New love has given me life.
It has given me new eyes and ears.
A new heart and fresh blood in my veins.

You woke up my soul.
You're an amazing alarm.

she wasn't the sun to my sky
she was the air in my lungs.

she wasn't my heart and soul
she was the blood in my veins.

she wasn't the only person i've ever loved
but was the only person i would've killed for.

nights are the worst
when the thoughts come in
from every angle
and i have no chance
of getting any sleep.

my problems become larger than life.
my past comes back to haunt me until i wish i was dead.
and i forget to breathe.

i try to think about anything else
besides you
but it's hard.

how can i think about anything else
besides you
when you
were my everything?

We let love wrap its hands
Around our necks
And watch us squirm for air
While it asked us
"Will you both be faithful?"
"Do you know each other's fears?"
"Do you know each other's favorite colors?"

We let love crush our throats
Until the only breath we had left
Was to ask
"Forever?"

I caused the tears
To stream down her face
And wet her shirt

My mistakes are piling up
Higher and higher and higher
And I don't think she can take it anymore

Soon, I will be a distant memory
Soon, I will be her past
As she look towards a bright future
Without me
Without us
Without this

She was an angel
But I turned her into the devil
With my lies
With my carelessness
With my anger
With my hate

I set fire to a flower
And was shocked
When the flower
Fell in my lap
And set me on fire

All the flower needed
Was attention
And love
And effort
And everything I wasn't ready
To give

we try to play numb
to our thoughts and feelings
like there's a chance
they will leave us alone
as if they will disappear
if we try to avoid them
but they never will
they have no days off on their schedule
they make us who we are
they're parts of ourselves no one can see
at night
during the day
every second
every minute
every hour
we can't avoid ourselves, our minds
we can't escape the mirrors, the reflections
we can't be numb, and refuse to ever feel

i found fragments of bullets

inside of me this morning

they've been there since the day

you shot me in the heart

then proceeded to exit out of my life

without even a goodbye

i never cried once when i thought about you

for days, weeks, months

told myself that everything would be fine

everything would be just fine

but i was lying to myself

as i did when we were together

every day i told myself

that we would last forever

i live inside my mind
it's a broken home
negative thoughts line the walls
insecurities cook in the kitchen
broken is an understatement
i'm internal
not external
i won't tell you i'm dying
you will see it, feel it, hear it
that's how i am
it's how i'll always be
i don't think i will ever be set free
from myself

I can't forget the past
Which shaped the way
My heart currently beats
With such irregularity
Heartbreak is painful
To say the least
But at best
You will never love again
For fear of having
Your happiness shattered
Your heart split in two
Your image of them tarnished
After they find someone
Who they think
Is better suited for them
Than you ever were
And the only thing you can do
Is wish you were dead
Because the person
Who used to make your heart beat
Will be the one
Who rips it out of your chest
And takes it with them
On their way off to forever
Forever, without you

Today, today
I lost my mind
Because of you
And because of me

An explosion, an explosion
Happened somewhere in my mind
Because of harsh words
And quick tempers

We shouted, we shouted
Back and forth
Because of me
And we almost died

Can we, can we
Go on without fighting?
Because fighting destroys us
And I feel sick to my stomach when we battle

Will you, will you
Help me, help you
Because we need each other
And we always will

Even on your worst day
You shine like a thousand suns
If only you knew
How blinded I am
By how flawless you are
And why every syllable
I utter about you is the truth
When I describe you
From your head to your toes
I am speaking from the basement
Of my heart
Where I house memories
Of our first nights together
And our last nights
Where I fell in love
With your laugh
And the way you know yourself
Better than I know myself
And at night I pray
You never lose that spark
Deep inside of you
That caused a spark to ignite in me
Which will burn in my heart
And travel through every crevice
Of my soul
Until my heart has had enough
And suddenly stops on a dime
Never to beat again
For you
Or myself

the waves in her mind
crash against her trust issues
as if thoughts of heartbreak
rest along the shoreline

painful memories from her past
live in her head like lyrics from love songs
she'll never forget the melodies of

skeletons in her closet, are catching dust
next to broken dreams of a perfect relationship
with someone who won't let her fall flat on her face
when she falls madly in love with them

reality keeps her up late at night
forever reminding her how fatal love can be
and what can happen if she loses herself
trying to find someone
who will make her heart beat right, again

weather is changing
for better, or worse

and i am changing
for better, or worse

days are turning darker
nights are getting colder

and i am growing numb
to everyone, everything

soon i shall be giving thanks
in a few days time

to the people who never left
and places which molded me

i will not be eating turkey
most likely, i will eat Chinese food
by myself, somewhere in this city

but i will give thanks
i must
shouldn't i?

