MY LIGHTBULB MOMENT (Spiritual Awakening) BY KRISTIE TOWNSEND
5 July 2012 at 21:38

MY LIGHTBULB MOMENT BY KRISTIE TOWNSEND

Be careful what you wish for
for one day it may come true
I used to jest about my wishes
in a time before I discovered, just what Magick can do

Karma, I didn't really think that much of
and I'd never even heard of 'The Threefold Law'
didn't pay any attention to spirits
and I'd never considered that I may have been here before!

What the heck's 'The Wiccan Rede"?
Is it something I want or need??!!
So what if I should harm someone
Has this not before, to me, been done??

Why would anyone believe in what can't be touched nor seen?
In Perfect Love? And In Perfect Trust??
What's That supposed to mean??
And why should I read some poetry Written by a woman called Doreen??

Then In my light bulb moment, as quick as a flash!
I thought 'Now I see what the fuss is all about'
and at that very second, for Magick I fell hard and fast!
Saddened for a minute, thinking of what Joy so far I'd lived with out!

My only regret is that I didn't discover sooner, universal energy,
I should have walked this path long before now
For Magick and its power, have opened my eyes - OH and How??!! WOW

Some people think I'm weird,
Others think i'm mad
I came out of my spiritual broom closet
and for that I'm so very glad!

I'm looking forward to my future
with wide and enthusiastic eyes
long gone are empty days all alone
no more sleepless nights, filled with self-pitying cries

I'm the happiest that I have ever been
Thanks to energies that remain untouched, unseen
IN PERFECT LOVE & IN PERFECT TRUST
I will follow My Destiny, My Heart, My Dreams - I MUST!


by Kristie Townsend 12.11.08

The Final Goodbye - Written By Kristie Townsend
5 July 2012 at 21:27

ITS TIME

This is it
The end of the line
I knew that the day would eventually come
When I got that call, it was time


The Can of Worms opened
The fear, The pain -
and all other unexpected emotions provoked
On the stench of death I nearly choked

Who do I now share with?
Who will hear my grief?
How will I ever heal?
on my own again Is my belief

I will see you in The Summerland
I will say Goodbye for now, Hold you tight
Share with you precious final moments
no matter who argues, whatever the fight

My regrets are plenty
my memories few
but at least I can say
that I do have some with you

This is my final line to you
My chance to lay to rest the past
I feel grief, sad and blue and also
as though I always came last

by Kristie Townsend (04.04.07)

Written in memory of My maternal Grandma, Kath Ledwith who passed away the day before. She suffered a very long, painful, agonising passing, May Her Un-tamed and Unconventional spirit now be at peace, free to roam, free from pain, free from the many hardships she encountered on the earthly plane. May the Goddess Love and Guide you Nana. Love you *** (P.S. I miss your Trifles!)

cutting ties that bind - by Kristie


So I cut myself with a knife

just to see if I can still feel any thing in this pathetic life

But I feel nothing at all

as I watch my crimsom blood fall



I score my skin, deeper and deeper, push the knife in

nothing..... not even a sting...absolutely nothing

I fantically seek a virginal place I can carve, cut away my hate

self loathing, disgust, as I look at myself, what a ******* state



Waiting to faint, as my blood seeps and escapes

but as if mocking me, I have to wait

relief comes at a price, a deadly cost

and reminds me of all that i've lost



tired and sleepy, waiting for death to collect me

I've planned for no one to save me, finally be free

one last slice, just to ensure

deep across artery, my blood pumps no more

D.N.A RESULTS by Kristie Townsend (23.07.07)


patiently I wait for the pain to stop
for blackness to overwhelm my fractious senses
for death to soothe my destroyed emotions
for eternal silence to end my indifferent pretenses

but even drug induced comas
or the gift of life, twice
leaving my children, or those whom proclaim to care
are enough of an incentive for me to wish to remain here

I lost my daddy, Eric, Mr T
I betrayed myself, I fell apart
I believed the DNA results would set me free
instead they broke my fragile heart

But the universe and life unfolds as indeed it should
although not always as I would like or desire
and one day, when I look back
Im sure Ill be glad that It wasnt my time to expire

Escape Plan (by Kristie Ledwith Townsend)
17 May 2012 at 06:39

I feel no pain,as I slice myself again


all I feel is numb, dumb, brains gone


disgust and loathing at myself, shame


not a chance of laughter, long gone, my fun.








when was the last time I laughed?


really giggled? until I could no longer catch my breathe?


when did I last let loose? Carefree?


when was my sarcasim, last at its best? dreft?





