Eight years ago today
We hung out for the first time

We cut school-- tenth grade
We walked up the hill into the village

We got big slices of pizza
Then went to the bookstore

You were quiet, I was unsure of what to say but still talked
I said you were a good listener

You walked me home
We hugged and you said: "I'm gonna miss you"

I walked inside
I felt so happy.

i appreciate the ache
that comes from
a long day of walking in the sun

like a keepsake
is the joy tucked in my heart
after a day of choosing to smile
and laughing on purpose

some days i feel so connected
so entwined
with everyone and everything
i feel the joy swell through me
and produce love and peace in me

my mind and heart becomes as tranquil as a babe coddled in maternal arms
i rest in this eternal love

i love the ache
of a body well lived
and well loved.

viridescent vines
cloud my view
of the horizon awaiting me

i'm making my way through
a victorian garden
the fragrance of the many flowers
puts me under a spell

i fall down a winding spiral
and plummet deep in to my heart
it is dark,
within each beat silence reverberates

i'm drinking rosehip tea
it's so pink
rose petals float on top
steam rises to kiss my lips

should i continue to repeat the same mistake?
or take the road less travelled by my heart?
i'll have to venture beyond my habitual vices
i'll have to step out beyond the known

stick my thumb out into the galaxy
catch a ride to my next divine destination
i'll laugh every step of the way
and be okay with the oblivion that saturates my mind
i'll learn to live through my heart,
whole and complete,
spreading love.

wrap your hands,
grab it and hold tight
lavender silk
enveloping all of you
--sigh

release
lavender silk
drop into
the clouds

dreams
of iridescent skies
fantasize
with open eyes

float along
on the divine river
it will take you
where you need to be.

difficult, melancholy, putrid
rotting, decaying in your attic of secrets
you don't have to die here
see, the sun is finally peaking through
through blue green leaves
are you blind to the beauty surrounding you?
hold on,
let me shock you back to life,
count with me,
1, 2, 3
no, don't go toward the light
hold on with that breath,
there you go,
now exhale,
okay, woah
that was close
your tears are clouding your vision
all you can see is night
i beg you to see day,
please see day
see the beauty of life,
but you refuse,
and you tuck your heart away
under a cloak of unfeeling
it's the only way you know how to cope
with this brutiful experience of living.

(brutiful-- brutal and beautiful)

I've been down a long time
I've had a sad song singing in my heart
It all started long ago,
With my life spinning down a drain
It's hard sometimes
To feel misunderstood
And full of pain

I guess there's a grain of joy though
When your idols come crashing down
You're empty enough
To have the void filled with God
Because really it's only Her who can replenish
And heal you,
Without further hurting you

Maybe there's overwhelming evidence that you're not loved
But that's a falsehood,
Trust me, it's not true
Everything on this big blue earth
Is a testament of God's love for you.

They called you Luna back in the day
You peppered the night air
With grace and great joy
You whispered secrets into ears
And danced in the sand
You loved with a full heart
And drifted away when it was your time to go

In life you're always learning,
You're always growing
You're correcting your soul
And trying to excavate your burning desire
You've known sadness
And that's why you fight
To know joy again

You were once called Luna,
But now you're more like the Sun
Like a burning flame
Your flame had once become very low
But you've taught it how to grow
By being true to yourself

This evolution of your soul is a journey
But have hope, darling
Tend to yourself gently
And multiply your love
And you will grow
You will flourish,
You will thrive
And oneday,
You will look into your very own eyes,
And smile your genuine smile
Of your childhood self
Trust me,
You'll see
You'll have become the person you were always meant to be.

