You see Rodney was a shy person  where everybody wants to play with him and this made his parents happy thinking Rodney has friends, you see Rodney was sharing his toys he got for his birthday with them and they gave away the item their family were giving him for
Birthdays and Christmas and
Then Rodney thought I have friends mate I Have friends
And then one guy said this shy dude is not like us and the next day he stole his lunch money and when Rodney stared at him
Thinking why aren't you nice like me but Jr. Didn't say that though and then he ignored his signals and went away to tell everyone to tease him but not in the normal run of the mill family way no, the way we will tease him is we will make him feel like he one of us and this will make his father jitter and cause a little situation between him and his father mainly being about protection and Rodney was thinking why has dad changed his way of acting I am making friends at school
They all hated what that big dude did to me but Rodney's dad said don't be a fool Rodney
Don't be a god forsaken fool
They are taking advantage of your shyness and Rodney thought his mates would like him better if he teased his father and hoping his father is wrong about his worries about the other young people but
As Rodney went to school he met Jacob who was really weird because he was getting to know him but the way he clutched his teeth saying be cool be cool but then when the group walked past and teased Rodney and Jacob urged them on saying yeah dudes and then he said to Rodney be cool
I realise those young dudes are big and tough but in this day and age we can't fight them off
But Jacob only said that to Rodney because Jacob wanted those teasing bullies to like him
And Rodney was just a bad smell who should ******* but Jacob said he was cool and made Rodney think he was cool
And then Jacob said be cool and went off to play with the bullies ya know teasing all the geeks and nerds and the autistic people who love to fight
Each other and Rodney went to the library to read and study for his test and he saw Jacob but he looked tough as if he didn't want to give Rodney the time of day and this made Rodney scared of Jacob but there was a soft spot just in case Jacob said be cool, you see Rodney was wondering why Jacob said be cool and the teachers who seem to Rodney's eyes were favouring the bullies and this made Rodney appear to be too shy to express himself and this started a long line of teasing for Rodney and unknown to Rodney the teasing was organised by Jacob because Jacob was jealous because he never went to Rodney's birthday parties and the kids were reaching into Rodney's back pocket to get his wallet and they put drawing pins on his chair and one guy named Peter stuck a drawing pin in his *** because you see Rodney only really opened up to certain people and also Peter Stoke the poster from his TV guide wrecking the entire book and Jacob said I don't want to go to Rodney 's house anyway and Rodney was very scared and started to jitter and his smart manly sticking up for himself thing was turning to voices saying your not a man
You are too Woosey to be a man and Rodney hated this
Because he played sports and he listened to cool music and he teased his parents what more do you want me to do
And Jacob said yeah In a real
Smart *** kind of a way and Rodney started to become scared of people and the only way to beat this scared feeling
He had to try and be like Jacob
Because Rodney was unaware
That Jacob was organising that these bullies just teased Rodney and some dudes said
You are just getting teased Rodney you see you are not getting mucked with you are not a cool kid you are not as cool as your brother and you are not famous because we are teasing you differently to the others Woosey and you are not like Jacob either ok
So, Rodney
Get teased mate
And this made Rodney's father really worried because he really loved Rodney but he was surprised Rodney was acting like such a fool and Jacob
Was sitting in his lounge room watching TV saying I feel really good about myself because I told everyone to tease Rodney and they did and then Jacob said to Rodney
I am a real family person Rodney and you are a hooligan
But really Rodney was getting tired of Jacob and the other kids teasing him at school
But Jacob didn't care and said
Mr shy person Rodney I am not your daddy I am not your cotton picking daddy so don't try and come to me for protection because I will do it again
Just do your homework
Play your computer game and
Don't **** with us ok and Rodney was very upset and took some of his raiders socks and ******* a boy who looked like Jacob  and said you will suffer forever and Jacob and
One school mate laughed at Rodney and Rodney saw that and Jacob tried to cover it up
By trying to pretend like he ****** cares and then this guy who nicked his lunch money said don't be shy mate just go out and be like us be like us be like us and Rodney said don't say mate his name is Rodney
You see Rodney isn't a fucken man and then Rodney's father was starting to give up on helping his son and Rodney wanted to get on with his life
But he became scared that those bullies are going to force a slowdown and Jacobs voice was planted in his head to tease him

