To the love of my life.
I gave you everything.
I know women say that often but they very rarely mean it, I do.
I gave you everything.

You came at a time, when my world was dark, so dark - I was blinded by it.
I fumbled around, searching, yearning, aching and grasping handfuls of damp air – always left with nothing.
So I stopped, gave up, gave in to the pain and the hopelessness, I stopped searching.
I was on the very edge and I had no intention of taking a step back, or trying to pull myself up should I fall over, I would remain where I was,
There was no light, no hope, no faith, just a strong woman weakened by the trials of life.
It was just me, it had always been just me.
I had no fears, not of death or man, not a single fear hindered me from continuing or going on, but I was hopeless, tired and driven by loneliness.

When we met, I had no idea who you’d turn out to be to me, or the role you’d come to play in my life. You were just another man.
Then you learned how to make me laugh, and you did it so effortlessly, made me laugh from within my soul and I began to grow once more, a strong, fearless woman.
Reborn.
You became a friend, someone I learned to trust with my secrets, my shame, my hopes, my dreams, memories of a time long past, haunted and melancholy memories I had buried.
I dug them up and shared them with you, hoping they could provide some explanation as to the woman I am, so you could understand.
You embraced them, the dark thoughts, the sinful acts I had committed, my past, every single thing you accepted - without hesitation.

You set me free and I fell in love.

Dear god, I was so happy, I couldn’t even describe how free and alive I felt after years of being shackled and chained by my own thoughts. You did that for me, and we became the couple others set out to be.
Best friends with an unimaginable love for each other.

No amount of time ever spent together was enough, and each time we parted it was in sadness and anticipation for the next time we would meet.

You were my best friend, and I was yours.
Your northern star, your light in the dark, your best friend.

You shared your fears, your big dreams, your plans.
I was always next to you, always part of the plan, I was your future and you were mine.
Partners, comrades – a team.
There really was no one like us, you knew that as well as I did.
Every burden, every load was shared, no matter how heavy, I was always there.
I supported you in every decision, every plan, every dream, I encouraged you, picked you up when you had fallen, carried you when you were weak, every hard road I walked with you. I gave you my strength, gave you hope, motivated you to go on. When your thoughts became dark and they clouded your mind, making you believe things about yourself that weren’t true, made you believe that there was no way out, when those thoughts that overwhelmed you – I battled my way through each fear, every dark corner and brought you back into the light.
Every time you hurt me, brought me to tears - something I hadn’t done since the death of my mother – I forgave you. I knew you never meant to hurt me, never intentionally broke my heart, never set out to break me – but you did and I forgave you, countless times.
There was no hatred or contempt, only love.

You were never there for me, and I know you tried but never hard enough. You never made me feel alone, that was what I liked, you always came back to give me the time you had missed, you let me cry and always told me how strong I was even when I was at my weakest. You saw me as strong and brave, bold and brilliant.
I know things were hard sometimes, but they were worth it. Every fight, every issue, every problem, we worked through, we fought, we went to war and we won – every time, we won. A love as strong and bright and ours always beat the odds. It was raw and unchained, passionate and overwhelming, but it was beautiful.

For the first time in my life, I was afraid. I had developed fears. Deeply entrenched fears that ran along the walls of my heart.
I was afraid of losing you. How do you explain that to someone? How do you tell someone your deepest fear is losing them, something you can’t possibly control or prevent, something so completely out of your hands, something you can never take a hold of.

Our love was magic, wasn’t it?

You were the sun in my life, not only the light but the warmth. You allowed me to grow, nurtured my soul and penetrated the dark with your smile.
I thought I had loved before you, but I was wrong.
I loved you so much more than I could ever describe, I didn’t think it was possible to love someone as I loved you.

Two years down the line, things began to change - you began to change and you started to close the doors to your thoughts, I tried to understand but you wouldn’t let me.
Every time I questioned, tried to fix things, you would make me feel crazy, tell me I was making things up, seeing things that weren’t there, I believed you and that was where you began to destroy me, within the walls of my own mind.