I have hope
Like rainbows painted over my eyes
My mind is a thunderstorm,
And my heart is a meandering river
I have hope
Tucked deep down in my ruby heart
It beats for the day
I will be set free
Circumstances have me heavy and slow
I am tired and worn
With barely any money,
And so little joy
But I cling to my dreams
And work on making them come to fruition everyday
Some call me a fool
But that's okay
I think they're a fool
For being stuck in old ways
I look up into the moon,
I laugh in the sun
I will never forgot
Everything I love
I will fight until I'm free
I'll love with blood on my hands,
I'll embrace this mess of life
I'll kiss life's forehead
And accept her for who she is
I'll walk in the rain
And find the peak of my pain
And on a cliff
I'll release it
I'll be free
With the words on my back
And the art on my tongue
I will not conform
I will not become self absorbed
I will just love
Even when I don't want to
I will love everybody
And I will love me.

Do you ever consider your own mortality?
Or how beautiful life is?
Do you ever wonder about the point of it all?
And why there is suffering?
•
Dear child,
So lost and all alone
Where do these tears originate from?
Are you a foreigner in a strange land?
Have you forgotten your name?
You've been abandoned.
But I'll give you a new name,
And I'll give you a new home
And I'll give you a new family,
All these will be better then before
I promise
Rest, dear one
You hold heavy concepts in your mind and they weigh you down
Even for a moment, try to believe that there is a God who cares for you,
So that you don't need to figure everything out on your own any longer
You can lay your troubled head to rest now, darling
Most of the quarrels exist only in your mind
I know you've had a hard life
But now it's time to release
And finally be at ease
Once you were a victim, but you aren't anymore
Because you got through it
And it's made you stronger
Just allow yourself to love
And love also without reservation
Giving without expectation
And you'll be free,
You'll finally be free of your own mental prison.

Hold on, clutched in sweaty palms.

No, let go, let it all wash away.

On the shores of yesterday.

The memories are like knives.

They'll **** you if you don't let go.

It's okay.

Cast them out into the sea.

Let the wave swallow them whole.

Forget the people who left you.

Who hurt you.

Who forgot you.

You can't forget about them.

They haunt you in your dreams.

You try to make a heart connection.

But they are distant.

This is why you must let go.

Surrender.

And you'll be free.

You don't need to carry the weight of your pain.

If you give it up you'll be light.

You'll be free.

Doesn't that sound appealing?

I know it's difficult to do.

But just get used to life being transient.

And go with the flow.

Because in the unknown.

You could find your greatest bliss.

Sure, there's tons of uncertainty.

But uncertainty isn't bad.

Anything could happen.

You could even become happy again.

Yellow buds sprouting anew,
Spring is here,
Comes ere year
The blossoms herald hope
Revival, birth, growth
Like a vine growing taller
I will sing my sad song
Until it becomes a song of beauty
Until all the dead leaves of fall
wash away
I'll let the gushing winds
carry me
I'll make a little raft,
and find a river
I'll set off into the unknown,
where no one else dares to go
I'll open my heart wide enough to see,
Every possibility
I'll cancel all the naysayers and negativity
I won't be subscribing to
hopelessness any longer
I feel the call of my wild heart
booming deep within me
I'm ready to start my journey,
This is my new beginning.

You're sad,
You're lonely
There are people all around
But they are draining
Only when your cat, your dog or even your fish
Keep you company
Is when you finally feel understood,
Comforted,
Finally at peace
Your dog rolls up into a ball
And lays his head on your lap,
Your cat
Comes purring
Wrapping her tail around your legs
Your fish
Follows the tip of your finger
Tracing out a heart on the fishbowl

These pets we have
Take such good care of us,
Of our hearts
It's funny,
People have forgotten how to take care of their fellow human's hearts
But our pets, so loyal
Are always by our side,
Offering up their love
Free of cost and conditions.

I'm tired

So don't tell me what to do

I've got a tragic mind

An everlasting spirit

And an open heart

I know there is something better,

There has to be something better,

Right?

Because I can't stay here,

Stuck in this metaphorical mire

I've suffered for too long,

And today I say no

No more wasting away

No more wasting my days

I follow the magic of my soul

So everyone can keep their opinion to themselves

While you trudge through another uneventful day

I will finally not be enslaved

To the nonsense of this society

I will no longer complain

And not even explain

To all the naysayers

I will just go

And follow the call of my soul.

