Believe that a lost connection breaks your heart more than once
What I know now makes no sense
what is new?
Figuring out your home has left you behind
The life you wish you could run back to and change it all
falls from every tree dead around you as you mourn all day anyway

The world you knew is changing all the time.  No purpose but to find a purpose

Every day
I open up my window
to the weather
whatever it may be.
Every day
I open up myself
to possibility.

He gave me dead flowers
So I can smell them every day
The rotten petals falling
The color of decay

The washed out sunflower
The dehydrated leaves
The mold on the water
The color of debris

The richly red rose
Now drooping to the floor
The color of love
Existed no more

But still I saved the flowers
And smelled them every day
And watered them with tears
To let them grow again.

The day
after we met
I never thought I’d
be relieved that you were gone

but

Breaking up with you was like
taking off my socks
at the end of
the day.

I  cannot really tell,
The reason I'm shaking now.
Is because of a lack of a healthy diet,
Or from anxiety within,
Raised to a great height.

First, the tears.

They build up and up and up,
Never falling, not just yet.

You stop breathing.

You start gasping for air,
The poison in your lungs, your head,
Making your head spin in all directions.

And, if you try to stop,
You end up making it worse.

Calm down.
Breathe.

But in order to calm down you must write,
And to write you must calm down,
The entire paradox
Sending your head swirling.

Vision blurry,
You stop thinking clearly,
Less clear than before.

The world a huge kaleidoscope
Of sadness.

Every attempt to find what you lost
More desperate,
More unrealistic
Than the last.

Each rejection,
Each nonexistence
A greater blow
Than the last.

And suddenly,
You
Can't
Breathe
At All.

And you're crying yourself to sleep,
Trying to make up for what was lost,
To make amends.

But you know,
Deep down
You'll never be okay with it.

That loss defines you.