to everyone who has stayed in my life
and every place that carved me out of stone

that will be my thanksgiving
that will be all
that will be it for me, this year

don't say it, i've heard it before

that word, which rolls off the tongue

as quickly as rain runs down window panes

forever, can be temporary

it can be a single moment

forever is scary, when you approach its meaning

don't say it, unless you mean it

i've heard it before

again and again, and once more

the last time i heard "forever"

"forever" lasted several months, until it was over

and even the one, who assured me eternity was in our future

had fled from my life, into someone else's

i guess, "forever" had a different definition

than the one found in the pages of a dictionary

saying "forever" is simple

but actually meaning "forever" is in the proof

they are two separate worlds

saying "forever", is in a world of spontaneity

actually meaning "forever", is in a world of endless effort, perseverance

along with blood, sweat, and few tears along the way

saying "forever", will leave you lonely someday

actually meaning "forever", will make you feel whole, and feel loved

words have no meaning, if they do not match actions

actions have all of the meaning, they are the proof

they are the truth

they are forever

she was like snow

beautiful, but cold

even in the summer

especially, in the heat

she was like snow

so beautiful, yet so cold

even when her heart healed

especially, when it broke again

She didn't remember who she was
Before they told her who to be
And what to wear, and how to act
She had no recollection at all

Society placed her in a cage
But not before beating her down
Until there was nothing left
But a lost girl
Who followed trends
Who feared being herself
Who hated herself
And became addicted to fitting in
And staying in

She gazed at him
As if he was a sunset
Not knowing
He would one day
Set fire to her heart
And leave it in ashes
For the next boy

the graveyard is in her mind

taking up space, next to broken memories

of better times and happiness

when she felt alive and hoped for the best

but now, her thoughts are buried

six feet below her nightmares

and ideas about what love is, and what it might do

if it finds her again

if i could snap my fingers

and have her in my arms

that snap would make sparks fly

and light the entire world on fire

for the rest of eternity

and although we would die

at least i would get to hold her

just one last time

the heart
wants it wants
there is nothing you can do
but give it what it wants
or make it suffer

the heart
is so fragile
handle it with care
don't give it away blindly

the heart
is a vessel filled with love
that love can soon turn into hate
if you let it

the heart
will forever be your best friend
or your worst enemy
but then again, it's all about perspective

The same old story
Girl loved boy, boy loved girl
Boy did not appreciate girl
Boy found someone new
Girl was destroyed by the weight of her world
As it came crashing down on top of her
Boy left for good
Boy never looked back
Girl never recovered
The same old story

my girl?
she is like lighting
deadly and quick

my girl?
she's beautiful
on the inside and the outside

my girl?
she has a big heart
if you had to draw it to scale
it would be the size of mars

my girl?
she laughs at everything
which makes me laugh at everything

my girl?
she is precious
like blood diamonds

my girl?
she is insecure
always critiquing herself
it breaks my heart

my girl?
she knows what she wants in life
and how she will get it
independent, to say the least
determined, would be the understatement of the century

my girl?
she keeps me happy
while i keep her happier

my girl?
she is far from perfect
but she is everything i could ever want

my girl?
she is asleep right now
i think i will send her a message
telling her why she makes my heart
act like a banshee in my ribcage

jesus?
god?
mom?
anyone?
are you out there?
this girl is driving me insane
why do i love her so much?

i wish she would just fall off the face of the earth and...
no, no, no, i take that back
why must everything be so difficult?

is this what love is?
this burning sensation in my soul?
this burning sensation running through my veins?

or am i just angry and unable to control my anger?
we will fight for a bit
then i will get over it, but she won't

so i will have to comfort her
and assure her that she is mine
and assure her that my love for her hasn't left the building

just because i get mad
doesn't mean i stop loving her
it means i am human and go ballistic sometimes

she lost herself
in a boy who loves himself
more than he loves her

a boy who needed to please
more than one girl
immaturity at its finest

when she lost herself
she couldn't find herself again
when he left for good

she became a shell
of her former self
now she was nothing
but flesh and a broken heart

she longed for him
to come back to her
and make her feel alive again
because now she was dead inside

she didn't fall in love
she ran headfirst into it, with tremendous speed
and no caution at all
unaware of who she was giving her heart to

now the lost girl
somewhere out on a swing set
where they spent long nights together
is imploding, while swinging back and forth

all we can do
is love each other
and never stop
because love is all we have
love is the adhesive
to our mosaic
without love
we are as good as dead
without love
we are finished

