I find very little encouragement
to live my life these days,
it used to be different when I was ten.

I remember walking down this street
humming and skipping in full joy,
Like I had the juiciest fruit in all of the world
and that fruit held secrets,
carrying more than just sweetness,
It was big, golden and shiny
I think that fruit was my heart,
It was always so full.
Almost overflowing
with sickening sweetness,
exasperating energy
and a sticky smile that was always there.

I would dance around, walk fast then slow
I would roll around, talk so loud then low.
It sickens me now.
Why was I like that ages ago?
What made me so excited about life?
To wake up every day and just....live?

It sickens me even more
That I can't have that again.
It also confuses me
because what is human life
if not a change after change after change?

If I wrote a book,
you will be my central character.
Million copies later,
I may write through your impeccable knowledge.

If I wrote a poem,
you will be in every word.
A couple of views later,
I may speak through your poetic silence.

If I acted in a play,
you will be my audience.
A few applauses later,
I may act out a monologue of glorious affection.

Say hi,
Say hello,
Say no more,
When words stop,
I will understand,
That we are where we need to be.

If I met you in real life,
you will be my soul mate.
A few decades later,
I may seek a second life with you.

So, meet me now! :)

I know,
I'm not good,
No need to point it out.

Tears in eyes,
waiting to fall,
lump in my throat,
trembling hands,
and an insulated, aching heart.

"Don't cry",
"You're strong",
"We'll be the best too"
the minds says,
facing the quiet mirror,
having tear-edge eyes.

I know,
I'm not good,
No need to mock.

I have held back all my demons,
ever since I slapped as a little boy.
I don't care for a priest's sermons,
to me, I was just their toy.

Whispers awoken agonizing
coughing as I'm breathing.
I keep them all at bay,
3 bottles of wine a day.

I can never sincerely
give an apology,
My green eyes have yellowed
desperately holding halo.

They crawl like tiny new-born spiders,
in a world so cruel, no longer of wonders.
I trip over an accordion as I sleep,
In my mouth, the demons shall creep.

Twig Prequel.

The snapping
of the branch,
clicking sound from the twig,
we destroy the ones we love,
a feeling inside that's sick,

I could never hurt her,
sphere I thought was clear,
the deer headlights, feel fear,
gentle touch to deafened ears.

I couldn't.......
I wouldn't...........

Its the day to feel special,
as a child of someone,
I got denied with simple sins
3 and that is just counting.

Happy birthday.....

I admit to being a bad person,
Has my twin taken over me.
I hate this bonfire,
my truth or cut wire.
I don't wish to be
as knives are sheathe
and lost to her desire,
things are getting worsen,
try the delicious tree
And blazes the red fire
down an apple sweet juice
Good luck to all of you.

I'm trying to be,
not as I wish to be
I don't wish for thee,
I just see the skies to see.
You can't see, look past through me,
there are obstacles like trees.

Mentality, am I really dying
as this soul tried to flee,
In a circle of so much teasing
by a world of children.