I call you an *****;

An ***** player,
Player of hearts and eyes alike
Your fingers pressed to the porcelain
as if the weather depends on
whether or not the pipes pipe up
as if a heart does not beat without
your hands repairing the metal indents

An ***** donor,
Donor of drunken livers and stomachs full of barbed wire fencing
Your lips pointed upward once awakened from dissection
as if you could lacerate a human being from the inside
and go on being
as if keeping them in liquor-filled mason jars
will cradle their fear

An ***** system,
Without a skeleton or bandaids to piece yourself together
You bleed out and ignite a single flame
as if you could burn a house down
with all your leaving
as if you could survive a life spineless
not living but breathing

DDD
*(11/10/2013)

All I want
is to dig you up
Push you out of my skin like oozing
pus, watch with intent and disgust as you
slither away from my desiccated corpse
I want you out of my head, I want you out of my
heart; I can feel the home I made for you in them
and that’s just it, it’s all my fault
I wanted this

It all flooded at me
and the floodwaters never fell away
Never ceased, constantly rising within my bones
Growing, reaching outward, mighty waves built
only to crash down upon a wavering shoreline
I did this all to myself in the end and you were just a part

This mess
is all mine to mop up,
so, I still cannot find all the words
to mend my own scars and I still
pick at the scabs and I still have not
found the right way to dispose of your dying memory
but it’s a start, a step that I’m taking to kick up some dust

I'm sorry
I just don’t think I can live with a definite noose around my neck
Ready to step off some creaky chair at every notion of
the lack of your affection

DDD
*(11/9/2013)

Desolate
Deserted
No room for a quenching air-
Agape is the mouth
The dust now degraded
Leaving emptiness and despair-
Closing in to you
To confide in the dark
A whisper heard, still scared-
When you give all you have
To the bottomless pit
You’re left with it’s empty stare!
Deeply
Darkly
Death inhales!
“Your poison paints me black till I’m desolate,
frail!”

A hand around a cold, dead, arm
waning fragile and thin
Impressions of fingers on flesh,
twisted, crooked, bent
Across railroad tracks this sack is
dragged, heaved, yanked-

Like saddlebags;
you walk with dead bodies attached to your hips
You still have yet to question this
I wonder though, if you did,
would you see how much dead is attached to me?

Everyone has a Past
and like Death, it asks to stay
Asks you to hold it's hand along the way
To help it across mountain peaks and swamp trenches
This thing, it even asks to sit with you on park benches
There are a thousand empty wooden pews, but still,
you let it sit, and this,
this is where it will not quit

-Yanking still, across garbage piles and sidewalk cracks,
it even begins to ride piggyback
Again, you don't question
What do you see?
Nothing, darkness, it's numbed you,
blinded you physically
It builds it's palace atop your spine,
and evermore straddles between lines of harm and lie
Breathing in pure battle cry

DDD
*(11/26/2013)

Offended
To the highest
Of my lumpy loping
Anatomy
See,
I came from you
Why are you disgusted by me?

Offended by my body

And my stretch marks
And my thighs
My waist is too thick
And my ******* are
Popping out of my
DDD bra
And you're in disbelief
And I suppose I'm in awe

Of how you treat me
And my body

Like it's not really me
Like this vessel is a
Machine to be worked
Harvested and cleaned

But hey,
It also contains a soul
And a mind
And a voice.
It contains a lot of things you'll never know.
And I'm fine with that.
But please, don't act offended by my body.

sssss

Here you come
To live another day
God wakes you up to breathe
Don't be sorrowful, dear
Because He is the Merciful One
Connect yourself
With him, all the time
You will survive, live and thrive.

I’ve filled all of the balloons
with cigarette smoke instead of helium,
just like you asked,
and when the children come crawling,
peeling themselves from pavement,
we’ll take needle-points to latex
reshape their tracheas into factories
Soon our home will brim with smoke rings,
I'll place a finger to them
only to ruin the perfection produced by small lips

Thumbs are to erasers as tears are to pencils
I swear to you I try to keep within the stencil
but saltwater weeping, shallow breath, and tobacco smoke
don’t seem to stay within the lines as well as I’d hoped
If I had another way I’d draw terrible pictures,
stick them to the fridge and insist “mom, take it with ya”
                                                  
I’ve been ripping out dictionary pages and
nailing them to various foreheads,
yowling, “we need knowledge, we need verbal expression!”
Though, I don’t believe I’ve made much progression
because a woman turned to me today with a
business suit on her back and a chewed up heart at her feet
She fastened a note to the top of her skull that read:
“ignorance is bliss” then she waited for a car to bind her to the street

DDD                                                ­                                                              *(3­/14/2013)