There once was a boy. I knew him pretty well, we shared ice cream on hot, humid days. We were the  cause of grey hairs in our nursery school teacher's pretty brown hair. There were sleepovers and empty soda cans. Bright blue crayon pictures on Mother's freshly painted beige walls. The early demise of Marshall our cat, who had somehow found his way into the bathtub and of course the mystery involving the disappearance of my elder sister's pony tail.
This boy,he wasn't my brother, he wasn't related to me. He was my partner in crime. My best friend.
and I was the girl next door, the light at the end of his seemingly endless black tunnel.
We just fit together, completed each other, balanced out the equation. Okay, yes we weren't the very best behaved 12 year olds in Summer Street, but we were kids. Kids who had discovered profanity and rude finger gestures, kids who had acquired the amazing skill of sarcasm and attitude.
As we grew, however slight, we were struck down by the harsh brutality of life and its obstacles.
We were shown love... and heartbreak, and we were inevitably exposed to the evil within humanity.
What we realized, was that we were both still true to each other, that in our 23 years of shared existence on planet earth, we had found one of the rarest combinations created, in the palm of our hands.
Love and friendship.
We thought we had found happiness and peace along with it, little did we know society would ruin it all for us two.
There once was a boy, he was my moonlight and I was his sunshine.
There was a boy, who was engulfed by pain and sadness at the hate and hurt being thrown in his direction.

There was a boy, was a boy who was my whole life. I woke one day to find a man with an empty pill bottle and a pillowcase of soaked gin lying in the spot where the boy I once loved had taken his last breath.
There was a woman, yet to be found. Found on a cold,  blood soaked sheet with a revolver in her hand, next to the man she once loved.

Once there was a world that loved without limits.
In its place - a world that rips apart, deceives, and criticizes.
A world run by a heartless society.

I dreamt of you again.. Of your sweet morphine laced lips and your ice cold breath.

I dreamt of the sound of your whispered words at 3:30am.
I felt the same warmth spread through my veins as it did when I still had you.

I dreamt of our bittersweet memories and oh how they ****** me now.
Your hands, the scent on your skin. Your body against mine.
How you would lean towards me and allow me to kiss your forehead and then briefly lock your lips with mine.

I dreamt of our sunset to sunrise conversations. The promises made, the vows said.
How you would draw me in to your chest. Gaze into mine with those sea green eyes and say: 'I need you'
Your smile connected to the strings of my heart and my favourite words were 'I love you'

Then I woke up, terrified. I searched for you on your side of our bed, and I found cold sheets.
And I remembered.
Two months ago in May.

Your favourite flowers were to be placed on your headstone today.

I drained you, didn't I?
You were like a child and I was the bully who stole dreams.

You saw me as your hope, your friend, but I was the storm clouds raining on your parade.
And as I stood under my umbrella, I watched you drown.
You never noticed though, you were blinded by love.

How peculiar.. Everyone saw clear as day but I blinded you sweetheart.
You thought that love could destroy the evil that continued to grow within me but you found out the hard way that demons like mine are powerful, deceitful, ruthless and cold.

I took what you had, destroyed you and extinguished the fire in your eyes.

I'd like to give it back, honey. This is how I'll do it:
I'll take that last pill, climb the last step on my ladder, tighten the noose, slice the very last vein and breathe my last breath.
I'll set not only myself free.. but you too.

Hold on sweetheart, it will all be over soon.

I hear sadness behind that laugh,
long dreary depression in that heart.
I see pain, such hurt in those eyes.
A slowness in your movement,
the frantic processing of cruel,
twisted thoughts in your lies.
The longing in your voice,
so sharp and distinguished to my experienced ears - fall on the deaf ones of those whom which you crave love.
From whom you wish to vanquish your fears.

You desire love, but from those who are not willing to give.
You push away those whose love to you - they feely give.
The darkness in your life so blinds you, that you allow it to take your light.
You become so accustomed to the dark that whoever comes bearing light, is scowled upon and chased away, forced to dissipate into the night.

Your one sided mind and your naïve, twisted perception,
can only leave you alone,
maybe then you'll have time for some self reflection.
To see all you've lost,
all that you continue to lose.
Open your heart,
open it wide,
let it be love that you choose.

I miss you.
I miss you so god ****** much.
Every time I utter those words, a crater forms in my chest.
Buried in each of these craters is a piece of my heart, buried in dust.
The cavity where my fragmented heart lies, becomes bigger and bigger each day.