if your heart
no longer leaps and lurches
when i am near
then tell me

if my heart
no longer dances and dives
when you are with me
i will tell you

love is the fire
buried inside of us
that makes us fight for one another
and makes us act so crazy, from time to time
but mostly all of the time

you are miles away
we're separated by rivers, lakes, cities, mountains, highways
and breathing hasn't gotten easier
even when we're together, i know
i will have to leave again
and adjust to life without seeing you every day
which kills me
and takes hold of my lungs
and twists them
until i'm gasping for a breath
gasping for the feeling of your skin on mine
the feeling of your head on my chest
as you listen to my heart beat for you

she is broken
mentally, not physically
you can see the pain
in her eyes
you can hear the pain
in her voice
you can taste the pain
in her tears
you can feel how broken she is
without touching her
lies made her cautious
broken thoughts made her bitter
love made her fall
loss made her crash

her mind is a black hole
void of positive thoughts
she overthinks every decision
replays memories over and over
until she breaks down
and gasps for air
like there's none left in her bedroom

this happens once a night, every night
this madness, this episode, this panic, this destruction
but when the sun comes up
she looks for the mask
kept under her pillow like quarters for the tooth fairy
she puts on the mask, after she puts on makeup

the mask comes complete with a smile
comes with the happiest ****** expression imaginable
but under the mask is a frown
that would make the saddest clown shed tears
but she doesn't want her family to know
doesn't want her friends to know
how broken she is deep down inside

so she puts on the mask every morning
so no one asks questions
so no one knows

she cries tears
that hit the ground like hale
splitting the earth
like the most monstrous boulders would

tears fall every night
thoughts of him fill her head
while she tries to sleep
but she can't

her heart aches more and more
and as time goes on
the pain doesn't go away
she knows moving on takes time
but time is killing her slowly

Sands near the sea

Fill my mind

Like beaches

While storms tear

Through my happiness

And destroy my smile

Until there is nothing

But sand and seashells

Near waves in my eyes

my soul has been screaming
since you left
and closed a chapter
in the book of my life
which i go back to  
and read from time to time

those pages seem endless
filled with anger, love, jealousy, poison
filled with sadness, naiveté, fights, memories

i read those pages again and again
they feel like home, and feel so close
though you are faraway
and i may never see you again

when the moon goes up
i revisit those pages
to see if they seem any different
than the night before
but they never do
and never will

love ate us both up
and spit us out
with no remorse
with no sympathy at all

the stone in my stomach
is filled with words i never said
whether out of fear, or anger
or other emotions which grasp my sanity

they remained unspoken
whether for my sake or yours

now they sit in silence
comfortably next to my dinner
keeping me heavy
keeping me down

i should have said everything
that was on my mind
while it was still there
and fresh, alive, and well

it is the little wars that destroy our minds
the words we don't say that haunt us

i don't sleep anymore
somewhere along the lines
my thoughts went past the margin
and refused to stop

late at night
i am swallowed whole
by my past, by the unknown
which creep inside my core

i hope this won't last
but it has been some years
since i last slept like a baby
and woke up feeling fresh

I knew this day would find us

The day when it feels like we are at the end of our rope

And we would rather use the rope to strangle each other

Than work out our problems

When you stay quiet, I lose my mind

If I could read your mind, I wouldn't lose mine

But I can't, and you aren't speaking

So I begin to resemble the Incredible Hulk

And rage sets in while you have made the decision to ignore me

We have our ups and downs, good days and bad days

Our ups are cloud level, star level, sun level

Our downs are abyss level, hell level

Our good days are unforgettable, wish they would last forever

But our bad days are Hiroshima and Nagasaki

Petrified of losing you
Never seeing you again
Living a day on Earth without you by my side
You showed me what love is
Which made me a better lover
Nothing like my last relationship which still haunts me
We fight for each other
Not with eachother
And that is what I live for
Knowing you want me as bad as I want you
So please be my rock, be my spine
Hold me down but lift me up
While we chase our dreams
And hopefully catch them someday

