Once my soul was a chest, it used to protect the gems I had in my spirit.
Yet all of them turned into coal.
All the colorful precious stones faded away.
Now I have tiny dark coals laying inside the ashes of my cigs.
My soul is covered with fumes and dust.
I bear no strength to wipe them away.
I yearn for the purity of my soul, yet I have to live with the darkness inside me.
For there is no one to reach out and ask for comfort.
You trapped me inside the basement of your heart and there is no way out.
I cannot even see a light.
I invaded your castle with no intention of harm but you locked me inside the darkest dungeon of it.
It is still you I ask help from, for I am too weak to help myself and find a way out.

How can I fill the emptiness of my heart?
It is as if someone ripped my heart out
and it's been bleeding non-stop ever since.
I have to reach out to you but there is no way.
What now?

As the days, weeks and months pass,
every memory will vanish..
Yet first, I will forget your face,
then your smell.
Then all the good and bad times we spent together.
As the time goes by, we will slowly disappear from each other's mind.
Now it is painful, but time heals everything.
Recovery takes time.

I am like a rootless flower,
floating on the surface of the water,
going wherever the current drags me.
I have no roots, no attachment to anyone.
If I come across to you while floating,
we can be together until the current drags us to different places of the water.
I will not mourn for you,
for I will keep floating on my own.
I am not afraid of the rocks on the way or of the current.
And you will come across to another rootless flower which will make you forget my existence.

Cold case love.
The story I just try to rewind.
Love letters and rose petals are the sign.
Last tear drops on my face in pain.
Knowing that nothing will be the same,
I wipe away them in shame.
I keep trying in vain.
You never care the same.

I will never be the old me again.
Not for you to love me.
Once a good girl is gone bad, she is gone forever.
I will not shed a tear for you anymore.
I will not wait for you till 5 am in the morning.
Awake, face washed with tears, glass in one hand full of your favorite red wine, listening to my favorite song that you cannot stand to hear..
You never loved me for who I am.
You never cared about my interests.
You never tried to love the things I love.
I tried and tried but couldn't make you love this woman who was crazy for you.
Are you proud of your creation?
You created a heroine who will haunt you till your last breath.
Loving you had a price and I paid my life for you.
It is your turn to pay now, pay for the things that you have done to me.
You will face the wrath of your lovely girl, whom you took for granted.

Perhaps we both stayed true to our love.
But it does not concern me anymore.
For what value love has when it is not shown?
It's always been easy for you to say that you love me.
You have always loved me with your words.
You have always showed affection when you craved for intimacy.
Can you say that you loved me truly?
Why can't you see me when I only need your compassion?
It is like your heart is frozen and I am trying so hard to warm it.
Why is it so hard to break the ice that covers your heart?
How long should I wait for you to show me your love? Not with insincere words but with your honest actions.
You refuse to give, you are always the taker.
You have taken my love and my soul.
I am left with emptiness. For, you feed off of my soul.
I do not ask for much in return.
All I'm really asking for is you.

If we are going to start a family, let it be glorious.
Bring your body closer to mine.
Let our bodies touch and dance in joy.
Then we will welcome the golden fruits of our mergence.
Will you worship the hips that cracked to give birth to our children?
They will be the real treasure we have been searching everywhere to find.
Then we will realize it was never the diamonds or pearls, but the sacred family which was the real priceless wealth.
I am ready to swim in the ocean of wealth and joy.
Let's go far from the shore.
I want to dive into the deepest part of that ocean, where we can build our empire.
Let me take you there so that no one can find us.
Let us thrive together.

When I first fell in love, I did not know that I would end up being trapped inside this darkness with you.
I could never imagine the love of my life would turn out to be my murderer.
You murdered my dreams, the bright stars in my sky, the smile on my face..
I wanted to go to those beautiful cities with you and make love in each of them.
We could have slept together under the colorful sky among flowers.
I do not want the poison. I want the flowers that you have never brought to me.
Perhaps you will bring those flowers to my grave.
I will still be happy while lying under the soil.
For whenever I see you, I get goose bumps.
What you still can do to my body is crazy.
Whenever you touch me, I feel like I reach the peak of a mountain, from where waterfalls...
Climb that mountain my love.
Find my fountain behind the hills and dive into my waves.
Drink my holy water till you suffocate.