You were cold and distant and I was alone and afraid. I fought to keep you close, put myself through hell to remain in touch with the man I knew so well, only to watch you drift further each time.
I didn’t give up, I stayed strong, fought harder, tried more, tried to change, but nothing worked.
I tried to talk to you and you would only push me further away, leaving me in the dark, I asked if there was someone else and you became angry, asking me how I could even ask such a thing, so I apologised.
You were hurtful and bitter and when you stopped telling me you loved me, I knew I had lost the man I was so deeply in love with.
The first time I realised there was someone else, my body felt like a hollow shell. There was nothing, I couldn’t feel my toes or hear my heart beat, it was empty. I preferred that, the shell, the black hole that was in my chest, the heaviness that the emptiness brought – I preferred that to what came next.
When my soul tore itself up, when I could hear it rip and tear at the seams – over and over again, ripping itself apart. Losing all the hopes and dreams I had, watching them wash away and being powerless, unable to recollect them. Feeling my heart break and shatter, feeling the fire in my chest, the fire that I wished would consume me, but only burnt everything inside my ribcage, leaving only excruciating pain behind and a heap of dark black ash.

That’s what I carry with me now, everywhere I go, a heap of black ash resembling everything I had, the woman I used to be, the remnants of my foundation, my core, lies in my chest. Its heavy and cold, most nights it chokes me, every day it haunts me.
Yet, I forgive you.
For all the empty promises, for the pain, for the fear you instilled, for the lies, for the dishonesty.
For destroying me all the while telling me you loved me, I forgive you.


Sincerely, a once in a lifetime woman.

My love is an ocean and I
am the woman who stands in its depths,
let me embrace you.
Unless you fear my love to be
too deep
too strong

And you seek that of another,
go call to the girl who stands on the shore,
with her toes in the sand,
let her bathe you in the
excess of my love
the tide brings in.

She walked through life, alone.
Content.
Happy with smelling
the concrete, fresh after the rain.
With watching
the sunset from her bedroom window.
With picking
flowers from a garden, stuffing it in her breast pocket.

With cooking alone, enjoying a meal for one on her two seater couch, with a glass of wine.
Falling asleep with Tolstoy and Oscar Wilde late at night.
She was happy, content,
she always felt like something might be missing but it never gave her reason to fear, to put her life on pause.

Then
He came along and showed her what it was like to live beside someone,
to share.
He taught her how to walk in the rain,
he taught her how to breathe,
how to feel the sun on her skin,
how to enjoy the feeling left in her fingertips.

He taught her how to be the flower and not just steal its glory,
how to be someone,
others stole glory from.

He taught her how to care, how to love.
He shared her two seater and her wine.
She learned to cook for two and not just one.

At night her poetry lay untouched at her bedside table.
His voice, his warmth - her remedy.
Suddenly, she felt the hole start to fill.
She loved it most when he made her laugh and when he smiled.

Her favourite was when he used his surname in the place of her own.
When he would talk of their future,
their kids,
their home.
She felt safe and strangely at home wherever he was.
She was happy.

Then
One day, he became different.
Stopped talking of their future,
their home,
their life.
He stopped sharing her two seater,
stopped holding her at night.
Without warning or notice - she was alone.

She forgot how to breathe and how to feel the sun,
how to be a flower,
how to fall asleep at night,
the hole she barely felt before became bigger and bigger,
and that was all she could feel,
the emptiness,
the pain,
the coldness that consumed her.
She forgot how to laugh.
She found her own future to be a blurred sight.
She couldn't remember how to love, how to care, how to feel.

She lost sight of everything.
She couldn't find her way back to where she was.
Everything felt out of place, out of context.
She never wanted to love again.
She feared she never would.

I sometimes yearn for the power to control the clouds,
So that they too,
may wet your face as the tears do mine

That I may hold the sun in my hands
and direct its gentlest rays to your skin,
So that they too,
may affect you,
the way your embrace does mine.

I wish for the ability to blow the wind in your direction,
so that its  soft hands may caress your face, the way your hands often do mine.

I wish I could bring the galaxies down for you, so you could

see yourself through my eyes.

I stared at the thick gold band of the bracelet he’d clipped onto my wrist, and it angered me.
I was furious at the fact that I couldn’t take it off, couldn’t find the strength to break a promise even when he had – countless times.
Instead of stroking my heart with the soft delicate hands of love, and feeding my soul the light and euphoria that comes from loving another, tears began to form in my eyes.
They bubbled up, filled to the brim and remained there; refusing to fall, refusing to disappear and yet they remained.

