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Santiago Nov 2015
TU FIDELIDAD ES GRANDE
TU FIDELIDAD INCOMPARABLE ES
NADIE COMO TU BENDITO DIOS
GRANDE ES TU FIDELIDAD

TU FIDELIDAD ES GRANDE
TU FIDELIDAD INCOMPARABLE ES
NADIE COMO TU BENDITO DIOS
GRANDE ES TU FIDELIDAD

TU FIDELIDAD ES GRANDE
TU FIDELIDAD INCOMPARABLE ES
NADIE COMO TU BENDITO DIOS
GRANDE ES TU FIDELIDAD

TU FIDELIDAD ES GRANDE
TU FIDELIDAD INCOMPARABLE ES
NADIE COMO TU BENDITO DIOS
GRANDE ES TU FIDELIDAD

TU FIDELIDAD ES GRANDE
TU FIDELIDAD INCOMPARABLE ES
NADIE COMO TU BENDITO DIOS
GRANDE ES TU FIDELIDAD

GRANDE ES TU FIDELIDAD
GRANDE ES TU FIDELIDAD
Santiago Nov 2015
[Chino Grande]

Ese I Knew This Ruca
She Was Deadly As Sin
Got The Varrio So Sprung
Everybody Would Hit
Without A Passport
She Would Enter The Zone
And Break-Up
What You Thought Was A Happy Home
Mis Camaradas
Would Fight Amongst Themselves
And Then She Touched Another Ruca
It Would Start With A Blast
And She Undressed
Hot Dripping Sweaty *** ***
And If I Spoke Out Of Context
Forgive Me Ese
But She Would Make A Grown Man
Forget Of His Wife
Or Maybe Send Him To The Pinta
For The Rest Of His Life
It’ll Make A Soldier Or Country
Forget Of Their Flag
While These Women Sell Their Body
For A 10 Dollar Bag
That’s Awitado
That’s What I Am Right Now
Cause I Seen Ya All Over People
On The Stairway To Hell
It’s So Explicit
What The Cultura Holds
But I Guess Ain’t No One Carin’
Till We Killing Our Own

[Chino Grande - Hook]

It’s Kinda Sad Homie
What Were We Destined To Be?
Just A Product Of The Streets
So We Die As A Gee
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
She’s Got Toll On Your Soul
Ese No One Really Knows
What The Future Holds
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
Cause Our Kids Are Priceless
Like Emblem Dices
In A World Of Crisis
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
Turning Pale Like Ghosts
Hypnosis Unfolding
But Yeah Nobody Knows It

[Chino Grande]

She Would Make A School Boy
Forget His Books
I’ll Make A High School Prom Queen
Neglect Her Looks
It Was The Money – The Power
Its All So True
They Had An Ese Draped Up
In Them County Blues
With No Visita
Or No Money For Tienda
Only Visions Thats Embedded
Through The Brain From A Letra
She Would Make Em Go Berserk
Toss & Turn As They Call
Six Days & Unfazed
Till They Shake & Rock
Fresh Out To These Streets
She was Part Of The Speach
Her First Name’s A Myth
Until She’s Closer Reach
And All They Thought About
Is How They Miss Her Now
She’s All Grown Up
From A Juvenile
Meanwhile
Now She Put Her Head In The Clouds
Even The ******* Men
No Longer Get Aroused
As They Search For Revenge
Through Their Arm Or Their Leg
The Government Sent It To Us
Created The Plague

[Chino Grande - Hook]

It’s Kinda Sad Homie
What Were We Destined To Be?
Just A Product Of The Streets
So We Die As A Gee
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
She’s Got Toll On Your Soul
Ese No One Really Knows
What The Future Holds
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
Cause Our Kids Are Priceless
Like Emblem Dices
In A World Of Crisis
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
Turning Pale Like Ghosts
Hypnosis Unfolding
But Yeah Nobody Knows It

[Chino Grande]

First 3 Is A Plead
Lord Help Us Please
A Generation Sprung Out
On A Deadly Disease
With Overdoses
Turning Pale Like Ghosts
Hypnosis Unfolding
But Yeah Nobody Knows It
It’s A Sign Of The Times
But It’s Easy To Smoke It
Watch The Pipe Turn Black
Cause It’s Just So Potent
Make A Little Money
Young Kids Get Molded
Introduced That Ain’t Friends
Headed Straight Up Their Noses

[Interlude Dialogue]

[Chino Grande - Hook]

It’s Kinda Sad Homie
What Were We Destined To Be?
Just A Product Of The Streets
So We Die As A Gee
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
She’s Got Toll On Your Soul
Ese No One Really Knows
What The Future Holds
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
Cause Our Kids Are Priceless
Like Emblem Dices
In A World Of Crisis
It’s Kinda Sad Homie
Turning Pale Like Ghosts
Hypnosis Unfolding
But Yeah Nobody Knows It
Victor Marques Nov 2012
Um grande amor nunca morre

Um grande amor não pode morrer,
Não pode fechar o livro sem ler…!
O vento é por vezes altivo,
Com este amor eu sempre vivo.

O amor gosta do orvalho de madrugada,
Com sua janela aberta, fechada?
Os lugares boa lembrança sempre te mostrarão,
O grande amor também vive de solidão.

Não dorme sempre em teu leito,
Pode até ser teu par perfeito?
Estradas sinuosas por vezes num só caminho,
Sorriso que se sente em menino…

Um grande amor gosta de ver a lua,
Ser verdade minha e sua,
A tristeza nos mutila e invade,
Amor que nunca acabe…

Victor Marques
amor , lembrança, solidão
Sylvene Taylor Jan 2014
Breathing in that familiar smell of sweet coffee that screams Starbucks i sit quietly inside....alone..but actually, i am accompanied by some cheap elevator music which closely resembles country, and my grande cup of thoughts. This grande cup feels more like a thousand grande cups: a possy almost. This possy fills the empty Starbucks with small talk and the soft murmur that many people usually create. This possy keeps me way more company than any other living breathing flesh.

The thought that sits closest beside me is my mask that i purchased before i could pick out my favorite colored sweater. I wear this mask every day of my life although not always at own will. its hard to admire whats staring back you every morning when your cards dont match the ones on screen. It goes like this, i feel as if i had horse like pony tail hair crawling down my black so silky and taking a skydive at my *** would make it a HELL of a lot easier to wear this mask of mine in which has the title of: MY FACE.
But what is it about the crystal blue eyes that show the rhythm of the ocean or the solidity of the sky? WHAT is it about the deep forest green or the eyes that you can see more than just the sky that is so appealing? HAVENT YOU HEARD??
"THE DARKER THE BERRY THE SWEETER THE JUICE?"

So why does it seem the whiter the paper the more in favor. the blonder the hair the greater the fair, you seem to have in life. MAYBE its the recommendations in which the tv inscribes for us. Maybe its the runway that draws the rules of beauty.
The twiggier the prettier
the fatter the more laughter you receive from people who dont even know
your ****
name.
As I stare at the reflection and into the deep pools of confusion I fish out decent..and different,
but not pretty. I never arrive at the adjective pretty when i look at the reflection staring back at me but
does it ever occur that i do not strive to be merely pretty but something more.
DO NOT and i mean DO NOT EVER
slap a label onto my forehead titled pretty.
dont slap the sticker of cute either.
find another **** sticker
that you can not find at a store, this sticker is so original that it doesn't exist, its so intricate, considered more than an antique
for I AM MORE THAN A MISSION TO ARRIVE TO PRETTY.

