I'm pretty sure all poetry has left me.
As if it just packed up and hit the road.
Like my words no longer dance or sing.
Like they have forgotten all melodies.
Assimilated tone deafness.
Compound letdowns retract vulnerabilities.
Brick walls and leather skin replace possibilities.
Reckless love and whimsical fantasies,
Replaced by ***** diapers and piles of laundry.
Consonants and vowels blend to mush.
Aches and accomplishments are one in the same.
All of my agony has turned to apathy,
And I wonder.
How could I let poetry walk away from me?
How have I become so broken that I can no longer write?
Words have no ability to woe me.
Vocabulary is no longer my saving grace.
Void of creativity.
Like somehow life has gotten too messy for me to express.
Series of catastrophes and celebrations run together.
And I feel lost.
And I feel blessed.
But oh so empty.
Poetry come back to me.

I'd like to lie and say that I have never
held affection for anyone.
That I watch people come and go as they always do,
and that I remain indifferent.
Let the story tumble from my chapped lips,
and tangle with the burning air of my stuffy room.
Because it is dangerous to care,
unspoken thoughts mesh unconsciously-
and I do not care for that.
To watch some one you thought
Trustful strangle your neck
with the very promises you made?
I do not care for that.
Alas, I have done this most dangerous thing-
Became attached.
It is a deadly tango with Hope and Fate.
One is always stealing you away from the other,
promising that your life will work itself out.
But, ever so naively- I have grown attached.
For the times I have loved are far and few between.
But when they arise, they burn in
what I think is my heart- engulfing me,
persuading me to stay.

A boyfriend and a goal
The fuel to my eating disorder.
Just 5 pounds.
No dessert tonight
Just 4 pounds.
No dessert tonight
Half a sandwich for lunch
Just 3 pounds.
No dessert tonight
Half a sandwich for lunch
Only a salad for dinner
Just 2 pounds.
No dessert tonight
Half a sandwich for lunch
Only a salad for dinner
I'll go for a run
Just 1 pound.
No dessert tonight
Half a sandwich for lunch
Only a salad for dinner
I'll go for a run
No breakfast tomorrow
Just **5 more pounds...