How things change
From laughing in the rain to
crying in it
Nearly drowning in the grey skies

How things change
From the carefree laughter of a child to
the stuttering, clutching mess
of a cynical adult

How things change,
I remember only the happy days
of childhood
Now I'm looking for any way out
of the misery of adulthood

So eager for a quick fix scheme
I don't do drugs but I'm looking for escape
Tempted to pull a Christopher McCandless or Cheryl Strayed
I just need to find some way to get away

Now I understand
When I was a kid I didn't understand why adults were so frustrated
My dad used to say: "Never grow up"
But I was eager to become an adult, like most kids
Yet now I wish to reverse
Because the older you get the more your eyes open up to just how much this world is cursed

When I was a child I trusted blindly,
I was able to believe in things like Santa and the Easter Bunny
I know many believe Jesus Christ is just the same,
Lumped in together with nonsensical creations of the imagination
To soften the blow of a world that can be so unforgiving

But I like to believe he once did live
And if he lived
He truly is the best human being who walked this earth
Who wasn't deterred by scorn and persecution
Who carried out the message of love and brotherly union
I think Christians forget,
that Jesus isn't about religion
It's about transforming our world,
with courageous hope in our hearts
that our small impact
Will make ripples in the atmosphere
that grow bigger and bigger
Until the Kingdom of God
makes everything right

Maybe these aren't your beliefs,
And I'm not sure I can get on board with most of Christianity's beliefs
Like eternal suffering in hell
Because I know that this life is hell enough
But all I am sure of,
at least for myself
Is that Jesus came into this world for people like me
Down on their luck
And in much need of healing
He came for the sinners
He makes people humble
by His saving grace
He calls people to Him
asking them to leave everything behind
But what does the world really have to offer?
This is why I follow Him,
I step out onto the waters
Into the great unknown.

Looking through a chain link fence
I press my cheek to the cold metal
and look out to the skyline in the distance

I breathe in deeply

I shut my eyes,
I shut my eyes like all the times before
With a peaceful smile on my face
As I drift back to the recesses of my mind
Where my imagination creates vivid images
That are realer than reality

I travel down to the center of my vermilion heart
And on it I perceive the secret
That is gradually healing me
Emblazoned on my heart are the words
That are replacing the sweet misery that has become me
It says: God is love
And this profound truth is restoring me

Slowly, God is pulling up the twisted roots of my grief
And planting seeds of everlasting love and peace
Many times still my mind is inhospitable,
I try to run from my mind
But it's always catching up to me
Threatening to devour me
But God is like clear blue skies
After a thousand days of rain
Slowly but surely
God is clearing my pain.

Shimmering, glittery, golden
Basking in the sweltering sun

The sun is an orange orb
Big, giant, hot, burning.... burning

Feeling skin brush againt cold flesh
Feeling another heartbeat pressed to your chest

Beating hearts intertwined
The golden orb consumes

Honey drips down
Glittery, golden, sweet

On our way to being complete
Yet seperated by a chasm so deep

How shall we build a bridge?
I want to get to you

You're so far
I'm in the passenger seat of your car

Chattering like a gang of birds
You smile, but it is rehearsed

I want to dump honey on you
Thick with love and affection

So your heart will be revealed,
And also my heart for you

Glittery, shimmering, golden, true
The orange orb is you.

It takes time to grow
It takes time to develop
It takes time to know
You need creases in your face,
laugh lines, dark circles, wrinkles on your forehead
To understand
and to become everything you need to be
There is no need to rush the germination of your soul
You're just gonna have to give yourself time to grow
And sometimes growth comes slow
But that's okay
You don't have to run away
From everything that ties you down and causes you pain
You can become okay with the dissarray
And just look out your window,
wherever you are
Look at how the sun is so faithful
It rises every new morning
Just continue to rise everyday
with the sun
and in due time
You will get there, wherever that is
And you will become who you need to be
And you will breathe,
you will laugh
You will see
how the hardships made you stronger and kinder
Just wait and see,
You will grow dear,
You will grow so tall and magnificently
But as for now,
Put a seed of love in your heart
And tend to it gently
For love is more important than growth,
You must love yourself and be love to others
Whoever you are, wherever you are.