Do not look into my cage where I sing and call me beautiful- for its funny how that so called gift seems to be nothing but a mere sample at a beauty supply. Im not a biscuit for you cant butter me up and salt me down for ill never be your favorite dish you can take a bite out of for comfort. I am more than just a piece of meat for I am more than just an adjective for you will not be able to pick up a dictionary and collect the word that fits me best.

I am more, WE are more, we cant be thrown into a binder full of women---no, for no binder is large enough to hold the complexity of just
one. woman.

Listen to the sound, and loose it, its sweet music, and dance with me, for there is beauty in the world so much beauty in the world. But we put a parental block on it we ignore that ad
we throw away that piece as if they are the unwanted leaves to the strawberry,
or the peel to the banana---we drive by that ordinary girl.

We sadly fail to realize-fail to notice the blue skies, notice the butterflies, but you will NOT fail to notice me.
Now, Starbucks is full-full of other rocky mountain climbs and terrible tumbles. It has become a pool of not only coffee...but pools and pools and rivers and seas,
of insecurities.
sorry its long- not meant to be offensive
guy scutellaro Jul 2019
the average cost of a funeral is
$8,515

death is unaffordable for me

put me in  big oblong cardboard box

2 feet by 3 feet by 6 feet

packing list enclosed

fragile (not really)
      please handle with care

keep upright

       or

supine

send me to the
grande vide

postage due
Karijinbba Aug 2018
I should be combating
no one else but you
for who can tolerate an
arrogant tyrant man like you
sea and sky eyed
love of my life is what you are
your many defects
all your flaws are way so many
you hurt me precious love
not even you can count
them anymore
You are just like Jack for Rose in Titanic, worse then Rhett for Scarlett in Gone With the Wind
at least Rhett asked that blind, past life beauty me,
to marry him with passion in kiss
You wanted me to cry of jealousy to earn my diamond ring and beg you to marry me
like treating me like garbage
leaving me behind in need
would earn you me
for submissive wife all yours
You act more like a spoiled brat capricious child than a grown up man day in and day out
You must always all the time
Be the great conquistador
you always want to be
the winner one
You are the most selfish
and bully man
I have ever known to adore
But one fantastic thing about you
Erases all your selfish arrogances
all at once I want no other lover no other man but you you
When at the right moment
You are able to become this other outworldly other gentleman!
and I fall love with you
mad passionate ever lover mine
You transform you are the best  
crazy lover in the world
And In an instant dear beloved
You mature you get tall
an all grown-up handsome man
You get biger then larger is
and just so huge in my arms
There you see there is
this other you I adore
you make me madly
jealous
so madly in love with you I am
You make me crazy and a fool for you over and over
again
You make me sweat you make me sing and in your arms
i drip i do I do
I get drenched in sweat by you
I cry through every pore with exstasy's joy under you Ruby ivory mine that you are
some often times
you shatter me with one look
and I am put together back instantly as one, and hole again
with just one kiss
a whole new me work of art
in your arms I become
impossible to remember any sorrows past or troubles new
you have ever put me through
eons back twin soul love true
I see how all my friends are loved they seem placid and
calmer with content with their mates than I am in public view
They do not argue or constantly disagree nor fight like you
force me so often to do
They receive gifts and red roses
For their anniversary
and birthdays are a gathering
of simple bliss and joy
Their man always say "yes" to them pleasing them in All
so I tell them I am gold to you
That no favours are denied
no birthing task ever too hard
to grant my man still I cry
They never have constant disagrements convinced
every couple enjoys simple pleasures like they do
and honored by their man
They just seem to ever thrive
Instead take good look at us always fighting through it all
a clown circus event our life is
the life you give me and yet anchored to my heart forever
you remain sweety pie
While you you come and go
faithfully pounding you wave
you give me hope you are my star I drown in tears
with jealousy for you in another
womans arms
you tos me up your wildest ancient waves rip me apart
you are life to me and you are death
All our days wild days of war
I wouldn't change them though
For I am as you want me to be
Alive in your arms only I am
I survive a neglected pet
tasting only crumbs your
passionate love I do forever miss
I am dead in every other place
I hate you, then I love you,
I hate you love you I adore you
Don't ever leave me to die
Transform my grown up man
get big larger and huge
like only you can do!
You make me feel so alife
then I love you, then I hate you, then I love you all over again,
Don't ever leave me behind
I want no other man but you
You are in my arms such
giant ever green that I adore
As only you can transform
in an instant from big to large
to huge
Be grande grande grande
mi amor lay with me I love you
Take my breath away
only you I want I adore only you
I bridge the gap wailing I wait?
Be my grande grande amor
my huge ever
my sad reality.
~~~~~~~~
By:Karijinbba
Revised 07-03-19
A great lover erases all tribulations heals the soul mind heart sealing it with a kiss or with a night of mad passionate love  making like Rhett took to Scarlett up the stairs in her RED gownl oved by Rhett like never before a bitter unrequieted love unleashed sometimes taking a lover by surprise is the best cure for
unrequieted love to apeace.
Le Soleil, le foyer de tendresse et de vie,
Verse l'amour brûlant à la terre ravie,
Et, quand on est couché sur la vallée, on sent
Que la terre est nubile et déborde de sang ;
Que son immense sein, soulevé par une âme,
Est d'amour comme Dieu, de chair comme la femme,
Et qu'il renferme, gros de sève et de rayons,
Le grand fourmillement de tous les embryons !

Et tout croît, et tout monte !

- Ô Vénus, ô Déesse !
Je regrette les temps de l'antique jeunesse,
Des satyres lascifs, des faunes animaux,
Dieux qui mordaient d'amour l'écorce des rameaux
Et dans les nénufars baisaient la Nymphe blonde !
Je regrette les temps où la sève du monde,
L'eau du fleuve, le sang rose des arbres verts
Dans les veines de Pan mettaient un univers !
Où le sol palpitait, vert, sous ses pieds de chèvre ;
Où, baisant mollement le clair syrinx, sa lèvre
Modulait sous le ciel le grand hymne d'amour ;
Où, debout sur la plaine, il entendait autour
Répondre à son appel la Nature vivante ;
Où les arbres muets, berçant l'oiseau qui chante,
La terre berçant l'homme, et tout l'Océan bleu
Et tous les animaux aimaient, aimaient en Dieu !
Je regrette les temps de la grande Cybèle
Qu'on disait parcourir, gigantesquement belle,
Sur un grand char d'airain, les splendides cités ;
Son double sein versait dans les immensités
Le pur ruissellement de la vie infinie.
L'Homme suçait, heureux, sa mamelle bénie,
Comme un petit enfant, jouant sur ses genoux.
- Parce qu'il était fort, l'Homme était chaste et doux.

Misère ! Maintenant il dit : Je sais les choses,
Et va, les yeux fermés et les oreilles closes.
Et pourtant, plus de dieux ! plus de dieux ! l'Homme est Roi,