The moment our bodies attract each other like a magnet,
I will wrap my legs around you and pull you in.
We will close our eyes and get lost in the moment of pleasure.
As if we are addicts, we will see the colorful sky inside our mind the moment we close our eyes.
Send me your sins, I am ready for the divine exchange.
This is a form of worship.

Every inch of my body is ready for you to worship.
Gentle touches will turn into rough kisses and bites.
Days will turn into nights, moon will take over the sun and we will still be inside our chamber like fire and gunpowder.

Light the match and set us on fire.
I am not afraid of the flames, for burning with you will make me high.
I want to lose track of time when I'm with you.

The apathy of my heart refuses to ask for love.
For it is as cold as a gravestone,
in front of which you have buried my bone.
I feel no sorrow, for I have done my part.
I tried my best to make a home out of you
but you kept tearing it down.
I lended my soul to you whenever you walked away,
hoping you to return it as safe and brave.
But whenever you came back home,
you brought it back so weary and grave..

Behind the closed doors and curtains we shared joyful laughs and bitter cries.
We did unspeakable things to each other.
Our home became hell and heaven.
We hurt each other, got back together and kept living the same nightmares.
I loved the ups and downs, loved the thrill..
One day you loved me so hard, one day you were so cold.
There were painful times when I felt invisible in the presence of you.
I was overwhelmed by your ego.
You made me forget about all of my dreams and aspirations in my life.
My life became wholly yours. I did not have a life anymore.
I used to have starts in my eyes, you took the light and life of them.
Now I was in the darkness.. Holding your hand and letting you lead me inside the depths of it..
I embraced the uncertainty of your darkness.
Closed my eyes and my mouth to be completely blind and mute.
I did not have to see and talk no more.. For you saw for me, you talked for me.
I became a puppet in your hands. You pulled my strings and tried to create the woman of your dreams.
Have I become her my love? Do you love me know?
If that's what you want I can wear her good long hair over mine. I can wear her makeup to look more like her. I can wear fancy clothes and act like her in them..
Will you love me now that I have changed for you?

I am as hot as the hellfire because of your love.
Are you willing to burn in the hot flames of my heart?
If you are, you will be the most precious gift I have ever had.
You worth more than diamonds.
Your light shines brighter than the shiniest start in the darkness of the night.
When you are ready, your light will collide with the hot flames of my heart.
We will merge into each other.
Only then your ice will melt and you will not belong to the high mountains where it only snow.
Let the heat of my heart devour you.
Do not be afraid to become one with me.
I want to drown in the depths of you.
I dream of a perfect universe where we are intertwined, living happily ever after.
Even when we die, we ought to die like Baucis and Philemon.
Bound together.
Entwining into eternity.

I asked you to help me clear my mind and my soul that have been covered with darkness.
I did not know your words would be that strong.
I did not know they would inspire me to break my chains.
Your impact on me cannot be denied.
All I needed was an inspiration to chase the light that would lead to my salvation.
Now I see a way out but I need patience,
like the babies waiting inside their mothers' wombs
to come to life.
I remember you telling me to be patient until we clear our path to live the love that we both have been dreaming of.
I am patient. I have been waiting inside this cage by myself for you to come back and turn this cage into a cozy house.
Am I worthy of your love and loyalty after all these sacrifices I made?
I tried so hard to erase you but I couldn't.
The more I tried, the more I hated you.
But I always stayed true to our love. Did you?

Gloomy weather worsens the condition
and adds to the heaviness of my heart.
Will my heart heal when the dark clouds go,
or will the dark clouds above my head go
when my heart heals?

Focus on yourself,
your goals and aims,
work on yourself,
you will see you will get paid.

You made me feel like I ended up homeless in the winter cold.
After a long day, everyone has a home to go in the evenings.
A home to go, a person to wait for them to come home..
I used to run to you at the end of the day,
just to hug you and you'd ease all my burdens.
Now where am I to go?
I just keeping wandering around under the dark clouds at night.
No home to go, no one to hug.
I am left under the pouring rain like a stray cat.
I will never forget how you made me feel like that.

We shall leave the darkness behind, hold my hand so that I can feel stronger to take a step.
I want yours to meet my healed version.
A brand new me, who left everything behind.
It's high time we cherished our love.
We did not appreciate the value of each other enough.
Look me in the eye and tell me that you love me.
Upon hearing your relieving words, my heart will start beating again.
I starve for the pure red blood, I need it in my vein.
So tell me that you love me, let me come alive again.
You needn't fast, drink my blood and feed yourself.
I am the only one who can feed you.
For I am the water you need, the air you breathe, you know I am the one that gives you life.

