It's late at night this time
You're walking down the street
Listening to the wind and
Your boot heels pound the cement
It's a fast pace tonight
Crisp clean air air into your body
This time had you tired
As people catch your face
When they pass you by
You don't look at them
But they near recognize your face
It's the same feeling
You are their pain
The pain in this world
You've soaked it in for years
And now you've nowhere to go
But where ever you desire
There's blood on your lips
You are crystal clear

From the chaos comes life
And the world is the stage
You will feel heavy, can not move
You struggle to breathe
It's a cage you try to claw out of
Each warm night that passes,
More black the sky becomes
There is a knife in your belly
Your tongue can taste nothing
It rips you limb from limb
And all you can do is watch,
Till the feast is complete
No one man or woman ever gets
Their path straight to the falls
Most give up, many feel nothing
Then there are those that with
Every bit of life which remains
Get up once again and try
They are beasts, they are fantasy
They are wizards, they are steel
They have been aided by the world,
"And that is not fair..." They say
But far from the truth that is
They are just most hungry
They lose themselves in the night
Only to be born again in the wild
For another story to write
For another face to fight
Here is to you, the few who dare
The ordinary sailor with light
In their eyes, and a soul of fire.

A word alone can not describe
The awful pain one carries
Once the flower in their life
Has damaged it's pedals
I see us as a garden
The tornado that protects us
Is also the one who destroys us
There is no level high enough
Of the remorse I feel
A sadness so pure
I am almost grateful for such
An authentic emotion in a lost world
You are a greatness in this world
Whom should be showered
From the heavens with praise and love
May the waters of the ocean
Cleanse the dark caves we've walked
May the bright blue sky
Kiss you in the night
I am here with you, all day and forever
With love,
Sebastian

Staring at the comp
The little worm eats my brain
Hole after hole he digs
Or she, I don't ******* care
It's a worm, you're a human
Spinning on a rock
Floating through space
Let's not make too much of it
Anyway, back to this
As the worm pushes along
******* out your brain mass
You're left with two options
Either you're even more dumb
Than you were before
Or somehow you begin to see
The pattern of your worm
How he eats, where he moves
What he likes and you become
The little worm
Feeding yourself what you need
Knowing that worm is there forever
What will your little worm do now?

Rough around the edges
Like a rhino on attack
The trees and sun look on
It is a machine for a heart
A deep river for a mind
Another day goes by
Just like the ocean breeze
To clear up that room of yours
Another day goes by
Just like this and that
Trying to find a smile
Inside a bucket of sand
Long drive at cold nights
Couldn't shake the mood
So I'll charge forward
As hard as possible
Tomorrow will open up
Like a butterfly when freed
To wonder the garden of today

He ran up and hugged her
She had tears of joy
Falling down to her neck
They hadn't spoke in 10 years
Since he committed his crimes
It was a soft, quiet morning
He asked for forgiveness
But she could not speak
He let out loud cries
And she only sank deeper
Further away into the dark
She whispered, "Goodbye"

He had loved her so much
But in their time together
Her rarely had said it
Now, 10 years after his death
She dreams of him
He had taken a piece of her

Trying to get through a break-up
Is as difficult as walking a battlefield
Without dying or losing a limb
There will be heroes
There will be causalities
Many make it across
Many begin new lives
Many help win the war
And everyone is grateful
To reach the end line
Till you step on a landmine

Rain falls upon the cement floor
The mountains huddle in the background
What a scenic morning today had been
The bedroom was so cold
And she laid there peacefully
I lifted myself out of bed
Carrying the weight of my sadness
It was heavier than expected today
One thought lingered,
"Should I give in?"
I showered, I dressed, and I drove away

Good morning in sunlight breeze
Shadows of battle is bedside
It's almost 80 degrees out already
8am this morning took the beating
Ready to go in the mess of life
Scrambling for something tangible
Running towards normality
As the rains washes the jungles
It is not a fight to lose
You stop being yourself, you're dead
An only way out - the Truth