Jacob awoke early in the morning on Sunday and stretched out his limbs beneath the flannel sheets on his bed before carelessly tossing them to the side and off of his body. Jacob sat up and half yawned before catching a whiff of his own morning breath and cracked a slight smile and smacked his lips together in disgust. He stood up and after adjusting himself walked down the stairs to his kitchen where a *** of coffee was already brewing having been programmed to do the night before. When the coffee was done percolating, he poured himself a cup in a mug that a student who had graduated years ago had given to him for his help with her English Lit thesis. Jacob drank his coffee black and could not understand why anyone would ruin the taste by mixing it with sugars and cream. But again he thought that of he were truthful he didnt understand much about people at all anymore anyway. He was out of touch with the outside world after his wife had passed away a little less than a year ago. She always kept him up to date with current events and trends, always made sure to keep him social. And without her around he had become a hermit only leaving the house to occasionally show up for work or go on hunting or fishing trips alone.

Always alone.

Today Jacob decided that he would spend the better half of the morning catching up on the world around him as he walked to his front door and opened it wide letting a bright vast amount of sunshine in nearly blinding him before his eyes adjusted. On his front porch was a stack of newspapers from everyday for the past three weeks. Jacob took the top five off of the stack and went back inside to his kitchen table and sat down after making a second cup of coffee, this time adding a splash of Kentucky bourbon. He unfolded the top section of the first newspaper and skimmed the headlines trying to catch something that would hold his attention. There was war, casualties, politics; none of which he felt like stomaching on this early morning.

He flipped to the comics and scanned the panels, laughing a silent chuckle at Garfield and a few others but folded the paper back up in disgust and tossed it towards the pile of other papers when nothing caught his attention longer than a couple of seconds.

Jacob sipped his coffee and stared into the dark black liquid until he saw his reflection staring back at him. He was disheveled, could use a shave and a haircut. His eyes, always the brightest blue, now looked dull grey, bloodshot, and sunken slightly into his forehead causing his eyebrows to become a prominent feature on his face. He wondered when the last time he had seen himself was but could not recall. He stared at the reflection and did not recognize the man staring back at him so he started to talk to him like a lost friend that he had not seen since the early stages of childhood.

Jacob caught up with the black coffee version of himself, handling both sides of the conversation in slightly different voices discussing his life story since they had last parted. How he met his future wife early in high school and how they could not stand each other initially, went to college on a football scholarship but fell in love with the English department and academia as a whole, how his girlfriend became his fiancé when he proposed to her while on vacation in upper Vermont, how they were married on a sandy beach in Hawaii hours before a hurricane came and the island was evacuated. He told his reflection about his three children - two boys and a girl - and how they had grown up, how he had finally got tenure at his alma mater, how his wife had succumbed to the cancer that had plagued her for the last few years of her life...he stopped at this part of the conversation and stared once again at the coffee and past his reflection. The coffee rippled from a tear that had been welling up in his left eye before slowly falling down his cheek into the coffee. Jacob stood up with the cup in his hand and emptied it out in the sink.

He rested his hands along the linoleum countertops and peered out the kitchen window, watching the breeze make the small birch tree branches sway and dance gracefully. He thought to call his children and see how they were doing but remembered that it was still too early in the morning in their part of the country. The sun was now shining in the backyard and if he looked hard enough he could see birds landing in his grass to eat worms and insects before flying back off to where they came or to where they were going. Jacob wished silently that he could be a bird and just fly away.

"There's no sense in all this dwelling," he heard a voice say from out of nowhere. For a moment he stood very still and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up before he realized the voice was his own. He did not know he had spoken but knew that it had been said and tho he did not quite feel it, he knew it too be true as well. Jacob let a heavy sigh leave his body and felt a change come over him that started in his outer limbs before spreading inward. He felt a renewal of energy cling to his life.

