The A/C was on real loud
Los Angeles had hit 99 degrees
My apartment was clean,
I sat naked and looked out
Towards the clouds of ash
Canyon country was burning up
And I was combating both
Heat and hangover with green tea
Along with ice cold water
I sat here trying to relive
Some discussions I had the week prior
About time and space and everything
In between, and it just made my
Head ache more than before
Trying to tame a wild mind
Felt like riding a bull
For more than 8 seconds
But I've made it this far today
*******, my aches

A wounded tiger
Bleeding across the jungle
Deeper into the night
Appears a fawn,
Who is eager to lead him to water
Step by step to the river
Blue moonlight hits
The tigers scarred back
Glowing blood, dripping down
No road was never straight
The tiger knew how to survive
His fawn kept the light in front of him

Mr. Big Time Blues took at seat
As always, to the left of the bar
Sat real tall, never looked around
Nodded his head, double bourbon neat
Dusty old fella, but sharp and calm
Everyone made their assumptions;
Killer hit man, wall street tycoon,
Ex-marine, business owner of steel,
depending on the viewers,
it was always some different assumption
He would sit there round after round
Sitting taller after drink after drink
Getting up here and there
Dime in the jukebox in the corner
Went back to his seat, and nodded
He would sit and soak in the music
He would take in all the eyes
And I knew he would go back home
and continue his novel,
Mr. Big time Blues was a writer
With a six gun in his trousers
and a mind full of the blues and whiskey

Sometimes these things just work out
Issues with agenda's made by the universe
Like the swaying of the leaves on a tree
It is so natural, you gaze at it's beauty
Talk a walk down a busy street
Everything is so quiet in your eyes
Soft breeze hits your body as you continue
No clutter, no bother, nothing planned
Life has requested nothing
Life can take everything
It is the maestro, the captain
It can lend it's gifted hand
It will strike down at any given Sunday
We are but souls in a playground
It's always funny when we see more than this

Each face that walks by
Each stop we pass
Another commuter today
Same dry faces on the transit
We walk by one another
Some say good morning
Some folk are still asleep
Some folk haven't slept all night
Then there's those glowing
Emerging from the grey,
Cold bitter mornings
Big green eyes, long hair
She knows you're there
You're a sinking boat
And she sees it everyday
Music in both your ears
But it's all in your head
You're just staring outside
Thinking of a day for happiness
Thinking today could be it
But it's not, it's still cold
Gather your ****, next stop please!

There should always be
A place in your mind
That disagrees with its counterpart
The outcome of this
Should be your essence

You wake up and it's different
You've felt like this before
But something is different
You have the best feeling
In the world, you smile even
There's something different
Now, the feeling you had,
As the water hits your back,
So warm, so welcoming,
Is followed by the worst feeling
It's time to get off the Ferris Wheel
It's coming back around
You're a few seats back
The conductor eyes you
It got cold quickly
Time to go play
In a themed park

Picking up a camera, does not
Make you a photographer, my friend
Typing away makes you no writer
Buying quality painting supplies
Does not mean you can claim
Being an exquisite painter of art
No my friend, you must crawl first
You must cry, and ache, and suffer
Before you can begin understanding
The task required to say you have
Crossed the line from rodent to artist
It is a struggle before the gravy
People can do it for years
Yet be so far away from true art
Someone can pick up a pencil
And immediately soak into it
Becoming the artist comes from
Your guts, your sleep, your lust for life
Not what you can tell someone
In conversation, or show via the internet
It comes from far more
Many people achieve it,
The few who have may not even know it
****, I know a homeless man who
Cleans windows in a parking lot
Who doesn't accept money without working
Who is more of an artist
Than half the population trying to create
Just don't 'em like they used to
Everyone cares too much, nobody just lives it

Beauty is in that cold water
That touches your hand
Like a soft kiss, comforting you
Stings like ice, but the pain is good
Bite into your apple, you'll see it
Blood from last night's dance
The coffee isn't strong enough
And you rather be in the sheets
Rolling around to that fine tune
Of birds whistling, cars going
People creating, people *******
Hiding from the daylight
Won't be friends till passed noon
It all feels so hard and you sing along
To the tune of the keyboard
As your apple looks back at you
It's rhythm, rhythm, rhythm

Ideas travel round the mind
Lost in vast pictures
Of many thoughts and creations
They cultivate heavily and unremorsefully
Lap after lap after lap
Moment after moment after nothing
Trying to make sense of anything
Before we full circle around to the truth
Life will give you perspective
And then **** you
Take your mistakes and learn
How to get back down the mountain
And when life gives you some light
You go in for the ****!
And you don't look back
And you don't apologize

