escape reality,
looking for light,
but always ending up in the darkness

Brazenly in my empty room I seek revelation
i seek help and light

My God help me if you are there
and my God has listened,
entrusted me with the power to rise high in the air
but the moment was short and too false
although for the first time in my life I began to appreciate a moment,
but this was the one in which I was most lost, trampled.

I searched for more and begged for more,
God take off my sins - I shouted.

God this time gave me an answer and in a heavy voice said;
“My child, for me to really take off your guilt and despair,
you must face reality, face what is around you.”

And then an empty tear,

God, but why did you send me here then?

“My child, your path by your deeds chosen, your confusion by your own decisions indicated”.
and then darkness and silence.

Listening to this silence I sob
i want to stop, please direct me with light
but this time room was filled with unanswered questions

I sit high again
.
Higher, higher and higher

I know only one thing now,
God is his child disappointed

you are the air
i breathe that
because i need to stay alive

Existence makes me think a lot
I'm here right now

Reality is crushing me on every side
and I'm falling lower and lower
trying to climb higher, I stumble

Solving the concept of existence
it's costing me too much suffering

I reach for something
what makes me high and
higher, higher, higher
but only for a moment

although the moment is addictive
because my whole life I've been looking for this moment
where my mind will rest

Though I know it'll destroy me from the inside
for when I am clean, and my sins are upon my head,
is not easier at all,

And to stop, I need to know why

these moments addict me

please help me escape from reality
please help me get out of my head

God has listened to my requests, but he has given me the substances,
that fill me
allow me to go higher
but just for this **** moment

And now I'm lost
unfortunately
with much more sins

Please let me come out of the pollution - i said.
cleanse me,
let me look with the happiest eyes,
in clear colours.

My God, don't make me be a mist
I know I feel better this way
but the alternative life make me confused

I don't want to be like that

Help me,
help me find a way out
from the labyrinth of suffering,
because for the first time in my life
i want to spread my wings
and fly high,
without being drugged.

My words were never so beautiful
were only conscious
poetry showed me that I belong somewhere
because all my life I wandered in an unknown direction
stopping to think whether to turn back
and that's how I got lost
help me, I shouted
but no one was here
So I started writing
I discovered myself, I am so grateful
that my person was filled with personality.
I still don't know who I am,
but I know that for the first time of my live
i am going in the right direction,
to save myself

I scrub my poor, ***** body
to get rid of myself

I am polluted, buried and trapped in my head
my thoughts grab the knife, plunge it deep into my heart

I'm lost in a maze, please help me get out of here
i can't escape
and my soul burns without shame
i punish myself, i punished myself my whole life

After a while I lie on the floor, the sun's rays fall on my face
the morning will be beautiful, the sunset will be intimidating
i am ready to die
because my wisdom was never beautiful, it was always a consciousness
which made some days I never existed.

You appear,
my soul parted freed from all sins
my heart was filled with enthusiasm

I was so much here, and yet not here

thoughts let go,
and my mind was cured,
you made my happiness dependent,

Though my wounds were not healed, you gave me the hope
which in the dark place I sought,

You appeared,
You freed me from nightmares,
You filled me
You made me start to believe
You fed my hunger

You saved me

The worst part of being me
was the suffering that seeped into my soul,
the suffering that made me feel like I was drowning in my own madness,
over all the depraved people,
unable to reconcile with my life.
The personality that made me not know who I was
and the moments that made me unable to live in harmony with myself.
Analyzing everything deeply,
it made me conscious,
and consciousness was killing me from the inside, devouring the particles of my brain.
My brain is tired
and my soul is polluted.
If I didn't think so much, would I be happy?

The scars on my body that I've come to terms with,
but it's not about these scars
hot water running down my skin
I scrub like this over and over
it burns me and I feel pain
but physical suffering is better
than those scars that are hidden deep inside me
they leave behind only thoughts that keep me awake
and I'm just so much here, but still not
because I've been mentally polluted
find a window in my head
to release this poisoned air
please
find this window

i am a coward,
because I want to change my soul so much, and I'm afraid of change

i am a fugitive,
because towards the light I aim, and still into the darkness I turn back

i am a liar,
because I am full of regrets, by my choices made,
which I consciously chose

a flower was planted in me, but I never bloomed

I don't wanna live in a hole anymore

although a hand was extended to me, I did not accept
and then I fell
filled with shame
to myself

Although plunged into its madness,
I do not see the light, but I seek it
Shame is a burden on my back,
Please unburden me, please at least for a moment?
And you my torch in the dark corridor
And like a stray dog I run to you,
but you are extinguished
Then a crowd of thoughts my mind haunts,
because why were you here when you left me
And like the ****** dog
I return
To the place where I was lost
Now on a chain
And still immersed
into my own madness,
And still with shame
on my back