Since when did I start counting? Day by day, month by month passed by. I pretended like it wasn't a big deal. It shouldn't be, anyway. But your absence filled the hole in this void. It silence screamed out loud like nothing around matters. I know you were always wear this silence mask anyway, but now it's different. That was lame, I was lame. Silly me to even write these words. But words spinning around in my head like a tornado that wanted to be written. And I've been friends with paper since so long.

There was once a boy whom she knew. But she did not know him. Not at all. she didn't know but his name, his face that she could see almost everyday, who he talked to, hang out with, the way he moved, the way he tied his shoes, and things like that she considered being named as "things she didn't know." Not when all she knew about him weren't come from his mouth.
Once, he put his eyes on her, or anybody else but her?--but his eyes sang some songs she never knew that kind of genre exist. His eyes seemed like winter, so cold just like she imagined his heart always was. For her. For a girl like her. His eyes were so big that she could make a home there. She wished she could. How stupid of her to thought of that, right. His eyes were beautiful. So was him. And it felt just wrong for a girl like her to.
He used to look down when he walked across the street. Which made her sad. She thought he should just look up and face the world and just let the sun shines on him. Well, the way she saw it, the sun always shone on him. Maybe it was part of the reason why he was so bright, so bright that it almost hurt to look at him. So bright that her eyes could blind. "You should look up, boy." She whispered as he passed her on the street. It hurt to saw him like that because she thought he was so insecure while insecure always belonged to herself.
His presence was always presented songs. Songs. Nice songs. She could fall asleep but her heartbeat was beating faster than the urge to sleep. Then it meant she was alive, right? She thanked him for making her remember that she was still alive. While she felt as though she was already dead, or let all of her feelings slept. After such a long time.
Now that he looked up amd face the world and that was also the time she noticed she was not the only one who thought his light shine brighter than anyone else. Because some of her friends started talking about him. She didn't know how to feel. But the songs were gone now, followed by his eyes and the world she imagined of him. Or her? But never both. Because, let me tell you the part of this story that should've been told in the first place. It was that she was the sunrise and he was the sunset. And both can never meet. Not in a lifetime.
She found it hard just to hear his name, to he was so far away--while he was just nearby. She even found it hard to saw her friends' eyes laid on him, the way she used to. The way his eyes used to.
But, what were these feelings for? When she only got nothing? so she erased them away, not like that easy. What did the called them? Love? what did she know about love?
and it rained.
"Be happy," she whispered.