When, on days like this
It takes everything in me to stay
To remain,
With my feet planted on this decaying ground,
That's collapsing under me
I lift my heavy head toward a cloudy sky
and cry out silently: Why?

And on days like these
I know I will find a way in no way
To get out of here
Out of this stagnation and this fear
One day, I know
I will be out in a field
Where the air is so crisp,
And I will feel it against my singing lips,
Singing sweet songs of praise
For once again my sorry soul God will have raised.

On days like this the bleakness feels inescapable,
I wonder if I am in any degree capable
To rid myself of my hindrances
and set forward on the path that God has set before me
I can't lie to you
and tell you I am naturally brave,
for I am shaking at my knees,
So scared I am indeed
But I can't keep my feet planted in this deteriorating ground much longer,
For the dirt of this town breaks through my shoes and eats at my calloused soles
I need to find a way to stop the bleeding.  

Jesus showed me how to give up everything
for the will of our Father
It's so daunting to be called to this,
but something deep within me
tells me I must follow.

So what will I give up,
What will I sacrifice
to follow the call God has on my life?
My answer: everything.

This is always how it goes
I'm smiling
Up for hours
Thinking of you
I'm in love
But I'll deny it
You see the spark in my eyes
Caused by the flame in my heart
Glowing ever so brightly for you
It's like I'm turned up-side down,
On my head
Looking at the world all wrong
And it doesn't make sense
But this love that defies logic still grows strong
It's like a river cutting through rock
With time and persistence
The rock is everything that everyone says is impossible
But love, replenishing and fluid like water
With great currents
Leaves the Impossible on it's knees
Love, my love
Is like a clock,
Spinning
Or a circle
Swirling into itself
My emotions will be sorted eventually
I can't make sense of my feelings logically
I think I love you,
But I'll just have to wait and see.

I see a ray of sunlight
Breaking through the clouds
I feel the rain pour down on
The desert grounds
I feel my heart open wide
And a toothy smile emerge on my face
I spin in endless circles
And in my heart there is no pain, not a trace
I am young again,
I am free
I can truly and forever be
I feel the breeze
I feel the water
Of the creek,
It's current grows stronger and stronger
God whispers through the trees
God yells through the forest
God bellows in the mountaintops
You're Healed
You're Whole
You're mine,
Forever child
I'm in your heart
And we are entwined
And I feel fine
I feel sweet
I feel utterly and holy complete
I know God loves me,
Yes, he truly does
He loves me more than anyone can
I fly on wings made up of His love
I am infinite
I am free
I am everything I need to be
I am loved
I am whole
I am a child of God
I am free, can't you see
I'm free I'm free I'm free
From all the trauma that has conditioned me
For LOVE is to strong you see,
To be defeated by calamity
Love is the medicine that restores,
Tranforms,
Heals
Metamorphosizing into a butterfly
Don't give up while you're in your caterpillar stage
Listen to me:
Don't give up
Don't give up
DON'T GIVE UP
We need you
Our world needs you
You will have your wings oneday
And have the ability
To transcend all of your suffering
While you help others with what you learned on your journey
God is with you,
In your heart
And God loves you.

I walk the splintered sidewalks,
The smell of sewage permeates the air
People stare straight ahead with faces like hawks
So many people, but it still feels like nobody cares

I feel the heartbeat of the street below me
I feel it as I lose my equilibrium
Trains rumble beneath my feet
Everything is buzzing around me as I experience delirium

A tear wells up in my eye
For the city will perplex and overwhelm
I seek a place to run and hide
To try to get control of my inner-helm

This city must have a heart somewhere,
Because I can feel it beating
Sometimes I think behind every face that seems not to care
Is a broken heart that is bleeding.

