Mist lingers on my lips,
All the words I meant to say
Pent up under the deep rot of rage
My body quivers,
Mind shivers
With incoherent messages
Trying to comprehend
But left only guessing
At this game of life

Come on now,
Sitting stiffly in the car
Come on now brain,
You mustn't be mad
Force force force yourself to be glad
Go swallow the pill of austere reality
It's cold, it's bleak, and it's ******* with my mentality

Because I like magical notions
I dream too often of the ocean
I think of all the places I'll never be
I dream about my destiny
I am weak
Yet I am strong
I am as haywire as a jazz song
My sould sinks deep
My spirit shoots up higher

Mist lingers on my lips
My fingertips
Are as cold as ice
My eyes are averted,
How could I ever look what I want
In the eye
And ask for it?

Clear icicles hung outside my bedroom window
Outside the world was frozen
Blanketed in a thick layer of snow
Sparkling winds carrying snowflakes on it's wings blew in
From the cracks of the window frame
I close my eyes and connect to a vestigial child-like whimsy
A smile breaks out on my face that I can't contain
The winds lift my spirits
And rejuvenate my hollow heart
In this moment I can feel it
My world falling a part
And even though I can see it
I welcome this new start
I am ready to surrender this life of empty striving,
To have my hands free
For all the possibility awaiting me.

Many a psychiatrist
Sitting in their stiff leather chair,
Has tried to tell me
What is wrong in my head
They review tests I've taken
With scales
Asking me how much I feel something-
One through three?
They dole out myriad pills,
That cause further distress
I try to keep my mind a placid place,
But these pills and these labels keep me in constant chaos
All the different labels plastered around me:
Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, OCD, PTSD...
Doctor, won't you tell me,
Which one is it exactly?
I've gone to all these doctors,
And they all tell me something different
I'm starting to doubt their veracity
I can no longer be discontent, I can no longer be sad, I can no longer be stressed, I can no longer obsess occasionally about an arbitrary mistake, I can no longer be super elated without reason, I can no longer recount a haunting experience...
Without being mental in some way
And having a pill pushed on me by some "well meaning" doctor
Instead of taking the time to actually stop for a moment, open their ears, and get in touch with the very real experience of offering to help carry a burden,
With a little something called empathy.

I see it
In the eyes of the passerby
They are scared
Unaware of the wounds
That control them
I see my shared humanity in their eyes,
Their hunanity like an infant crouched in a ball,
Terrified, shaking,
Hiding in a corner
We seek relief
From this massive worldwide grief
Digging for but not finding empathy
Hiding away all our misery
Because we believe
Our sadness is too big
We wouldn't want it to encroach on other people's happiness
But if we just took a moment to peek beyond the veil
We'd discover a common thread of travail
That strings us all together
So instead of hiding or minimizing our stories
Let's roar our stories out loud,
Unleashing the tamed and timid circus lion of our hearts
So it can progress back to it's original fiery state
Of passion, courage and integrity.

Cloaked in satin,
Sitting there
In your plastic chair,
But you sit in it
Like you're royalty,
You make plastic look like gold
For you shine so bright,
Right from your bones
Your joy is palpable,
You are an angel in disguise,
Who stole your halo from you,
With those years of many lies?
People try to steal what they cannot own,
And yet you call this heart a home
I must go this alone,
You asked to take my hand,
I contemplated saying no
I needed to hide my tracks in the snow

You're eager indeed,
Eager to please
I said stay here,
Sit down with your tightly wound knees
But you couldn't,
You sought to chase the breeze,
Trying to catch the ineffable
This is why your mind is a well of unease

Standing there,
What an elegant pair,
Don't despair,
What is yours will find you
Don't blind yourself with illusions,
Embrace the truth here,
Embrace the warmth of life that is Living,
You find little solace in your daydreams,
You're bewitched by all these schemes brewing in your brain,
But just for once,
Relax, today.
*Bask in this morning's glory,
Reassured in your solitude,
Make peace with all of the incomplete puzzles in your mind.

I see your smile,
Peeking from under your lowered head
Whenever my voice,
Like sweet honeysuckle glittering in sunlight,
Utters sentences like serenades,
Just for you

I notice these nuances
Little details everyone misses
My eyes are like crystals,
My mind, a sponge
Absorbing every angle of you,
All the myriad microexpressions,
Bleeding through your face,
It's a pattern I'm trying to track and decipher,
And yet,
I am no scientist,
I am merely
A woman deluded
With love.

