told me to sing
It's a terrible thing,
Making words into sentences
When they aren't your own
They came from you, not me,
Now take them back
But you won't
I'll be stuck with them
As I regurgitate your words
They burn up my throat
And come to life in my mouth
To be set free
Slippery and broken
Rattling through my teeth

When I leave you
And when you leave me
We say our goodbyes
Except there's still that one thing poking through my head
That I know I can't let go
Not just yet
Just before you turn away
I feel myself want to say
"I love you"
Yet I know we're not ready
But it's also something I need to say

My eyes leaking with salt water
Pain in my chest
A ball of clay jammed in my throat
I reach for you when I know
You are not there
I take your memory and rip it apart
Then scramble for the pieces
I want you here with me again
Bawlin on the floor I break and let it go
I push all that away from me
What has been locked up inside
But keep only one piece of you
Always inside of me
To sit and
Cry

Life is about the edges
Where something stops
And another begins
Sharp or rounded they'll teach you
Many lessons
They may bruise you but
Never let them break you
You are stronger than those edges
Round or sharp
Doesn't matter
They can't keep you from breathing
From your heart beating alone in the silence
From your mind pricking at the edges
Just to see

When you break something
You shut down
Your body just doesn't know what to do
Or how to fix it

Open up my head and pour out the contents
Rearrange me
Fix me
Drag out the madness  
With a clear shot
I hope you take it
I'm tired of the madness

Humans are such dangerous but
Fragile creatures
There's an easier way of doing everything
But we always choose the hard way
I guess I'm trying to say
I chose you
You were my hard way
I didn't make it out alive
You took all I could give
I know you won't give any back
Bad or good choice
I don't know
I won't know until I'm on my death bed
Breathing my final words
You will never know
Poor destructive humans

I already gave up on you
I can't betrey myself enough to look at your face
You didn't want me
But I gave you my all
In hopes of acceptance not rejection
You made everything real and alive
Now the world seems bland and dead
Just like the love I've finally
Washed off my skin

Oh no oh no
Death is near
All the good things are gone
And the bad things are here

The Jolteon

Blasting my music to drown the memories in my head
They repeat over and over
Taunting me with their bittersweet taste
I can still feel your fingerprints on my skin
Nothing will replace that feeling
When we were together it felt real
I felt alive
I guess you didn't feel the same way

Can you see the music moving in your mind
Can you feel it tremble in your veins
Bumping around
Giving rough edges
To cut your ears on
No pain
A sensation that is overwhelming
Courses through your soul
Ending up flipping in your heart
Settling and leaving hopeful traces
For you to follow and feel
The need
For something more

Will you help me save myself
I've done it all before
It would be nice if there was one
Person by my side
Holding my hair
And keeping me sane
With small talk and good coffee
Just don't let me break
Alome

You
You can't be the answer to all my problems
You can't make me, mold me,
Into someone I'm not
And yet
You managed to make my life yours
You took it upon yourself to make me yours
Yours and no one else's
You made that clear to everyone
Including me
And then
You pushed too hard
At me and broke my bones
I finally realized how shackled I was
The cage I was in
Grew smaller and smaller
Your clutch on me tightened
You knew I was scared of what you are
You replied with madness
I gave you up
Pushed you away to breathe
You screamed my name for nights
I walked away

The dust covered lane in which you lie
Is untouched, pure, majestic
The blue of your eyes
So like the blue of the open sky
Are covered
Unknowing of all you could be seeing
The pale skin of your smooth body
Breathtakingly similar to the pale of the snow
If I had not know better I would say
You are dead
You are Unchanged by seasons
Not withered by time
Perfect in the sense of the word
Yet catastrophe rages
Underlying pain behind  
Still eyelids
Stiff joints
Porcelain
Thoughts we will never know
Scream within their boundaries
Pushing you over the edge
Casting you far away
With no need to return
Wrapped up in all you now know
Uncaring for the rest
You are in pain but
Finally
At peace

I wish I could go numb
And stop breathing for a little while
Maybe then the tears would
Just stop flowing down my face
And if I did
How would you feel?
Would you really even give a ****
Would I be something like the sunset
To you
Something you can't touch but feel
Or would I be the bump in the road
That blew your tire
To which you had a spare

Why are you crying?
I know the answer as to my tears
I'm just not sure how to put it into words
I hurt
Everywhere
Both physically
And mentally
As I'm driving I gravitate to the edge
Getting closer and closer
Feeling the pull where the gravel meets dirt
I have the power
To do damage to everyone who loves me
I can end this pain
What is there to wake up to in the morning
What can keep the tires on the road
I don't want to know how
I need to know if something anything will
Make this horrid existence continue

Most things take time
Trust
Love
But not affection
You can build trust and with trust follows love
Affection is wild and crazy not following anything
Just burning hot and never taking the time to ask why

It happened all at once
Just like a sun rise;
It was dark then suddenly light filled the void
You left me with

Your absence is deafening
Bleeding through every empty space
We bumble around
Looking for you
In the places you used to occupy
Everything is gray
And lonely
Tears are inevitable
Every night spent curled up
Taking hot showers to forget
If I'm crying or if it's just the water
Streaking down my face

