it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
my sister lies in a hospital bed after a suicide attempt.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
yesterday i was at the mall while my sister was rushed to the er.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she swallowed a bottle of pills yesterday to try to make the hurt go away.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
her heart rate went down too low.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she needed me when i wasn't there.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
my nightmares have become a reality.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she's not dead, but she isn't alive.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
the demons lurk in her eyes and i want them gone as much as she does.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
she looked so pale with the charcoal staining her tongue black.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
i sit here with a blade and consider breaking my promise.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
i continue to repeat these lines.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
maybe it's a mantra, but it feels like my last words.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
i want her back home.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
the desperation in my soul begins to surface.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
come home soon squish.
it's january twenty-second, two-thousand eighteen.
otherwise i might join you in that hospital bed.

At EIGHTEEN we met
At a party that I still remember.
It was fall, the air changing
It was beginning to get dark
The sun was going down,
The air getting cold.

I remember when you bumped onto me
That warmth that rushed on my arm.
I remember the blue eyes,
That mischievous smile.
I remember your touch,
The "hello" coming from your lips.

I remember you across the room
Your blue eyes looking,
The wink,
The smile,
The laugh,
Could my teenage heart know?
That skip,
That beat,
What did it mean?

You walked towards me,
Your blue eyes never leaving me,
"Hello" you said again.

I remember you grabbed my hand,
You pulled me closer
Whispering into my ear,
And the chill running through me,
I knew it wasn't from the cold, fall, air.

We found a spot and we talked.
Hours went by,
We realized the sun came up.

At NINETEEN we went out,
That's when we got serious.
You were the one,
You were my first.
Time went by,
Our highs,
Our lows,
We were inseparable,
We said the I love yous'.

At Twenty we fought
Times got tough,
We had some rough times.
The talks we had,
For the now,
The what ifs,
The future.

Still at Twenty...
We loved,
Unconditionally,
We tried to make it work.

At Twenty-One
The parties,
Constant work,
Life,
College,
We couldn't take it all
We were too young.
We broke up.

At Twenty-Two
We were friends,
Still in love.
We knew it would be forever,
That would never change.

You moved away
I stayed.
We moved on,
We went our separate ways.

At Twenty-Three
You came back, but
You left again.

At Twenty-Four
We lost touch,
You had moved on,
And so had I.

Years went by,
We barely talked,
When we did, we knew,
The feelings were always there,
Never going away.

At Twenty-Seven
You bumped on to me,
That warmth down my arm,
Familiar.
Your blue eyes,
Your mischievous smile,
Your touch,
Your Hello.

It all came to me.
We hung out,
We found a spot and talked
Letting the night fall,
And the sun rise.

That skip,
That beat,
What did it mean?
Could my grownup heart know?
We said the I love yous.

At Twenty-Eight
We talked,
You wanted to meet and
Know my new family.

At Twenty-Eight
I got the news that you were gone.

At Twenty-Eight
It all came crashing down.

At Twenty-Eight
I remembered everything.

At Twenty-Eight
It was more powerful then,
Than the last ten years.

At Twenty-Eight
The goodbye I could never say,
The closure that never came.

At Twenty-Eight
You, my first love
Were gone.

At Twenty-Eight
I will forever remember you.

At Twenty-Eight
You will always have a piece of my heart.