hearts don't break even

they have jagged edges

blood lost, love lost

so much is lost

when trust leaves the room

and resentment takes its place

right by the fireplace while

you are pulling your hair out

because it happened again

you lost yourself

while simultaneously losing your lover

and you would rather sit in the fireplace

than wake up tomorrow

and realize it didn't have to end this way

but it did end this way

because you didn't throw

your ego in the fireplace

time after time

we stood hand in hand

saying forever, saying nice things

maybe we meant them at the time

but time unravels all

and as time went on

those nice things we used to say

seemed like mirages in the distance

while i became monstrous  

and you became distant

we met fire with fire

but only i got burned in the end

pick up the pieces of your heart

retrieve some glue and duct tape

because it's time to get to work

and it's time to stop sulking

you are the only person who can

pull yourself and keep yourself up

repair your heart, repair yourself

until your heartbeat isn't irregular

and breathing becomes easy again

you can make it, you will make it

believe that things will be better

and eventually they will be

if you never stop believing

i keep on running

from people and priorities

and what really scares me

isn't what i am running from

but what i could end up crashing into

because the faster i run

and the farther i go

the more i lose connection with

who i am and what i want to do

and being swallowed by fear

is a fate worse than death

it was never time
for me to let go of you
you forced me to
by fleeing to someone else
when i showed you
no affection
and showed you little to no love
so to this day
and for this feeling i have  
i wonder if the fault
is in my stars or yours
because you could have left
instead of destroying my trust
and destroying the thought of loving you
by sleeping with someone else
and making me hate myself for so long
that i never thought i would
ever love myself again
but in retrospect, i understand
i would not stay with someone
who wouldn't take care of me either

spread your wings and fly, beautiful girl
i will shout directions from the balcony
no, no, no, i will be the wind
that guides you to your dreams
and pushes you when your wings falter
because i know you may get weak
and you may get weary
even though you are a fighter
just know this, beautiful girl
that you might not see me
but i will always be here
always pushing you forward
like wild winds

her mind
is chaotic to say the least
her voice
is as soothing as the sea
her hair
is as soft as clouds
her laugh
roars like thunder
her smile
shines like a million suns
her eyes
see through my soul
her ears
can hear the slightest bit of uncertainty in my voice
her hands
hold my heart
her arms
hold me when i need them to
her hips
are wide and beautiful
her legs
are short to say the least
her toes
are her biggest insecurity
which bothers me
so i tell her i love them
a million times per day
because i want her to love everything about herself
as i do, and always will

i didn't know
if i would ever see you again
and that put genuine fear in my soul
you were everything i wanted
and everything i needed
but the universe
had a different plan for us
and it took you away from me
but you weren't gone for good
the universe just created some distance
but we have made it work
through thick and thin
through hellfire and high-water
we haven't given up on each other
which isn't shocking
because we have both been given up on
so we know what it feels like
to be left in the dirt
with tears streaming down our faces
and love in our hearts
for someone who doesn't care that it's there
we met each other
after we had both been through
relationships that ended catastrophically
and we worked hard to reverse our thoughts
about love and life
and we have fought every day
to reverse the way our broken hearts beat

before i met her
i wasn't a morning person
i despised mornings
and everything about them
but after she crashed landed into my life
and built a house in my heart
i wake up every morning
and smile for a while
because she is my first thought
when i open my eyes in the morning
and now i love mornings
because i have her to think about
and that alone, is enough for me

we collided that night
and caused a supernova
since then, it has been hell or heaven
no in between, no turning back
i want this forever
not just for a year or two
and i think you do too
but forever is a long time
and we don't know what forever looks like
but we know that people change
and feelings sometimes fade
i hope ours don't
i hope we fall for each other every day
like raindrops on window panes
like leaves from tall trees
like tears from newborn babies
i hope we fall, but never falter
because that fire in my soul
is alive and well
since we caused that supernova
i've been burning inside for you
and i just hope you have
the same sensation in your organs
i can only hope you feel the same way
and if you don't, i'll understand, i'll swallow it
like prescription pills

In the end
All we had left
Were shattered hopes
And broken promises
Mixed with fragile frames of mind
That held wild thoughts
About love and loss
Which we both found out
Go hand in hand sometimes

As I lay dying
On this tennis court
My heart in my hands
My thoughts on the stands
Tears starting to form
And I realize it's over
But I still want you
Still want your love
And affection, and jokes
And your touch, and sarcasm
The things that made me melt
Made me believe that I knew
What love really is
But now I lay here
On this tennis court
At two in the morning
And I realize that I didn't try hard enough
I didn't call enough
Didn't show you off
Never told the whole world about you
Like I should have
And now it has come back
To bite me where the sun doesn't shine
Because as every person
Who falls in love finds out
At some point in their life
Love isn't the feeling
In your heart when you find someone special
It's the feeling in your veins
When that person you fell in love with
Is no longer a drug that you can fill your blood with

stay back, stay away
walk away from my core
i will never let anyone in again
the last time i did
it ended in disaster
and i'll be ******
if i have to repair my heart again
so stay back, stay away
walk away from my core
it will remain closed
tomorrow, the day after
for the month, who knows