We fear love because we fear vulnerability and I understand this paradox is common. And I understand that my struggles are not unique but being rudimentary and predictable does not make the pain in my chest that tells the brain in my head to take a knife to my own skin every time I am alone in a room with white walls, ever go away. It tells me to paint and I tell it to shut up because at this age, no one cares how badly you want to hurt yourself because at this age, you should be asking for help, and at this age when you finally ask for help they tell you that you should have come sooner and that this age is a weird one to start talking about how you feed off validation from others the same way your extended family feeds off alcohol. You never let anyone in because it’s all your fault. And you know it, so you suffer alone and you refuse to face vulnerability with self love and trust because the last time you trusted someone they shred your insides to dust and you could not see straight for two years. Tell me, what do you fear? Liberation or self examination?