I watch the hands of the clock slowly tick
As the light in the sky slowly dims
In the night the air turns brisk
Anxieties arise within and make me sick.

I get to thinking about time
How in a way it keeps me confined
I think, what a concept
And I hate restraints, to be honest.

See the mind is a funny place
Especially when it starts to race
In loops it plays my worst fears
It brings me to screaming and tears.

For with time the inevitable takes place
You leave this world without a trace
But I believe we go somewhere
All the way up there.

It's so easy to be consumed by anxiety
When it's all about me
But when I focus on community
I start to feel a sense of inner unity.

So let time pass
And let the lessons life teaches me last
In every moment I will live fully in the now
And I'll make it through this life wholehearted, somehow.

Fear is a funny fantasy
Tearing at the very seams of reality
In dreams my fears are played out
Cycled over and over
Imbued in symbols
Yet in the day
I see in bold technicolor
The sky is not just clear and blue
It's neon blue and the clouds are creamy and sparse
And the sky is the reason for my happy celebration
But when the sky turns grey
And storm clouds descend
The sky doesn't merely herald a storm
But it heralds the remembrance of my deep sadness
And as much as I hate to
I'm forced to sit with my pain
As the sky opens up and it rains
But when the storm is over
And the sky shuts it's eyes
Grey clouds soften and roll away
And in a yellow sky
A faint rainbow
Orbs around my sorry town
Subconcious fear fades
As peace invades
As the beauty of nature
Steals words from my lips
And shuts down my overthinking brain
And finally, once again
I can feel the beauty in the pain.

Blowing bubbles through the straw
Of my chocolate milk
The bubbles are growing
bigger Bigger BIGGER
Spilling over now
From the rim
My parents are saying to stop it now
Stop it now
But I'm hypnotized now
Laughing through my nose
Bubbles bubbles bubbles!
Spilling over onto the checkered diner table
And the waitress just past by
While rolling her eyes
And my parents said "sorry sorry"
And they try to pull the straw from my mouth
But I bite their fingers and now my bubbles are mixed with blood
Streaming down the table
Onto the floor
A river of chocolate milk with some blood
Is formed
I go for a dive
And never resurface
Because in my imagination
I forget everything that is hurting.

I'm only human,
With scars and marks and bruises
Let's sit at this table and share our pains and amusements
Let's learn from each other
And pray that the internal screaming in our minds
Dims to a faint whisper,
May we blast Love and Hope and Peace
Through our hearts,
May our hearts grow three sizes bigger
Like the Grinch's heart
And may we find in each other
A quiet solace
Ready to hold each other in maternal arms
YOU ARE LOVED
This I must confess
To myself and to every other suffering soul
You are so dearly loved
I see your suffering
And I'm willing to meet you
At the place of your utter defeat
And in that place
I shall lift you up
And put a crown upon your head
And bless you in a way
That will make you forget
All the tragedies before now
So, relax, my Dear
You've made it this far
But no matter where you are,
You are always so close to My Heart.

I want to tell you a story about sadness,
Deep, rot your bones depression
Where no happiness like bleach
Could undo the stain of irreversible pain
I took drugs in hopes of escape
I wandered streets,
Alone and hollow
So shaken
I would walk
Unable to see clearly ahead of me
I was an anxious mess
I slept for days
And wept inconsolably
I cut my wrists
As deep as I dared to
I would look into the mirror,
And it seemed that the face that looked back at me
Was a face I barely knew.

But somehow,
By God's grace
I survived that former agony
Without a trace
It has taken some time,
A few years
To heal from the traumas of childhood and adolescence
But within this slow and steady transformation
I have both transcended and become grounded
I have managed to transcend what was formerly sabotaging me,
Yet what I have transcended has made me a realer human being
In touch with my roots
that I had forgotten for so long
I am more compassionate, you see
Finally, once again
Living in divine Love,
Remembering who I really am.

