Hope is a good thing, you see
Hope is a good thing when life’s got you down on your knees
Sometimes it feels like nothing ever goes your way
You’re sequestered away in your prison cell,
Your own skull-encased hell
The one you created by clinging to your fear and misery
Fear that when a good thing comes along it might leave
But didn’t you know
The gate of your cell was never locked
You could’ve left whenever you wanted
So now, go
You’re free to roam
That cell was never your home
Though you grew accustomed to it
You are free
From your suffering
If you choose to be
It may take half a mile through that last stretch of darkness to feel free
But don’t lose sight in that tunnel
When you’re out
Feeling the unrestricted ground beneath your polished, free man’s shoes
You’ll experience the electric joy of freedom
Coursing through your hope deficient body
And then you’ll know
All that hanging on to fanciful hope through the years of despair
Was a good thing.

It’s funny
I locked away my heart for years
Only to fall again
Let someone too close
But maybe it all happened too quickly
I showed him everything about me
My deepest flaws and my highest joys
And he used it all against me

It’s funny
This is exactly what I feared
This is why I locked away my heart for years
I feared if I ever let anyone too close
They’d not only hurt me
But use the things I entrusted them with against me

It’s funny
Now all I can do is imbibe alcoholic beverages
To dull the pain of a love that proved untrue
I thought maybe he could love me
But now I know that all along,
I’ve just been a senseless fool.

I remember when I was a child—
A happy time
A feeling of joy present inside
But life’s rendered me numb
******* me dry of all the fun
Of letting go and loving someone

We’re stiff, starched, confused
Perfection never made a muse
Maybe our hearts are shut down from past abuse
I just want our love to be set loose,
Free
Like how we were before
Cushioned within a romantic dream

But why must reality be so harsh
And have us crashing down
When we see our lover's glaring imperfections
And the fear of potential heartbreak causes us to close our hearts

Memories of pain skew what’s possible
I want real, deep love
Enthralled and enraptured
Enveloped in the blinding light
Of a childhood happiness lost
And needing to be reclaimed.

Tell me what I want to hear
Because I can’t stand this pain
Tell me that everything you said in anger was a lie
And that everything between us will stay the same
Tell me to not run away
To just stay put
In this gargantuan pain
Swallowing me up

Tell me that I’m good enough
And that you don’t truly believe the horrible things you’ve said about me
Tell me that you want to hear me
And be there for me
Tell me that you don’t truly want me to leave
Tell me, because I can’t breathe

My body is stiff,
You say you regret opening your heart
And so do I
You say you wish we never met...
Your words feel like cold, steel knives
Right through my vulnerable, unguarded heart

I can’t make you love me
I can’t refute the story you’ve created of me in your mind
I can only sit with this pain
And grieve
And hope next time,
I’ll see
That no matter what people say or do,
I’m worthy

I wait and wait
But my longing doesn’t abate
It’s been three months of heart opening bliss
But when the heart opens, we’re more likely to armor up when triggered, like a closed fist
But do I regret opening up?
Not at all
For opening up
Has awaken me to the power of my heart

There’s no doubt in my mind that I love him
He says I always make everything about me
And he’s tired of catering
I guess I’m insecure, when I feel uncertain I just need more
More reassurance, more care

But he has his flaws too
He’s insecure as well
He wounds me with his words
And when he’s angry he’s a different man
But it’s not those things I see in him
I see his kindness too
I knows he loves me
He’s just tired,
So am I
Our insecurities and fears
Block the flow of our love
And wear us down

So here I wait
My heart is wide open
But ******, right now it hurts
I let myself fall hard
And now I have severely cut up knees that will turn into ugly scars
But I don’t regret it
Whatever the outcome will be
I know I will make it through this grief
With my wide open heart,
No matter what, the final outcome will be
Healing.

The flower on the sidewalk
was uprooted ...
planted in a garden

From the dusty road
to a safe haven

Winter
bloomed
as if it were the summer season

Where I have arrived,
is a story I long to tell

Take a slow walk, beloved
Enter the garden