L'Homme est Dieu ! Mais l'Amour, voilà la grande Foi !
Oh ! si l'homme puisait encore à ta mamelle,
Grande mère des dieux et des hommes, Cybèle ;
S'il n'avait pas laissé l'immortelle Astarté
Qui jadis, émergeant dans l'immense clarté
Des flots bleus, fleur de chair que la vague parfume,
Montra son nombril rose où vint neiger l'écume,
Et fit chanter, Déesse aux grands yeux noirs vainqueurs,
Le rossignol aux bois et l'amour dans les coeurs !

II

Je crois en toi ! je crois en toi ! Divine mère,
Aphrodite marine ! - Oh ! la route est amère
Depuis que l'autre Dieu nous attelle à sa croix ;
Chair, Marbre, Fleur, Vénus, c'est en toi que je crois !
- Oui, l'Homme est triste et laid, triste sous le ciel vaste.
Il a des vêtements, parce qu'il n'est plus chaste,
Parce qu'il a sali son fier buste de dieu,
Et qu'il a rabougri, comme une idole au feu,
Son cors Olympien aux servitudes sales !
Oui, même après la mort, dans les squelettes pâles
Il veut vivre, insultant la première beauté !
- Et l'Idole où tu mis tant de virginité,
Où tu divinisas notre argile, la Femme,
Afin que l'Homme pût éclairer sa pauvre âme
Et monter lentement, dans un immense amour,
De la prison terrestre à la beauté du jour,
La Femme ne sait plus même être courtisane !
- C'est une bonne farce ! et le monde ricane
Au nom doux et sacré de la grande Vénus !

III

Si les temps revenaient, les temps qui sont venus !
- Car l'Homme a fini ! l'Homme a joué tous les rôles !
Au grand jour, fatigué de briser des idoles,
Il ressuscitera, libre de tous ses Dieux,
Et, comme il est du ciel, il scrutera les cieux !
L'Idéal, la pensée invincible, éternelle,
Tout ; le dieu qui vit, sous son argile charnelle,
Montera, montera, brûlera sous son front !
Et quand tu le verras sonder tout l'horizon,
Contempteur des vieux jougs, libre de toute crainte,
Tu viendras lui donner la Rédemption sainte !
- Splendide, radieuse, au sein des grandes mers
Tu surgiras, jetant sur le vaste Univers
L'Amour infini dans un infini sourire !
Le Monde vibrera comme une immense lyre
Dans le frémissement d'un immense baiser !

- Le Monde a soif d'amour : tu viendras l'apaiser.

Ô ! L'Homme a relevé sa tête libre et fière !
Et le rayon soudain de la beauté première
Fait palpiter le dieu dans l'autel de la chair !
Heureux du bien présent, pâle du mal souffert,
L'Homme veut tout sonder, - et savoir ! La Pensée,
La cavale longtemps, si longtemps oppressée
S'élance de son front ! Elle saura Pourquoi !...
Qu'elle bondisse libre, et l'Homme aura la Foi !
- Pourquoi l'azur muet et l'espace insondable ?
Pourquoi les astres d'or fourmillant comme un sable ?
Si l'on montait toujours, que verrait-on là-haut ?
Un Pasteur mène-t-il cet immense troupeau
De mondes cheminant dans l'horreur de l'espace ?
Et tous ces mondes-là, que l'éther vaste embrasse,
Vibrent-ils aux accents d'une éternelle voix ?
- Et l'Homme, peut-il voir ? peut-il dire : Je crois ?
La voix de la pensée est-elle plus qu'un rêve ?
Si l'homme naît si tôt, si la vie est si brève,
D'où vient-il ? Sombre-t-il dans l'Océan profond
Des Germes, des Foetus, des Embryons, au fond
De l'immense Creuset d'où la Mère-Nature
Le ressuscitera, vivante créature,
Pour aimer dans la rose, et croître dans les blés ?...

Nous ne pouvons savoir ! - Nous sommes accablés
D'un manteau d'ignorance et d'étroites chimères !
Singes d'hommes tombés de la vulve des mères,
Notre pâle raison nous cache l'infini !
Nous voulons regarder : - le Doute nous punit !
Le doute, morne oiseau, nous frappe de son aile...
- Et l'horizon s'enfuit d'une fuite éternelle !...

Le grand ciel est ouvert ! les mystères sont morts
Devant l'Homme, debout, qui croise ses bras forts
Dans l'immense splendeur de la riche nature !
Il chante... et le bois chante, et le fleuve murmure
Un chant plein de bonheur qui monte vers le jour !...
- C'est la Rédemption ! c'est l'amour ! c'est l'amour !...

IV

Ô splendeur de la chair ! ô splendeur idéale !
Ô renouveau d'amour, aurore triomphale
Où, courbant à leurs pieds les Dieux et les Héros,
Kallipyge la blanche et le petit Éros
Effleureront, couverts de la neige des roses,
Les femmes et les fleurs sous leurs beaux pieds écloses !
- Ô grande Ariadné, qui jettes tes sanglots
Sur la rive, en voyant fuir là-bas sur les flots,
Blanche sous le soleil, la voile de Thésée,
Ô douce vierge enfant qu'une nuit a brisée,
Tais-toi ! Sur son char d'or brodé de noirs raisins,
Lysios, promené dans les champs Phrygiens  
Par les tigres lascifs et les panthères rousses,
Le long des fleuves bleus rougit les sombres mousses.
- Zeus, Taureau, sur son cou berce comme une enfant
Le corps nu d'Europé, qui jette son bras blanc
Au cou nerveux du Dieu frissonnant dans la vague.
Il tourne lentement vers elle son oeil vague ;
Elle, laisse traîner sa pâle joue en fleur,
Au front de Zeus ; ses yeux sont fermés ; elle meurt
Dans un divin baiser, et le flot qui murmure
De son écume d'or fleurit sa chevelure.
- Entre le laurier-rose et le lotus jaseur
Glisse amoureusement le grand Cygne rêveur
Embrassant la Léda des blancheurs de son aile ;
- Et tandis que Cypris passe, étrangement belle,
Et, cambrant les rondeurs splendides de ses reins,
Étale fièrement l'or de ses larges seins
Et son ventre neigeux brodé de mousse noire,
- Héraclès, le Dompteur, qui, comme d'une gloire,
Fort, ceint son vaste corps de la peau du lion,
S'avance, front terrible et doux, à l'horizon !

Par la lune d'été vaguement éclairée,
Debout, nue, et rêvant dans sa pâleur dorée
Que tache le flot lourd de ses longs cheveux bleus,
Dans la clairière sombre où la mousse s'étoile,
La Dryade regarde au ciel silencieux...
- La blanche Séléné laisse flotter son voile,
Craintive, sur les pieds du bel Endymion,
Et lui jette un baiser dans un pâle rayon...
- La Source pleure au **** dans une longue extase...
C'est la Nymphe qui rêve, un coude sur son vase,
Au beau jeune homme blanc que son onde a pressé.
- Une brise d'amour dans la nuit a passé,
Et, dans les bois sacrés, dans l'horreur des grands arbres,
Majestueusement debout, les sombres Marbres,
Les Dieux, au front desquels le Bouvreuil fait son nid,
- Les Dieux écoutent l'Homme et le Monde infini !

Le 29 avril 1870.
l - DELÍRIOS ORGIÁSTICOS & ASTRAIS
    
    Participei da festa de Dionísio & as grandes estátuas de Leão plasmático, ergueram – se sobre a Terra. O precipício & o primeiro sinal da despedida cantando juntos a trilha sonora da invasão dos Profetas urrando a serviço das letras. Para todo o sempre o trono partido por ninfas histéricas! Crises contra o amuleto. Gnose fumacê participando celebrando a queda das pirâmides. Alquimistas do Verbo cantem o grito profano da Inquisição! Os sete pergaminhos caíram semeando a destruição da pedra Xamânica. Diadorim buscando solução em Fausto & Orfeu...? (inaudível psicopatia irradiada na vestimenta da alma). Exagerados, contemplavam mensagens infernais de Blake em vozes imagens melancólicas de Rimbaud. Logo as marés baixaram & sobre as ondas a Lua levitava em direção ao rugido do fogo; Dionísio em chamas bacantes! Ausência da queda no tempestuoso ninho levando aos portais da tormenta. Sete anjos cantando o mantra da lágrima metamorfoseada em dor.                                                             ­       
   Dionísio em voz de trovão: Oh! Se a voz do Tudo emanar a língua em torpor saqueando o princípio da guerra; Quando os sentidos estão sacudidos & a alma está dirigindo- se à loucura; quem pode permanecer? Quando as almas estiverem aprisionadas, lutando contra as revoltas do ar, na cor do som, quem poderá permanecer? Quando a brisa da fúria vier da garganta de Deus, quando as fábulas da persistência guiarem as nações, quem poderá permanecer?
    
