What do I do now?
How do I move on?
My ideal doesn't want me
If it was a physical ideal
I'd be fine
Looks are just looks
No reason to dwell too long on those
My ideal though
My dream person
The person I always hoped for
Doesn't want me
I never thought of that
Not that I'm a great catch
And that the thought of rejection never occurred
It's just that I never thought
Not once
That my ideal would reject me
Would love some one else
Or pursue others
And tell me about it
My ideal tells me about their ideals
And I'm not them
If that wasn't enough
No, its never enough
My ideal keeps pushing
Keeps wanting to be closer
Wants to know more about me
About the person who never opens up
About the person who it hurts to do so
They want to know everything
And I want to tell them
Oh god how I do
But I can't
I always imagined the personI would open up to
The person I could give myself to
The person who would accept the good
The bad
The broken
Just me
I imagined
Oh I imagined
In my darkest days
This person who would be My Person
I imagined we would just fit
We would click for some reason
I imagined they would hold me close when I was feeling sad
Answer whenever I called in case something happened
Bicker with me just for fun
Tell me what was wrong so that I could make it better
Would make me laugh just because they could
Cuddle with me because I went through something tough
Kiss my head just to show they cared
Hold my waist or hand as we walked because we just wanted to contact
Let me be there for them because they knew I always would be
Tell me what they need so I can try to be there like they've been for me
I always imagined this person would love me
And I would love them
I imagined this person would be My Person
And I would be theirs
Yes, we would have other people we were close to
We would have best friends
And friends who were like family
But we'd be the closest
We'd be each other's support
When I imagined My Person
They were the only one
I promised myself I would find this person
I promised we'd have our struggles but would always end up happy together
I guess it's silly to think like that
It's silly to think this ideal would exist
But it helped me through the bad days
Helped me not do something I would regret
Or have others regret for me
When the dark days broke to lighter ones
I let my ideal go
Not that I didn't ponder about them
I just didn't dwell as I did
I didn't look for them as I would in the past
When I stopped looking
I found them
Or rather we happened upon each other
When I met my ideal
I didn't know at first
How could I?
I mean we clicked like I'd always dreamed
But that doesn't mean anything, right?
Until it does
Until it did
When I realized my ideal
When I found who I thought was My Person
I was over the moon!
I was surprised they existed
Surprised that I found them
My ideal person was real
I had a chance to be with My Person
But the stars were not aligned
Luck was not on my side
Fate had not favored me
I know this because though they are all I ever wanted
All I ever needed
They don't want me
They love me
They said they do
But I'm not their ideal
Their Person
And while I understand
It's still hard
Hard to be so close yet do so far
To be together yet a part
To have them take so much pain away but to give much more without knowing
I always imagined my ideal and I would be together for a long time if not forever
I just never imagined that it'd be as friends
Or that it would hurt this much
I imagined they would take the pain away
Not give a new kind
The worst part of it
The absolute worst
Is that it's not their fault
There's nothing they can do to make it better
No matter what we do
We can't separate because we can't abandon each other
And we can't be more if one of us doesn't feel that way
We're stuck
More actually
I'm stuck
I'm stuck with my ideal that will never become My Person
With a best friend I can't get over
With pain I can't stop
With a situation I can't rationalize my way out of
In all my days of imagining
Of dreaming
This ideal
My Person
I never once
Not in my darkest nightmares
Thought I would find them
Only to have them not want me
Never did I think I'd find myself having to get over this
Having to deal
To think
To know
My ideal doesn't want me

My ideal love is a love that catches me by surprise.
The realization of intelligent things and conversations that literally take us anywhere.
My ideal love is a love that expresses ideal.
The ramifications that influence us to be who we really are in front of who we are.
A love that doesn't mind bargin shopping and putting together hundred dollar outfits that really cost $10.
The reality that its the most simplest of things that are most significant.
A spontaneous love that doesn't mind the predictability of living today before exploring the mystery of tomorrow.
Here after the after thought that we exist in the past as well as the present simultaneously.
If ever in need I'll do my best to provide all that I can for an ideal love.
Through these actions I believe the true miracle is achieved.
An ideal love that is beyond ideal.
Who sets the where and how we meet, the institutions of bliss where the masses are limited to love and longing.
To find patience and compassion sitting on the front lawn on the same institution.
As long as she provides a kiss that can send me outside of my own thoughts, and pull me closer to hers.
My ideal love wouldn't be based on a B.E.T movie.
A single expression that summarizes a scorned woman letting go.
A cliff note of lust soon as the next sceen fades to black.
Her ******* pulled down not knowing the dude is secretly abusive.
140 minutes gone by to realize the last 5 mins were the ones that made her truly happy.
The woes of love.
My ideal love is a woman built with ambition but with a heart big enough to understand that without sacrifice nothing is truly accomplished.
A culture made in truth, ripped off by those who ignore that struggle is what makes us who we are.
The courage to walk out in front and be who we really are.
A real woman that doesn't mind lounging around the house that knows whom Budda and Huey Newton was.
This revolution of ideal starts the moment I realize that I never stood a chance.
The surprise of her lips against my cheek.
I drink from this remedy each time you open your lips.
So in silence I gasp.
As you caught me off guard,
My ideal love