athymia:
1. the absence of emotion; morbid impassivity.
exhibit A.
she passes through tunnels of silken sheets and wind chambers with gusts that leave trails of kisses. she lives in a dream. when their lips met for the first time, she looked into his eyes with a question and he didn't say yes to take a crash course on the beating of her heart. he took advantage of the moment, unwary of the precarious nature of his words and actions. but wide-eyed and naive she said yes, because it is a word the vulnerable mutter all too frequently with uncommon ease. they are still an entity, but unbeknownst to her lies a world of secrets she has yet to discover about him. lies. he doesn't love her, he is still confused. yet he keeps the charade going like a mastermind. if you can't have the one you love, love the one you’re with. she continues to paint daisies on the walls and on her wrists. everything is perfect.
exhibit B.
physics says that force times distance is equal to work. she's more of a science ****** than anything, and i am not talking about breaking bad in the slightest. no one wants to do anything in the dead of winter because it is as frigid as the underbelly of a monarch penguin, but she moves as fast as a monarch butterfly on her quest for his heart. she's fallen victim to one of the most powerful spells of levitation, and we wait until the efficacy of gravity strikes. we wait so she can learn her lesson, that science cannot teach you the ways of the heart, that you can have as many late night conversations, warm embraces, and clandestine glances as possible, and it could still predict naught of the future. she has yet to learn this, and she also has yet to say "i'm sorry." and this, i wait for, but i will not hold my breath.
exhibit C.
stung. she has been stung by the harbinger of indecision. she dreams of a beautiful world that carries with it the love she needs, but it is by vicious nature for her to reject others and feel dejected. she does not stare at happiness at first, but she stares at potential. pretty little potential with a ribbon on top, glimmering in the dusk. she does nothing but question it ceaselessly until it shrinks away like the wrap used to encase it. he is potential. so was that guy, and the guy before, and so on and so forth until we reach the factorial of four. she was never good at math, but she could count up all her insecurities like simple addition and simply subtracted people in her life thereafter if they made her feel the slightest of some way she thought she shouldn't. but at the end of the night she is on the cusps of complacency, twining fingers with memories that dance with her until the sun stretches awake. cheating apathy with reflection.
exhibit D.
he remembers the teasing lilt in her voice and blue ribbon she set in the back of her hair ("it's more of a cerulean, don't you think?"), and conjuring the images of her within his clouded mind is elementary biology. he places the vinyl in the record player, and plays "no surprises." not his favorite, but when he knows it was hers. he sits on his bed and the each note hits him in a different part of his body, and he keeps withdrawing from the memory bank. they're slow dancing in his room, her gentle laugh at his missteps is glitter cascading to the floor, and soon their bodies are shifting in a foreign way and he later wakes feeling the weight of starlight nestled upon his chest. then the sky turns red. not maroon or soft sunset but a flash of pure red. the hands of the clock twist to form sequences of circles, the calendar pages turn like a bestseller. he says things he doesn't mean to girls who yearn to hear them, and his hands guide their way through jungles with quicksand and a sahara with no oasis. needless to say, everything has changed. he recalls the careful penmanship on the letter she wrote, and they are standing face to face at the bus stop issuing quiet goodbyes. the record ends but the images are bright and vivid. funny how piano keys, though simply black and white, bleed thousands of audible colors. he mulls this over until he enters slumber.
wrote this so long ago i have to wrack my mind to remember who it's about