    Quando baladarem o pecado, acabarem na batalha & navios dançarem em volta do último regozijo no espaço da morte: quando as almas estiverem embriagadas no fogo eterno & os amigos do inferno beberem antes do traço do infinito: Oh! quem poderá permanecer? Quem pode causar isto? Oh! Quem poderá responder diante do trono de Deus? Os Reis & os nobres poetas malditos repousando na caverna por dois séculos, têm permanecido?
    Não escutem, mas o Grito leva à ponte do não-ouvir. Não escutem, mas prazeres congestionados devem esperar. Amanhã. Só amanhã pensando se o tempo foge ao futuro ou se as árvores choram no Tempo & o Vento cantando a antiga canção da essência. A Terra deve esperar as lendas memoráveis sentindo passado & liberdade entre velhas histórias do coração descompassado em dia de vitória movendo ilusões da criação do mundo. Nem um sorriso noturno tremendo escrevendo cartas no oceano desejando amar & morrer ébrio no mar sonoro! Vamos celebrar sua dor& as novas despedidas & as páginas manchadas no lago desespero procurando asas no inferno análogo à soberba contemplando como um feiticeiro histórias orgiásticas em dias perdidos!
||- IMPRESSÕES DO INFINITO
Pequena ninfa exala virtude
Nova percepção é velha chuva
Intrépido céu em força à beira da tormenta
Tempo escasso frente do Tudo!
    Paradoxo abissal em finais absurdos. Doutrinas anti-socráticas poeira do nada embebecido forjado  para a volta. Um caminho é serpente fria salto com Ícaro destoando nobre silêncio ainda que duas palavras atravessem é sinal mágico psiconitróide em míticos fragmentos complexos da grande barriga virtual grande momento, enfim personagens pensantes na corrente capital ilustre ideológica. Nietzsche disse: “ não a intensidade, mas a constância das impressões superiores é que produz os homens superiores”. Dionísio ausente sibilo missionário resquício da grande tempestade transformando nada em músicas eternas músicas pós-Tudo música póstuma aquém de princípios de aura. É grande o Banquete na eternidade alucinógena da erva platônica. Lembranças unidas outras vidas presentes no barulho da dor. A carruagem sem asas foi  o veículo de Dante no purgatório encontrando Beatriz dito anjo de pele sutil com olhos da noite. Ou não. O primeiro grito do mundo foi o verbo, a morte do mundo foi a palavra.

    Acostumei a encontrar palavras atravessando o outro lado realizando caótico passo ao começo do ato simétrico pairando no ar buscando Tudo. Se a palavra antes fim fosse real sem ser palavra psia apenas causadora empírica dos dilemas tristes recortes de outrora pigmentados sem nome em precipício do fim! A ilha colorida geme! É o sinal da passagem da vida filosofal alfa poética plenos estados iluminados na sombra abissal de Rimbaud em crise  de riso & esquecimento sendo expulso da fumaça purgatório vivendo entre o sagrado & o profano com queda para o profano escutando vozes em terríveis silêncios metapsicofísicos abundantes pausas noturnas no vôo da maré. Salve a iluminação mágica fixada na irradiação transcendenastral! Dissonâncias filosóficas,  venham todos! Lamentos proféticos entorpecidos beberei do seu vinho! Indício do apocalipse! Profana histeria caótica levando a contatos xamânicos primitivos míticos em desertos & portais circulares!
             Serei eternamente condenado ao arco-íris do absoluto infinito!
CHAPTER ONE

My geographic movements during the past year could be called “A Tale of Two Couches.” So as June draws to a close, I assume the position here again on Couch California. I am back in Hemet, the place the smug among us call Hemetucky--as if there was nothing a couple of Mint Juleps and a **** of Blue Grass wouldn’t cure. It is the year of our Lord, 2014: so far an interesting year for women. There was a woman who wore socks to bed. There was always my long-time, here today-gone tomorrow, long time companion, currently teaching somewhere remote on the Big Rez, a southwestern Navajo concentration camp near the 4 Corners.  Next, there’s my current object of affection, that fine and frisky lady from The Bronx by way of Bernalillo--currently at home in Laguna Beach, Orange County. Trixie: my main squeeze at the moment.

And now, completely out of the ******* blue this afternoon, my cell phone rings and it’s ******* Juanita--my all-time favorite woman, Juanita Mi Favorita de La Quinta--a Coachella Valley town and desert wadi, extending its lucrative winter tourist season to become a significant, year-round retirement venue and a robust service economy feeding off it.  Juanita arrived there in the late 80s, in middle of her early forties.  She was unemployed, homeless, just a suitcase to her name and a two-year old toddler in tow. Her parents were there, as was her Aunt Peggy.  Juanita was always Peggy’s favorite niece, her favorite child, actually, Peggy herself being childless, never married.  Aunt Peggy put her maternal instincts to work on Juanita Rodriguez, her Sister Rosalia’s second favorite twin daughter.

Maria, Rosalia’s first favorite daughter, Juanita’s twin sister—MARIA: lives in Newport Beach and acts as an extra in many commercial ads shot in southern California and elsewhere, an irony never without sting for Juanita. “Que lastima!” Poor Juanita: as her would-be Hollywood Movie star aspirations disintegrated over the years, along with her unrealized lower expectations to be TV star, and even those semi-glamorous modeling gigs at trade shows and fairs—the elephant’s graveyard of the acting profession—failed to materialize, and now her celebrity habitat shrunken even further, to that sporadic but consistent mockery of stardom, I refer to any would-be thespian’s ignominious one-celled visual protozoan: The Extra Call List.  And—*******-- what happens next? Juanita’s sister Maria starts getting these parts, starts getting hired by filling out a ******* postcard, starts getting paid to look good in the background. *******: no professional education or instruction, no agent, and no need to **** off both the producer, the producer’s cousin Morey, the director and the director’s wife’s huge Golden retriever, Genghis--actually a mighty handsome animal--or needing to spill $4K on that Derma-brasion, Juanita inflicted on herself last year.

Juanita, as you already know, was the second favorite daughter and the second favorite twin of the family. She became the third favorite child in her three-child family upon the arrival of her slick baby brother Nico-- the Golden Child, who grew up to be a glib Merrill-Lynch stockbroker, office and residence, Beverly Hills 90112.  (Enter forcefully into the narrative, His Nibs himself, Sir Nicodemus of Hollywood, Juanita and Maria’s baby brother Nico. He speaks: “Excuse me, stockbroker my ***, as it says in a 11 point Rockwell Boldfont, right here on my gold-leaf embossed business card: Senior Large Capital Investment Counselor.”)

No, Juanita had a hard time just treading water in that Cleveland shark tank. And though she lacked nothing in the cuteness department, she had this one fatal flaw, namely, the gift of ***** and sass and a reflex to speak truth to power. Juanita: rejected by Rosalia as a threat to her hegemony as Boss of the Girl’s Club, was cast adrift on a tempestuous childhood cruel Montserrat sea, out there on the briny deep . . .  
                

                                      