Then there is my friend,
She is older,
Called plain by some,
But I like her
And yet
When I found out a few days ago
That she likes you,
Possibly adores you
My stomach erupted into distress
My thoughts a stewing mess
I tried to undress her every word,
Trying to figure out her motive for her loving you,
I concluded she is merely repeating a cycle that has burned her before,
Seeking comfort in various men,
They give her everything short of commitment

I saw her keep looking over at you
I sat still,
So as to not have the anger welling within me spill
She tried to hard in subtle ways,
I could read clearly,
How she was feeling
Yet whenever I spoke
A smile on your face awoke

You're just friendly,
That what she said
And all the girls like you,
Anyway
You look deeply into everyone's eyes,
Possibly because you like to glimpse beyond the disguise
You smile and laugh and are free!
And you are everything to me!
Yet, maybe you can't see,
Will she distract you,
Will she take you away from me,
Her eagerness is profuse,
Dripping through her every pore,
Yet I'll just sit back,
To observe and discern,
The outcome and intentions of your heart.

Am I your rose?
A unique love under the bell jar?

I look at you, You look at me
Your prussian blue eyes
Pierce my being

A love that is ethereal,
Divinely orchestrated
A symphony of sweet surrender
The Angels sing I love you

Come to your rose,
Tend to me
I am no common rose
I am your rose,
I am unique in all the world,
Because of the time you have wasted on me.

The day I said **** it
To what everyone thinks
I can't control their perceptions anyway!

For years,
I had so much pain...
Too much pain,
But I finally let it go,
And now all I can do is grow
And laugh and love and feel,
I can feel once again!
What a wondrous phenomenon!
To be alive, once again,
Thank the Lord above,
For giving me the strength to *let it go

Still not good enough*
Echoes in my brain,
It makes me inert,
From living fully I refrain
This world is in chaos,
It seems safer to pull back,
Avoid
What if I showed who I really am,
And people didn't listen,
People didn't care?
I have an ache that needs to be tended to,
I have an ache that needs love
I show this ache to the world,
But I seem to only accrue scorn
It's a pain so massive it makes me wish I weren't born,
I pray that I find just one person,
Who is willing to see me,
In both my glory and misery
I can no longer stand the facades,
Passing faces clothed in lies,
I refuse to wear this mask of my demise
I feel my heart blossoming
Like a sunrise
It must emerge,
Despite the internal apprehension
And the coldness of this world,
I will own these growing pains,
And be real in this world.

You get me high,
I chase the magic dragon of your love
My mouth is foaming,
Heart aflutter,
My mind is on cloud nine,
Convincing me there has never been another
Quite like you
And I'm peeking into the abyss
I'm trying to comprehend this,
Comprehend love,
This fire that has overtaken me,
Pummeling my being
I am in the fire,
I am only seeing,
You in everything
I am your prisoner,
You've taken my mind captive
All I can wonder is what has happened?
I'm singing with the birds,
I can't wash this smile off my face,
I just can't tell quite yet,
But I want to grab you and never let go,
But my instinct tells me:
*Take it slow

Coalescing leaves,
Never being truly heard
My shadow only seen
Hidden in the tapestries
Of kaleidoscopic trees
With roots tapping deep into my being
A reality they are not seeing,
But I've known all my life
Writing my secrets in the air with my finger,
In plain view
Dreaming of mirrors,
A multitude of mirrors,
Yet who I am is still out of view
A cloud, mist adrift
Visceral notions
I must sift through
The rubble
It's good times for a change,
I found a rainbow deep within the haze
Over my heart their is a glaze,
From this dream I can't awake,
Repeating cycles of my self demise,
Someone, please,
Open my eyes.

You know,
You're never really gonna know
Just how brave you are,
You turn back
And see how far you've come
And yet you still doubt your worthiness

You've allowed people to hurt you for too long,
You walked around, boundary-less
Searching for a warm place to call your own

You stand out from any crowd,
Your heart pours out love,
You are joy embodied,
All the naysayers try to pull you down,
But don't let them!
They just can't bare to believe a person could actually be happy and purposeful in this world

You've been through some ****,
And yet you decided to not be an *******,
You decided to spread love instead
Give yourself a break for once,
You're doing great.

