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Playing with the moldable minds
undeR
You


I know
You know
I didn't read the book.

When I was 10 my mother told me that men are from mars and women are from venus.

The next year in science I told my teacher he was wrong when he told us where we all came from,

defending the words I had grown up hearing.

So when my first boyfriend asked to kiss me I simply said we were too far away,

that it would take him light years to reach me.

He turned the other cheek and found that men from his planet were more his type..

It’s been nine years and the only men who have entered me have already traveled here for someone else,

leaving me waiting for the next spaceship to land.

I can hear it again
That sound of heartbreak in the middle of the night
I can feel it again
That feeling of betrayal

Was what we had worth letting go of?
You were always so self-righteous
and it’s poison

Is she worth it? After all,
your convictions went out the window
way before I could even say, “You’re a liar”

I forgive you.

for making me smell dead flowers in the morning for a long time
forcing me to eat all the words you promised me
watching me drown trying to save everything

Do you remember how I would always
Stop
Right after taking two steps
Outside the elevator
And watch you through glass
Thinking how grateful I was
But what do you know?
You always had your back turned
Much like when you walked away

For your sake,
I hope you’re happy 
Be a man of your word
Be a man of bravery
Be everything
I wanted you to be

There will come a day
when my eyes will sparkle once more
my hands will work for my good
my ears will hear all the beautiful songs he will sing to me
my heart will heal from all the lies

And I swear,
I will be whole
and new again

It will be worth it
Because I stood still
And waited.

I don’t need you.
I’m fine right where I am.

Because I will wait.

I will wait for the one who was meant to give me the sun, moon, and stars
And guess what?

He will be all I ever prayed for and more.

We don’t like to judge a book by its cover
But jokes on you because we don’t really read anyway
Unless its some bashing facebook post then it gains my full attention
Got fed up with the person I unfriended
Never met the person whos friend request I accepted
Picking on people for the social attention
Because your greatest fear is to be rejected
With cell phones more addicting than nicotine
Scrolling through youtube to pass the time
Go to school to hear the gossip start the cycle over again

it breaks me to pieces to think that i will never be enough for you

i am honestly afraid that i will spiral into nonexistence someday

its so ******* sad that even after all this, you doubt what i said was true

i told you i loved you more than my own life, what more could i say?

i know we fought too often, but honestly, purple is better than blue

*i hated crying over you because i wished you had never hurt me this way

Teacher: Alright Panda what are your Favorite colors?

Me: My favorite colors are Red and Black

Teacher: Interesting colors Panda, why are those your colors?

Me: I honestly doubt you want to hear the answer to that.

Teacher: Come on Panda, tell the class why those are your colors.
--------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------------
In my head the decision warred to tell but then my life was already hard enough as it was......More and more my demons wanted release so finally I gave in prepared for the looks, name calling, and lonely life again.
----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------Me: you really want to know  why?

Teacher: Very much yes, we would

Me: Ok then, Red and black are my favorite colors for their meanings.

Teacher: And what are their meanings?

Me: Red, stands for The blood that is shed during death, The blood that I shed when the knife glides over my skin, The blood that can be heard rushing through your veins when the fear becomes to great....The blood that your heart leaks from the poorly covered cracks from being shattered so many times....

Teacher: (Gulps) And what about black Panda?

Me: Black.....My true color.....Black, stands for the darkness and destruction warring in my mind, body, and soul, The darkness after death, The darkness in my heart from all the hatred thrown at me, The Darkness and destruction from my inner demons who keep warm and safe at night, The Darkness that one day we will all see, because nobody can escape death....Hes one bad-*** ******* who always gets his way....Those are my colors....The colors that make me and I stand for...

Teacher: Ummm....Very...Very Interesting Panda (Gulps and steps away) You know I think it's time for lunch why don't we all go to lunch yea? ( Scurries away)

Other students: I told you she was a freak......Crazy......Belongs with the dead if you ask me.....She talks about demons so much I would be surprised if she wasn't one.....

Me: Smirks You guys should learn to keep your opinions to your self, they might get you hurt one day.... (Get's up and walks out the door leaving a note for the others)

*Note- "Roses are Red, Violates are blue, Red like your blood, blue like the sea....Keep on talking soon you will all see who the true demon is and hey it just might be me." Yours truly Panda <3