Each step I take drags
I'm so tired and
It's been but 2 days
I turn the corner
Each time thinking you'll
Be sitting there waiting for me

Ever had that moment
When you meet someone
Catch their big eyes
And you absolutely knew
When you opened your eyes
That that person was meant
Exactly for that moment
Yeah, well, make that person your life
And know that each moment
Was meant to be lived
With a pounding heart
A fist of gold, glass of honey
Good or bad the moment
That's life talking, take it

It's the same feeling the wolf
gets at night in the vast
forest under the cold sky
a madness so pure with instinct
so mad even the whiskey howls
I've had everything I once wanted
but the cry of the lonely night
keeps me hunting for more,
and the demons inside my head
don't stop the music,
they dance and dance and dance
my hair grew in thick this time

The only ones who get through
Life, are the ones who push for it
Never staying on the floors
Without swinging a few back
Maybe not landing many
But then you'll get that one punch
That can change the entire round
Keeping the eyes forward,
Ignoring the distractions
Avoiding the desperation many feel
To obtain attention for spectators
Who are also only looking for attention
Then they move to something else,
The warriors obsessed with themselves
Fighting through the flames to get
Where they know they need to be
So they can truly and wholly
Enjoy the fruits of their life
Not some life society inflates
But a life built with their hands
And as people and interests fade away
They are still there standing
Like monuments and treasures
And they become the gold

What happens when all zones
Of your life are in knots
When nothing can plan out
Even the salt tastes like sugar
Sugar doesn't go well on rice
They teach us to believe
They teach us to keep going
But are we just killing ourselves?
Into the brick wall a million times
the wall has become are friend now
What is one to do when the room
Has gone completely dark
Not a single light in sight
Are you to wait in foolishness
In hope because you can't admit truth
Or is there a different room
Waiting for you to build once again

There's no noise
I feel the pulse of life
See the people existing
Watch the cars pass on
Look up at the sky,
The clouds are so beautiful
The massive mountain range
Over looking in peace
It's hard to listen
To all of my surroundings
Forgetting they are even there
I listen to some music
To feel the vibration
But I can't hear anything
I'm in this cocoon
Blocking me
From anything most tangible
I exist only within my walls
Looking at the stars
Smiling at the rain from a hole
All I need, really

Listening to the piano man in the corner
Sipping on Spanish wine by the window
The soft breeze pushing on through
Woke up this morning in a daze
There is so much beauty in the world
So much pain and confusion
The answers to it all right in front of me
But I can't move my arms
My legs are still, my body is aching
MY mistakes keep happening
The past continues to leak into my present
With each hand of the future
I crawl and crawl till I am free
These mistakes are such heavy tools
At times too heavy for me
Too heavy to see or touch
When will I learn., when will this  go on
I've asked life to heal me
I've considered the worst
Tomorrow is bleeding
But today I am not free

It has to start somewhere
Like all of the greats
You have to start
And you have to suffer
To move forward
Or else, it's worth ****
You have to start
And go mad till you
Achieve what you want
Whether you are mentally
Preparing for your 40s
Practicing your craft
Growing your body and mind
Just start and go mad
With desire for the ride

None of this should come out
The wrong way, yes wrong
Wanting the words to come
In golden boats to please
That's nothing true and honest
That will sink and be forgotten
The words needs truth
The words need pain
The words need to be unapologetic
They shouldn't be force or manipulated
Let them run free along with your mind
Don't be hesitant or afraid
It never works out right away
But if you keep on keeping on
They'll flow like milk into eternity
Nothing can hold them back
Some words fill in the blank spots
In between the great structures
Not every one will hold the punch
As in everything that is done,
Should be done as a whole, not alone
Combine it all together as one masterpiece
You'll see, after time, it's believable

To me, it's about living
What it feels to be alive
More than just being
Finding that excitement
Within the walls of society
I look for what, to me
Makes me want to live
The blue ocean,
The tall mountain trees,
The long car rides in a '66,
The laughs and late night tears,
Passion in those rare souls,
Art in the eyes of wanderers,
Beauty in each unexpected moment
To me, that's what worth living for
To me, the beauty of the natural world
And the gift we have to enjoy it
Is all we need to pull us through life