Let the pain fall down on you,
As you drown in your sadness,
Trying to make sense of this senseless world
Let the pain dissolve your very essence,
Teaching your soul the essential lessons,
On how to be human, how to be a blessing
To others around you who have to live through this stark world as well
The evil is pervasive,
Laced into everything
I shake and cower,
Expecting evil to target me,
Who am I?
Merely a vulnerable human being,
Just like you
What are we fighting for,
Why are we killing?
We call this mental illness,
But I think it's deeper than this
The world is in disarray
We evolutionize out cars and houses and gadgets,
But we live vapid lives
I want to love and laugh and be infinitely joyful,
Without foreboding
I want to be free from the chains of fear,
But how can I be free
In this fearful world?
We live in a beautiful planet
With such rampant violence
There is no more love
In people's hearts
What a brutiful experience,
To be human,
To be here,
On this gorgeous planet
Of chaos.

Intrisically, we are all connected to God,
We don't doubt this when we are young,
But doubt seeps in slowly,
For years,
Draining us of our faith
The world is desolate,
And in our sadness we also become depraved
Looking for answers in the swamp,
Seeking fresh water in it's toxic sludge,
Sinking to our grave
But only through Divine intervention,
Were you pulled from quicksand
An invisible hand,
Lifted you up
You felt the presence of inmeasurable love,
Consoling you,
For once,
Finally,
After all those years of despair,
You have relief
You breath the fresh air you once would desperately seek,
You drink pure water
And when you open your mouth to speak
You hear the voice of truth bellowing through
It's a curious thing,
To turn your back on God,
But be saved by grace,
You are not a mistake,
No matter who points and laughs and sneers
There is a reason you are here,
Welcome the warm embrace of the Divine,
And trust me,
You'll be fine.

Sipping on honeysuckle stems,
Biting into ripe oranges
Juice travelling down my skin
Golden hues glittering in
The warm autumn sun

The sun is an orb of fire
Setting on the horizon
A treasure for you,
To store in your pocket,
Or your memory bank
To be played like a film,
Vaguely remembered,
Deeply felt
I splay my fingers out
Crossing both hands above my heart
I'm ready for this new start

Scarlet and jade tints
Wrapped like vines,
Glinting hints
A reality not yet realized,
A blurry photograph coming to form
You see through the looking glass,
My face is alarmed,
But you told me
I disarmed you,
Charmed you,
Torn down your pride and
Harmed you
You gave me your heart,
No questions
Beauty is a trick,
Love turned to hatred

Apricot skies,
Leaves flying high
Red, orange, green and blue
Whipping through the fog
Fuzzy images emerging from the storm
The intangible taking form,
Deeply breathing
Air so blue
I think I've felt a thousand rainfalls,
Crying through a storm,
Running through a big city,
Unnoticed, all alone
But coral sunsets
And honeysuckle air,
Are the remedy to the distress,
Bubbling just below my hair,
I've found a reason to love
Despite the pain,
I've found my reason to live again,
Grasping my purpose out of thin air.

Your love is light and bouyant and free,
With you I laugh like a child
And can be completely me
How long has it been since I've loved so passionately?
You're a friend,
And I'll get to know you,
Slowly,
Steadily,
But surely
The more time I'm around you,
The more I fall,
Into this deep love
Rooted in reality
But I'm still dazed
I've waited a thousand days
To have a love so real
Patience has paid off
But their is still more time to pass,
I don't crave to push and pull or grab and claw
All I need is to be able to look into your eyes,
Get lost in those deep blue skies
Where true feelings cannot hide,
Where I can't conceal with pride,
And you see the little child inside
Holding out her beating heart,
For you

So my love,
Take my hand
My heart is a sunset
And I'm asking you to be my man,
Collect my sunset,
Put it in your pocket,
Take a picture of my face and put it in a locket
Let's sit on that hill behind your house
And watch the sky fall dark
And in those moments of dwindling light,
Maybe our camaraderie will ignite a spark.

The only constant
Is change..

So embrace it.

Bonfire,
Roasting, toasting
Marshmallows
The smell of a cackling fire
People, too many people
That's I've been trying to hide from,
It reminds me that I'm real,
It reminds me that I'm a human with needs,
It reminds me of how those needs go unattended
I laugh and smile more than anyone,
Yet I am secretly, The saddest

I thought possibly,
Romantic love could cure this soul disease,
But I've come to realize
No one can quite fill the void of
The family that abandoned me,
Like a helpless raft adrift at sea,
I'm about to drown,
And no one can even see me

Society, I can't even describe how much I hate it,
Forcing us to conform and conceal love,
Writing and art are my only escapes,
From this prison of silence,
And of being unknown,
I cry in the quiet of the night,
Because after the day of calculated smiles and perfectly formulated sentences,
I know,
I walk this earth alone.