Forward. Direction.

forward, forward, forward

You become more you than ever
You look from the outside in
And you fall backwards

Looking around the room
Buttoning your jacket tight
Feeling the frustration in your palms
As you try to write,
Is the same as it is in life,
Clawing at the brick walls
With your delicate fingers
Hoping to find a way out
And you bleed and cry
An aching body is all you own
The room is dancing a waltz
Not much you can do
Then, the air becomes thin
A loud airplane flies over your head
The only thing you can do
Is just walk through it
Hoping it survives on the other end
Your only tool?
Is remembering everything
You have taught yourself up till now

It's been several weeks
Passing on and on and on,
That the words don't come
Nature heals me,
The soft whisper of life -
Soothes my darkened soul
A smile makes me believe again
The words I read let me feel again
The words just won't come
Forcing them never work
Drinking is tortuous
The room of love has been
An empty oasis waiting in the sun
This seems insurmountable at times
Long, never ending battle against myself
Every time I try, it's a busy tone
Staring at the black keys
They mock me in plain sight
Only the tones of music hear me
Only my closed eyes let me see it

I truly believe it is a need
To be scared, and afraid
When it's called for
You need the wake up
As the blood rushes you
Think quick, move faster
Just don't show it
Keep it as your own prize
Let it not be scorned by
The flames of the world
There is nothing worse than
Someone who shows their tell

For me, everyone can be beautiful
It really all depends on them
And if you judge yourself
By means of eyes which do not
Belong to you, you're doing life incorrectly
Beautiful people are the honest ones
They are unapologetic
They love themselves and we know it
I'm talking about true love here
Not fake eye lashes and fancy cars
I'm talking about those who use
Their imperfections to build
Those who say **** yeah, that's me
When others just look away
People who accept what they can't change
The people who know that once in a while
People NEED to be offended by
What they say or think or act on
You're bat **** crazy if you try to
Get it all correct or all copacetic
You'll fall very short "pleasing" others
Beautiful people just are
Beautiful people are rare

The old Chinese woman just sat
She had ended her session
And went back to her seat
Older, confused, sexless
Why was she here?
I wanted to ask her why
But I rather examine her decisions
She fascinated me, just sitting
Like her mind was about to
Pass out gifts of reality
She'd probably had had a fast life
No English, No care to just sit
She probably had taken seats before
But back when the train was going
There is no city lights here,
No bars, no men on duty
No BBQ chicken, no fries
No pool halls till 3am
No dancing by the river
For her, she had lived
And her wheels in her mind
Kept looking for feathers to pluck
She sat looking at her phone
Never looking up or around
What was this ******* of experiences
Looking for in a Public Health building
I wish I had met her back when
She had much more to say,
Goodbye Heather.

The body is useless
If the mind does not control it
Manipulating its creative power
With an educated compromise
Between lust and intent
The latter to this equation is
That the mind becomes stale
If your body does not enjoy it
Prospering from it's fruits
Becoming an energetic spark
Heat radiating from the skin
Touching water with power
Such knowledgeable freedom

nothing
nothing
nothing
nothing
nothing
nothing nothing nothing nothing
beer and ice cream

Let's get lost in the soul of the world
Our world, this life
Everything has got soul
Baby, whether we feel it or not
It's there, trying to live
Just like us
Just like us

You close your eyes
And it's a new path
You close your eyes
And then it's a new path
Time and time again
It's a new path
After you open again
8 hours of sleep last night
A new path
10 minute nap in the afternoon
A new path
Phone call in the morning
New path
Train ride in the evening
New path
No music today
New path
Photo and photo and photo
New path
Sadness
A new path
In which direction will it stay on
Where is heaven on Earth
A new path

Glowing with the stars in the sky
She's a character in a wild story
Creating this untouchable aesthetic
Unconsciously focusing her energy into
The eyes of those who gaze upon her
You can feel her in your finger tips
As you observe, you also transform
There is true clarity in this chaos
She twirls and sings and laughs
From summer beaches in Mexico,
To rainy days in Paris
Capturing each moment of ecstasy
Each moment of living life right
Happiness at each turn and twist
There's music and drinks and art and love
Here in a garden of fruitful existence
Escaping the dead hands of being a human

Let your mind unwrap
After the long day
Under the trees
As the sun sets
Leaving all the lies
Remembering the truths
That the world hides
And you are not scared
And you sing a song
And you're in a different place