High Seas: where many a tuna has a Sorry Charlie moment: “Star-Kist don’t want no tuna with good taste; Star-Kist wants a tuna that tastes good.”

Finally, Juanita is rescued, taken aboard the Good/Soul Aunt Peggy—that wayward bark Elisabeta Rodriguez, home-ported in Southside, Chicago, Illinois—the rescue at sea performed in classy, rather low-key manner; no Andrea Doria drama, but understated:

{Camera One, Helicopter above, zooms over turbulent ocean surface. Peggy, an oasis of calm, aboard the raft Kon Tiki with Thor Heyerdahl and his crew, floats by, whispering, “Going my way, Honey? Climb aboard. Have a homemade oatmeal cookie and a small glass tumbler of Jack Daniels.” Okay, no, that’s not fair. Sure Aunt Peggy drank, but never got round to offering you a drink until you were well into your 30s. Let’s just say she offered you a warm glass of milk, the mother’s milk deprived you by your mother, her sister Rosalia. Dear Aunt Peggy: a seasoned survivor herself, flawed by early childhood deafness and grotesque speech.  Yet, she had refused to settle for life in an asylum. She made a go at life.  She learned; she prospered; she flourished. And when the time came, she was there for you in the Coachella Desert, there for her feisty niece Juanita Ann.  Aunt Peggy: a loving spirit personified, became Juanita’s special confidant and counselor, her personal cheer squad of one. Juanita, of course, a former cheerleader herself--an early hint of greatness to be sure, a highlight, perhaps the highlight of her life, shown off every Halloween, still celebrated at American high schools each Fall. She is the Principal’s secretary at a huge suburban high school in Indio. Each Halloween, if the date falls on a school day, Juanita arrives for work wearing that scrupulously preserved, vintage 1966 cheerleader uniform, looking real foxy still, snug now in all the right places. Eternal Truth: Juanita has always and will always be good looking. Life with Juanita is perpetual “ooh la-la.”

So, I am on the couch that afternoon, reading more of Gramsci’s prison notebooks, specifically the philosophy he calls “Praxis.”  Completely out of the ******* blue, Juanita calls me on a RESTRICTED phone, as I said, Juanita, a torch I’ve kept burning for years, flaring up like a refinery flame--oil still very much in the present energy mix--hope springing eternal as they say, and instantly my mission in life is rekindling our lost love. Juanita’s conceived her mission prior to her phone call:  using me to keep her son from being whacked by the local Eme--the Mexican Mafia—that ethnic-pride social club that the RICO-squad-- using family tree socio-grams and other expensively-printed graphics, the one RICO keeps trying to convince us is some sort of organized crime conspiracy. The Mexican Mafia: like everything else practical and utilitarian in this world: THAT’S ITALIAN! And, if you are starting to sense a bit of ethnic chauvinism on, between & below the lines, you are barking up the right tree.
                                                           ­     
      
                                                            
(AUTHOR’S POST-SCRIPT EDIT: And, an ad for dog food right here? Not the best choice of sponsors, perhaps, at the moment. Juanita was far off from the ****** ***** that start looking not half-bad at 2:30 in the glazy morning, not anywhere near those beasts you find lingering in the airport bars you usually frequent near closing time on Saturday nights. No, I remind you that Juanita was all “ooh la-la.” In my next printing—and my Lord, there have been so many, haven’t there, Paulie “Eat-a-Bag-of-****” Muldoon? I will change out the Alpo ad, plugging in a spot for Aunt Jemima pancake syrup or Betty Crocker whipped cream, you know, something more apropos.)

Juanita, I really must hand it to you. You showed the greatest staying power, year after year as I moved further and further away from La Quinta, California. Juanita: you embraced what was good in me, ignored my flaws and strengthened me with your love for so many years. As far as you and Peggy, I guess it was a case of the “apple not falling far from the tree” one of many endearing Midwestern metaphors you taught me.  Peggy taught you, taught you to be kind and then you taught me. No matter what bizarre venue I pulled out of my ***, you showed above-average staying power, continued to visit me wherever I went, Casa Grande & Buckeye, Arizona, Appalachia, West Virginia, and even Italy, when I thought I’d try Europe again after so many years.  With each move, each time, Juanita renewed her commitment to the relationship. Meanwhile, I continued to test her, quantifying her dedication, undermining her sense of mission to disprove my worldview on the expendability of women. Surely, you know that one: the unreliability of women, women who disappear without saying goodbye. That old deeply etched conviction to never get attached to a woman, any woman, based on the empirical fact that women have been known to suddenly die, a fact seared into my still tender metal by the surprise death of my mother on 11 January 1962.

1962. It was already an insecure world, to wit:  The Cuban Missile Crisis. Nikita Khrushchev, in his time both Dr. No and Dr. Evil, namely the Premier whom we Baby Boomers saw as Boogey Man of All Time (Although Putin is showing potential, lately)—the Kennedy ****** (what else could you call it?). All these events scary, whether or not I got the chronology right . . . I remained on high alert for any threat to my delicate adolescent psyche.  My mother-Rosa Teresa Sekaquaptewa-died at 2 o’clock in the morning, screaming in agony while apologizing to my father for not having his dinner on the table when he walked in from work that prior afternoon. She’d already been in bed since noon, attended by two of my aunts--both my father’s sisters--who loved their Hopi sister-in-law, Rosa.  Also present was Lafcadio Smirnoff, M.D.--last of the house call medicine men--a dapper, mustachioed, swarthy gentleman, misdiagnosing her abdominal pain as a 24-hour virus, while she bled out internally for at least eight more hours, her whimpers alternated with screams, well into the wee hours of the morning.

I was upstairs in that dormer bedroom listening to her die. An hour later, Father Numb-nuts of Our Lady of Lourdes Parish teleported in, beaming directly into my bedroom from the parish rectory.  Father Seamus Numb-nuts, an illuminated Burning Bush . . . not quite the bush I ‘d conjured at other times, so many times alone with Gwen Wong, ******* Playmate of the Year, 1961, one of Hefner’s hot centerfolds. No, give me a ******* break, you momo! Whacking off is the last thing on a libidinous, adolescent guinea’s brain when his mama is being tortured and killed by God. Even Alexander Portnoy, Philip Roth’s early avatar would have drawn the wanking line at that unforgettable moment.

No, perhaps what I’d had in mind was The Burning Bush Golf Course where so much of Fletcher Kneble’s political mischief and government shenanigans got cooked up. You remember his books, some of the Cold War’s finest: Seven Days in May, Vanished, etc.

Or better yet, perhaps the greatest political slogan of the 20th century: “STAY OUT THE BUSHES!” Thank you, Jesse. “Thank you, Reverend Jackson,” I slip into my Excellence in Broadcasting mode, my very own private Limbaugh. Announcing my on- air arrival is El Rushbo’s unmistakable, totally recognizable bass line bumper, courtesy of Chrissie Hynde’s Pretenders band mate, guitarist Tony Butler: Dum, dum, dum-dum, Da-dum, dum-dum-dum-dum-da-dum-dum. Single, “My City Was Gone” by The Pretenders