Cry for all the times you didn't die,
Back in the days when you really wanted to,
Cry for the times you took handfuls of pills,
Because the pain in your heart was too real
Cry for the little girl inside,
Who glorified death,
As she cut her very own flesh
Cry for who you are now,
A smiling veil,
A tormented soul behind the mask,
People see your darkness,
There is no way to disregard it
Your only hope is to wash your heart clean,
Of this deep disease
Running through your veins.

Feel the vibrational pull,
The tide pulling you under
and spitting you out
Feel the steam from the whistling kettle,
Rising from within the depths of your being,
Screaming to be set free
Where is the intangible demon that has taken your body hostage?
You awaken to memories of being carefree,
It only makes your reality more haunting
It feeds your longing
For a better life,
One you lost along the way
It wasn't your fault,
Circumstances took it away from you,
You clawed at your joy
But they ripped it away,
And put you in a factory,
The factory of Life
Making you a slave
Until the day you die

But look, I can still see the child hiding deep within your eyes
Did you forget how to cry?
This world is a perplexing place
You have an abundace of questions but no answers,
You search for love in all the wrong places,
And you haven't even learned how to love yourself

I had a vision
And a handful of dreams
There is a life beyond this confusion and division
I must make an incision
To see through this veil of chaos
Learn through the storm, and
Find healing in the process.

They said all I am is a dreamer,
And that's all I'll ever be
Didn't you see
How much I had loved you?
But you overlooked me,
And now you're mad,
That I overlook you

Am I supposed to make myself blind,
To your every red flag within my sight?
You know I love your eyes
But did you ever realize
That maybe
All I needed
Was for you to work up the nerve to tell me?
I'm not like the other girls,
I need this to be real,
I refuse to settle for
Subpar love
I need something beyond feelings

Because I never sit still,
And I won't stay long
If the heart connection isn't strong
Maybe you see me as weak,
A woman overflowing with a spectrum of emotion,
But I don't attach easily,
I give my devotion rarely,
But when I finally do,
You can expect all of me

So what do you want?
Should we persist in sending ambiguous messages?
Kissing screens
Only dreaming of love,
Or will you grab my hand,
And sweep me off my feet?

I finally saw you again yesterday,
I walked in,
And there you were
I was surprised to see you,
But I hid it
I acted like
It hadn't been months since I last saw you

We've known eachother for a year now,
You were different yesterday
I was different
We've changed,
We grew
Into something beautiful,
Into something new
And I must confess,
It was so nice to see you
I wish I could openly profess
Just how much I love being near you.

How can you say you care about people,
When you can't even care for a person?

Fingers
Wrapped around
The soft spine
Of your back neck
Doused in blue
Did we run the streets,
Dripping in blue body paint?

I saw the pink roses
Pretty and thorned
My bleeding hands,
Were unforgiving
The clock
Was unforgiving
I cried that whole night.

Dreams of Africa
On a safari
Looking up at a starry night sky,
I skipped through an orchard,
Singing a child's lullaby

My mind is a reflection of madness,
But you said you wanted more,
You tasted the sadness,
Swelling from my pores
Your eyes are porcelain
Static on a screen

The hummingbirds are calling
In their iridescent beauty
They drag me by my collar,
Into a land of whimsical triviality,
Where I hum with bees,
The rainbow is my palet from which I paint
Fighting off reality,
Reveling in insanity.

I was in 2nd grade when the twin towers were hit. I remember all the children in my class one by one being picked up from school. I had no idea at that point what was going on, but I was so jealous. I wanted to go home early from school. Eventually, my Aunt picked me and my cousin up. She told us about the towers as we walked home. I could see the thick, montrous black smoke of the fallen towers from the street I lived on in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. We went inside and turned on the television. Report after report confirmed the devastating aftermath of the attack.
●
My mother was in Manhattan, for she was a secretary at the Wall Street Journal. At the moment the towers were hit, she was just arriving, walking towards her job that was located in a building right across the street from the twin towers. But what she saw bewildered her. Hoards of people covered in white ash were running in the opposite direction of where she was headed. She asked one of these people what they were running from, and they frantically responded that the twin towers had been attacked. After learning this, she walked to my Grandmother's job in midtown Manhattan. They later arrived home safely.
●
Looking back at this recollection of my 2nd grade self, I have to admit I wasn't traumatized by these events personally. But in retrospect I can see now how it had affected all those around me. On the ten year anniversary of September 11th, Paul Simon sang Bridge Over Troubled Water at a memorial service in New York. As I watched it on the news, the lyrics filled my heart with warmth. What I suggest, through the healing of old traumas and in the handling of new wounds, is that we make ourselves a bridge to others, a source of stability in an uncertain world. This is described so beautifully within Simon's song: "When you're weary, feeling small, When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all, I'm on your side, Oh when times get rough, And friends just can't be found, Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down, Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down." Through every unexpected tragedy, if we come together as a community, the most horrific pain will inevitably shrivel in the light of sefless love.