I want to dance with the devil
On a warm sandy beach
While the sun sets below the ocean
Getting drunk off pure happiness
As he tells me his secrets
And I tell him mine
We can create our own thoughts
Down here, there's plenty of silence
With trees of life and *** and freedom

There is so much I worry about
And so much that I dislike
It's only one action, with millions
Of different ways out
And my anxiety sits there laughing
My anger plays a game of chess
At the bar is my apathy
Fools who talk so much of progress
But never move more than two steps
The She's of the world like concrete
Hoping that their prince appears
From the heavens, without ever
Being a princess to begin with
Each month I move slower
But I still have the good fight
Hidden away where they can't find it
I see them with their flashlights
Looking and searching
But it lives only inside me
And my good fight continues
So long as I walk through this fire

The journey of thousands, and thousands
Of little steps begins with just one push
The push to take one step then another
After that it all gets goin' baby
It's the fire that hurts but makes us
The pain and the agony and the hate
Slamming your fist on the brick skyscraper
The obstacle will always seem to big
But the obstacle is just right there
You have your steps in a bag
It's your deal to use them
Dig a hole, grab a ladder, get movin'
The obstacle is here today, maybe tomorrow
But it's never forever, so never discard that
Your ideas are stronger than all of this

wave after wave they cover you
layer after layer deeper you sink
each day becoming more how life
has set you to be, for the world
covering you - eyes and soul
forcing you to forget who you are
copious amounts of events to distract
you from the greater picture
they beat you over the head with
each wave, dangling images of
right and wrong as they starve
the hungry and feed the stupid
all the while you believing it all
maybe that is why the greats disappear
to travel the world not so forgotten
and I sit here tonight thinking
am I part of this? Am I one?
am I one running towards the wolves den
so they can feed on the thoughts
that I've tried to protect
or will this insanity set me free

To be around those who have suffered
and made it out alive and beautiful
and with a soul which sings, to see someone more beautiful than art, to see when someone is connected to the world as they are with their own body and are able to water it with life and watch it slowly grow, to see reality of life through their eyes and from their voice, and to get pulled into their secret little room, that they can always go hide away in; The place where their madness is able to roam freely and explore and learn and exist without interference.

That is true beauty, that is being alive, that is everything most meaningful

Come for me, my darling
With that glow in your eyes
That innocent way you walk,
The way you cut your pear,
The way you drink a cup of coffee,
Pouring a whiskey, smiling
Wondrous and exotic charisma
Divulging yourself in plain daylight
Running through the water
Driving you car in the sun
Screaming that favorite tune
At each and every turn
Come for me, my darling
We'll die together in winters arms

I never know what to do
Or even what to say
When we talk death;
Somebody shares
With someone else
That the life of another
Has been taken away
They bow their head
They give their hand

I see them,
Those in mourning
Their eyes are filled
With memories they once
Shared with the departed
Trying to hold onto it
Trying to remember more
And more and more and more
The pain builds up
But the tear must drop
And it will splash forever

The electricfying feeling when touched
By a soul whose passion burns
Through years of mistakes and adventures
Is a touch only a lover will give you
Kissing their lips, grabbing their body's
Sailing away from the worry
Jumping off rooftops together
Opening your ears to the sound of lust
As the record spins and spins
The fury you've created goes on and on
With each long night,
With every single word spoken
After every gaze, every cigarette
The embers float in the wind
Capturing the symbolic meaning,
Of what it means to be alive

My eyes are closed
Head buried in the pillow
The birds outside drink
From the water on the leaves
Rain falls upon the concrete
Right outside my window
I smell the cleansed air
She went to pick apples
It is the first cold morning
Of the approaching season
The birds and rainfall
Own this morning
The fatherly clouds gaze
Down upon them

There's something wrong with the world
It's filled to the brim with injustice
People on the streets decaying
While the others bathe in champagne
Walking by the homeless or poor
Stabs a knife deep into my back
Do I provide for my own family?
Or do I give away what others can't have?
I assume it falls upon perspective
Perspective really has a full plate does it
And too much responsibility these days

His eyes were now open

Same familiar ache in his stomach,

Slight headache, he still had warm skin

She would sleep closer to him because of that

Very aware of where he was, what he was doing

He rose out of bed with purpose, took a breath

In front of him was a skyline view of the city

Clouds sat over the tall buildings, the sky was grey

There was a faint  noise coming

From the streets below him -

He was up before the sun and there was no

Light to shine against his dark wooden floors

Taking another deep breath

He gently let his head descend

Remembering when he was passing a church school

On a similar gloomy day when he was a young boy

The man slowly walked away from his bed

And into the living space of his home

Marvelous kitchen, with perfect home décor

Scattered across the entire place with elegance

He loved the smell of coffee in the early morning

Standing there with great physique

He looked towards his two friends -

Who had fallen asleep on the sofa comfortably

Family to him in his eyes, a beautiful bond between them all

One looked up at him, still tired from the long night

He told her, “back to bed, the coffee will be ready soon”

She curled back into his brother that laid with her,

(moving away as he likes to sleep with space..)

