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Umi Mar 2018
One scarlet tear, makes it clear which drops from her cheek to the ground which burns away as acid, toxic, became lifeless in an instant
Emotions of any kind, are to ruin ones mind, ones soul from something more beautiful, clean and without any malicious intent,
Ruining what's best in us, corrupting inner peace with disturbance,
Free from bonds or feelings one would live alike the the moon; Elusive, with a cycle which turns and decides to recycles once again,
But what would be a life, free from the trouble of emotions, heartache
pain and agaony, happiness and glee with experiencess worth more than a soul could ask for, wish to be repeated, forming what is YOU,
Would it be a curse ? A blessing ? Would it be wise to purify onesself,
All these questions remain unanswered, as the world spirals it's transient, lifely joyful axis around our golden shining star, the sun,
Purity comes sinfree, cut from temptations of every meaningful term,
Then it would mean to give up anything, everything in solace, simply to remain free from an act or even a thought of unrighteousness,
Empathy would be lost in a purgatory of pure furies which knows no heart, or mercy for this matter, a life spend alone is an answer to this,
Oh servant, will you burn away like the flower in the heat of summer by achieving this purity you strive for just to call yourself better ?
After all, the joy of emotions is for all to experience
After all the love of light is for all to bear

~ Umi
Angie Rourke Mar 2013
Echoes from the past
tear through my soul
to expose me to the
cruel world I live in.
     It's that time of year again...

Abandoned by many
caught up in their everyday lives.
While I scream from within.
Hold it together.
     It's that time of year again...

My front is quite solid.
I've done this before.
No one knows...
I'm doing good.
     It's that time of year again...

But the loyal one's, they stay.
They endore my agaony with me.
It pains me to know that I am hurting them
by showing my true colors.
     It's that time of year again....

Some tell me I'm strong.
Don't they realize this only weakens me?
Leaving me quivering in the darkness
alone and scared.
     It's that time of year again...

But then I think of you,
"Broken Wing" is playing in the background
Embarrassing me in public....
Calling to pick you up while you hide behind the store...
What!  You're not allowed to skateboard through Target?
Come get me Mom...

I miss you.
You would anger me so much.
But I would laugh when you weren't looking.
I long for that laughter now...

Thank you for the joy that you have given to me.
I will love you Always and Forever.
     Especially at this time of year....
Nellie 55  Dec 2019
Untitled
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
I've ways dealt with things alone. Never was anything new only new things was the "false hope"
I've always had a lot of anger. Defense mechanism because I was afraid to be in danger. Therapy sessions with pen and paper. Always in a room writing and crying. Notes look like its just me and you. Mirrors laughing at me because the reflection was not so great. I lost my one true love and now I'm done woth the tears because everytime i picture her smiling i break. I've got hope, I've got these dreams. Let me tell you one thing. I am loyal, I am the right man. She deserves to be mine. But wouldn't be fair because thats not what she wants. Time to sit in the park and hope she sneaks up on me for a kiss. Walk this lonely road down the block because its her i miss. Knocking on the door while shes freaking out. Barefoot and rain pooring down. I'm here baby I'll always walk through hell for you. Road trip is our adventure and now you see me in the review mirror for your adventure. Man why don't the past let go of me. I'm moving and why does it have to summon me. Everywhere i go especially when i try to sleep then find myself ready to bleed because i cant eat nor wanna speak about ready to lay low beneath because i wanna ******* breathe but thats to easy. **** me for finally being happy to just lay down in agaony. Why me? Why does it have to be me alone? Just why?
Nellie 55  Jan 2020
Siblings
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Dear siblings of mine,
I wish I was a better brother
Especially towards you viv
You've had it the worst
I always tried to take care of you forst
I've had nightmares about me hirting the hell out of you
**** man I hate myself for what i put you through
Man DJ I've hurt you too and for that I'm sorry
It'll be a bless to get forgiveness
I'm so caught up in agaony I ******* forgot how to be happy especially for others because I'm still selfish
Yaya I wish I could of been there
Especially when you'd call
**** man I'm the worst and all
I'm a bad brother
I wish I can accomplish **** to be better
I'm so disgusted with myself
Nellie 55  Jan 2020
2019
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
What a year, what a mess. Ready for a change, hopefully it'll be a success.
Been lying and be cheatimg. Been betrayed and have betrayed.
But then saw how fast I was replaced. **** the suicidal thoughts screamin at me. I'm a be in control but it won't stop my insecurity. I love how I'm always going to be the bad man. I love how I'm always the clingy man.
But you k ow none of that matters because hope is lost.
What a loss cause.
**** the agaony, **** the betrayal, and **** the way I use to be. I've got to get better. **** I forgot to write my grandma a letter. It's amazing that I'm no longer a priority I'm a stranger. Been replaced quick and I put my feelings to danger.
Nellie 55 May 2020
Don't come crying to me, when you don't listen to me. We all have a little anxiety, caught up in agaony, this is reality.
We're all going through vulnerability, just sail away at sea.
Last time I was caught up I found myself not following my own advice. Now I'm my own victim. Alcohol drinking me, cigarettes smoking me.
We're all going to feel alone
We all have a empty phone
No matter what the case maybe
We get caught up daydreaming

— The End —