They swam in the uncertainty, the pain, the sorrow, the heartache.
And blurred my vision, hindering my sight.
As the tears spilled over and traveled down my cheeks, I knew that being in love wasn’t meant to feel this way.
That instead of crying and wiping away the tears and trying to cover up the pink tint around my eyes, I should have been in his arms.
I should have felt secure, safe, loved.
I should have been calm and assured because in a relationship common courtesy applies to the other.
I should not have been worrying about where he was or if he was okay.
I shouldn’t have wondered if he was coming home, I shouldn’t have been afraid of him blatantly lying to my face, repeatedly – but I was.

He could never text and tell me that he was fine, tell me where he was or when I could expect him home.
He could never pause for a second and consider my feelings, my emotions or my concerns.
He could never call just to say “I miss your voice”
He could make empty promises and trick me into promising the world.
They would lay in his eyes, bright and enticing screaming at me that this time it was real.
He could lift my hand to his lips and place kisses on my wrist, the knuckles and the spaces in between, and proceed to look into my eyes and tell me that I meant the world to him, that there was nothing more important, that he needed me.
I would melt, all of my anger, my frustration, my distrust, my thoughts would melt away when his eyes met mine and he said “baby, I love you”
Each time, he would look into my brown eyes and promise that this time, this time would be different.
He promised the stars but never mentioned that I’d get burned reaching for them.
He promised the ocean but never mentioned the icy cold waters I would drown in searching for his love in the waves.
He promised the light to put an end to the darkness Id been forced to live in but never told me that the bulb would blind me and then fuse.
He swore that he would give his life for mine but never mentioned that I’d have to sacrifice my soul to redeem it.

He swore that he loved me but never told me what he was swearing on.
He made promises to tell the truth, but never mentioned that I would be the only honest one.
He made me love him, but never warned me that he would leave with it and render me incapable of loving again.

So I unclipped the bracelet, watching it fall from my wrist and land on the bed.
I picked it up and put it on my bedside table.
Breaking the first promise in the thousands I had made.

Dear family.
I’m sorry for falling in love with a man of whom you do not approve.
I apologise for his tenderness and his tremendous capacity for hope.
For his support and generosity.
Most of all I apologise for the love he has for me, and for the love you never had.

Dear bigoted society.
I’m sorry I hold his hand in public.
I apologise for publicly displaying my affection for him by pressing my lips to his cheek.
For sharing the same spoon, plate, straw and cup whilst in your presence.

Most of all I apologise for believing in a love you so openly disapprove of.
I’m sorry that the contrast between our skin colour causes you to frown in distaste.
I apologise for loving him unconditionally, regardless of the fact that it bothers you.
For not being narrow minded and self righteous.
Most of all I apologise for you being too conceited to understand that I fell in love with his soul and not the likeness of his skin to mine.

Amidst all these options.
The light, the white, the delicate the clean.
The choice of something new,
someone untouched by my hands,
something fresh,
someone cool and unexplored.

I wanted you
I wanted your rich brown skin.
Your warm chocolate marble chest.
I wanted the familiarity of your design,
your feel, your works.
I'd turn around
and find
not the unknown
but my man.
and here is something I need to emphasize:
mine.

I could not imagine turning to find a
stranger,
however skilled and acquainted with the pleasures
and desires of a woman.

I wanted you.
The man who knows every crease and fold.
Every corner that is turned
and faced with imperfections - he knows how to handle.
Every part that feels broken
He knows how to fix, mend, heal and repair
You don't find that everyday.

In the cool satin sheets my body lay twisted in,
its your arms that I feel there too
wrapped around me.
The love I feel coursing through your veins,
and throbbing through your chest
is my safety,
my security,
my warmth.

I cannot bear the thought of sharing that
with someone
temporary.

For now,
I'll bear
the loneliness
and the cold
I'll wait for you to come home.

You've never felt so alone in your life.
Before, you know.. There were somewhat plausable reasons -  excuses for feeling so alone..
Like not having anyone to share your life with.
But when you do find someone, you expect at least some of the pain to subside or to get easier to deal with.

What you don't expect is for the pain to get worse, to increase and eat you on the inside.

But it does.

And then he doesn't even notice that you've stopped breathing.

He doesn't see that you've gone colour blind.
That you don't see the chocolate brown of his eyes
and instead of seeing the oceans that once lay in yours you see dark gray ash laying in pools filling the windows that should lead to your soul.

