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Shady Teddy Sep 2018
Dear son,
You are young right now,
And there is so much for you to learn
I have so much to teach you
Like things my father never told me
But you are growing fast
Faster than I actually anticipated
Yesterday was dry
But now its petrichor
Sometimes I wonder if u would understand
If I said those things now
Or should I wait a bit longer
What if its too late when I finally say it
Yesterday you said nothing
Today you asked 457questions
You are growing fast
And I need to know the right time
But since I don't know how to say this
I will just live it
That as you grow
You may watch and emulate
That way I will have taught you
I will have showed you the way by walking it
And when the right time comes
It will only be a brush over
But my son
If the time comes,
And at that moment in time
You find me rested with my ancestors
Just know that I loved you
And yes I am proud of you
And the man you have become
Kindly consult your other Father
He is my guide even now
Never let his word fall
Listen keenly while he speaks
His Holy book is a guide
But if by then I will be
I will teach you all I can
And I will stand by you
I will gladly walk you down
As your choice gets acknowledged
Just like I did with your mother
We would have been better parents
But that was the best we could do
And I hope our best was enough
My son
Learn to respect everyone
Apologize when you err
Have an attitude of gratitude
Complement the good things
Appreciate every effort
And pray everyday
And son,
Take care of your mom for me
Shady Teddy Sep 2018
Isn't it really amazing
The ability to move on
Like nothing ever happened?
Except, it isn't
Because something did happen
And your ability to pretend it didn't
Is all we see
Because deep inside your eyes
We can see the abyss
Its dark, and deep
I'm afraid my eyes may not see again
Broken hearted, hardened
Shady Teddy Sep 2018
I want to have special friends
The kind that complete your sentences for you
The ones that know what you want to say before you say it
Who would know to say
"You're not saying it, but you're thinking it"
Who would know to have a conversation
While saying completely nothing

They would know the keys to my ailing heart
And the perfect locks to my fury
Exactly how to open the gates the self
How to have fun
Uncontrolled fun
Even when we're sitting in silence
To have stupid wild adventures with
To discover new beginnings
To take weird walks with in the wild
Weird conversations about weird things
Teach me things I wouldn't want to know
Things I would love to have been made to know
Shady Teddy Aug 2018
From me
To myself
       You deserve better.
Shady Teddy Aug 2018
I lay on my bed early morning
After having to wake up at 5 am
Not that I wanted my night to end that fast
All I think about is how much of a big mistake
My stupid want for someone was
I should have been a little selfish
Then I would have seen through the pretext
But blinded for a need of someone I didn't need
I got something I didn't want
Then I had to accept
And learn to love something that was a bad idea in the first place
And now here we are
As I radiate in my love for him
I can't help but shed tears
Of how it all hurts
That I didn't know it would be this hard
But pushing forward is all that can be done
For looking back just brings more tears
And when you have the audacity
To call me any day to make yourself feel better
I get to understand
That I'm perhaps the only one
Who cares too much about other people
Enough to forget my own happiness

Today I made coffee
Not sure how that happened
Because I'm allergic to coffee
Then my eyes got to open
And I saw how frustrated I am
Not sure what holds more account to my frustration
But one, two, three and perhaps more men
Are on top of the list

It's time I made peace
With the fact that I was used
And of course duped
Into caring for someone
And perhaps people
Who don't give a ****

Now that you are into my life
My little source of joy
And sometimes frustration
But my love for you
Can never compare to any
Even though I'm never going to get enough sleep
Or time for myself
My love for you will never go away

The other day
Another asked to see me
Not because he would come
But for me, and my baby
To travel and go see him
Not to count the counties he needed us to cross
And hours on the bus
Yet he isn't even sure he wants us
I'm not even sure what to say about him

But now my dear
Its time I  accepted
That I am responsible
For both you and me
And that sleep is a luxury
And that mommy
Is always right
And that's me

Now that the best view
Comes from the hardest climb
We're going to get the view
Not sure when
But the patience and perseverance
Will be definitely worth it
Shady Teddy Aug 2018
And walking in it was a pain,
St\rted as a simple *****,
That was the first step,
Then the other foot got in
Landing on scorpion tail
Barefoot i walked
Always hoping for a better step
I had walked in pain far too long
I couldn't go back to the beginning
Mine was a bed of roses
Not the petals but the thorny bushes
I slept in ache and woke in pain
It was hard to quit after trying for so long
And as my second year dusked
Walking away had become easy
Holding on sometimes hurts
Worse than letting go ever would
Even when you walk away
Pieces of thorns remain in flesh
It hurts like hell
And i wish i had quit earlier!!
Shady Teddy Apr 2018
You want fire
but I specialize in ice,
If that's coffee, I needed some tea,
But if its tea, I would like a coffee,
Its not what we can bite,
but what we can chew.
They tell u to follow your heart,
But tell me if its broken
Which piece do you follow,
And what's the treatment for heartache
When everything tastes different
And all familiar perfumes stink
When all you see in a rose are the thorns
Sit down and relax
Life isn't done yet
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