Before I met you I did not know what patience was.
I was never a patient person.
Yet you taught me how to be one.
Your love taught me to wait for hours for your messages, for days to see you home again.
Now I know love takes time.
I know we have to wait for each other to be in each other's arms.
We have to hustle day and night to keep our household together even when days go by without seeing each other.
No matter what, we both know that we have each other.
You know that I will always be waiting for you at home.
We can be surrounded by others, working hard, doing what we have to do,
yet at the end of the days, weeks, months..we will always run to each other.
You are my safe place that I cannot wait to go every night.
And I know that despite all the hard times we've gone and we'll go through, you will always have my back.
You will always open that door for me and embrace me.
You love me..flaws and all...
And I love you and I can never erase you.
Our souls are tied to each other.
That is a bond that no one can break.
You are mine and I am all yours.

November..
Month of yellow leaves,
Breezy weather and incomplete feelings.
Feeling of uneasiness..

Month of broken hearts
and incomplete love stories..
Feeling of being left behind,
feeling of loneliness..

Nothing lasts forever.
We have come to an end.
We consumed every beautiful feeling together.
We drained each other.
I accepted you with your flaws and all.
I have seen you at your best and worst.
I have seen all your faces, when you loved me and scared me at once.
Now I am a train wreck and recovery is impossible.
Yet I am not gonna make the same old mistakes.
I am not gonna sin the same old sins.
I am never gonna love again.
I am never gonna trust again.
I will never let you fool me again.

Yes, I will sleep until I forget everything.
But I will not wake up with you.
I will watch the sea in the summertime when the water is so blue.
And I will not think about what we have done with you.
It will only give me hope to start over.
By myself.
I must go far away.
To a place that you will never find me.

And you should take good care of yourself.
Never drink again, never smoke again, never repeat the old mistakes again.
Do not be so ******* her like you did to me.
Be gentle and loving.
Try not to hurt her and yourself.

I envy the poets' and writers' immortality.
All the artists we have never seen live with us through their beautifully crafted works.
You reminded me the power of the words to make us mortal beings immortal.

Our love shall be eternal with these love letters.
Our grand grand grandchildren and even the people who do not know us shall be captivated by our love upon reading these letters.
When we die, we shall born again in the minds of those people.

I want to leave these precious words when I leave this world..
I will not leave with regrets, for I will meet you in a better place.
I want to leave something to remember, so they will not forget.

They will know that we were here.
We lived, we loved and we died together in joy.
As we move forward to eternity, these words will keep us alive in this ephemeral world.

While the brightness of the sun is blinding us,
While I'm sitting on your lap,
and enjoying the beautiful scenery,
They will be reading this billet doux

I have no power to defeat death.
When the time comes it will take you from me or me from you.
Yet I am not anxious, for I know I will see you on the other side.
Everything will come to an end.
When it's over, you will see me on the other side.

Toast to the new beginnings.
Dark past will be forgotten, let's drink to the bright future.
Heaven cannot wait for me, I must go.
I will be bathing in the holy water,
drinking wine from the holy grail,
feasting, celebrating..
And I will be waiting for you.
I will be the only thing you look for
when your soul leaves your body and you honour Heaven.

Whether in darkness or light,
wherever I'm with you, it's a thing to celebrate.
Every moment I spend with you is a thing to celebrate.
I rejoice everytime I see you or even hear your voice.
Time is meaningless when we get together,
for it goes by so fast.
Only thing that makes me upset is that the time we are together always comes to an end.
Separation is the worst part of being with you.
I want to be immortal when I'm with you.
I want the time we spend together to last forever.
Can you make it possible for me?
Can you be with me forever?

Did you ruin everything cuz you didn't follow the script I had in mind,
or did I ruin everything cuz I tried to fit you in that script I had?
Who is to blame now that everything is over?
Both of us or none?
Are we perfect for different people's scripts but not for the each other's?
I wanted you to be the hero of my script but you turned out to be the villain.
Can a villain be a hero in another story?
Even if the answer is yes, I don't want to see you star in another woman's story.
I'd rather you be the villain in mine.