Rush Limbaugh Song– YouTube www.youtube.com/watch?v=SScW9r0y3c4

I become Reverend Jackson. I emerge from the vapors, an obscure abyss of deep family pangs and disappointments, ever-diminishing public relevance and fade to black (no pun intended) and media oblivion. The only thing left is that line:  “STAY OUT THE BUSHES!” You will always own that line, Jesse--true political genius (to wit: Rainbow Coalition) Jackson that you are, despite El Rush-Bo’s virulent anti-Black animus, his predilection to mock you, Al Sharpton, Corey Booker, Barack “Hussein” Obama, and any other professional ***** in America. Isn’t it time someone came right out and tagged Mr. Limbaugh as the Father Coughlin of our time.

Meanwhile back in The Bronx, enter another man of the cloth:  It’s Seamus Numb-nuts, making one of his many well-documented spectral visitations, his splendiferous miracles and wonders. How much longer will the Vatican ignore this humble Bronx priest, this epitome of Sainthood; this reverent man, lacking only the stigmata for a unanimous consent vote? Quote the Numb-nuts: “God Works in Mysterious Ways.” An old standard to be sure, but a lovely, all-purpose bromide for explaining why evil exists in our world. Needless to say, I was underwhelmed; I lost God at that moment, consequently shooting myself in the foot--metaphorically-speaking-condemning myself to an unshielded life, life OUT THE BUSHES!  I went forth into the world without God, without that handy divine crutch, that Andy Devine metaphor for when one’s legs grow weary: a puff of smoke, a reverb twang and a nasty frog croaking “Hi-ya, Kids. Hi-ya, Hi-ya. Hi-ya.”

   Andy's Gang - Pasta Fazooli vs. Froggy the Gremlin - YouTube
► 3:55► 3:55
www.youtube.com/watch?v=H35odPm7b3w Aug 8, 2012 - Uploaded by jmgilsinger
Froggy the Gremlin -Tuba ... Andy Devine (Aug 24, 1952)

Life for me became lonely and purposeless. And probably explains my susceptibility to military discipline and a subsequent career in clandestine government service. In 1968--the very day I turned nineteen, September 25th of that year—that fateful day when I should have shot myself in the foot—literally not metaphorically--earning that coveted 4-F physical rejection, a draft deferment to be desired, that 4-F classification of unfitness for duty, a necessary loophole in U.S. conscript service law.  The Draft: last used during that great commonwealth Cold War purge, that culling out of the unwashed, uneducated children of immigrants, that cut-rate, discount, lower socio-economic ***** bank—the only bank where after you make a deposit, you lose interest, to wit: most Black, Hispanic and Poor White Trash parents.  We were cannon fodder, many of us got to be planted at Arlington and other holy American shrines, still wrapped in black or olive drab leak-proof body bags, doing our generational bit to strengthen the gene pool left behind. A debt, some would say, we owed the country and, given the sorry state of the global wicket, increasingly an obligation to the species. And if I had to predict an outcome, Fascism in America will arrive riding the white horse of the environmental, anti-nuclear Bolsheviks. One could argue that Communism has moved so far left on the political spectrum that it’s now the far right.  Concoct a legislative policy goal, accomplish it legally as the bill becomes Law, signed by the President, endorsed and blessed by The U.S. Supreme Court, the highest court in the land.

To wit: “Three generations of imbeciles is enough?” declared Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., an Associate Supreme Court Justice at the time, buttressing a majority argument harnessing the power of U.S. law as a legal means of purifying the race.  When euthanasia failed to win over American hearts and mind, the Federal Government played the war card again and again. Vietnam: undeclared and therefore unconstitutional--except for that Gulf of Tonkin ******* resolution. Vietnam: a cost-plus eugenics project, if ever there was one, although responsive, of course, to the needs of the Military-Industrial Complex.  ******* Ike: he warned us against Fascism in America. As usual, we ignored the man in charge.

Eugenics? Why didn’t the government just put all the retards on the stand, as John Frankenheimer did in Judgment at Nuremberg, a crafty Maximilian Schell humiliating a feeble-minded Montgomery Clift?  Why not, make everyone face a public tribunal, forcing all of us to testify in court, exposing our many substandard and borderline substandard cerebral deficits?  Why not force everyone to demonstrate just how ******* dumb we are, using some clever intelligence test, something l
un sauce de cristal, un chopo de agua,
un alto surtidor que el viento arquea,
un árbol bien plantado mas danzante,
un caminar de río que se curva,
avanza, retrocede, da un rodeo
y llega siempre:
                          un caminar tranquilo
de estrella o primavera sin premura,
agua que con los párpados cerrados
mana toda la noche profecías,
unánime presencia en oleaje,
ola tras ola hasta cubrirlo todo,
verde soberanía sin ocaso
como el deslumbramiento de las alas
cuando se abren en mitad del cielo,

un caminar entre las espesuras
de los días futuros y el aciago
fulgor de la desdicha como un ave
petrificando el bosque con su canto
y las felicidades inminentes
entre las ramas que se desvanecen,
horas de luz que pican ya los pájaros,
presagios que se escapan de la mano,

una presencia como un canto súbito,
como el viento cantando en el incendio,
una mirada que sostiene en vilo
al mundo con sus mares y sus montes,
cuerpo de luz filtrada por un ágata,
piernas de luz, vientre de luz, bahías,
roca solar, cuerpo color de nube,
color de día rápido que salta,
la hora centellea y tiene cuerpo,
el mundo ya es visible por tu cuerpo,
es transparente por tu transparencia,

voy entre galerías de sonidos,
fluyo entre las presencias resonantes,
voy por las transparencias como un ciego,
un reflejo me borra, nazco en otro,
oh bosque de pilares encantados,
bajo los arcos de la luz penetro
los corredores de un otoño diáfano,

voy por tu cuerpo como por el mundo,
tu vientre es una plaza soleada,
tus pechos dos iglesias donde oficia
la sangre sus misterios paralelos,
mis miradas te cubren como yedra,
eres una ciudad que el mar asedia,
una muralla que la luz divide
en dos mitades de color durazno,
un paraje de sal, rocas y pájaros
bajo la ley del mediodía absorto,

vestida del color de mis deseos
como mi pensamiento vas desnuda,
voy por tus ojos como por el agua,
los tigres beben sueño en esos ojos,
el colibrí se quema en esas llamas,
voy por tu frente como por la luna,
como la nube por tu pensamiento,
voy por tu vientre como por tus sueños,

tu falda de maíz ondula y canta,
tu falda de cristal, tu falda de agua,
tus labios, tus cabellos, tus miradas,
toda la noche llueves, todo el día
abres mi pecho con tus dedos de agua,
cierras mis ojos con tu boca de agua,
sobre mis huesos llueves, en mi pecho
hunde raíces de agua un árbol líquido,

voy por tu talle como por un río,
voy por tu cuerpo como por un bosque,
como por un sendero en la montaña
que en un abismo brusco se termina,
voy por tus pensamientos afilados
y a la salida de tu blanca frente
mi sombra despeñada se destroza,
recojo mis fragmentos uno a uno
y prosigo sin cuerpo, busco a tientas,

corredores sin fin de la memoria,
puertas abiertas a un salón vacío
donde se pudren todos los veranos,