Jacob went back upstairs to the bathroom and once again studied his face in the mirror. His beard was salt and pepper and he decided it looked rather good on him but needed a trim. He removed the beard trimmer from one of the cabinets and put on a number three guard, trimmed the hair, then replaced the guard with a number two and trimmed again. He looked at the beard and admired the length, color, and thickness and decided that it was how he wanted it.

Next he looked at his hair and tho he needed a haircut he decided to just brush it back and to the side holding the unruly pieces back with a small amount of pomade.

Jacob's grey eyes began to lighten to a sky blue.

He walked to his room and found the cleanest clothes he could find: a pair of blue jeans, fitted black tshirt, and a dark blue button down blazer. He addressed himself in the mirror hanging on the door after dressing and thought to himself that he looked quite respectable and felt very much like a gentleman.

Jacob looked at the photo of his wife on the dresser and smiled at the memories that he cherished deeply of her and his hand drifted towards it and his fingers gently traced the outline of her cheek. He smiled again when he felt the tear roll down his cheek and he knew that he was okay and that everything was okay. It was the most alive he had felt in months.

The was once a person whose name was
Jacob,
he thought he had everything worked out in his life,
he was a genius and he didn't care
about love neither did he care about family.
He thought he figured his life out,
he thought he was better than everyone else.
The genius got to his head,
to the point where he thought too much.
He became paranoid thinking everyone was after his ideas.
Ideas that took Einstein and Edison,
to the list of failures in the eyes of the world.

Often enough he would always bump into people,
who gave him advice,
different people different times of the day.
"This is how you should live your life Jacob,
this is how you should talk,
this is how you should dress & behave."
Jacob listened to these people,
and that's what got him where he is today.
Was he lucky?
Would he have been as intelligent as he is if he wouldn't have?
A wise man told him:
"Take a look around Jacob,
Each person you see,
has a story to tell.
Each person bleeds the way you bleed,
each person suffers the way you suffer.
Everyone you see,
has a heart and a soul.
But you see Jacob,
What you can't always see,
is that these people have a problem.
Behind the smiles,
behind the jokes,
& the lauhghter.
Every single one of them has a different problem,
but these problems aren't like simple math equations.
Some are angry, some are sad, some are too happy all
the ******* time and when misery hits them
they're on the verge of suicide because
life suddenly isn't what it seems to be."
"Why are you telling me this old man?" He responded,
"Because you are the same as all these people." Said the wise man.

After the wise man told him this,
Jacob walked away,
got home, sat down and thought about his life in the eyes of others.
He came to the conclusion that he did have a problem,
and it's that all he thinks about is himself,
his successes,
he tries so hard to be a certain person,
but forgets who he really is.
He tries so hard to be better than everyone else,
but when he sees someone who is poor, with clothes that are
wrecked and with a family
he can see that this person is struggling and at that
moment he becomes saddened that these are the people
he looks down upon.
Jacob then sits down on his bed,
lays his head on his pillow and continues to think until he falls asleep.

That same night Jacob had a dream.
He was naked with no clothes,
hungry with no food.
Starving and around him there were people eating each other because
the world had been overcome by disease
and all the animals have died because of this.
Everywhere he looked there was death,
he looked at the ocean and it was covered in blood,
the skies covered by all the smoke from the fires around him.
The rich kicked out the poor and made cities for themselves
and their family.
Jacob was scared and did not know what to do until a Canibal
slashed his neck with a machete.

He then woke up,
breathing heavily asking himself
what the **** did i just dream ?
When he woke up he couldn't go back to sleep,
it was 4 in the morning ,
he went out and went to the place where he met the old man.
He saw the old man,
homeless and hungry,
he saw they was a nearby gasoline station,
he went in and got him a sandwich,
he handed it to the poor old wise man,
and the wise man said:
"I don't need your pity,
and i don't desire to be taken care of by those
who put down others because of what they look like,
go away."
"Wait a minute, i know now what you meant i had a dream
where i saw people suffering and chaos.
I saw a family who was poor the other day but they were still happy, why were they smiling?" asked Jacob,
The poor old wise man responder,
"What you see in your dream is only a tiny picture of reality,
whatever is in our mind could one day become true. The reason
those people were smiling is because they may not have
all the money in the world, they may not even have a roof over their head or a pillow to sleep on. But they are happy to be alive and together,
in this condition it's when you hold on dearly to your own life and the lives
of the people you love because it could be stripped away
from you one day. When you have all the money in the world, what will
there be next? Money doesn't make you unhuman, you will be the same exact person as these people are, with a problem, you'll still bleed the same as everyone else, you'll smile and frown the same as everyone else,
but who is the weak one, the one who was poor, became rich, kept his money and has ever only thought about himself, or the one who was rich
and gave all his money to those in need until he became poor?"