He turns his body and mind out to

The phenomenal panoramic view of Los Angeles

Knowing the sun would swim up from the grave

He took in everything he was grateful for,

And exhaled an epiphany of aspiration

We know for a fact
That nothing lasts forever
Forever does not exist
I don't even think we can
Understand the concept
Of "Forever"
Things come and leave
Today is already tomorrow
Love burns out
Ashes of sorrow remain
We know life isn't lengthy
One idea comes,
Another gets forgotten
We are only humans
Specs of dust to the universe
This alone, Should be the wave
Underneath us everyday
Pushing us forward
Giving us the control, discipline
To not be allowed to be
Brought down by minuscule trivialities  
So why stop?
Move forward, through "it"
Whatever "it" is in your life
Because no matter what it'll come to an end
So might as well get through "it" yourself
Unapologetic and complete

It's a dark ominous night
The cards are dealt
My hands do not shake
There's a storm coming
And we are too close to sail away
I've plenty to drink
and I am insides out
There's fear to my right
Whiskey to my left
And my past deal 'em out
Our horns are up tonight
Your move, darlin'

You wake up with pain in the morning
Wash your face, your eyes begin to focus
It's about 6:45 a.m. and you work at 7:30 a.m.
Jump in the hot shower and let it soothe your back
Then the routine; One pill for the stomach,
Another for the back pain.
Which ***** up your stomach more
Then I welcome the headache
Those come with the dehydration,
Of the war in my body by the "medicine"
And the stress.. the stress is the extra kick
To the back around noon and you drink water
Like a fish and the bathroom at work is so clean
But your mind is still jacked
Because this "medicine" don't work, but
Somebody still got paid, thieves

Day in and day out you tunnel through the caves
And the rocks fall on you
And the people stare at you and wait
And the ex-wife sits with her knife
And the afternoon traffic laughs too

But you see yourself,
Submerged in a body of clear blue water
And your legs have become stronger
And you jump, kick up with force
Leaping out of the water and you swing!
Beating anything that's in your path
And it's usually life's big ******* face
K.O. punch to the jaw
The dust settles.

You check your legs and arms and neck
And hands and ears and heart rate
And you picture the next
30 years to tunnel through.

I look out to the street
And I know what I see
The cars, the drivers
The gas prices, the stop lights
The bus stops, the starbucks
The apartments, some trees
The afternoon jogger, the birds
People going where they don't
Actually want to be going,
And the people doing nothing
When all they desire
Is to be part of the picture
The society is a mixture of
Nothing and everything
And some sit high as
Others swing low
And I can't help but ask,
What am I really looking at??
It sure isn't the truth
The truth, is right here
Away from the noise, just looking

If you fear what man can do,
You will be paralyzed
By what life will show you
There is no mix up there, my friend
There goes the 83 bus now
Downtown Los Angeles
I believe the bus driver,
more than a President

It goes without saying,
That at the end of each day
There is a simple wish I
To enjoy good music,
Be good at my work,
And sit quietly under the sun
Enjoying a good drink
After an endless day
Here is to being alive, cheers

There is a piano player
Playing his piano inside
The walls of my mind today
Grey mornings, freeway rides
The coffee gets colder with soft lips
His music is swaying back and forth
Without rhythm, pace, or purpose
Just going along with the tide
Until the sun comes up
And he's in bed again
Far away on an island of fruit & wine

Her soft hair was golden
The wind caressed through it
Across her tranquil face
She kept a smile so warm
The brush around us swayed
Her hair moved along with it
We stood a top a hill
Over looking the world
I had a flask in hand
She held onto my arm
It was years and years
All in just a moment
There was no past
Life was so very still
There was no future
There was that moment
My eyes sank into
That big blue ocean of hers
She licked her lips
I pulled her close
There was all of that moment

My feet swayed back and forth
Back and forth as I sat on the edge
Of this cliff, the waves came in slowly
And the sound of the ocean below
Gave me serenity and I was okay
(bolt of lightning striking my body)
I opened my eyes, I was in bed
I ached badly all over
I felt like I had jumped out
Of a moving vehicle and survived
And crawled home
The pain was agonizing
I wasn't on the cliff anymore
I was home alone and almost 30
And perversely hungover
I was ******
I hear insurance goes up at 30