las joyas de la sed arden al fondo,
rostro desvanecido al recordarlo,
mano que se deshace si la toco,
cabelleras de arañas en tumulto
sobre sonrisas de hace muchos años,

a la salida de mi frente busco,
busco sin encontrar, busco un instante,
un rostro de relámpago y tormenta
corriendo entre los árboles nocturnos,
rostro de lluvia en un jardín a oscuras,
agua tenaz que fluye a mi costado,
busco sin encontrar, escribo a solas,
no hay nadie, cae el día, cae el año,
caigo con el instante, caigo a fondo,
invisible camino sobre espejos
que repiten mi imagen destrozada,
piso días, instantes caminados,
piso los pensamientos de mi sombra.
piso mi sombra en busca de un instante,

busco una fecha viva como un pájaro,
busco el sol de las cinco de la tarde
templado por los muros de tezontle:
la hora maduraba sus racimos
y al abrirse salían las muchachas
de su entraña rosada y se esparcían
por los patios de piedra del colegio,
alta como el otoño caminaba
envuelta por la luz bajo la arcada
y el espacio al ceñirla la vestía
de una piel más dorada y transparente,

tigre color de luz, pardo venado
por los alrededores de la noche,
entrevista muchacha reclinada
en los balcones verdes de la lluvia,
adolescente rostro innumerable,
he olvidado tu nombre, Melusina,
Laura, Isabel, Perséfona, María,
tienes todos los rostros y ninguno,
eres todas las horas y ninguna,
te pareces al árbol y a la nube,
eres todos los pájaros y un astro,
te pareces al filo de la espada
y a la copa de sangre del verdugo,
yedra que avanza, envuelve y desarraiga
al alma y la divide de sí misma,

escritura del fuego sobre el jade,
grieta en la roca, reina de serpientes,
columna de vapor, fuente en la peña,
circo lunar, peñasco de las águilas,
grano de anís, espina diminuta
y mortal que da penas inmortales,
pastora de los valles submarinos
y guardiana del valle de los muertos,
liana que cuelga del cantil del vértigo,
enredadera, planta venenosa,
flor de resurrección, uva de vida,
señora de la flauta y del relámpago,
terraza del jazmín, sal en la herida,
ramo de rosas para el fusilado,
nieve en agosto, luna del patíbulo,
escritura del mar sobre el basalto,
escritura del viento en el desierto,
testamento del sol, granada, espiga,

rostro de llamas, rostro devorado,
adolescente rostro perseguido
años fantasmas, días circulares
que dan al mismo patio, al mismo muro,
arde el instante y son un solo rostro
los sucesivos rostros de la llama,
todos los nombres son un solo nombre,
todos los rostros son un solo rostro,
todos los siglos son un solo instante
y por todos los siglos de los siglos
cierra el paso al futuro un par de ojos,

no hay nada frente a mí, sólo un instante
rescatado esta noche, contra un sueño
de ayuntadas imágenes soñado,
duramente esculpido contra el sueño,
arrancado a la nada de esta noche,
a pulso levantado letra a letra,
mientras afuera el tiempo se desboca
y golpea las puertas de mi alma
el mundo con su horario carnicero,

sólo un instante mientras las ciudades,
los nombres, los sabores, lo vivido,
se desmoronan en mi frente ciega,
mientras la pesadumbre de la noche
mi pensamiento humilla y mi esqueleto,
y mi sangre camina más despacio
y mis dientes se aflojan y mis ojos
se nublan y los días y los años
sus horrores vacíos acumulan,

mientras el tiempo cierra su abanico
y no hay nada detrás de sus imágenes
el instante se abisma y sobrenada
rodeado de muerte, amenazado
por la noche y su lúgubre bostezo,
amenazado por la algarabía
de la muerte vivaz y enmascarada
el instante se abisma y penetra,
como un puño se cierra, como un fruto
que madura hacia dentro, echa raíces,
crece dentro de mí, me ocupa todo,
me expulsa el follaje delirante,
mis pensamientos sólo son sus pájaros
su mercurio circula por mis venas,
árbol mental, frutos sabor de tiempo,

oh vida por vivir y ya vivida,
tiempo que vuelve en una marejada
y se retira sin volver el rostro,
lo que pasó no fue pero está siendo
y silenciosamente desemboca
en otro instante que se desvanece:

frente a la tarde de salitre y piedra
armada de navajas invisibles
una roja escritura indescifrable
escribes en mi piel y esas heridas
como un traje de llamas me recubren,
ardo sin consumirme, busco el agua
y en tus ojos no hay agua, son de piedra,
y tus pechos, tu vientre, tus caderas
son de piedra, tu boca sabe a polvo,
tu boca sabe a tiempo emponzoñado,
tu cuerpo sabe a pozo sin salida,
pasadizo de espejos que repiten
los ojos del sediento, pasadizo
que vuelve siempre al punto de partida,
y tú me llevas ciego de la mano
por esas galerías obstinadas
hacia el centro del círculo y te yergues
como un fulgor que se congela en hacha,
como luz que desuella, fascinante
como el cadalso para el condenado,
flexible como el látigo y esbelta
como un arma gemela de la luna,
y tus palabras afiladas cavan
mi pecho y me despueblan y vacían,
uno a uno me arrancas los recuerdos,
he olvidado mi nombre, mis amigos
gruñen entre los cerdos o se pudren
comidos por el sol en un barranco,

no hay nada en mí sino una larga herida,
una oquedad que ya nadie recorre,
presente sin ventanas, pensamiento
que vuelve, se repite, se refleja
y se pierde en su misma transparencia,
conciencia traspasada por un ojo
que se mira mirarse hasta anegarse
de claridad:
                  yo vi tu atroz escama,
melusina, brillar verdosa al alba,
dormías enroscada entre las sábanas
y al despertar gritaste como un pájaro
y caíste sin fin, quebrada y blanca,
nada quedó de ti sino tu grito,
y la cabo de los siglos me descubro
con tos y mala vista, barajando
viejas fotos:
                    no hay nadie, no eres nadie,
un montón de ceniza y una escoba,
un cuchillo mellado y un plumero,
un pellejo colgado de unos huesos,
un racimo ya seco, un hoyo *****
y en el fondo del hoy los dos ojos
de una niña ahogada hace mil años,

miradas enterradas en un pozo,
miradas que nos ven desde el principio,
mirada niña de la madre vieja
que ve en el hijo grande su padre joven,
mirada madre de la niña sola
que ve en el padre grande un hijo niño,
miradas que nos miran desde el fondo
de la vida y son trampas de la muerte
-¿o es al revés: caer en esos ojos
es volver a la vida verdadera?,

¡caer, volver, soñarme y que me sueñen
otros ojos futuros, otra vida,
otras nubes, morirme de otra muerte!
-esta noche me basta, y este instante
que no acaba de abrirse y revelarme
dónde estuve, quién fui, cómo te llamas,
cómo me llamo yo:
                              ¿hacía planes
para el verano -y todos los veranos-
en Christopher Street, hace diez años,
con Filis que tenía dos hoyuelos
donde veían luz los gorriones?,
¿por la Reforma Carmen me decía
"no pesa el aire, aquí siempre es octubre",
o se lo dijo a otro que he perdido
o yo lo invento y nadie me lo ha dicho?,
¿caminé por la noche de Oaxaca,
inmensa y verdinegra como un árbol,
hablando solo como el viento loco
y al llegar a mi cuarto -siempre un cuarto-
no me reconocieron los espejos?,
¿desde el hotel Vernet vimos al alba
bailar con los castaños - "ya es muy tarde"
decías al peinarte y yo veía
manchas en la pared, sin decir nada?,
¿subimos juntos a la torre, vimos
caer la tarde desde el arrecife?,
¿comimos uvas en Bidart?, ¿compramos
gardenias en Perote?,
                                  nombres, sitios,
calles y calles, rostros, plazas, calles,
estaciones, un parque, cuartos solos,
manchas en la pared, alguien se peina,
alguien canta a mi lado, alguien se viste,
cuartos, lugares, calles, nombres, cuartos,

Madrid, 1937,
en la Plaza del Ángel las mujeres
cosían y cantaban con sus hijos,
