Every day I saw the same dead mouse laying on the pavement. There was nothing near to keep the sleeping creature company. It was alone and weathered by the weather.

For months, I let him lay beside me and **** the life out of me, like I was the only thing that could make him  breathe. My skin turned cold and there was nothing left to keep him warm. I didn’t want to die there.

I woke up one morning to see the mouse was gone. Maybe it was eaten by another creature or maybe somehow its little body found its final peace in the woods - where it could become rooted up underneath the trees and the moss.

I found a new resting place, somewhere near to you. And I could taste the blood on your lips when you pressed into me. My skin was warm again, like I was laying beneath the whole earth.
I thought this must have been how the  mouse felt when it found a way to leave it’s once unloved body behind.

I have been here before
And the loneliness rings like a church bell
All of the voices tell me to seek light
As if my prayers will fix the cracks
Cracks in my heart and cracks in my bones

But I don't know any god
I have only ever known myself
And prayers fixed nothing
And prayers did not heal me

The healing was mixed inside of change
That painted over the walls I used to build
So that when I let them crumble to my feet
I would not be standing over nothing

I am in the midst of colors that look like you
And colors that look like me
And there are swirls of words
That I thought some type of god might see

I am ringing the church bell
And the lights are on me
And I will never forget
That my loneliness
Became healing