I can guarantee
I am not a perfect human being
I wish that I could always feel this complete,
But I admit
There are still times
Where the un-ease creeps up again in me
And it blinds me from the True Reality
Of an all pervasive Love always caring for me
But I do attest
That I always try my best
To surrender my small human desires
To a power, beyond me,
Oh, higher and higher
I am merely an intermediary
Of earth and sky
A divine human being
Earning her title of Saint
So, now, I must persevere
And wait
And wait
And wait.

Divine fragments
Fall into my mind
Your face,
Your scent,
Your voice and words so eloquent
I spiral through
Everything I love about you
For three days now
I've dreamt of you
And surely,
I have no idea of what to do
These feelings are like a riptide
Pulling me far away from reality
The fantasy of you is nearly drowning me
But being around you is intoxicating
You get my head spinning and my heart racing
My eyes follow you
And my ears hear your every word
Your smile,
The way you comb back you hair
Sends electricity down my spine
And shivers through my body
When I'm home
I see your face
In my mind's eye
And those strong feelings wash over me once again
And pull me out deep into the sea.

You know,
Love isn't like
The romance sold to us
In the movies
True love must be deeper
Have a firm foundation and
Deep roots
That no troubles can touch
True love sees beauty
Where everyone else sees ugly
It sees the person hidden behind the many masks we don
It loves the little vulnerable infant living inside us
Love is just so beautiful to pass up,
So let's not get caught up
In the fairy tale
And open ourselves
To the beauty and ugliness of love..
Loyal love, sweet love, heroic love, quiet love, subtle love, shout-your-love-from-rooftops love, self sacrificing love, understanding love, wise love, patient love
And this
Dear ones
Is the love you deserve.

The night is warm with reasons
Beyond this time and season
My tears stream profusely down my reddened cheeks
And even though many words spin through my mind, I can't seem to speak
Because reasons don't seem to make much sense
And honestly, I'm feeling rather dense
I had all these dreams once, you see
But now I have no idea who I am and who I want to be
I've changed so much
Circumstances changed me
Changed my once loving, carefree and joyful heart
Into a miser
Maybe now I'm much wiser
But I'm not kinder
I'm hardened and bruised
Seeking and failing to find beauty
And I'm not sure
If searching for reasons to dream
Will be useless
Should I pursue a better way?
Or lay my dreams down in a grave?

Everyone is boring!*
I scream
I feel it with every fiber of my being
People go after vain and useless pursuits
Your ego rides shotgun
While your soul suffocates, ******* in the trunk
It's easy to be this mind numbingly empty in this day and age
With all of our distractions
It's so easy
To wear beautiful clothes,
Inject botox,
Paint our faces
And see ourselves in the mirror as a complete and presentable person,
But we never make time to peek at our own hearts.
No, instead
We persist in our vapid lives
That we try to decorate with meaning
But all that meaning fails in the long run
Because we have become Egos incapable of true love...
The only solution to this
Is to make the long journey from the head to the heart..

In your eyes
are carefully kept secrets

I can read your heart
through your eyes

And you see it, don't you?
You see me seeing you

I smile
and mask the many emotions that lie behind my eyes

I see and know everything about you

but you don't know me.

I wish God were a home.
I would twist the copper door ****
Of a weathered wooden door
And enter into
The warmth of God's heart
In the center would be a fireplace with a roaring fire,
Which is God's unconditional and inextinguishable love for humankind
There would be sweetly soft leather coaches covered in white furry pillows
And laying on that couch would be like being sprawled out and carefree in the arms of our Father
All the books of the home
Would hold the endless stories
Of God's personal love for you
And it would have the account of every miniscule moment God showed up in,
All the mundane tasks and routines God was a part of
Even when we didn't notice His presence
And in the living room,
We would find an old friend
A very dear friend
A friend who loved us so much that he died for us
But he's Alive once again
And he's looking up at us from the reclining chair he is sitting in
And he is clothed in a golden robe with purple accents
And he's just so beautiful to behold
He's smiling the most genuine smile I've ever seen
And there is dry blood crusted around where the nails were hammered in on his wrists
And he says to me:
*Nice to see you my friend,
Where have you been all this time?
I've been waiting for you to
Welcome me back into your life.