Jacob then realized that this is what this man had done.

We had wanted to leave our homes before six in the morning
but left late and lazy at ten or ten-thirty with hurried smirks
and heads turned to the road, West
driving out against the noonward horizon
and visions before us of the great up-and-over

and tired we were already of stiff-armed driving neurotics in Montreal
and monstrous foreheaded yellow bus drivers
ugly children with long middle fingers
and tired we were of breaking and being yelled at by beardless bums
but thought about the beards at home we loved
and gave a smile and a wave nonetheless

Who were sick and tired of driving by nine
but then had four more hours still
with half a tank
then a third of a tank
then a quarter of a tank
then no tank at all
except for the great artillery halt and discovery
of our tyre having only three quarters of its bolts

Saved by the local sobriety
and the mystic conscious kindness of the wise and the elderly
and the strangers: Autoshop Gale with her discount familiar kindness;
Hilda making ready supper and Ray like I’ve known you for years
that offered me tools whose functions I’ve never known
and a handshake goodbye

     and "yes we will say hello to your son in Alberta"
     and "yes we will continue safely"
     and "no you won’t see us in tomorrow’s paper"
     and tired I was of hearing about us in tomorrow’s paper

Who ended up on a road laughing deliverance
in Ralphton, a small town hunting lodge
full of flapjacks and a choir of chainsaws
with cheap tomato juice and eggs
but the four of us ended up paying for eight anyway

and these wooden alley cats were nothing but hounds
and the backwoods is where you’d find a cheap child's banjo
and cheap leather shoes and bear traps and rat traps
and the kinds of things you’d fall into face first

Who sauntered into a cafe in Massey
that just opened up two weeks previous
where the food was warm and made from home
and the owner who swore to high heaven
and piled her Sci-Fi collection to the ceiling
in forms of books and VHS

but Massey herself was drowned in a small town
where there was little history and heavy mist
and the museum was closed for renovations
and the stores were run by diplomats
or sleezebag no-cats
and there was one man who wouldn’t show us a room
because his baby sitter hadn’t come yet
but the babysitter showed up through the backdoor within seconds
though I hadn't seen another face

        and the room was a landfill
        and smelled of stale cat **** anyhow
        and the lobby stacked to the ceiling with empty beer box cans bottles
        and the taps ran cold yellow and hot black through spigots

but we would be staying down the street
at the inn of an East-Indian couple

who’s eyes were not dilated 
and the room smelled
lemon-scented

and kept on driving lovingly without a care in the world
but only one of us had his arms around a girl
and how lonely I felt driving with Jacob
in the fog of the Agawa pass;

following twin red eyes down a steep void mass
where the birch trees have no heads
and the marshes pool under the jagged foothills
that climb from the water above their necks

that form great behemoths
with great voices bellowing and faces chiselled hard looking down
and my own face turned upward toward the rain

Wheels turning on a black asphalt river running uphill around great Superior
that is the ocean that isn’t the ocean but is as big as the sea
and the cloud banks dig deep and terrible walls

and the sky ends five times before night truly falls
and the sun sets slower here than anywhere
but the sky was only two miles high and ten long anyway

The empty train tracks that seldom run
and some rails have been lifted out
with a handful of spikes that now lay dormant

and the hill sides start to resemble *******
or faces or the slow curving back of some great whale