I look at myself in the mirror, what do I see?


who is that? eyes dead? lifeless, staring back at me?


when hollow, insincere words escape empty shell


I pray that today, I finally leave this life, my self imposed hell.








I've planned it now, my final goodbye


down to the very last letter, not even a half arsed try


yes I am thinking of my children, yes I am thinking of you


You'd be better off without me, without the damage you know I'd do








please do not save me, not this time


I want to meet my maker, I want to converse with the divine


I no longer wish to merely exsist, not on this earthly plane


No more shame, nor blame, not in this 'Townsend' name








I am being selfless, not selfish, please ,please see


I am thinking of us all, and not just pathetic ole me


Please don't mourn for something filled with age old scourn


For I will be glad, to no longer be , an involuntary Pawn.








I shall smile at the gates of heaven


if indeed that is my intended destination


pain gone, carefree, just me


finally I can be the spirit I've always wanted to be





if you think me selfish, if you think me bad


save that energy for something more productive


for someone who'll be glad you had


for that is a wasted emotion on me, I am not sad,


for at last feeling free, How I always wanted to be.......











Just me.......Kristie

ITS ALL DONE NOW - BY KRISTIE T -12TH APRIL 2007
6 July 2012 at 01:04
ITS ALL DONE NOW, OUR LOVE IS GONE
BITTER SWEET, INTERNALISED PAIN FOR TOO LONG
TO ME IT FELT RIGHT, TO YOU IT FELT WRONG
ITS ALL DONE NOW, ITS ALL GONE


FEAR, PANIC, PARANOIA WON OUT
NO NEED FOR US TO SCREAM OR SHOUT
FOR YOU WALKED, NO, RAN OUT
BEFORE YOU REALLY KNEW WHAT I WAS ABOUT


ITS ALL DONE NOW
OH AND HOW, FOR LOVE, YOU DID NOT ALLOW
AND WE BOTH FELL FOUL
TO OUR FEARS FROM THE PAST, NOT WHAT IS HERE AND NOW


ITS ALL DONE NOW, NO MORE TEARS, NO MORE CRYING
YOU'VE GIVEN UP ON ME, GIVEN UP ON TRYING
I ASK, HAVE YOU ALSO GIVEN UP ON SMILING?
YOU'LL NEVER SEE, THAT DEEP INSIDE OF ME I'M DYING
AVERT YOUR EYES, NO MORE QUESTIONS, PLEASE STOP PRYING.


ITS ALL DONE NOW AND I FEEL WEAK
MY FIERY SOUL UNCHARACTERISTICALLY SUBSERIVANT AND MEEK
FOR IT WANTS TO GIVE MY WOUNDED HEART THE FREEDOM TO SEEK
TRUTH & LOVE, ALTHOUGH RIGHT NOW, THE PROSPECTS SEEM BLEAK


ITS ALL DONE NOW, NO RAW EMOTION LEFT TO SHARE
I'LL KEEP IT LOCKED INSIDE, SEEMINGLY NOT HAVING A CARE
BUT LATE AT NIGHT, I AM HAUNTED, TAUNTED & YOU ARE WHERE?!
I ANALYSE, BLAME, FULL OF REGRET & CONTINUALLY ASK -"DID I PLAY FAIR?"


ITS ALL DONE NOW, THAT WAS THE FINAL FAREWELL
MY VERY CORE, MY ALL, MY HEART BEING TORTURED IN HELL
I SHALL TAKE TIME TO HEAL, FEEL, RETREAT INTO CRABBY SHELL
WHEN, IN TIMES YET TO COME, & I BUMP INTO YOU, MY EYES HIDE MY PAIN WELL
FOR ITS A HUGE AND BLATENT LIE THAT I'M TRYING TO SELL
PRETENDING I'VE RECOVERED, MOVED ON, FROM THAT SPELL OF WHICH I ONCE FELL


ITS ALL DONE NOW
AND TIME IS A GREAT HEALER, OR THATS WHAT SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME
I WISH I COULD TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE AND FIND MYSELF HAPPY AND FREE
BUT AT THIS MOMENT OF WRITING, I''M STILL WISHING YOU WERE HERE WITH ME
I WISH YOU COULD SEE
JUST HOW GREAT LIFE COULD BE
IF ONLY YOU COULD HAVE BELIEVED AND TRUSTED IN ME
MY LOVE WOULD HAVE SET YOUR SOUL FREE


