you used to make me feel like i was in flight;
above the clouds, with the breeze in my hair,
and no one around so i could actually be myself for once
nowadays, when i see you,
it make me feel like i’ve fallen down a flight of stairs;
all tangled up inside
and broken in all the wrong places

sometimes, i wish i could forget you
but then i remember i’ve avoided a lot of train wrecks
because of our atom bomb

we were the first of mine, you know,
the first to make me commit as big a mistake
as the ******* manhattan project

you ******* me up more than you can imagine
i lay waste for months, with no sign of human life,
or, life of my own, at least

i threw myself into the care of plants and cats
and writing love songs with terrible lyrics
telling tales of people who weren’t us;
of people who never fought.
of people would never leave the stove on
because something more exciting
was going on in life outside

i used to feel like i was always close to you,
to the world, to a bigger idea,
but now, when i think of you, i feel like
the bigger things are ominously closing in on me
closer, closer, too close, crushingly,
and you were always so physical

Sober, or hungover
One or the other
I’ll take a stab at writing
Something that’s too good
Not to know

And I’ve heard “I don’t know”
So
Many times
This past month
I fee like am starting to
You know,
Know

I know you have none of my answers
I know my questions have been spot on
I know my effort has been worthy
I know
As much as you do

You were my darlin’ Queen, the star of the show
Now you are someone elses princess
But you are still my Queen
The Queen of “ I don’t know”

Reconciliation
A leap of faith
Growth and Humility
Laughter and happiness

These are more than things I know
They are my unrewarded actions
Will my attraction
To you ever waver?
Will I ever return the favor?
Are we friends or does that even matter?
I wont ask these questions
Because I know the answer
And its not "no"
Homonym, not vernacular
Yes it is
You know?

ABC.
These have little worth compared
To their homonym.

Cynthia's gone
Across this universe.
And, if there is a heaven,
She'll never have
To deal with Lennon.
He called her Cyn,
A name with
Quite a homonym
For deeds that once
Defined him,
Before he was
A man.

Now and then I think of you,
That soft smile you left me with.
Now and then, I wish I could
Say that it's okay, I understand,
That if you have to go,
Believe me that nobody
Will understand
The way that I can.

I knew I should beware of you,
This illusory complex that I wanted to be you.
And, still, when you knocked upon my door,
I answered your call.
But sunny days will always set, my dear,
I just didn’t know that
You’d make always come so soon.
Blame it on that sunny afternoon,
But I did, and maybe still do…
I really used to believe in you.

But it seems like this forgiveness
Is about faith, and knowledge,
And knowing when you’re too far behind,
And when to let go,
And how to make the best of a cliff
That may take a decade to climb.
Yes, I think it’s about
Forgiveness,
And faith,
And you and me,
And how to be free,
And cutting you off
Like a hundred-year-old tree.

Now and then, you’re on my mind;
The things you said
Were only my religion, my life,
But now and then I remember:
That it’s not about who you let your guard down to,
But why you became so vulnerable in the first place.
All the same, despite my campaign,
Some things just remain
Burned into your memory.
Like two words the same but worlds apart-
Your memory is a homonym of my very own heart.
But it’s okay, I understand,
My will is not your will, just
Rest assured that I will always
Love you like nobody will.

Now and then, I feel like a fool.
These letters and boxes of what once was
Seem so dark and deceiving,
And now and then I wonder how long
It would take to make them full again.
But it’s okay, I understand.
There’s no use in pretending
That this grey cloud’s not looming;
Maybe someday it won’t rain.
But, now and then,
I’ve got to pay,
Because you’re gone,
And that’s the way it will stay.

There is an old homonym used in this poem e.g. “habit”. Its usage in the opening lines is something I wrote on a napkin decades ago. It creates a pleasant ambiguity in the mix. Homonyms are words that are spelled and sound the same but have different meanings. The question is, it a nun’s habit or just a good/bad habit?

“The truth is that everyone is bored, and devotes himself to cultivating habits.” Albert Camus

Take a look at this old habit
I know it’s worn, I’ve had it for years
It’s tattered and torn in all the right places
Cost me a dime and a lifetime of tears
Transforming my soul it is worn with respect
Counting the memories it passes the test
Round the corner off the end of the bend
My shivering tears contend with the rain
Mentions of settlements wrought in pain
Never will I ever be here again
Deliver me now to the dragon’s lair
I don’t even care if it’s not really there
Made a hat to match from a well weathered mat
I tossed it aside to the place where it’s at
Never again will I tread on this time
“Buyer beware” of this train of thought
It could cost you a page
From your own weathered book so
Never forget when you came on this chance
And never believe you can get it all back

I am ink faces and paper traces
vowels and consonants arranged
in molecules and red splotches
vascular and musculature
an anthem to all of us.
Homonym hymn religious
syllables silliness
nouns non- meaning
me
I am composed and disarrayed
like an alphabet scattered into a wind .
A Bic pen running out , skipping,
writing, for a lack of paper on the back of
poems written before,
I need a Quill and inkwell,
one thousand trees
to reach my destiny.