Sometimes when I think of you
I wish I had all the money in the world
because I want to give you all the finer things
the expensive dinners
the diamond rings
the designer clothes
the tropical vacations
the pearls
the shoes
and basically
every material
desire in this world.

Sometimes when I think of you
I wish I had nothing, nothing at all
because a man with nothing has time
to make love on a blanket
under the star-lit night sky
to kiss you a thousand times
to count the individual lines
inside of your eyes
until he knew them all
like his own reflection
he has time
to listen when you cry
and promise that it'll be all right,
even when he doesn't know
he wants you to know
it'll be all right.
He has time
to hold you tight,
he has time
he has time
he has time
for you.

Sometimes when I think of you
I wish I didn't have to choose

Choices have come to us
Vital, alarming, deadly, painful.
It is time! It is time!!
To choose the new way
With free will and foresight
And love holding together
The one race which exists.

the ants sing in traps
of fallen brown and all
these crazy winds dance
a blind ballet of coded
circles so rain constant
washes us in a dark baptism
when I clutch your hand
I feel small bones under
your skin, light as a bird,
made warm by the running
days, the last summer

I'm finding replicas of you in my insomnia
Smoke pouring from my nose
A manifestation of self destruction

The fear of death playing my lover
Sleeping on my bed sheets in my place
There is no shelf for my carousel thoughts
Heart of alternating magnetic poles

The quiet and the noise of night
Condradictons becoming rule of life
Forgetting how to breathe
But still remebring you in this insomnia

A heart of stone
Has no fear
Pain and Joy
Have no place here

One cant feel
If it is near
A silent, calm
Ship I steer

Needing not
To shed a tear
Or anguished cries
Of yours to hear

The outside of it
Almost sheer
The silence if it
almost queer

With robotic
Response to fear
But Joy in
solitude found here

Letting no one else
Draw near
Away from friendship
It will steer

Scoffing at a
Lonely tear
Sadness will
It never hear

Its rocky ledges
Are quite sheer
With great, deep caverns
Just as queer

Growing destuction from creation
Forgoing the art of appreciation
Not watching, no participation
Ignoring my own emancipation

Pulling the plug on my own demise
Ignoring the painful distant cries
Oh, how the world yearns for lies
Its honesty they will despise

Calling out for vallidation
Alienating my own nation
Walking without trepidation
Not questioning this amputation

Cutting all familiar ties
Hiding from my soul that flies
Only till the time it dies
Oh, how i would open my cold eyes

Building peace with agitation
Waiting for my cancelation
Wishing none would feel abrasion
Leaving most with palpitation

snorting burned toast
too late in the day to
call it a complete and
nutritious breakfast

(i have my heroes
but i also know that i
will never be a hero
to someone like me)

i'm not going
to make it that far.

(call me defeatist but
i guess you're right)

that's what i haven't
been saying is that
i'm not making plans
for the fall or the spring
or the rest of my life
because i'm afraid or
maybe convinced that i'm
not going to make it that far

because before the snow
covers the lawn in quiet
white layers i will be sprinkled
over top of the grass in the
form of a grayish powder
and misplaced hymns

(i doubt that all of us
were born to live)

nosedive into a
sandwich smothered
in over-sweetened
jelly regrets

and forget about the
haunting sweat that
you can't wash off
of the back of your neck

(the nice thing about
dying young is that
you'll have the rest of
your life to forget me)

headfirst slam into
the midnight sky
i cracked my skull
open on the moon

the milky way poured
out from behind my
eyes and galaxies came
up out of my throat

bits and pieces of me have
died here and there along
the way like ripped out
pieces of that hateful lawn

(the reason i want
to be forgotten is
because i was never
worth remembering)

but really it's just that
death and darkness are such nice
peaceful calm and reasonable
topics to discuss at length.