Wander
It’s a beautiful thing
Rocks under my hands
Leaves under my feet
The world is alive,
And I am too.

Into the woods
Lost among the trees,
Older and wiser,
They take me in and
I can breathe again.

I am not afraid
Protect myself no longer
I return laughing,
Resurface as I truly am.
The bruises from daily life
Seem not to sting so badly
Anymore.

Fully healed
The trees then open
To share their perspective
To teach me
What is true.

I'm lying here
Chills every time I think of you
But these thoughts of you
They’re like your hands
Pushing down on my chest
Down, slowly down into this water

I'm lying here
Imagining those fire lit eyes, woah
Out of breath, and asking myself
‘Why do I do this?’
Because you weigh heavy
Heavy on my chest
Down, slowly down into this water

I want to run out of my mind
Shed this skin
And **** these thoughts
I'd love to hate you
Because imagining you is embarrassing
When will I have had enough?

Am I reasoning with logic?
When I tell myself it’s only natural
Natural for me to fantasize
About a made up time and place
Because the reality is:
This pressure is real
This water is thick
And this imagined pain hurts
And, still, I come back for more

I'm lying here
And I can't erase you out of my memory
I'm pushing myself under
Under the water
Down, slowly down

The infinity of lights made her feel infinite
Safe
Like all the light would drive out the dark in this glowing city
One
She was as vast as the vast city around her

New York
Chicago
Seattle
all
or
None of the above
Dream World

Safe
Safe enough to jump
Not really to jump
Maybe more to fly
The fear did not affect her action
In her hazy dream world city

She could fly she thought
She places her feet on the slippery unforgiving iron
Stepping Up
Looking Down
The fear was still not there

This was not a suicidal act
She wanted to jump
Not so much to jump as to fly
King of this concrete jungle

The ***** of the heart
The pulse of the hand
The breathlessness
The final step

Shes soaring now
Shes falling now

flying:soaring:floating

falling:flailing:breaking

you won't break yourself if you believe you can't

There's the confliction

The child that believes she can fly
The grown girl who lays broken to die

Her body is broken like a cartoon
Like Wile E cayote after falling off some boulder
There was a whole body

There was not
blood
guts
or reality

Hazy dreamworld city

In this flowing capital she beams with a twisted sense of perseverance
She sustains no injuries
Like tripping on those uneven breaks of pavement

They say you're never supposed to sleep through the falls in the falling dreams
The pit of the stomach
Winded
Clammy
Punched in the stomach
Falling Dreams

Yet she did
Why was the fear not there?
It was not in her sleep cycle
not on top of the skyscraper in hazy dreamworld city

She saw her broken body rise to life
Why could she sleep through the fall?
And the next sky scraper she fell from
...Not in hazy dreamworld city
...Would she walk away?

Was she jumping from the money that built that skyscraper?
Or the classic Freudian symbol, dream specialists might contend
Translation of one image onto another

So I was jumping away from men
Commitment
What's new?
Spend money and time
Loose friends and crime

Jumping away from reality
Soaring now
Falling now
Falling into the flowing light of the hazy dreamworld city

As flies will always return to fluorescent light bulbs, naive

Like if she got close enough to it
She would become it
She would consume it
The light would consume her
Illuminated

The dark expelled to the smallest corners of this earth
flying in this hazy dreamworld city.

I've won a day at the races
For me and my friend Doreen Maguire
Posh frocks and new hats
That's what we require.

So off we go shopping
Hair and nails done on the way
Well we girls want to lookj our best
For the big race day.

Now Doreen's buxom and curvy
Me I'm thin as a latt
Or you could say slim and slender
And Doreen's just fat.

We went in loads of shops
Nothing seemed to fit the bill
Everything was kind of frumpish
And we're definitly not over the hill.


Then we came accross this shop
In a side street in the town
It's called Reds Closet Boutique
And we both came out with a gown.

We got fascinators to match
Shoes, accessories and bags too
Doreen got something in pink
I got something in blue.

It was the day of the races
We were up with the lark
Had our lunch at Tom and Jerry's
Then off to Haydock Park.

The horses are under starters orders
And I'd backed the grey
Well it came home last
But it was winning all the way.

Now we came to the last race
And we're digging deep in our pocket
Doreen said put it on this
It's called Super Rocket.

Well it romped hom at 50/1
This horse called Super Rocket
And me and Doreen Maguire
Went home with brass in our pocket.

© Hazel

My head will split in two.
Drown my sorrows in the shower,
Immersed into a jet of fury,
cold, feels like ice.
Steam billows,
enclosed,
Drippings, stream down,
snaking over curves till linoleum.
Warm,
roast me like dinner,
till I'm pink.
Soft,
tenderly, fingers wrap around face,
curl, grip and pull.
Tension, stress
wash away.

Thoughts.
I think,
I dream,
I hope,
it will crush me.
Wash away.

Clean, reborn
epiphanies.
Drown my sorrows in the shower, I will.
Till better, I feel.

I
I am in Cardiff,
          Where waves pummel the jetty
I am in Cardiff,
          Where crab skeletons blanch the beach
I am nowhere

II
Where the sun severs the street and
Slowly, methodically,
They come, they come.
Electrifyingly stupefied in the dawn,
Tenantry not bound to cause and
Helpless as marred lead in the wind,
Stuck to strata and
Battered under **** pale-green
Thinned on spread fingers.

III
There is intent when the addict mutters ---
Alienated in his nettled gutters ---
"Life is cheap and love is free."
Hopelessness's epitome
Sits naked beyond the wall.

IV**
And I am in Cardiff,
          Where waves pummel the jetty
And I am in Cardiff,
          Where crab skeletons blanch the beach
And I am nowhere

Remember my face, but not my name
As we part ways, hands in our pockets
I’ll never see you again the same
You’ll only remember my face, not name.

Remember my sound but not my song
The words were never important to you.
You knew you would be fine all along
So you remember my sound, not song.

Remember my scent but not my perfume,
My hair was never much to smell.
A fool to think you might have been groom…
Do you even remember my scent, not perfume?

Remember my curves, but not my shape,
How uninteresting they appear now.
Never something at which to gape,
Hardly remember my curves, not shape.

I remember your name and your face,
And all I take is a sideways glance
At your now unattainable bubble space.
I remember both name and face.

I remember your song and sound,
The melody and words burn in my ears.
A rope, they tie around me; I’m bound.
And I still remember your song and sound.

I remember your perfume and scent,
A smell of *** that I recognize,
And a desire you’ll never admit was meant.
But I remember your perfume and scent.

I remember your shape and body,
As hard as I tried not to stare.
Seems that your memory is shoddy,
Forever I’ll remember your shape and body.

Try as I might to forget your name,
It’s all I have left of you to hold.
As you tell me this never happened,
I’ll prove you wrong when I speak your name.