Go home
Echoed in the trees
In the wind
Dancing all around me
Listen to your heart
My heart, tucked safely behind
Old ribs
Go back to a place of endless posibilities, this town you subsist in lacks in mobility
This I know, and it's slowly killing me
Go back home*
Yelled the babbling brook
It's time, once again
To find my roots.

Little light
Streaming through my window
Into my dark room
How I truly treasure you

Little light
Guide me in this eternal night
I can no longer fight
I completely surrender this plight

I live in unease
So please,
God, I call out to You
Set me free from this darkness that consumes me

We used to make memories during summer
We were careless and free and aimless and wild
I miss those days
Of teenage wonder
Of endless summers
Of stealing dresses from fashion boutiques
Smoking **** from receipts
Collecting smashed ciggarettes
We coughed until we laughed
We loved until we cried
And we drank so much
We felt like we could fly
Through all the tears and confusion we made it through
Into adulthood..

Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong time? Do you possibly feel like you weren't meant to live in a time of smart phones, where everything is recorded but barely experienced? Do you long for an unknown time when people would look into each other's eyes and just be with each other? What about all the spontaneous adventures we miss out on, because we are stuck in our minds, constantly curating our perfectly presented life. We aren't free to be ourselves in every moment because we are constantly being surveillanced. It's like some invisible paparazzi is around always eager to capture and broadcast the most mundane moments of our lives. I feel so connected online to people's thoughts and I get a peek into people's private worlds, yet when I see these people in real life they are only shadows of what I experience online. Only echoes of their online personalities. Maybe we have become scared to be real and live with the joy and sorrow of uncertainty that comes with living in the real world. We've traded being real in reality with being a mere puppet in an online world that isn't even tangible. I want to feel your raw anguish over the conditions of this cruel world. I want to taste your bittersweet tears as you realize how beautiful this earth is despite the cruelty of the world. I want to to hear your laughter rip out of your heavy chest that is riddled with the anxieties of this world, and I want you to feel joy once again in that moment and I want you to breathe. I want you to make a crack in the dark dome you've been existed in, and I want you to revel in that little stream of fractured light.

You knock on doors, to no avail
No one seems to be home
You tread meandering paths
Trying to make sense of the aftermath
Of a life that didn't go as planned
Until you come upon
A waterfall haloed by a rainbow
Then you finally see,
The unexpected is just a grand mystery
And in the mystery is so much spontaneous beauty
So, please stop analyzing
Start living
This beautiful life
Enjoy the long days of your short life
Absorb in every last bit
Of this beautiful experience called living
Start forgiving yourself and others
So you can live a life with a heart unencumbered
And remember that the end of a life
Is really not an end
But an opening
Deeper and deeper into the mystery
Of awe inspiring beauty.

Red and purple robe
Tied with knots of gold
Glittering on the precipice of winter and spring
Fur boots with heels dancing in the light layer of snow
In an endless field
Where few people go
The sun is setting and the sun is rising
Standing flat on this ground
But always spinning
To your next destination
To whatever that's fitting
The cosmic dance
Has you grinning
You set out on a path
Only to find yourself back at the beginning.

I'm in my hideaway
A cave of glorious wonders
Where in my lonesome,
I stay
Having no sense of time,
Having no sense of days
Each day melts slowly into the next,
In the thick glittering summer haze

My hideaway has miriad iridescent shells,
Reflecting the sparse light that makes it into the cave
In the cave I feel safe,
Finally
So far away from the
Bustle of life
Finally, finally
I can close my eyes and
Say goodnight

But in the morning I awake Replenished,
In the morning I awake anew
I take in a fresh breath
Of the crisp and salty air,
For I am in a cave,
By the sea
In my mind's eye
Far away
To gain some clarity.