Anger is blindness
Consuming true feeling
Disintegrating the atmosphere
Waking up isn't waking up
Sleeping isn't sleep
Everything goes down a hole
Nothing builds up, but sideways
Looking back at you
So you try to fight it
Injuring yourself, in warm blood
It is a high you can't escape
A wrath so great, so visceral
Anger is blindness
Anger is blindness, but
At times - truly necessary

Hope can be fatal
Unless you hold
What makes
Hope become alive
Unless all you
Can believe in
Is that hope
And nothing else
Can exist
But that hope
To live and become
Something else

Black hole in the bed
Winter is the metaphysical
Car lights and tall trees
Anger in her finger tips
Holding the glass of warm blood
That she took from a store
With no name, just a man
A man with a long grey beard
Telling the same story
Of summer in '78
When he rode his bike down
To the water hole, dead fish & toads
Escaping his father with a bat
Thinking of being all alone

Summer is almost here
90 degrees reflect off my mirror
There's a woman on the beach,
Alone with her basket of treats
A father cuts fruits along the roadside
Palm trees keep everyone's secrets
I reach my destination and order a drink
Thinking to myself,
"Everyone outta get drunk here and there."
How can you know who you are,
When you haven't given yourself
The chance to explore the darkness
You've captured with your eyes
You need to let yourself go,
Releasing the emotion and passion
Becoming a light in the room
Knowing a truth so pure
Like the fruits on the road
The magic in the sky
Sitting in the sun, without a worry at all

Once a man has gone mad
He will always be a mad man
His insanity will be pure
At times, intolerable
His lust will be severe
But it will drop on your lips
Asking for a taste
And he will show you
Life and death,
And everything exciting & tragic,
In between

There isn't ink in this pen, not today
Today comes in tough, stays a while
Them eyes get heavy, the heart is sore
Blues keeps you a float, so you sing
Tequila in the corner, the fan is loud
Hot summer days turn into early mornings
With a spark, you grab a laugh
Shoes are off and you lost your shirt
Like the flow of an ocean, baby
Come drift with me till we hit land
It's filling up and I'm feeling right
The pen is getting heavy and it's hard to see
Dark is a path to the light on the other end
Time to create a getaway, further and further
I need you more and more each day

The hands of time come down
Upon this life of yours
And one day you will not be here
You'll be dust and molecules
And memories if any remain
All the sadness and happiness
You've once felt will disappear
Just like your life, no apologies
And jut like that good song
It all comes to it's end, the end
The marvelous end of the film
And the only part that matters?
The middle of it, the chewy fat
How you live is what matters
So live *******
Drink the drinks and live the nights
Run for president of something
Write the books, draw the drawing
Have your reactions to the mess
Be naked in the morning
Just be careful with the coffee, eh
Build the suits, wear the dresses
Love your fellow human beings
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable
Life will happen soft or concrete
So come on and come on
Have a flow to everything and go

There's some **** all the time
You got to just laugh at
There's always some people
You got to just laugh at
There's some places and
Personalities, you gotta just laugh at
In the end, keep your secrets
Keep your self-motivation
Keep what keeps you going
Keep it all to yourself, sacred
Become indestructible,
In the end, when you're at the top
Alone with the gods
That's all that'll matter
And your life will thank you

They tell me there is a storm
way out in the East, NYC! you devil
and EVERYBODY knows it. Lord!
Nobody talks about the storm
I've been feeding since youth
except the psychiatrist who asked
the questions I forgot I had answers to
has it been that long?
I know I'm getting older,
but where are the memories placed
what is the residual of it all?
she asked and asked and I forgot
what I tried to remember
I still remembered what
I once tried to forget, you see
and not all I can see, baby
is the argument from this morning
my loyal apartment #7, I call home
maybe the clothes in the closet
the music I'm currently listening to
Mr. Nick Waterhouse if you ever have a chance
My job, my suits, my whiskey, the typer
my curious young boy, most of all,
is the certain reflection of where
we must be join' and that is the truth
and the ******* plants,
you gotta water the ******* plants, man

Sometimes I feel the way I did
When I first watched,
"Requiem for a Dream"
Jennifer Conolley is on the phone
With Jared Leto
Asking if he was coming home soon
And she's crying and her makeup running
And he is crying and he is scared
And she's losing herself to the world
And he's losing his mind
And it just snaps you in half with pain
That scene made the movie for me
I still feel it, I'm still understanding it