Though I walk in this fallen world that we live in here.
Still Christ Faithfulness is seen here many times over.
He bless me in ways that reveals him in the miracle itself.
Because there is no other answer, he is my Salvation.
I am given things when I am without the  funds to buy it.
I am given shelter, from the storms in life here on the earth.
I see your hand in all of this Christ the God of Abraham.
For only you have the power to bless us without using money.
For everything here belongs to you alone my Living God.
For you alone are the Savior of the universe we live in.

Mum, please, I need you to listen.
I'm not trying to make something out of nothing,
I'm just fighting with my mind and I feel lonely.
Mum, please, I do not mean to be a burden
But I'm locked inside my own thoughts
And I can no longer escape,
For you see my depression is controlling me.
Some days it is like a tiny fly
The next it swallows me into its icy shadow.
These days mum are the days I long to die.
You say it's selfish and cowardly to want to die
But please, it's not so much that I want to die,
It's just I don't want to live.
Mum, these days I am held prisoner inside my own bed.
You say I'm just being typically lazy
But I'm not trying to be.
I'm just afraid that if I get up I will drown within everything I long to forget.
Mum, please... Just listen to me.
You say I should get out more, see my friends
So I try like I know I should want to
But I wish for them to cancel these plans
For my anxiety torments my mind
And claws at my chest.
You ask where anxiety... another problem came from?
Yes mum, anxiety teaming up with depression
Increasing my many fears that haunt manipulate my life.
They come along as if to a party
Mum I am that party
Only this a party I do not want to attend.
At the end of the day I am tired of fighting with myself
And once more depression beckons me to my bed
Cradling my spent body until I once again feel numb.
Mum, please this is not to do with you.
You ask me why I'm too busy to stop and enjoy life
But I am never truly busy
I just mean I'm trying to keep distracted
Because I am lonely and feel isolated.
You say you cannot see where this has came from
Well, mum, neither do I!
You always say be more mire positive
Oh how I have tried but am always reminded of things I want to forget.
You've said light a candle to eliminate the dark
But I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of living!
Maybe this is part of the problem.
Mum, please I'm begging you to listen
I'm so scared that I cannot find my way back out.
You say you don't know what else to do.
Neither do I.
I'm lost and I cannot come back.
Mum, please, I just want you to be there when I need you!

His eyes had a knack of breaking down every sacred wall of defense my heart had ever built.

Walking on the fluff of clouds. Singing happy songs out loud. Breathing autumns fresh air.
Wearing a bra that matches
my black lace underwear. I
wonder around town without
a clue. Going to places that
remind me of the scent of you. Observing around. Looking
like a fool looking like a clown. Looking for a place that's
similar to Alice's wonderland
in a hole underground.
Looking for a place
where we could
be alone and
never found* ~