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for the people who made my days
the people who perked their ears up
when my unattended fire hose
started to spray bile like rainbows in the sky
for the people who put their word behind my name
the silent friends who never knew it
for every single person who took the time
to define the way my mind unwinds
the people who had advice to give
the people who had nothing but adoration
these words sometimes fall flat
and my mood can be at rock bottom
but I never stop thinking of you all
the ones who pulled me up
when I was all but ready to give up
a simple thank you is order
thank you.
 Mar 2014 spahrkling
NitaAnn
I have an ache in my heart and my thoughts are running wild.
I try to find the words to express how I feel, but the words won't come.


If this were a poem, I could express myself. If this were a song, I could sing what I wanted to say. But to just write it down, no euphemisms, no *******... no matter what I write- it isn't exactly what I want to convey.
My heart beats itself against my ribcage in hopes of escaping this ugly and unwanted shell of an empty dying soul.
Where do I go from here?

I feel nothing now…I am an empty, hollow “done with all the emotions”
and stuck in neutral….and for the life of me I can’t figure out what’s wrong. What led to this moment?


What’s wrong with me? I think I may be broken.I struggle with faith, my purpose in life, my value. I wish I could just forget. Forget about the people who hurt me. Forget about the pain. Why does it matter? I'm afraid of the girl inside of me. She's full of rage, bitterness, hate, guilt and sadness....... (she's not a nice person) and yet, even with all of these feelings inside of her, she's totally empty... she is a hollow shell.
what is the definition of us?
you beat the crap out of me
and I come crawling back
they just don’t know you like I do
they just don’t see love like I do
nobody understands
and I’ve always lived to spite
so I keep on keeping on with our swan song
and yeah I could go without you
if I really wanted to
but I was raised to not quit
plus - every time I see you again
you look better than last time
I mean ******* is that lingerie or a ballgown?
and we never get out of bed
which I like
but I never get out of bed
which I hate
You tell me
never change
so I walk around town in sweatpants
and four day stubble
hair always greasy and wild
and the beautiful people I make eye contact with
look at me like a raving homeless lunatic
which wouldn’t **** me off so much -
if they weren’t so close to the truth
but you are a full time job
and I’m getting overtime
dot my eyes again
we both know I deserve it
we both know we deserve each other
 Feb 2014 spahrkling
Emma
I haven't been
Doing very well
These past few weeks

And part of me thought
I was over this;
This never ending
Sadness

But it came
Creeping back up
Because I always
Let things get to me
And they just can't seem
To leave well enough
Alone

Because I've become
Sadder than ever
And it's like
My heart has been replaced
With this black hole
Slowly ******* me in

And somehow
You don't seem to notice
Or,
Maybe you try to
Ignore it

But you're the man
Who raised me
Who has been by my side
Through thick
And thin

So I don't understand
How you could not see
That your little girl
Is slowly
Dying.

-e.w.
 Feb 2014 spahrkling
Emma
My phone buzzes
My best friend's name
Flashes across the screen
As I smile with joy

Her voice soothes
Even my darkest demons

She knows exactly what to say
Even when I'm at my lowest

She knows what I'm feeling;
She's going through it too

An hour ticks by,
but I wish the night and phone call
Would last forever

Because she's the only one
Who can make me laugh,
When I want to cry

Make me smile,
When I feel like
Slicing my skin open once again

Even though she's 3 hours away,
I feel like we're closer than
Ever.

-e.w.
 Feb 2014 spahrkling
Emma
I'm losing
 Feb 2014 spahrkling
Emma
I'm losing sleep
And my body aches
From all the weight it carries

I'm losing time
That I could spend
Being happy, or at least
Happier than this

I'm losing love
As I push people away
Saying that I'm poison
That I don't want them to stay

I'm losing my mind
As I wrack my brain
Trying to figure out
Why I'm even still alive

I'm losing myself
With each passing day
Telling everyone that I'm fine
That the sadness will just go away

But I'm never okay
And I'm starting to think
That maybe I never will be.

-e.w.
 Feb 2014 spahrkling
Emma
Yet Again
 Feb 2014 spahrkling
Emma
I have this feeling
Deep inside my chest
That I need to
Stop loving you

Because I look at you
With longing eyes
But you walk right past
With longing strides

My name gets caught
Between your lips
As it slides right out
I'm wishing that it hadn't

You've broken me
Oh, so many times
I know I'm stupid,
But I can't help it

Because yet again,
I fall for you
With every word you say
With every smile you flash

I promised myself
That I would try to not love you

But here I am,
9:04 on Valentines Eve

Falling for you
Yet again.

-e.w.
How strange it is of life
to love with no love in turn
How strange it is of life
that a cold shoulder can burn
How strange it is of life
that you bring a tear to my eye
How strange it is of life
that you let me pass you by
 Feb 2014 spahrkling
Emma
Please forgive me
If the only words you hear from me
Are sad and depressing
Things

Because all that courses through
These dying veins anymore
Is the evil that comes
From my aching heart

I do not know
Happiness

And happiness
Is not a friend of
Mine.

-e.w.
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