I believe
With this heart that's beating within me,
With every fiber of my being,
Even though as of now I may not be seeing,
The results I'm needing
I'm believing
I will get to the point,
Where I need to be
To turn this agony into
Tranquility.

I want to scream my love for you on rooftops,
For your face is haunting me
Stalking me in dreams,
Visions of you fill up my idle time
All I can think of,
Are all the things we have not yet done
Like kissing and lovingly caressing,
Being lifted up into boundlessly affectionate arms,
You make me sick,
In every good way
All I want to do is tell you,
But all I can manage is a whisper,
I'm stifled in your presence,
It's my literal hell,
To love someone so much,
But refuse to express it
But this is a chance that
If I missed it
No one would ever replace you,
And my heart, well, no one would be able to fix it.

Collect my tears
Steer them towards the residue of my pain,
Those years never to be regained
Blinded by open eyes,
Traumatized
Irrigate those memories,
Wash me free from my mental cemetery

For years I dreamt of you,
Did you dream of me?
I walk through the rain,
Daydreaming of your warm hand in mine
I look out into the distance,
Searching for a love which is profound

I am the ocean,
Swallowed alive
I breathe deeply,
Content,
Mesmorized by you, a boy
Heaven-sent.

Let me wrap you in my shadow,
Within it's embrace you shall find your long lost solace
Paradoxes and ambiguities
Are what make me

Stuck within an endless cycle of time,
How could I ever unwind,
Or decide,
To finally make up my mind?

In this ethereal place I wish to reside,
To spread out my time,
Like honey on burnt toast
Hold onto some forsaken figment of the clock,
See with my heart and not with my mind,
Listen with my beating heart,
Listen to all the love all about me,
Wrapping her safe arms around me.

i'm tired,
can't you see,
the misery painted within the whites between my eye sockets
laughing through clenched teeth,
i bite my tongue
breathe, breathe, breathe
release my pent up angst
up to the moon,
salvation is coming,
soon

I awake everyday,
Wishing this day won't turn out the same,
As every day before today,
Cold and grey
Empty and full of dismay
I coddle myself,
Telling myself everything will be okay,
But I feed into my pain,
I do the same things everyday
That make me go insane
And then I wonder why,
I'm miserable,
As I wipe tears from my eyes
I think of all the ways I will change oneday,
And I harp on some ****** up memories,
Some may call depression a disease,
But I call it a failure to maintain internal peace,

Sometimes I remember being a child,
When I was happy
How do I beat the odds,
Of this thing that threatens to consume me?

Do you want to break away with me?
Break away from this systematic misery,
Enter the void of endless fantasy?

The air is thick,
I am heaving
Yet, still I am believing
for a day when I can breathe with ease,
For an escape
From perpetual heart-break,
And yet, what will I have to release?
Sacrifice my life,
For infinite joy
Surrender idle toys
for everything more

You, Disturbed Boy,
I like you,
I always have, I always will
There's a gravity pulling me to you,
You look up at me,
Towards the sun.
I smile.

Tears streak my face
I hold out my hand,
Searching for a hand to grab
I wipe tears from my eyes,
Imagine blood on my wrists
What is this disaster that has latched onto me?
My mind is in disarray,
My heart is a loveless mourner
My feet anxiously await my destiny as a sojourner
I grabbed a bat
And beat the mattress
Screamed into a pillow,
All they see is a happy girl,
But they can't see what I've been through,
What I've seen,
I can't erase these dark notions,
Tearing me a part like a monsoon.

Words,
I write these words,
I try to find meaning,
My place among the thorns
My eyes are filled with sadness
Lonliness is my heart's only song
I'll forever be a miser,
Forced to tread this world alone.

