Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 Dec 2014 Ryan Jakes
PEARL SMOKE
I Feel Happy
Excited, Joyful, Energetic
I Feel Sad
Hopeless, Worthless, Useless
I Feel Mad
Angry, Hate, Violent
I Feel Nothing
Emotionless, Empty, Numb
I Feel All These At Once
All Mixed Together
Within Some Minutes Or Hours
They Change Without Me Wanting Them Too.
I Have Depression, I Am BiPolar
Im Also A Recovering
**** Addict
I Dont Like Dealing With All Of This
Its So Confusing
Frustrates Me
Makes My Life Complicated
Affects My Daily Living.
I Often Ask
Is My Life Worth Living?
Why Do i Have to Go Through All Of This, Why Can't I Just Enjoy Life Normally
Why Me?
:(
 Dec 2014 Ryan Jakes
PEARL SMOKE
When Will My Recovery Process End?
When Will Drugs Erase Completely Out of My Mind.
When Will Temptation stop
When Will i Stop Talking about it
When will i Stop.Writing about it
When Will i Stop Seeing it As the Solution To my problems
When Will i Stop
When Will I Stop Wanting it
When Will i Stop missing How it feels to be high.
When Will i Stop Having this bit of love i still carry.
 Dec 2014 Ryan Jakes
PEARL SMOKE
I Have To Become Sober
To let My Brain Recover
So i Can Function Better
For My Health
To Not Get Deeper in Depression
To Live Life and be someone
To Be in my Family's life
to Have Feelings
To Remain in A Relationship with my boyfriend
To Show People i Can Do it.
Doubt settles.
Internal voices
vicious, vindictive,
confirm contempt.
Laying low,
silently shaking,
catching breaths
beneath the fallout.
Darkness decends,
it's chill envelops
as hope dies eternal
my demise it's final joy.
It's been a while now since,
Whatever we are whenever we are together,
Disappeared, again.
There are no side things this time.
No plan B.
My life is a lot more empty, yes,
indeed.

It's not that complicated,
though my cursed mind must make it so,
It's easy now, being numb, being blank,
Like exhaling after a long deep breath,
at some point it feels like you are drowning underneath
a dry vacuum and still you keep releasing,
'till you don't feel anything
at all.
Tabula Rasa,
baby boo dearest,
how slowly you made me fall.
To a blank slate,
Rising up upon my former fate,
like a black curtain call.
Blissful. No.
Comfortable like,
going back into the womb,
surrounded, worriless,
in a fetal state.
Thank you for everything,
I said.
Not replying,
Was simply your colored place.
 Dec 2014 Ryan Jakes
Shang
mostly it is the darker days,
   povoking thought.
tracing memories from
   forgotten fingertips.

words silenced.
voices forgotten.
perfect mornings.
  always changing.

    mostly it's the same.

feeling reality,
    fleeing god.

tonight, it's perfectly
clear to me.
i'm sorry.
© Shang
I love an old pocket watch
Hanging at the end of its chain
To look upon its beauty
And to hear the ticking of its spring

To see through its cracked crystal
The beauty of the hands
As they slowly count the moments away
One by one as grains of sand

Painted upon an enamel face
I see the hours that are marked
The hours of ones life
Painted as a work of art

Whose eyes have looked upon you
By whose hands have you been wound
Who brought you to their ear
To hear your beautiful sound

O how I love the music played
So sweet is the watches tick and tock
There is a mystery that I love
In an old pocket watch
 Dec 2014 Ryan Jakes
Blank
Again
 Dec 2014 Ryan Jakes
Blank
It's 2am but i'm still awake
Staring at the picture of you with a sad face
Still wanting to believe that you've stayed
Even if I know that you're far away

My eyes starts to water
As my heart breaks into pieces
All the happy memories starts to shatter
Because all I feel right now is sadness

I don't want to forget you
But If I don't, I'll be forever in vain
That's why i'm starting a new
And ill try to move forward, again.
Next page