He still sees the ocean when he looks into your eyes, and that's what scares you.
You wonder if he's drowning.
You wonder if its too late.


You wonder if you lost yourself because he stopped searching for you.

It's been a month
an entire month of doing abolutely nothing.
30 days and not once have I attempted to describe the texture of your hands on my skin or the sound of your voice.

The dark color of your eyes or the freedom that rests in the palms of your hands.
The feeling of being enfolded while being completely free in your arms.
The magic that lies at the end of your fingertips.

The sledgehammer rhythm of your heart and the peace it instills in mine.
the beauty of your smile and the gentle tone to your laugh.
Your lips warm and soft - a healing ritual when they meet mine.

All these things I have failed to describe, to write down - afraid to allow them to creep to the front of my mind and take over. Because that's what thoughts of you do - invade my mind and nestle into every nook and cranny of my ocean deep thoughts and troubles.

And now, I miss you.

I like being noticed.. You know.
I like being appreciated. But I like being noticed for the small things.

Appreciated would be the times you tell me I am beautiful.
Noticed would be if you realised I never believe you.

Appreciated would be the fact that I have succulent hips and
noticed would be the fact that sometimes those hips have bones, that they liked to be grasped.
That occasionally you should leave bruises - because I like reminders of where your hands have been.

Appreciated would be that I have soft skin.
Noticed would be that I like to be kissed there - on my skin - on any visible piece.  

Maybe one day you'll notice..
I'll never stop hoping.

You're like the heat of a thousand suns and although I am burnt, chapped and faded I choose to remain in the dessert.

You tried to take my hand.
Although I yearned for your touch - I had to push you away.
I had to let you know somehow that though I had given you another chance, I hadn't completely forgiven you yet.

And it hurt me more than you did, for us to be distant.
My hands felt empty.
My lips felt dry and cracked - though I knew they weren't - as if they needed yours.
My body felt as if I was covered in burn wounds, as if your body was the healing balm I needed.
But couldn't get.

Put your hand on my thigh,
trail patterns on the surface.
Look me in the eyes,
make every second worth it.

Trail kisses up my neck,
& across my jawline.
Don't stop, not ever,
it seems as though we're frozen in time.

Put your hands on my waist,
the time is long gone for an innocent embrace.
Breathe me in,
become intoxicated at my scent,
graze your teeth against my throat,
it is with your lips that you tempt.

Run your hands down my back,
stop at my hips - pull me close.
Rub your nose against mine,
those lips,
your poison -
give me another dose.

After years of blissful torture,
press
your lips against mine.
Slow at first
and then
like we're running out of time.
Draw me even closer,
steal the air from my lungs -
kiss me harder,
bite my tongue.

Drive me crazy, blow my mind..
When we release, I know..
Its only to prepare for next time.

If I write you poetry, can I take pieces of your heart?
I promise you can have whats left of mine..
Maybe if we join those pieces together we could feel..
complete

You drive me crazy, but its okay because I know I drive you crazy too.
But its the kind of crazy
that makes a grey sky
seem blue.
A kind of crazy that makes traffic on a Friday afternoon pass at the speed of light..
because
I'm with you.

If we were to break, shatter into a thousand fragments - would there be a glue strong enough to repair us again? Would those cracks and missing pieces make us weaker, or will it make us stronger?
Would it force us to hold tighter, to cling to frozen fingertips and cheap heart candy, or will we simply let go?

Let go, because holding on is hard and breaking contact is easy?
Hold on, because its harder than we percieve to just.let.go?

The truth is we can never be irreperably broken, we'll be put together again and again.
We won't notice that each time - we lose a shard, a tiny piece.

And by the time we do - there's a gaping hole through your middle.
The worst part is : you've lost those shards forever and new ones are hard to come across.

So we spend our days - eternally empty.

When I'm lost, I look to you to find me.
When my mind wanders, my thoughts drift to you.

When I'm broken, I seek your arms to scoop my pieces up and glue them together.
My ears are attuned to your voice and it acts as the thread that stitches my frail heart together again.

Your hands are the best kind of distraction even when all they do is join the scattered freckles across my cheeks.

Your lips trail pathways across my scarred arms to a milky way filled with stars and moonlight.

Your eyes are deep oceans that I get lost into every time your nose rubs mine.

You're a wonderland but I'm merely a tourist.