BUT SADLY YOU DID NOT ALLOW
AND SO I HAVE TO REPEAT OUT LOUD
THATS IT, ITS ALL DONE NOW
YOU ARE ONCE MORE JUST A NAMELESS FACE IN A CROWD

ITS ALL DONE NOW
SHOUT IT OUT LOUD
KRISTIE BE PROUD
YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND

ON DAY HE'LL SEE JUST WHAT HE HAD FOUND
WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN HIS, IF ONLY HIS HEART HAD ALLOWED

ITS GONE -ITS ALL DONE NOW
LET GO - LEARN & GROW -FOR YOU KNOW
ITS ALL DONE - ALL GONE

24.07.07 - by Kristie Townsend
3 October 2009 at 17:36

In a darkened pit
a space in which I seem to fit
despair, fear, my escorts here
and paranoia chased hard at my rear

been given a label
a title, of which I am quite able
to stick upon my frowning forehead
whilst still wishing I was dead

suicidial emotions
irrational words spoken
secret ritual, daily self harm
like starvation and cutting my arm

plaster on that fake grin
take it all on my chin
never to surrender, never to give in
for I am merely another child borne of sin

Where is my Mummy?
Where is my Mummy?
The terrified child asked, each and every night
Where is my Mummy?
without her I am afraid, please don't turn out the light
Where is my Mummy?
I'm scared...is she alright?
Where is my Mummy??
I am frightened, I need her to hold me tight
Where is my Mummy??
I really do miss her so
Where is my Mummy?
Where did she have to go?
Where is my Mummy?
Why did she not kiss me goodbye?
Where is my Mummy?
tell me please, and this time don't lie
Where has my Mummy gone?
did she leave cos I was naughty? did I do something wrong?
Where is my Mummy?
Tell me, will my Mummy be gone for long?
Doesn't my mummy love me? can she hear me cry?
Why did God choose my Mummy to live with the angels in the sky?
So many kisses & cuddles, yet to give to my Mummy, but now, how can I?
I see no stairway to heaven, and no wings have to fly
Is it because I wasn't a good little girl, Oh how, really hard, I did try
Where is my Mummy??
When will my Mummy be coming back?
Without her love, I am exposed, I am easy to attack
My Mummy did protect me, she made up for that we lack
My Mummy always took so much s**t and she never gave it back
Where are you Mummy??
I search for you everywhere
can you hear me Mummy??
can you hear my heartbroken prayer??
Mummy, Mummy where are you???
Nana said you'd gone to see baby Paul in heaven, is that true??
Grandad said that you were tired and needed a bit of a rest

I asked why didn't mummy have a lie down?? she could have used my bed
Robin sighed, looked straight into my eyes and said "Kristie, our mummy is dead"
The room is spinning Mummy and I feel really, really sick
Come and kiss me better Mummy, I really need you
Mummy please come now, I beg you, come quick
but in my heart, I know, my Mummy isn't coming back
My Mummy really has gone
I don't have a Mummy - She couldn't keep fighting on
I have nothing, I have no one - Maternal Love went wrong
I tell everyone and anyone - I don't have a Mummy anymore
I cry and cry for my Mummy - until my eyes and throat are sore, red raw
but it doesn't do me any good, Mummy doesn't live with us anymore
and gone are Mummy's hugs, kisses & smiles galore
Goodnight Mummy, I hope that you have a really nice sleep
I will always love you Mummy, and your memory alive, I shall keep
I promise you Mummy, I shall try not to cry
For your star I shall seek, wishing & wondering why
I blow to you and Baby Paul many kisses, Mummy
I blow them hard and way up high
I shall see you again, one day mummy
To you I will not ever, say goodbye
So many years have passed now Mummy,
Since you had to go away
and your only daughter still misses you
and needs you, each and every single day
I have to ask you though Mummy -
cos still on mind it does play
Why Mummy?? Why??
Why did you go away?
Why, Mummy, why?? -
Did you not love me enough to stay??

In Memory of My Mummy, SYLVIA LUCY LEDWITH (RIP 17.06.81)
#suicide   #dying   #death