I see you're hanging by a thread
You are tired, pespired
Nearly expired
But my desire
Has failed to wane
I stand here by this window pane
Willing to be patient
Like I have,
For other loves before you
Because love is patient,
And so much more
Hold me in your arms,
Tell me what I want to hear
Take me far far away from here.

I hold on to
A fantasy
It is dancing in the wind,
Getting far away from me.

This day I wait for will never come
I wished for it
Upon the seeds of a dandelion
Whisked away by the wind
Is it a sin to cling
To ideations?
I drive myself insane
Filling these inane days with
Infatuations clogging my brain
I remind myself
To open my eyes to reality
That is rife with strife and triviality
But I eventually drift back into the perpetual dream
For living is painful,
And all too real
When I no longer bare to feel,
I shut my mind,
Eyes wide open,
Where the fantasy is once again
Revealed.

I see pouting lips,
******* and hips
Wrapped ******* clad,
Skin tight

I see muscles and chiseled lines
Lust in their eyes
I see vanity in nearly every face
And I think it is a disgrace

For when I look instead
At a face so pure
Like the one of Mother Teresa,
Or MLK
I wonder,
What has happened to the valiant hearted today?
And why have they all gone away?
Where is their voice among all of this vanity?
I can't see them through all of this triviality.

You are ******* alive,
Look into my eyes,
Brother
Open your mouth to scream
I see blood on your knees
Get up from that ground, boy
You have a life to live,
And it's all yours
Why do you blame everything on fate?
In this life, there is never a "too late"
Oneday, you will awake
And just like me,
You will see
All the time you wasted on the mediocrity,
All that time wasted on fitting in
But brother,
Trust me
The worst thing you can do is give in

You are ******* alive,
Breathe that polluted air through your nostrils
Cling to decaying ways
Pick love up in your arms in the morning
And feel all the pain of this world
Everything is dead or dying
But here you are, right now
Upon this barren earth,
Crying
Sighing as if it were your last breathe
But must I remind you,
That you are alive?
Look out at the sunrise
Feel your beating pulse
Dance in endless wildflowers
Rid yourself of all that is false.

It is 4 a.m. in the morning,
At peculiar little moments,
For no exact reason,
Sometimes I absorb a moment best that I can
And ask myself,
Will I ever remember this?
I usually never do,
The only memory I have of those moments
Is asking myself if I will remember
Maybe this is why I write,
So even if daily life makes me forget,
Capturing in detail the moments most significant to me
Will make them immune to the natural decay of memory

So, now,
I wonder
If the pitter patter of this night's summer rain
Will stay as a happy memory in my brain,
Or by tomorrow, wash away
There is no way to know
I just have to feel this moment,
And let everything go...
Let everything flow~

It's August now
I think of how
Everything goes too quickly,
Swiftly,
Like soft sand running through my fingers,
Sand dollars, Maine
First thinking of sand,
But now I'm a child again,
Visiting Maine
With my parents
The sea smells fresh,
Lobster,
Maine is known for it's lobster
You dip lobster in butter,
Because that's how it's eaten, Violet
I bought a souvenir for my Mother
Took a boat to see the whales
But they decided not to show up
I remember seeing a cute boy on the boat,
I imagined what it would be like if he was my boyfriend,
I was probably eight
Everything in childhood
Could never have prepared me for
Being a teenager
And becoming an adult
Childhood was so, so
Innocent
I knew of pain,
But I hadn't yet been wrecked by pain,
I was merely an observer at that point,
But things change when you take pain personally,
But pain is not personal
So, ultimately, it's our choice to either remain in the ruins of the wreckage, wallowing over our losses,
Or pick ourselves up, glean the lessons and rebuild our life,
Integrating both the pain and joy of our life within the new building blocks

So, as this summer rain falls
As it has before,
For over twenty years,
As long as I've lived
I let this time pass with ease
I ask myself if I will remember,
And I probably won't
But what's most important is that I love to my fullest capacity
Within every single forgettable moment.

This is what I want,
I want a love just like a fire
Profuse with passion and desire
I want a colorful, vibrant love
Granting me permission
To be beautiful,
Full of wild ambition
I need him
To embrace me like
A vine embraces a trellis,
Without choking me,
Or limiting me
I need to maintain my autonomy
I need sweet lips I can kiss,
That I will never grow tired of
I need a soul
To serve as my companion
For the endless adventures
I dream up
I need a rebel,
To push me past my limits
I need a nonconformist,
To **** the rules with me
I need a wild soul,
Just like me..