I don't have any rights to you.
Your mind, your body, your soul.
But I want them all

I want to write your name 4000 times over and over again throughout the day without feeling as if I have committed a sin.
Simply because you'd  be  mine.

You're like a 3rd degree burn, scorched across my battered heart.
And I'm afraid only your arms can act as a healing balm.

You'll be pestered with letters.
Partly because I like to look at your name in my messy handwriting but mostly because if I don't - I'd go crazy without saying half the things I'd try to say in person.

Sometimes I'll stare at you and wonder how on earth I ever managed to acquire such a beautiful creature.
And I'll wonder how long you'll take to realise you could do so much better.

I'll write you poetry,so many pieces.
Describing your eyes and your hands.
I'll write sonnets to the freckle on the right side of your neck.

I'll make you listen to songs that remind me of you & believe me there are many.
I'll write the lyrics on my hands hoping you'll be intrigued to search for answers.

I like code names, ridiculous ones.
So you'll get a few of those too.
I watch tons of movies, I'll do it while I lay my head on your chest.
I laugh at the most inappropriate times.

If public displays of affection embarass you - I'll embarass you everywhere we go.

You should know I'm over-emotional & extremely jealous. I get paranoid and I worry a lot too.

You'll be mine & I'll be yours.
You'll mean the world to me because I don't have anyone else.

I saw it,
I saw it all.

I saw how you would ask me,
Clear eyes cast down, glancing at the ground.
Your soft voice stammering, mumbling about things completely irrelevant to what you were trying to ask.
How your hands would tremble, then suddenly grasp mine.
How you would look up with conviction and stare into my eyes.
Look deep within and ask :
Will you be mine?

I didn't think about how I would reply - I'd imagined it countless times.
I've always been yours.

I saw how we would waste time together.
Your head on my lap, my fingers running through your brown hair.
Talking about silly things like my love of poetry and your hatred of books.

I saw you falling asleep
as I read you poetry.
I saw how my eyes would glaze over as you spoke animatedly about the engines of cars and bikes.

Saw how you would roll your eyes when you finally realised
I just wasn't listening anymore

I saw our intertwined hands and how they gripped each other tightly as if we were afraid we'd let go and lose each other.

I saw the first kiss, how my knees turned to water as your hands encircled my waist.
Your sharp intake of breath as my hand touched your cheek, how you closed your eyes and let your head fall back slightly.

How everything dissipated as my lips reached yours.
I swear I even experienced the hunger, the desire, the greed, the need for more.

I even saw how safe I would feel if I had you by my side.
I saw how I was made of metal and you of magnet.
How my pieces would drag across the earth to rejoin whenever you held me close.

I even heard the first i love you how you whispered my name as my eyes read sonnets in yours.

I see many things.
Just not many that are real.

I guess I just wanted someone I could share my thoughts with.
Someone who would tell me I wasn't crazy.

Crazy for falling for someone, over and over again.
Crazy for trusting again and again and again.

Crazy for expecting something different every time I let someone in.
Crazy for being terrified of the pain that I was continuously put in.

Crazy for loving even when I was hated. Crazy for forgiving even when I was not the one who was mistaken.

Crazy for trying when it wasn't appreciated,
Crazy for giving and never taking.

But I guess what I really wanted was someone to tell me how crazy I actually was.
Tell me I was being weak & not strong.
For someone to just tell me that it was them not me who was wrong.

Nights when I can't sleep,
I write poetry.
I guess I should have a piece every night then,
but I don't.

Sometimes my mind conjures beautiful words that float around my brain, unable to be constructed into an equally beautiful sentence.

Then they just disappear,
and I feel empty again.

Its only on nights like these,
where I can see the edge of a star,
a glimpse of the moon
and for a moment,
I feel hopeful.

that sleep will come again,
that my thoughts will finally rest.

Today I heard the words
I'd been waiting to hear for 34 days
But they weren't from your lips
and it wasn't your voice
that carried the short string of words to my ear.

Yes, they were beautiful.
but
he's
just
not
you.

and
While I tried to keep my heart
from breaking..
I shattered his.

I posted on my facebook wall
my favourite music and movies - so you could pretend to like those.

I posted all the books, places and people I've seen - maybe you can pretend you know about those too.

Recently I updated my status telling everyone how sad the death of my favourite poet is - maybe you could read a few of those and recite your favourite lines.