A love letter does not need
To be to someone specifically
Or to be happy and "in love",
Whatever that even means today
A love letter needs only purpose
Just as life itself needs
There are no rulebooks
When you are born into this
Same goes with letters of love
Love can be about passion
Or an experience long ago
Your love letter can be sadness
It could be expression of fear
Drawing a sunset in words
About a pain felt so hard
A love letter is the feeling you give
To another, the moment you feel it
A love letter is the way you are alive
The words only create the image
It can be your entire soul in 2 sentences

There are mornings, very early
It is freezing, I can see my breath
I shower, I dress, coffee, etc.
The day is right behind me
And the street is quiet
My distractions begin
My eyes are starting to ache
It all pours in, the worries
I try running into the fresh air
And as I sit in my '66
As it blows hot air and rumbles
I stop and think, it's only a cold day
And I know that the *******
All the mess, all the ******' hell
Won't matter once I start to drive
Once I remember I don't care
About them, their voices
About the trivial, about reactions
I care about my core, in my mind
It's the only way to live
You'll take years off your life
If you give it all to them

Nothing ever returns to normal
It always moves forward
Things always change
Nothing returns to the ways
Things used to or not used to be
You're a kid running down the stairs
Then, you buy a nice coat
Then, a phone rings
And then, then you'll answer a call

When you don't carry heavy pockets
When the sun isn't shinning
When the rain is drowning you
And the trees are chasing you
The women are laughing at you
Your children can't see you
Your belly aches
And you're waking up alone
Shivering and the door is open
Listening to the howling in the night
So you ******* howl back
You're laying there on the floors
Time is passing you by
You've swam out so far
The coast is lost and it's dark
There is no dove to save you

That's when it happens.

And now you're here
Now you are here

I realize many folk are just
These layers of headaches after layers
They give you unnecessary ****
They mold you as a person
Inside their own understanding
Just so they can feel themselves
Yet once layer after layer begins
To peel off their existence, we see
We see them differently don't we?
What fascinating beings we are
There are those covered in layers
And each night remove it all,
And put their heads on the pillow
Happy what with they did all day
Moving far away from who they
Really are to this world ,
Just to recreate the imagine
Of whatever Tuesday came before
It is always one issue after another
Before they expose truth
Then the real magic happens
When they learn
How to hunt naked,
and be "themselves"

You can see it in the glimmer
Of a blinking eye lash
How deep does their vision go
How far have they have sunk
Have they killed before
Can they accept their deaths
Or have they died a few times already
Their backs, their touch, their senses
It is all a tell to a wicked story
To be willing to be uncomfortable
To accept truths much rather
Taken covered away from the crowds
As most let it happen, but not you
Is to find real truth within life
Expose it all, leave it on the table
And lay your raises down

I can only here the piano
And the waves breaking
Speeding down the coast
But the answers are moving faster
The end is only in my head
I'm not old enough to drink
Now I'm too old for this life
I put the music louder
The tears are coming down
I really like this song
So I go faster
Chasing my questions
I can see the end
It's all my beautiful mistakes

Sitting on the beaches of Mexico
Away from everything I know
I am no longer myself
I am free
The sands come and go
And I will live forever

I'm sad today and I know it
I believe being sad is healing
It becomes a healing process
After you injure yourself
All the little molecules get going
Start stitching you up
Making that bone that broke harder
You must be sad to heal
I guess, maybe, that's why
It feels so good, you know?

