It's hard to accept
and harder to admit
but I do a lot of things
that don't make sense.

I'm often asked why
because people don't get it.
But there's not much to get,
it's just how I like to live it.

I take the long way home
just to see the view,
I waste gas and drive for hours
just to feel brand new.

I'll drive two miles more
and pass three stores on the way
because the fourth one is my favorite
and those people make my day.

I spend money and time
on what most people avoid,
but I do things however
they can be most enjoyed.

I wrote a letter and saved it in my back pocket instead
I knew I would then forget about it
and it would eventually be washed again and again
The letter contained every last detail I was thinking
Every nook and cranny

This is what the letter said:
You dig trenches into her heart
being flooded with your intention
contaminated by your hate
You see her suffering
you don't care to reach a hand
to pull her out of the waters
leaving her to down in your lies
that you've made become a reality
The heart
is a symbol of love
your heart is for your survival
but you create her heart in your vision
and your image
of her fate
You decide her heart is to be left
twisted and washed up
cleansed in the filth and dirt
of you sick mind
You tell her these lies
this is the only way for you to survive
feasting off of the anxiety
you create for others
You leave a path of misery
to rise to your claim of victory
but I wont let the devil win.

I don't know what it had meant at that moment
but I knew when I wrote that letter
that it was really for me

Now I am left to dismember those words

Each day is like a Rubik's Cube
Complex, confused, without a plan
I try to align it perfectly
But it seems I never can.

All day I'm trying hard to solve
the exhausting, tiresome and endless fight
Trying to figure out the perfect way
to have the same colors on every side.

No matter my efforts, I'm always left with
One orange in the yellow, two blues in the red,
three greens in the white,
forty thoughts in my head.

I could cheat and switch the stickers
I could call and ask a friend
I'm not good at solving problems
But at least I can pretend

But when push turns into shove
I can't solve it by aimlessly shifting
I can't learn it by aimlessly watching
And I can't live by aimlessly drifting

So no longer will I sit back and watch
other people figure out my life for me
I'll take my time and color my sides
Because no one can live life for me.

Have you ever
noticed when you
look at the trees
in the winter
they're all brown
once they've lost all their leaves?

Except one,
the Sycamore.
It stands proud and white,
It shines bright
like a star
on the darkest of nights.

But the Sycamore isn't
white on its own.
Like the rest, it is brown,
Then it sheds
its rough bark
and is the brightest around.

So when you're lost
and you're wondering
just how you should be,
shed your bark
and shine bright
like a Sycamore tree.

I sit here alone
wondering where my life is
where it all went wrong
despair haunts me
how I got involved
why I lost what love is

The days go on
just one at a time
waiting for the
goodbye to all the anxiety
to anger with myself
for surely I have suffered enough
through all these months

left unprotected
so lost
lost by your embrace
haunted by your words
I search around everywhere
for the passion and hopes of life
searching for the day chaos
no longer in my head
perhaps I won't feel so lost

I feel I am finding my way

Then

I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
but its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
but I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
but I don't know where to find it