después sonó la alarma y hubo gritos,
casas arrodilladas en el polvo,
torres hendidas, frentes escupidas
y el huracán de los motores, fijo:
los dos se desnudaron y se amaron
por defender nuestra porción eterna,
nuestra ración de tiempo y paraíso,
tocar nuestra raíz y recobrarnos,
recobrar nuestra herencia arrebatada
por ladrones de vida hace mil siglos,
los dos se desnudaron y besaron
porque las desnudeces enlazadas
saltan el tiempo y son invulnerables,
nada las toca, vuelven al principio,
no hay tú ni yo, mañana, ayer ni nombres,
verdad de dos en sólo un cuerpo y alma,
oh ser total...
                      cuartos a la deriva
entre ciudades que se van a pique,
cuartos y calles, nombres como heridas,
el cuarto con ventanas a otros cuartos
con el mismo papel descolorido
donde un hombre en camisa lee el periódico
o plancha una mujer; el cuarto claro
que visitan las ramas del durazno;
el otro cuarto: afuera siempre llueve
y hay un patio y tres niños oxidados;
cuartos que son navíos que se mecen
en un golfo de luz; o submarinos:
el silencio se esparce en olas verdes,
todo lo que tocamos fosforece;
mausoleos del lujo, ya roídos
los retratos, raídos los tapetes;
trampas, celdas, cavernas encantadas,
pajareras y cuartos numerados,
todos se transfiguran, todos vuelan,
cada moldura es nube, cada puerta
da al mar, al campo, al aire, cada mesa
es un festín; cerrados como conchas
el tiempo inútilmente los asedia,
no hay tiempo ya, ni muro: ¡espacio, espacio,
abre la mano, coge esta riqueza,
corta los frutos, come de la vida,
tiéndete al pie del árbol, bebe el agua!,

todo se transfigura y es sagrado,
es el centro del mundo cada cuarto,
es la primera noche, el primer día,
el mundo nace cuando dos se besan,
gota de luz de entrañas transparentes
el cuarto como un fruto se entreabre
o estalla como un astro taciturno
y las leyes comidas de ratones,
las rejas de papel, las alambradas,
los timbres y las púas y los pinchos,
el sermón monocorde de las armas,
el escorpión meloso y con bonete,
el tigre con chistera, presidente
del Club Vegetariano y la Cruz Roja,
el burro pedagogo, el cocodrilo
metido a redentor, padre de pueblos,
el Jefe, el tiburón, el arquitecto
del porvenir, el cerdo uniformado,
el hijo predilecto de la Iglesia
que se lava la negra dentadura
con el agua bendita y toma clases
de inglés y democracia, las paredes
invisible, las máscaras podridas
que dividen al hombre de los hombres,
al hombre de sí mismo,
                                      se derrumban
por un instante inmenso y vislumbramos
nuestra unidad perdida, el desamparo
que es ser hombres, la gloria que es ser hombres
y compartir el pan, el sol, la muerte,
el olvidado asombro de estar vivos;

amar es combatir, si dos se besan
el mundo cambia, encarnan los deseos,
el pensamiento encarna, brotan alas
en las espaldas del esclavo, el mundo
es real y tangible, el vino es vino,
el pan vuelve a saber, el agua es agua,
amar es combatir, es abrir puertas,
dejar de ser fantasma con un número
a perpetua cadena condenado
por un amo sin rostro;
                                    el mundo cambia
si dos se miran y se reconocen,
amar es desnudarse de los nombres:
"déjame ser tu puta", son palabras
de Eloísa, mas él cedió a las leyes,
la tomó por esposa y como premio
lo castraron después;
                                    mejor el crimen,
los amantes suicidas, el incesto
de los hermanos como dos espejos
enamorados de su semejanza,
mejor comer el pan envenenado,
el adulterio en lechos de ceniza,
los amores feroces, el delirio,
su yedra ponzoñosa, el sodomita
que lleva por clavel en la solapa
un gargajo, mejor ser lapidado
en las plazas que dar vuelta a la noria
que exprime la sustancia de la vida,
cambia la eternidad en horas huecas,
los minutos en cárceles, el tiempo
en monedas de cobre y mierda abstracta;

mejor la castidad, flor invisible
que se mece en los tallos del silencio,
el difícil diamante de los santos
que filtra los deseos, sacia al tiempo,
nupcias de la quietud y el movimiento,
canta la soledad en su corola,
pétalo de cristal es cada hora,
el mundo se despoja de sus máscaras
y en su centro, vibrante transparencia,
lo que llamamos Dios, el ser sin nombre,
se contempla en la nada, el ser sin rostro
emerge de sí mismo, sol de soles,
plenitud de presencias y de nombres;

sigo mi desvarío, cuartos, calles,
camino a tientas por los corredores
del tiempo y subo y bajo sus peldaños
y sus paredes palpo y no me muevo,
vuelvo adonde empecé, busco tu rostro,
camino por las calles de mí mismo
bajo un sol sin edad, y tú a mi lado
caminas como un árbol, como un río,
creces como una espiga entre mis manos,
lates como una ardilla entre mis manos,
vuelas como mil pájaros, tu risa
me ha cubierto de espumas, tu cabeza
es un astro pequeño entre mis manos,
el mundo reverdece si sonríes
comiendo una naranja,
                                    el mundo cambia
si dos, vertiginosos y enlazados,
caen sobre la yerba: el cielo baja,
los árboles ascienden, el espacio
sólo es luz y silencio, sólo espacio
abierto para el águila del ojo,
pasa la blanca tribu de las nubes,
rompe amarras el cuerpo, zarpa el alma,
perdemos nuestros nombres y flotamos
a la deriva entre el azul y el verde,
tiempo total donde no pasa nada
sino su propio transcurrir dichoso,

no pasa nada, callas, parpadeas
(silencio: cruzó un ángel este instante
grande como la vida de cien soles),
¿no pasa nada, sólo un parpadeo?
-y el festín, el destierro, el primer crimen,
la quijada del asno, el ruido opaco
y la mirada incrédula del muerto
al caer en el llano ceniciento,
Agamenón y su mugido inmenso
y el repetido grito de Casandra
más fuerte que los gritos de las olas,
Sócrates en cadenas (el sol nace,
morir es despertar: "Critón, un gallo
a Esculapio, ya sano de la vida"),
el chacal que diserta entre las ruinas
de Nínive, la sombra que vio Bruto
antes de la batalla, Moctezuma
en el lecho de espinas de su insomnio,
el viaje en la carreta hacia la muerte
-el viaje interminable mas contado
por Robespierre minuto tras minuto,
la mandíbula rota entre las manos-,
Churruca en su barrica como un trono
es
Eu queria ser grande, queria ter sonhos e ter esperança!
Eu queria ser grande, ter sonhos e sentir confiança!
Eu queria acreditar que existe esperança!
Eu queria acreditar que sonhos são uma lembrança!
Pois, quando eu sonho, eu acredito que eu quero aquilo,
Aquilo, com que sonho, afinal é o que eu quero!
Então e como podem explicar-me que o sonho, morreu!
Alguém pode acreditar fielmente no definitivo e no impossível!
Alguém pode dizer que não choverá nunca mais?
Ou poderá afirmar, que o sol jamais se esconderá.
Eu não acredito que eu sou um ser mau,
E eu acredito que sou realmente feliz!
Acredito que a minha felicidade depende dos meus amigos,
Aqueles amigos que me são amigos!
Não preciso que as pessoas finjam que a minha vida interessa,
E não mereço ter pessoas dessas, a perturbar os meus sonhos!
Sou suficientemente generoso, para com as pessoas que me são queridas!
Porque elas só são a minha vida, porque eu necessito do seu carinho!
Afinal de contas, ser amigo é ser prestável, disponível,
Não basta dizer:
- Eu sou o teu amigo!
Hoje percebo que sonhos são por vezes lições,
Sonhos são dádivas na escola da vida!
Sonhos são os auxiliares de memória necessários,
Para sobreviver neste mudo podre!
Neste antro medonho de abutres!
Mas amigos, eu sou feliz, no nosso oásis,
Porque a vossa amizade alimenta os meus receios!
Obrigado
Autor: António Benigno
Código de autor: 2012.02.12.01.04

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