Thinking About …Jealousy

I don’t sense envy in me -
But sense jealousy
Given the right (or always wrong) occasion
Why?
The past disloyalties?
A guilt? The lies?
A deep and hidden narcissism?
Is it them that I surmise?

A sickly need to own –
To call someone my own
When I, in fact have known
That no one, nothing is my own?

Does it begin in fantasy?
One asks the question
Wherefrom, why from
Comes that special gallery
Of idle fancy?

If the simile is ‘green’ with envy,
What then color jealousy?
Red, brown, orange, pink or blue?
Perhaps there is no hue
In color’s range
To chronicle that landscape and its danger!

Thus adding one more deadly sin
To slot into the other seven:
Is it…could they be akin
To chilling, killing, love destroying jealousy?

Thinking About…Jealousy 9.18.2016
Pure Nakedness;
Arlene Corwin

I watch the chatter of long time friends
The jealousy's blooming
It will never end
The thing that's always been there that refuses to let go
This ***** named jealousy is the only friend I know.

We're all told to be careful
It's been known to break some hearts
In the mad rush to be helpful
The jealousy of love

It'll slip up on you in a frenzy
Ripping out your foolish heart
When you least expect you have the need
The jealousy of love

How many times have you been warned
Far more often than not
And yet here you are back at the door
The jealousy of love

Like a fruit, forbidden you
Bitter to the tongue
As it sits in wait to make its move
The jealousy of love

Caught up in the dilemma
Do you stay or move along
With no one the clear winner
The jealousy of love

Obviously he's more successful cause everyone supports what he does
And me I'm sitting here in jealousy and envy just cause because
Be happy be happy cause you have everything you need
While i sit here with jealousy envy and greed

She reaches for him, but he turns away, or at least it always feels that way.
She feels so lonely every day, never knowing what to say.
What to say to him to make him understand, all she wants to do is hold his hand.
To be the one that he kisses goodnight, the one that he loves with all his might.
But she knows that no matter what she could say, he is still looking at the other girl that way.
She’s starting to turn green in the brain, jealousy brings nothing but pain.
She wishes she felt different, that she could be a better friend, but that little green monster seems to be around every bend.
She’s so hurt, lost, and terribly confused; she has no clue what else to do.
Her head keeps telling her she’s who he needs, now that jealousy has started mixing with greed.
She wants to keep him for herself, he doesn’t need that other girl, she wishes she could help.
But the simple truth is she’s only making it worse, her jealousy has gotten the best of her.
Now if only I could see, this jealousy has made a mess of me.
This was never who I wanted to be, but that little green monster has me under lock and key.
I try to run away, I try to hide, but that monster has gotten inside, and now there is no way I could flee.
I’ve become a monster, the monster is me.

Sweet envy,
I'm envious of how she was blessed by the gods to have looked into your eyes, eye to eye. To study their color and watch how they look when you lie.
She knows the way you blink and how you close them when you sleep at night.
I hate thinking how you've both spent some nights.
The thought of her taking granted of breathing the same air as you boils my blood.
I'm jealous of how she was able to graze her fingers upon your skin, let them travel across your back
and how her hand once held yours... only to foolishly, finally and thankfully let them go.
I curse and bless the day she broke your heart.
I curse each day that I have to live with this jealousy.

Holy jealousy,
I'm jealous of the kind of jealousy you've made her feel, like when you would glance at another girl when you're together.
Or how you'd talk to a girl in a cafe or bookstore when you thought she wasn't looking over her shoulder.
Or how you'd talk to anyone about anything at all without uttering her name.
I'm jealous of how you two probably used to stand across each other in a room and throw blames.
I could imagine countless of scenarios but then
I also imagine I'm the one feeling that too.
I can take that any day, as long as we're together too.
Because the only jealousy I feel is jealousy of your past. This fiery envy towards your history.

****** history,
I'm reading into every words you said like memoirs and piecing every excerpt trying to look for answers. Answer as to how and whyㅡhow she broke your heart and why she did it.
Would you change a thing about everything you did?
I ask and scream these questions to the moonlight.
Yet if you tell me and show me the answers yourself, there's not a single battle that I would win and fight.
Yet I search for clues in every old photo, in every message and through my sly, secret ways.
Must I scour every corner and highway?
So I can come up with answers to my own 'how and why'? How can I mend your broken heart?
Why do I love you this much?

Because above all, I am a revolutionary.
I acknowledge my envy, work through my jealousy and respect your history.
But then again, with every dark history comes the need for revolution and change.
And I am the catalyst who will spearhead that game.
I am your new age.
I am your renaissance.
I am your vengeance, nirvana, revolution and everything at once.

What has me?
Jealousy
Jealousy ruins
Everything.

I am jealousy you bestfriend,
Your ex.

How can I learn how to cope?
I cope by telling you.
How do you respond?
Your jealous of Erica?

It didn't help me one bit.
In fact it made it all worse.
Why?
Trying to cope now.
No help by you.
The one I love.