-and those, who were finally stranded at four pumps
with none but the professional Jacob reading great biblical instructions at the nozzle
nowhere at midnight in a town surrounded

by moose roads
                             moose lanes
                                                     moose rivers
and everything mooses

ending up sleeping in the maw of a great white wolf inn
run by Julf or Wolf or John but was German nonetheless

and woke up with radios armed
and arms full
and coffee up to the teeth
with teeth chattering
and I swear to God I saw snowy peaks
but those came to me in waking dream:

"Mountains dressed in white canvas
gowns and me who placed
my hands upon their *******
that filled the sky"

Passing through a buffet of inns and motels
and spending our time unpacking and repacking
and talking about drinking and cheap sandwiches
but me not having a drink in eight days

and in one professional inn we received a professional scamming
and no we would not be staying here again
and what would a trip across the country be like
if there wasn’t one final royal scamming to be had

and dreams start to return to me from years of dreamless sleep:

and I dream of hers back home
and ribbons in a raven black lattice of hair
and Cassadaic exploits with soft but honest words

and being on time with the trains across the plains  
and the moon with a shower of prairie blonde
and one of my father with kind words
and my mother on a bicycle reassuring my every decision

Passing eventually through great plains of vast nothingness
but was disappointed in seeing that I could see
and that the rumours were false
and that nothingness really had a population
and that the great flat land has bumps and curves and etchings and textures too

beautiful bright golden yellow like sprawling fingers
white knuckled ablaze reaching up toward the sun
that in this world had only one sky that lasted a thousand years

and prairie driving lasts no more than a mountain peak
and points of ember that softly sigh with the one breath
of our cars windows that rushes by with gratitude for your smile

And who was caught up with the madness in the air
with big foaming cigarettes in mouths
who dragged and stuffed down those rolling fumes endlessly
while St. Jacob sang at the way stations and billboards and the radio
which was turned off

and me myself and I running our mouth like the coughing engine
chasing a highway babe known as the Lady Valkyrie out from Winnipeg
all the way to Saskatoon driving all day without ever slowing down
and eating up all our gas like pez and finally catching her;

      Valkyrie who taught me to drive fast
      and hovering 175 in slipstreams
      and flowing behind her like a great ghost Cassady ******* in dreamland Nebraska
      only 10 highway crossings counted from home.

Lady Valkyrie who took me West.
Lady Valkyrie who burst my wings into flame as I drew a close with the sun.
Lady Valkyrie who had me howl at slender moon;

     who formed as a snowflake
     in the light on the street
     and was gone by morning
     before I asked her name

and how are we?
and how many?

Even with old Tom devil singing stereo
and riding shotgun the entire trip from day one
singing about his pony, and his own personal flophouse circus,
and what was he building in there?

There is a fair amount of us here in these cars.
Finally at light’s end finding acquiescence in all things
and meeting with her eye one last time; flashed her a wink and there I was, gone.
Down the final highway crossing blowing wind and fancy and mouth puttering off
roaring laughter into the distance like some tremendous Phoenix.

Goodnight Lady Valkyrie.

The evening descends and turns into a sandwich hysteria
as we find ourselves riding between cities of transports
and that one mad man that passed us speeding crazy
and almost hit head-on with Him flowing East

and passed more and more until he was head of the line
but me driving mad lunacy followed his tail to the bumper
passing fifteen trucks total to find our other car
and felt the great turbine pull of acceleration that was not mine

mad-stacked behind two great beasts
and everyone thought us moon-crazy; Biblical Jake
and Mad Hair Me driving a thousand
eschewing great gusts of wind speed flying

Smashing into the great ephedrine sunset haze of Saskatoon
and hungry for food stuffed with the thoughts of bedsheets
off the highway immediately into the rotting liver of dark downtown
but was greeted by an open Hertz garage
with a five-piece fanfare brass barrage
William Tell and a Debussy Reverie
and found our way to bedsheets most comfortably

Driving out of Saskatoon feeling distance behind me.
Finding nothing but the dead and hollow corpses of roadside ventures;

more carcasses than cars
and one as big as a moose
and one as big as a bear
and no hairier

and driving out of sunshine plain reading comic book strip billboards
and trees start to build up momentum
and remembering our secret fungi in the glove compartment
that we drove three thousand kilometres without remembering

and we had a "Jesus Jacob, put it away brother"
and went screaming blinded by smoke and paranoia
and three swerves got us right
and we hugged the holy white line until twilight