You know,
It's funny
People would think I would be
Mad or sad
About this
But I'm so very glad
I needed this,
I truly did
I truly truly did
I feel stronger,
Lighter,
Free
I'm growing into everything
I was meant to be.

Could this be a perfect day?
I'm out sitting on a cliff
Looking out into an expansive blue sky
White clouds adrift
The sun, so orange, on my skin,
Sun-kissed

Here on this cliff
I took everything I am attached to
Everything that is slowly eating away at who I truly want to be
And steadily,
One by one
I threw the things I love
Into the sky
And while I cried,
I also felt joy well up inside.

Anger, my sweet friend
You guide me to burn everything
That isn't authentic in me
Sweet flames of surrender engulf me
As hot tears spill from my eyes
This is my beautiful demise
As the lies burn away
And all that remains
Is Truth in it's purity,
Truth in it's peace
Truth in it's joy
Thank you,
Anger
For Killing everything
That was killing me.

Scraped knees
Purple jelly beans
Grass so green
On an orb
Spinning through space
I'm looking into the sun
And laughing
About this human race
It's a funny thing
To be a human
Walking this strange and beautiful place
I dream with eyes wide open
And everywhere, I see your face.

You're a sheet on a clothes line
Dancing with the winter winds
Pinned on that gritty string
Waiting for the day your soul will be allowed with all your being, to sing
Your hands are those of a worker,
A simple and practical man
Your face, I remember from long ago
When I looked into a river
From which the rich rain flowed
On this course I must go
Down to this road
That only few know
Please don't whisper in their ears
Where I plan to go
After all these years
Cause it's good time
That I go away
The time is now
And I won't let one more minute stray
No more clinging to the wind
These seeds in my hand
I will plant in ripe soil
No more vain and useless toil
I will not let my heart's musings spoil
There shall be a great unfolding,
In due time
I will plant the seeds today
And reap my harvest for a more promising day
For that sweet future is so near,
It awaits
I feel it so clear
Like the kiss of a cool breeze on my face
This day, this future is near
I can, I can almost hear
The cheerful buzz of spring
Ringing in my ears
I look into your limitness eyes
And I just know,
Our great unfolding is so close, so near
It's almost here.

I can't seem to understand
These happenings
Scraped and leathered hands
Wipe away the stinging tears
Of this ardous transformation
Saying goodbye to everything
That no longer
Feeds me
Pulling from my old, tight skin
Growing into
The skin I was meant to be in.

Fleur, so bright
You light up my night
You are the bold yellow moon
On an August night
In the dark navy sky
Littered with endless stars

I can see it in my mind's eye
You and me floating along
Poppy fields
Dancing down trails
Jubilation will be our infinite song

Sweet, tender cherry lips
From which I do wish to sip
Watch tenderly my soul
You grasp my hand
And my heart takes hold
Of all of you

Unleash all possibility
Music streaming down alleys of former desolation
Your sweet love raises my vibration
Cathart your whole heart to me

Place your hand over my heart,
And repeat after me:
*This heart loves you
With all of my being

Soul, unencumbered
Light as a fairy's feather
I'm wrapped in the warmth
Of a million knitted sweaters

Triumphant and true
I've walked these meandering paths
Only to come back to You,
God, the lord of what is new

Bedazzled and dazed
Waking up amazed
How could it be?
I whisper silently

This magic is true,
Available also to you
I've got new eyes, you see
The renewed eyes of a child able to see clearly

On bold rainbows I stand,
All power, peace and prosperity in my hand
No mountain is too steep
All of God's promises I shall keep

My soul,
An ever growing rose
Knows, she knows
In which way to go.