I wanted to write a masterpiece
Here's a page of my life,
What do you think of this?
Nobody is asking to read more
But if I didn't have these paper sheets
I don't think I'd be living anymore.
Here's the time I almost choked and died,
Ate the wrong thing and saw flat lines
And although I've written about it before,
Sometimes it feels like a war
So I write it again to pull that fear from my core.

I wanted to write a masterpiece
So my father might say he's proud
I spent my whole childhood working for it.
As an adult he gave me that line
And all i could feel was that he wasn't allowed.
My mother told me she was proud
And I felt like I was on skyscraper,
But when you're on top you can only go down.
No one ever speaks of your success
Until you're back broken on the ground.

I wanted to write a masterpiece
So here's 500 times I felt low
Here's another 500 I was able to grow
Here's every piece of life I've known.
Here's a masterpiece, I'll light it in flames
I'm just a human born to be lame
So keep the trophy I just wanted to play the game.
Get off that bench and quit the team,
We are all born from that same cloth
But I'm ready to rip the seams.

I wanted to be a masterpiece,
Not just a simple piece or a pawn
I want to be a masterpiece
Before they take me out and I'm gone.

We all wander, don't bother.
I don't need direction, don't need the answer.
Stop staring with question, I'm not a lesson.
I go through life without a plan B
Yet if you notice my limbs,
You may not know how I'm standing.
Jumping from feats like a legless cat,
I just pray that I'm landing.
If this map doesn't work out,
Then I'm just another dream they were right to doubt.

Ignore me, come on, abuse me.
My body is ready for another internal bruising.
You want to conjure memories
I'll blast off with super Saiyan energy
Push me with every bone and muscle,
I'm a poet, I don't need to go and tussle
I'll pound you down with leaded ground
You won't see the shots I rapidly land
Just know my power level is over nine thousand.

I've got scars I forgot existed,
The kind people hear in defensive laugh.
The kind if given a similar treatment, deployed.
I'll line up every shot for you, destroyed
Don't apologise, I've swatted bigger webs of lies.
I never hold a grudge and never have tried
But I'd rather see you crucified.

I remember slow nights
Sitting up on Daly Hill
Where the air always felt a bit colder
Across my skin leaving chills.
I would lay down looking up,
The stars would lay up looking down
No people, just all the nature
Stirring from the trees around.
Just a kid with a notebook,
Just a kid with a dream,
Waiting for life to enter the scene.

I wasn't looking for answers there,
I lacked the knowledge of questions to ask.
But life only leaves you wondering
When time has already past.
If I could paint it out as a picture,
I wouldn't and can't.
You just have to be there,
In a place where the world feels still
Looking over nothing, up on Daly Hill.

Too Much Caffeine in the Poetry

My brain feels spun,
The other kids are having fun.
I'm not sure what direction I'm on.
Should I be playing, slaying, laying down
I don't let the ground hold me up.
I sip apple juice from a Lego cup
Then let my thoughts erupt.
Blow off my mind, it's dusty
But I'll be a quick spitter like Rusty
The pinch hitter who lost the game
Still dancing all the same.
Oh and you just lost the game.

I'm sorry, I'm not sorry.
The engines are not starting,
The cylinders should be firing
Though now expiring, into nothing.
It's not snow, it's just a dusting.
I have a two, a five, a seven, jack and queen,
In other words, I am absolutely bluffing.
The suit does not match the shoes that
I wore to score a date too late.
Miss Cinderella it's half past eight
And those glass shoes are positively fake.

Today I wrote nothing,
Mistrusted my hand to stand on it's own
But Mr. Right, I was wrong.
You need to leave the page alone.
Today, I drank a drink that made me think
I'd never stop the twitching hop
My mind had surely bled
And left this mess before I went to bed.

I never thought I'd be one to be growing old
I've got a wife and a kid,
A younger me would have never known.
Instead I'm grieving some friends
Who never got the the chance to grow.
I use to think I could smell my grave,
Now I'm some backwards slave
Chained up in survivor's guilt
Like playing a lottery of life
Survive long enough to watch them die
Or die too quick to really live.

If I should cough and choke,
I hope they burn me off in colored smoke
Because even in dark, I hope they see light.
I made my mark in lead,
Through words slipping out of my head.
Like I had a choice?
They make me push that voice
And share it in the dead of night
Where the skeletons shuffle through
Then awaken myself into anew.

They won't know my name until I go,
Won't understand the words I'd sew.
Treated with kindness when gone,
Treated with scrutiny when alive,
It's like standing on a highdive
All silence until you crash,
Then it's all laughter and cheer.
But why don't we appreciate the day it's here?
I'm sure that answer will become clear.

Sometimes when I look at myself in a mirror,
I picture me up for bid at an auction house.
Describe the condition of the item,
All the buyers are coming out.
I am not exceptional, acceptable.
A twenty something Chandler Bing in present tense.
Look he uses jokes at his defense.

I see he functions pretty well
But the description has a lot tell,
If he should inhale a certain smell
He could drop dead.
It's like a wild card, the bids would start
Questions fired, they aren't going far.
How's his education, how about social relations?
Opening my mouth to answer,
They aren't waiting.

I heard he went to college!
Oh, I heard that he dropped out.
I heard he never misses work,
I heard that's the only time he goes out.
Does he eat, there isn't much meat on his bones?
Maybe he should grow ****** hair,
Maybe he won't.

I leave the mirror,
I have work in a moment.

I wonder if they have a plan for me,
I bet they thought I'd make big change
Instead of spending my time dancing in the rain.
They probably had a career in mind
With a golden etched name plate
Let me write their map and see
If I have the steps straight.

Go to school and get good grades
To pay a lot to school some more
To jump out into a world they didn't prepare me for.
Nobody wants my degree, the market's flooding.
It's not about what I know, who I know is no one.
Remember you're doing this for the money,
You're doing this for the security
And they're ready to own you for it.

It's like seeing a sign that says chips for shots
I'd rather hold my pride than give in to a drop
I'd help break the bar for that kind of dealing
It just shows how quick heroes turn to villains
Depending the eyes you see through
In the distance of all of that chaos
There's a voice in the back of my head yelling,
"Just be you"