And driving until the night again takes me foremast
and knows my secret fear in her *****
as the road turns into a lucid *** black and makes me dizzy
and every shadow is a moose and a wildcat and a billy goat
and some other car

and I find myself driving faster up this great slanderous waterfall until I meet eye
with another at a thousand feet horizontal

then two eyes

then a thousand wide-eyed peaks stretching faces upturned to the celestial black
with clouds laid flat as if some angel were sleeping ******* on a smokestack
and the mountains make themselves clear to me after waiting a lifetime for a glimpse
then they shy away behind some old lamppost and I don’t see them until tomorrow

and even tomorrow brings a greater distance with the sunlight dividing stone like 'The Ancient of Days'
and moving forward puts all into perspective

while false cabins give way
and the gas stations give way
and the last lamppost gives way
and its only distance now that will make you true
and make your peaks come alive

Like a bullrush, great grey slopes leap forth as if branded by fire
then the first peaks take me by surprise
and I’m told that these are nothing but children to their parents
and the roads curve into a gentle valley
and we’re in the feeding zone

behind the gates of some great geological zoo
watching these lumbering beasts
finishing up some great tribal *******
because tomorrow they will be shrunk
and tomorrow ever-after smaller

Nonetheless, breathless in turn I became
it began snowing and the pines took on a different shape
and the mountains became covered white
and great glaciers could be seen creeping
and tourists seen gawking at waterfalls and waterfowls
and fowl play between two stones a thousand miles high

climbing these Jasper slopes flying against wind and stone
and every creak lets out its gentle tone and soft moans
as these tyres rub flat against your back
your ancient skin your rock-hard bones

and this peak is that peak and it’s this one too
and that’s Temple, and that’s Whistler
and that’s Glasgow and that’s Whistler again
and those are the Three Sisters with ******* ablaze

and soft glowing haze your sun sets again among your peaks
and we wonder how all these caves formed
and marvelled at what the flood brought to your feet
as roads lay wasted by the roadside

in the epiphany of 3:00am realizing
that great Alta's straights and highway crossings
are formed in torturous mess from mines of 'Mt. Bleed'
and broken ribs and liver of crushed mountain passes
and the grey stones taxidermied and peeled off
and laid flat painted black and yellow;
the highways built from the insides
of the mountain shells

Who gave a “What now. New-Brunswick?”

and a “What now, Quebec, and Ontario, and Manitoba, and Saskatchewan";
**** fools clumsily dancing in the valleys; then the rolling hills; then the sea that was a lake
then the prairies and not yet the mountains;

running naked in formation with me at the lead
and running naked giving the finger to the moon
and the contrails, and every passing blur on the highway
dodging rocks, and sandbars
and the watchful eye of Mr. and Mrs. Law
and holes dug-up by prairie dogs
and watching with no music
as the family caravans drove on by

but drove off laughing every time until two got anxious for bed and slowed behind
while the rambling Jacob and I had to wait in the half-moon spectacle
of a black-tongue asphalt side-road hacking darts and watching for grizzlies
for the other two to finish up with their birthday *** exploits
though it was nobodies birthday

and then a timezone was between us
 and they were in the distant future
and nobodies birthday was in an hour from now

then everything was good
and everyone was satiated
then everything was a different time again
and I was running on no sleep or a lot of it
leaping backward in time every so often
like gaining a new day but losing space on the surface of your eye

but I stared up through curtains of starlight to mother moon
and wondered if you also stared
and was dumbfounded by the majesty of it all

and only one Caribou was seen the entire trip
and only one live animal, and some forsaken deer
and only a snake or a lonesome caterpillar could be seen crossing such highway straights
but the water more refreshing and brighter than steel
and glittered as if it were hiding some celestial gem
and great ravines and valleys flowed between everything
and I saw in my own eye prehistoric beasts roaming catastrophe upon these plains
but the peaks grew ever higher and I left the ground behind

Oh what joy.
A little boy.
Jacob so happy.
A cheerful chappie.

Paul Butters