Call me hopeless but not romantic
Chocolates, flowers are not automatic
Saturday date becomes mandatory
Celebrations are now obligatory
Don’t blame me for being like this
I am not much a fan of cheesy flicks
My love, why state the obvious
The way I look at you is so much of a proof
That I am hopelessly inlove with you

My eyes are glazed over from all the times I have said, “I love you”.
Like a blank slate, my soul is empty.
My tongue hurts from all the times I asked, "What are we?"
Instead of just waiting and letting time tell its tale.
My body aches from grabbing my stomach and questioning, "Why can't I lose this weight!"
I'd feel so much more beautiful if it would just leave!
My shoulders crash into the couch cushions
I stare at my phone, my laptop, then my floor.
"When will he reply to me?" I wonder.
I have been waiting on a response all night long.
All day. All year. All of my life. I have been waiting.
But will I ever find peace in anything I am given?
"Why isn't anything ever enough?" I ponder.
Do I simply overlook the beauty in the things closest to me?
The way my hair curls up over my ears,
The way one of my teeth is a little crooked.
Are these the little things I have never appreciated because I have always expected someone else to appreciate them for me?
"When will I be satisfied?" I question myself in the mirror.
Then softly whisper a response,
"Never."

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.

do you dissociate too?

do you find yourself floating in space?
not on a gentle cloud or on the wings of a soaring eagle,
but on my own, supported by just air as i lose my head.

do you find yourself underwater?
not drowning but not breathing either.
the water rushes in my ears and the voices beside me are muffled
so i am left on my own with only my thoughts to accompany me.

do you find yourself gliding above ground?
i work through motions and play like a puppet on strings.
my feet never touch the ground while my head lolls on my shoulders.

my ears are plugged, my hands are clasped to still them.
the noise of the whole world is attacking me but i cannot decipher a word.
do you dissociate too?
please don't tell me i'm the only one.

Have you ever stopped abruptly,
When two parts of your mind were deliberating,
And thought to yourself bluntly:
“Who is the me that is listening to this contemplating?”

You’ll realize that this me of you is the true you, you see.
It does not have a voice but is the silent observer.
Like watching tv, it’s your spectator me,
Your inner true self, your life preserver.

This spectator me cannot think or talk;
It just… is. It is the now.  It is the here.
It’s the timeless clock that does not tick or tock.
It’s you. The real you. The almighty seer.