My eyes open I'm dazed Silence, nothing I inhale Clogged suction A shivering static vibrates through me I exhale A short whimper The tightness and heavy feeling strike My chest My body stiffeness then numbs The rustle and whiswtle turn to a dying gasp a hissing howl My eyes close "Where's My inhaler?" Shifting hands like cilia feel through the dark Panic Adrenaline Suddenly an L sharped item in my grasp "Shake" "shake" "Puff" "puff" Exhale Sigh That sudden euphoria Relaxation followed by a loss of conciousness Sleep and dream
The deeper I go the cheaper my soul I feel the suffication of my existence setting in How easy it is to hide No one gives a **** about your cries Jesus blessed my sin, I'm just hell bent Here's to the broken life again
I want to be free of the burden of your love Free from the complication you placed on my heart Like a stain long set in it still lingers in my skin Liberated from the suffication of your subjugation I want to shake you from my spirit So that I can enjoy life And finally be at peace with just being myself.
As I lay here I wonder about my choices In my head. Stop silence all the voices I wonder if I'm stupid when I care Sometimes livings more then I can bare The years pass me by and I settle My heart turns to solid metal I cant describe how it feels to sit back and see The love between two people the lack of it for me And when I try to speak my voice is not heard All my thoughts are silly every bit abursb. Yet as I lay here dying a little every night A burning plight of passion a simple dimming light I do what I can to survive with what little that I get I feel as if I was doomed the minute that we met. But if the things were exapressed I become another stress And everytime I begin to feel more less and less. My feelings are a side effect of a deeper mental thing This isnt true often it intensifys every emotion that it brings I feel a suffication I don't feel I can be me. I try to say these things yet the price of commication isn't free. So I keep my feelings hidden cuz no one wants to hear I bottle it up inside till alone my eyes begin to tear. I don't know how to get the things that I really want I watch all the couple's and their love they seem to flaunt The happiness they feel enjoying all their time All of it tarnished with my jellousys grime. I want so much more a love so intense and great With one or two it doesn't matter awaiting a true soul mate.