I uploaded a picture of a couple holding hands, my caption describing how I missed that feeling.
The feeling of safety.
Perhaps you can hold me,
and pretend its what you wanted to do all along.

Yes, I like you.
My feelings go a little deeper than that.

But I'm afraid to tell you because

I have a few extra inches on my waist
I don't have a gap between my thighs.
Sometimes when I speak my double chin pops out.
And my cheek bones don't protrude from my face.

It shouldn't matter though
Because those things don't affect the way I feel.

When you look into my brown eyes, you can still read the novels of my life and my lips can still recite the poetry about your smile.
My hands can still keep yours warm and our bodies can fit together perfectly, almost be mistaken as one.

The size of my jeans won't affect my voice when I tell you how you make me feel, or the way the sun just doesn't shine as bright when you're around.

It doesn't make me different.
It doesn't make me strange.
It simply means there's more of me for you to love.

Maybe it makes me feel good.
When your hands tighten around my waist - when they hold everything together,
when I feel like I
could
just
fall
apart.

My heart beats really fast, almost right out of its cavity
but when my chest reaches yours and our hearts almost..
connect
It slows right down again
almost
to
a
standstill.

And maybe I'm afraid.
Afraid of so many things.
I'm afraid of letting someone in,
afraid that I'll be torn up from the inside again.

But I let you in.

And I shouldn't have expected anything different

But I did.

It was worse than before though.
I just don't know why.

Maybe it was your smile,
or the sound of your voice
when you lied
and said you would never hurt me.

Funny thing is
I'd heard those words before,
but when you spoke them it was as if they were in a different language,
one I didn't understand.

*And so I believed you.

1:48am.
I'm wide awake
and I shouldn't be.
Thoughts of you run endlessly through my mind
and I can't possibly shut my eyes when you're so close to me.
I've only gotten about half an hour of sleep and my eyes burn
but my mind soldiers on.

1:50am.
All I want is you here,
really here.
Not just in my head
but at the very end of my fingertips.
Where I can
breathe
you
in.

1:58am.
But I'm breathing you out, you should be fading - but you don't.
Your voice.
Your hands.
Your piercing blue eyes.
Your lips.

You.

You.

You.

You.

5am.*
Where  did  the  time  go?

When you look at me
I'm not sure I understand what your eyes are trying to tell me.
But
Please don't stop looking at me
because I'm afraid I'll stop trying to understand.

When you stand so close to me
my knees turn to water.
But
Please come a little closer,
the distance between us
makes them weak anyway.

When you speak
the butterflies in my stomach flutter wildly and seek for an escape
But
Please don't stop speaking,
when you are silent
they grow stiff and turn grey.

Please
gaze at me a little longer,
stand a little closer,
& utter words of poetry
For my heart only beats and pumps without those things.
But
with them
It starts and it stops.
Beats and thuds and flutters.
Smiles and laughs and cries.

Breathes.

Barely 8 in the morning and already thoughts of you dominate my mind.
When I think of you, I smell citrus and see summer.
I see warmth and lazy smiles.
I see clear blue water, like the colour of your eyes.
There's a second son on earth and I know that that son is you.

When I dream of you, I see winter and wool blankets. I see the frostbite melt away in the warmth of our intertwined fingers.
I hear the silence, beautiful in all its noiselessness - like your voice.

When I speak of you, I see spring - where everything must blossom again.
I see bright colours and they remind me of your soul.
The words that tumble from my lips are 'beautiful, tender; strong' and although I describe the trees, in my mind I see only you.

While autumn being being beautiful and all, I don't see you there. I don't hear you there either.
In autumn you are summer and in winter you are spring.

Its you, and only you who to my heart on any day can all these seasons bring.

I kept seeing his eyes.
The way his nose set in his face.
The curve of his lips, the corners of his mouth when he smiled.

It was as if I couldn't think of anything else but that particular shade of blue and the secrets they hid beneath them.

As if his smile could tell me more about him than his voice ever could.

I kept seeing his fingers, the way they connected to his hands.
And I thought of the things that could be said with them, the things that could be felt.

And I knew I was getting ahead of myself because I hadn't even spoken to him.
I knew that the hours left till I saw him again would feel like years.
But I knew I  would take those years, take them doubled and tripled just for another glimpse, another fleeting moment of his eyes meeting mine.

He filled my days with midnight
and my midnights with summer.

We looked
We didn't speak,
But our eyes did.