I don't have much family that's real,
We don't need many seats to all share a meal.
I play like I'm angry at my father but honestly,
Always just disappointed he didn't want me.
That does lead to anger,
Push away everyone when I'm in danger.
That does lead to a feeling of failure,
Because all my pride, all the demons I hide
Come out from the closet,
I ask them to slow up so they play possum
But only for a moment to surprise.

I have a crumbling support system,
No one wants my issues,
So I just smile big when I'm with them.
Dismiss myself because I don't want my issues.
I burn myself out like Roy Mustang
Blind to the world lighting Lust up in flames.
Created from stone at the start
Stuck a homunculus looking for a heart.

In person, I laugh it off like a clown
In these pages, I tell all my internal sounds.

I built a house of cards as a child
And smiled looking over the structure,
The perfection of each placed piece
And the integrity it held standing tall.
Then at the bottom I pulled
The ace of spades from where it stood,
Suddenly the whole building did fall.
In awe, I looked and sat,
The entirety had now gone flat.

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry
You should not be sorry that you are.
I apologise unapologetically for well...
For the nothingness of everything,
For the dead who truly lived,
For the living living dead.
For the glass half full I drank,
For the glass half empty I will have drunk
For all the things I wrote
And those ones I simply had thunk.
I'm sorry that I'm not sorry
I hope you don't accept.

I might be just a distraction
Like flowers during hard times
Giving a funny quip to obtain reaction
Then falling back into line.
It's a bit obnoxious, leaving me a lack of real
I can only imagine how everyone else feels.
The goofy kid who opens his lid
just to laugh at himself and what everyone else did.
That's how I play it in my mind
That's how it plays in theirs too.

A one note joke spoke is funny
Until it's being told the hundredth time
It was quirky and a little punny
But best to leave a dying joke to die
Don't laugh, it encourages attention,
Walk past, leaving me no mention.
It's humorless and rumor is
I do it for self-defense and deflection,
The room is heavy and I hate the tension.

I might just be a distraction
Like an ice cream cone,
A sometimes treat worth a smile
But you don't miss it when it's gone.

The thoughts I jot are for my own being,
The ones I show are for you to know
You are not alone.
My brain feels like it's being pulled, in two.
The pain is dull but growing, emotionless.
My hair's a mess as always shown.
I'm not together, it's for the better,
Forward the letters, leave the keys.
I wish I was holding worth for someone to see.
The looking glass shows my real imagery.

If this is a standoff in my own,
Each side isn't bluffing
As the tumbleweeds go drifting by
We both have guns to be blown.
We say ten steps but only take five
Lying to ourselves to make the other die.
Then the dust settles to show nothing
Just a Russian roulette suicide
But the barrel was empty
Too much of a coward to really try.

Haven't you taken enough?
It will never be enough

This is a story, they say I'm a character.
Can you tell me the ending, I'm asking
Because I don't know where I'm going,
Are we just simply showing an adventure?
One man's struggle left unmentioned,
Always seen blurry due to the world's hurry.

Is this it? Existing in the subtitles,
I thought I was surviving to perform accolades.
Instead, I feel mostly in the way
While they perform accolades.
I don't want to pass away but,
Why did you keep me here?
Just for everyone to pass my way?
I was built for greatness, I know it.
I feel it like you feel the wind blowing.
If I'm a character, show me what path to take!
No? It's three a.m. I lay awake,
Hoping for anything to say.

This is a story, anyone have an ear for lending?
I know the truth but, I won't ruin the ending.

I'm not a nobody or no one
But I'm not much a someone either.
You'd remember me at a mention
Yet forget me just as quick.
Saying my full name, rolling off your tongue,
Like an old sticker, still I don't stick.
When I'm needed, I'm convenient.
When I'm not, I simply fade.
It's ok, it's probably for the best that way.

I'm not a nobody like Emily
But I feel we would see eye to eye
She would be a nobody and I would be an I
If the public were all frogs,
Maybe I would be a fly?
We wouldn't be a pair, that's fair
But quiet, banish us? They still might.

I'm not much of a someone like you.
Not to say I wish I was.
I'd be too nervous to tell the truth
Trying to do the things a someone does.
While everyone knew how to be,
I left to leave, simply being a me.