Yet I miss you still.

I tried to make a list of things that didn't make sense.
I ran out of paper the first hour I spent.

I came to the realization that: we're all just alone. We're all just kids searching for a little love, a little appreciation.

I also came to the realization that most promises made, are promises not kept.

No one is actually ever there for you. It's easier said than done, you know - being there.
No one to hold your hand, to hold it tight and tell you it's going to be okay.
Who dabs at the small pool that forms under your eyes when you finally feel as if it's not actually okay?
When your heart is broken, pounding in its cavity and your lungs have collapsed, drowning in sorrow and pain; whose arms wrap around you and hold it all together?
At night when you're laying in your dark room, curtains drawn from the world, staring at your dusty ceiling and that little voice is telling you how wrong you are, how worthless, how useless, how imperfect. Who tells you it's not true? That it's really all lies?
When you stare at your broken body through the mirror above your bathroom sink and you cry, horrified at what lies before you, who draws you in and tells you that you're beautiful?

When you're wishing for a plane to fall out of the sky and flatten you, for a car to momentarily veer off its path and crash into you. A stray bullet, a case of mistaken identity. All for release - however short.
The thoughts racing through you mind telling you this is how it should be, who tells you that you're worth it, that you mean something? That it will get better?
That you can make it?

What I'm trying to say is - you're with you 24/7.  You hold your own hand, wrap your scar possessed arms around your throbbing chest. You battle with yourself at night.
Only you are ever truly there for you.

Hold on. Be strong.
Take care of those beautiful eyes, that beautiful mind.
Be proud of who you are.

I was searching, all this time for someone who could destroy my demons, destroy the beasts that ruled from within, reason with the masters of my enslaved heart bound and gagged in their chains.

Searching, driving myself insane, seeking relief, any kind of temporary distraction.

I had been searching and searching, driven to the edge of madness, two steps from falling, crashing straight into my black abyss.

When I was pulled back, saved, barely grasped by my fingertips from my impending doom, by the realization that I was searching not for someone who could destroy my demons, But rather for someone whose demons could collide with mine, whose demons could tame and weaken the beasts within me, someone whose demons were compatible with mine.

Home is where the heart is right?
Funny thing is,
my heart grew legs and walked right out with you.
I have no home.

I didn't have a choice
I didn't request that it leave with you
but it did
and now I feel empty.
Emptier than I should feel,
its only a heart right?
Only a muscle cramped up inside my chest?
Wrong. Its you.

I lost you.
You weren't my Romeo,
you are my Catherine and like Heathcliff, the pain of being without you is unutterable.
You have left me in this abyss,
and I'm reaching for you but you're not there to walk into my arms.
I cannot find you.

Whether you chose it or not
you grew onto my soul and became a part of me,
you are my Adam,
you form a part of the ribs that encase my lungs.

Its getting harder to breathe, I feel like my lungs are collapsing under some kind of imaginary weight.

The weight of you

Its mornings like this,
when I wake up and the skies are black,
when the rain streams from the sky and thunder shakes the earth,
that I feel the heart wrenching ache of loneliness.

I miss the arms that used to snake around my waist at 3:30 in the morning after a terrifying nightmare
and the warm body that pressed snugly into mine during winter.

How you would lean into my neck
breathe me in like a summer wine,
and then sigh.
I miss the tear that occasionally fell to my cheek from your eyes,
when the thought of losing me crossed your mind.

How your fingers would suddenly intertwine with mine at the strangest of times
and you would look at me, not a word was uttered,
you said it all with your eyes.

The way you held me when we kissed,
the way you played with my hair,
the taste of your smile,
your sea green eyes,
your laugh,
the feel of your skin.

Your heartbeat in synchronization with mine.

I miss the colour in my life, the colour of you.

I feel like a green robot at 1 in the morning
There's nobody to stand by and admire how he stands tall and shines his green light proudly, no one but the tattooed drag racers who don't even stop to appreciate him, who fly past without a care.

I feel like that green robot who once was proud and tall, unashamed of his brightness but with time and no proper care began to fade, the yellow paint that was once cheery now peeled and chipped at its dull corners and he no longer stands tall but shriveled and bent like an old man.

You see, like me, something was stolen from him by the conceited, power hungry society we're surrounded by.

life.