Routine. Make sure you have it. Whether it be taking a shower and brushing your teeth every morning, or it is smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of coffee. I need you to have a routine sweetheart, it'll serve you when you're in high school.

2. Don't use violence. Treat others the way you want to be treated. The violence part? I know, easier said than done, but your dad had such a hard time in high school. He was suspended and almost got battery charges for hitting a girl. Also, your dad went to jail for abusing the effing crap out of your grandmother.  So trust me please, when I say violence is not the answer.

3. Read. Write. Create. Repeat. Read John Green, Neil Hilborn, and Savannah Brown. Write as though your soul is on fire and this is the only way to put it out. Write every day, write about pain, guilt, shame, suffering. Write about all the bad things, but also show those glimmers of hope. Create. Make art that shocks and makes people think. Make masterpieces. Make art you don't like. Whatever you do, just make art. Do it because your dad would. Do it for the world. You have so much potential.

4. Don't join Facebook. You will get preconditioned to the fact Facebook is a right of passage and a sense of freedom, but trust me, it isn't. It'll turn you from an artist to one who searches for love in all the wrong places. One who strives off likes, and hearts, and good reactions. It will make you feel worthless on those days you get zero shares from the status you thought was golden. I love you and you can do this.

5. This one is hard for me to say, especially considering I'm one of many whose done it, but don't attempt suicide. You'll regret it the moment it doesn't work and cry the moment you realize what you've done. I will let you know regardless if it works or not, the amount of pain you put others in: will not change. There will always be pain. I love you sweetheart and you can do this.

6. Listen to loads of music. This should be your drug of choice. I'll make you a playlist of all your padre's favorite songs. Music does wonders. Music soothes, helps you create, lets you let it out, and the list goes on and on.

7. Discover yourself; embrace that. Whether you be gay, straight, or bi. Whether you're happy, sad, or content. Whether you're ill or not ill. BE YOURSELF. Be so much yourself, you have the amount of confidence of a great white shark. Those *******, those animals are CONFIDENT. (19 year old me would also like to insert that werk it qween is a totally acceptable phrase)

8. You are made of magic. You have the bones of stars and the eyes of bravery. Anywhere you walk is going to be a place where everyone knows your presence. You walk on red carpets of kindness and love, but also you smile bigger than anyone in the room.

See her? Yeah, she's my daughter. She's my light, life, and reason to function on bad days. She brings me so much joy that the only way to describe it is, become an addict, go into foster care and lose everything you've ever known for ~1.5 years, and then uproot yourself into the adult life, 1 day after graduating. After you've completed those steps and only managed to need to be resuscitated twice, then you get to go onto the pile of adult ******* that entails: paying bills, overdosing on abused drugs, being forced to sign a 'mutual termination' contract with the place you were living because you had a mental health flare up. Are you still alive? Okay cool, well now you're going to move into sober living and fall in love with the wrong person while being there, get into drugs even more than you were before (ironic, eh,) and now... after all that. You move away from hell. And fall in love with the child you never thought you'd have.  

You bring me so much happiness, it's nearly ridiculous.

IN SILENCE OF THE SOUL
(Bijoylakshmi Das)
Breathe not my Dear! In the silence of the Soul,
Earth is asleep and Night's splendour
adorns your feet;
Go deep within your breathless sleep
The solemn silence gives you its sublime kiss.
You are born pure,
The celestial Beauty keeps knocking at your ****** door.

Fear not, dive deep into the sombre depth of the dark,
To meet the Fire of enlightenment afar -
Denied to futile human births
Never ready to keep their inner doors azar.
Let me be reborn to make life anew,
Sanctioned from above, clad with magnificent hue.

There you sit alone in solitude's embrace -
My eternal companion, my Sweet Love!
At all cessation to the life of flesh and blood,
The Lotus-eyed Beauty lisps lullaby by the Grace of God.

Merge into the limitless expanse of the Infinite,
Sings sweetest psalms of exalted Bliss;
Earth is now not fit for you to alight,
Nor to embrace you in her sweet soft kiss.
Born forever in the Eternal Poise,
All in Harmony, all in Splendour -
No more mortal's discordant noise!

Songs of symphony vibrant in air around,
No slightest whisper of man's lips, no more sound;
Music jubilant, mirth profound
Nature is Rapture-clad.
To make Union Supreme,
Oh Dear all alone in Soul's lonely realm
Bliss' invincible King!
Heralding a shifting world's romance,
Changes subtle, sibilations silent
Under One Immortal's eternal vigilance!

Sail on Comrade Oh Sailor forlorn!
Fatigued by the toil of earth,
Grieve not, you are enlivened and reborn -
To rejoice in your new vernal birth.
Silence speaks a lot,
Speaks of immaculate Vast!
The measureless expanse of the Ocean ahead of you,
Plunge deep into it to be a glorious participant!
The fathomless depth longs to lisp -
The One Message undeciphered -
Never put into any human script!

Get not lost in the maze and mud around -
Try to hide our Mystic Play,
The heavenly blossoms send myriad hues
To make journey a grand success and to enjoy.
Songs of Cuckoo alive in the smiles of the Green,
Never bids adiue to the Spring's joyful Qween!

Oh Soul Sublime!
You are born to shine the brightest,
The mortal in the making!
The Supreme rules the invisible kingdom of your heart
In Soul's awakening!
To reach the goal,
Rise above body and mind
To explore Thy Soul!
(Bijou Das, Anand Utsav Ashram, Haridwar. 19.06.2019)