My eyes shut,
I know I am dreaming
The body goes senseless
It's the nerves still aching
19 Years of punishment
And, I do not sleep
Not like anyone else does
Sleep is turning off the lights
I don't know if my body knows
That it never gets rest, or solace
We are stuck here together
Everything is so loud,
Yet nothing makes any noise
It feels good to be frightened
**** sleeping, and to hell with
Expectations and white wine

Her eyes
Were,
Heavy
And ready
To
****

Give me those people who enjoy
Sharing new music
They find when soul searchin'
Give me those who enjoy
The long bus rides in the morning
Or trains into the evening
As they go deep into the city
Those who take that left hook
From the bright sun to the face
Smiling, because they feel alive
Those who do not see mere objects
But those who see art on the walls
Each step another beat
Soaking the aesthetics of their society
Soaking in the change in their life
I need these people like
The monks need their temples
Out in the mountains, pure and free
I need these people like
A child needs his mothers warmth
So share this glass with me
Bring over your records my friend
Let's cook and **** and sing
To the beauty in the sky so enriched!
It's life we need, living to be

There is a deep peace that I seek
No ocean dark enough
The sky far enough
That I will not search
You must fail to find truth
You must be uncomfortable,
To find the truth
You must hurt, to find a truth
The damage has been done
And the four walls still stand
Bright within the war
Yearning to learn
Yearning to live
Yearning to love
I'll take my blade into my passion
Dust myself off
The hole through me is wide
I seek no shelter
For I have lost my way
Now it is time to find out
Who I truly am to become

Recently I notice more about myself
Than I have ever once before
Age, experience, money, love
Something that has stood out
The way my brain functions
I let myself go more in than ever
For example, I'm walking
I notice the birds, the cars
The noise, the tree, my footsteps
People, clothes, buses
Women, children, men
I think where are they going
What is that, who is that
Step after step I count my thoughts
Repeating what I see and hear
It's a machine of thoughts
Though. I fear one day
My mind won't snap back
In time to make important decisions
Cross the street on time, stop for traffic
Say hello, or even walk naturally
I think one day in one
Of my golden visions of life
I will be so unaware of my life
So engraved into my thoughts
That I could be stuck in front of
A bus or middle of the street
Or trying to walk through a wall
Who the **** knows
And when I snap out of it
And my senses are all operational
I just laugh and smile
Thinking I've done it again

I am interested in matters
And IDEAS that took time to evolve
Into the creations that they are
The fascinations that took
Time to understand,
The **** with depth and mystery
More than what my eyes comprehend
I enjoy the things I don't understand
Things my ears see, and my eyes listen to
The stuff that leaves me angry and confused
I enjoy the architecture of creation
Move me, it is all I ask of the world
The universe doesn't even know
When I am wasting my time and breath
That big fat black plane of space to nowhere!
She only knows when I stick my meat
Deep inside a beautiful woman at night
As the woman calls her with moans
And she recognizes me after our *******
Now I say thank you as I
Reach for my time to forget the universe

Nothing beats the fresh mountain air
The coast and it's insurmountable elegance
Or the soft touch in the morning by loving eyes
Those are good cards to play when it gets rough
When the weeds of daily life erupt
So build up those memories
Keep them hidden behind your sore eyes
For life will know when it can test you best
When it can pull your through the dirt
Making a man out of those hands
As you lay there, lifeless, bleeding, and over
When you are most lost and you rather fold
Remembering each laugh, each kiss, each drink
And you can't grab hold of anything
Because the waves are just too hard today
Look into that deck of cards, my friend
What whatever chance you find
You go for that win, that last pleading hope

I'm not cool
Never been cool
I've been with the women
And lived the many long nights
But I was never cool
I was never the "man"
I was just myself
And I can look into the mirror now

I dreamt of you once more
And I was young and you were old
There was much anger in the clouds
That rested above the park
Where we sat with others
Believing this was life, as real as can be
I was confused and happy and sad
A dream within a dream, I thought
My hair was wild, and you grew old
I could barely walk, I might've been drunk
I don't remember the park or place
It was green all around, and had a small shelf
You were not you and I was not myself
But we were exactly who we needed to be
All in a dream within a dream

The most beautiful people I've met
Do not live at the wishes of others
But with their eyes closed
And their minds open and full of wonder
As they walk, they walk apart
They aren't chained to society
And the fools who accept it all
They are misread and lonely and afraid
But they live with real emotions
It's all real in life that you call your own
Don't give it up to those
Who can barely see passed the obvious