Screaming into pillows
Forcing my fist through walls
Killing myself with every dumb tear
Self doubt and loathing stitched into my bones
Trying to think of something else than the moments we shared
And how your name sounded on my tongue

All we can think about is you
You are the only remnants that holds us all together
You're the glue that keeps this masterpiece standing
If you leave what do we have
I don't want to find out
But it's inevitable
These things are always unavoidable
It's crazy how much I know this is going to hurt
I want to focus on you as much as possible
Everything keeps me from you
You need help
And I can't fix you
If you go
I will too
Maybe not all of me but most
You're the only piece that can
Finish my puzzle

I ran from you
But I ran in the wrong direction
Straight into his arms
Strong
Warm
But soon they turn
Cold
Too tight
Making it hard to move
I waiting until he was weak
Weak enough to shatter
Shatter and run away
Something I was getting very good at

I need something to replace this
Empty feeling inside
I tried to pull you in
To keep you right here beside me
Where you could find my weakness
And I could find yours
You didn't care to
And your weakness was too easy
So now here I sit
Completely empty
And close to falling off the
Edge
Of this torment we call life

Maybe you could call me pretty
And I could fall in love with the way you say my name
You could get lost in my eyes and the feeling of my hands in your hair
But we know this will all end soon
I won't get back to you
And you will find someone new to spend time on
This could be how it works
Or we could change it forever

You have no idea
What I'm going through
To get you off my mind
And out of all my thoughts

I watch you
Your heart battered
Bruised and bandaged
You push yourself
Beyond who you truly are
For someone else's pleasure
You do it to yourself
Each and every time
You give more than you will ever
Get in return
You get your heart shattered
Many times In a years time
I see that
And realize
I do everything possible
To avoid such wreckage
I break others
Cast away feeling
When they get to close
Continually build walls
That will never be overtaken
Invincible walls build on
Your experiences with
Deceivers

I'm tired of living again
Don't want to get out of bed
Don't want to move
It's not lazy
its having no will to live

Heart beating in my chest
I look at you
You aren't looking at me
You're looking at what I am
What I could give you
Your eyes may be distant and cold
But I can get you to warm up
One day

I will leave you breathless
And craving for more
Or afraid of everything you ever knew
Pulling away from those you love
I will make you aware of why
Hurricanes are named after women
And what it looks like after the storm
Your life may be a mystery to you
But I know what I do with mine
I break things
That don't deserve to be broken
Like your fragile heart
That I broke in two
After all this time I've tried to fix myself
Now I just accept my flawed existence
I find myself in what I break
It's wrong
I know
But it's me
Finally I'm me

Our family is stretched over four individuals
So far apart
The stretch is unbearable if you look too Long
We try to fix this; talk, laugh, stay together
We forget for awhile why it's so hard to communicate
Then we each remember
Go off into our corner of this big empty house
You could hear a pen drop
In this deafening silence that we all ignore
So we don't feel bad  about it.
What can we do to stop the stretch from breaking
When she left we were done
And now we have next to nothing

You had a chokehold around your own neck
And you weren't letting go

Sometimes
I find it hard to breathe
I find it harder to live
But it's easy to quit
So why not quit
Take the easy way out
Is that really what I want
That will never be the answer
Never
Even though
When I think of what has happened
That's when my throat closes
When I go back to that day
That very second
Right before the pain
I know I was happy
And that happiness beckons me
With all the force I have
I attempt to fight it
But how can I when that's really all I want
I'm not there yet
That fact
Is the one that keeps me up at night
And ruins all of my dreams
That claws at the corners of my mind
Grasping the dark edges
And hanging on
Feeling like cold knuckles against warm skin
Bringing out cold thoughts
And brittle memories
The ones that break me down a size or five
That put me in a corner
And lock me up
Feelings only begin to sway around the room
Positive and negative collide
Making everything black and white
And unreadable
That's when I know
Exactly what I must do

There are so many deadly things in this world
That could hurt me
But really I'm concvinced
You're the most toxic
Of them all

You took me for granted
When I was in need
You swore on a promise
You didn't really mean
So you took advantage
Of a person like me
And what did it do for a soul like yours?

If I took a look around
Would I see what's bothering you?
If I just watched for a bit
Would I understand your feelings?

Why do we settle for less when we can have it all
We can push ourselves past
Recognition
Past rejection
With everything on the line
You still have something
Unless you sell your heart
Then all you have is a corpse
Of who you used to be
Don't push to hard
You may intend to find yourself
But
May indeed lose yourself
In the adventurous process

I want to say you're adorable
Which means a lot for me
And that you are a freak
Which is okay
Cause I  am too
But you're afraid of heights and I'm afraid of flying
So if we fall it may be disastrous

Your eyes land on mine
And I know I've broken something
I'm going to regret breaking
At some point
But right now
Just for right now
It's sweet relief in my veins
Singing happily
Beating through my ears

I just want the burn I feel
When your fingers scratch my back
And your body hovering over mine
While your eyes search me
With a wink
I scream

Break your back
Rip apart your ribs
Scream until you cough blood
What are you looking for?
Maybe that one thing
You can call your own
You may never find it
But keep searching for
Your heart
It might be in there somewhere