Sleep deprived and malnourished
Nightmares don't scare me any longer
Opened eyes and certainty does
While blind eyes make moves
I slide away from them
Anxiety comes with flowers
Depression swims along side me
The cracks become larger over time
Moving forward with cemented legs
Yearning for the intoxication of fresh air
Freedom from worry or desire
I fight for what I want to keep building
Often neglecting what I truly need

To be intact with my body and soul
To become the vibration of a song
To see art in purest of forms each day

It feels as if the year doesn't
Start till round March-April
I remember there was never really
A start or beginning as a child
The calendar says one thing
The clock tells me more
And I suppose we could follow that
I see the wheels of the year
Slowly begin to turn when
The sun comes back out
It makes more sense that way, I think
Everything begins to hit me
I understand that now,
No more trying to fix last year
It's too late for anything like that
Now I see everyone galloping
Scrounging to figure out who
They will be this year, the big race
But I'll sit from the stands
With the paper and my drink
Knowing **** well we all lose

The soft warm bed
In the middle of the day
With the wind blowing
Through her open blinds
She's so soft
The sheets are bright white
As I have always pictured them
She's all I need
I've grown so tired
I need a place to rest my head
I've found solace here
Here in the soft white bed
She looks over at me
She's happy I've came here
I was drowning
The breeze hits my face
I close my eyes and fall back asleep
I hear her get up to
Go check on breakfast

There is so much horror
A copious amount of pain
A never end tree of sorrow
This life has no easy battle
There is no instructions
And life itself, does not care
Once you let that sink in, know this
Even a battle ends,
A wound can heal,
As quickly as terror comes, it goes
Clear as glass this is true
Nothing can be forever
We are not sure forever even exists
In the midst of chaos
In the tidal wave of uncertainty
In the flames of despair
Know it isn't it, it doesn't end there
Generate energy, cultivate movement
Get to where you're going
Lift up your heavy head
Shake off the dust, blood, and tears
Nothing is powerful enough for forever
Grab at the horns, life is waiting

Nothing beats that one day dream
After a load of **** and stress
Thinking of your favorite jacket
Stepping out, leaving the mess
Jumping on the train to nowhere
Listening to the Rolling Stones
Fine woman walks up,
She takes your order and smiles
Gimme that whiskey darlin'
We're heading out together
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye..

So many beautiful people
Walking around the world today
On the sidewalks, the theatres
Ordering lunch, crying on the phone
Community to work by train
Flying to a vacation
Placing a sleeping bag on concrete
Dying from within because
Nobody can see their beauty
The epic battle of soul versus mind
The minds only needs
The heart only desires
Never seeing face to face

As I write today
There is a sore in
My entire belly
Quiet but painful
Sitting there, waiting
As I write today,
My hands begin to sweat
Nervous at each stroke
New York was fun
The phones ring
Dinner tomorrow night

You can't believe you'll make
A difference or somehow be
Different from others
If you only do what others
Do just to feel like you are
Making a difference or
Being different because
Those others said so and have
The backing of many others
Saying "We're making a difference"
Typically, if you're being
Accepted by the many, you're
In a group of followers
When you begin to ruffle feathers
That's different and now
You're living a life worthy  of
Being called different
Just LIVE
Those opinions you seek
Don't follow you six feet down

It's so very comfortable
You're nice and warm
It's been freezing
And these blankets
Have kept in all the warmth
It's too early
To open your eyes
Feeling not so rested yet
Cringing your toes together
Ducking your head back
Underneath the layers
Life starts pulling off the sheets
Can I be sad, for just a little longer?
So you go doze back off again
It's not time to be happy yet

es triste
que en un mundo
como hoy
honestidad
honestidad pura
no es bienvenido
todos necesitan
para convertirse en esta almohada
de comodidad
al diablo con eso
prefiero quemar
y ser libre
que ser
tú