will a man love me, like the willow loves the day
the way her branches cradle the setting sun in the evening sky
clinging to every memory that comes her way?

one drink, don't blink
spinning in circles to the rhythm of another's laughter
one step, a slip
the wall on my hand speaks in numbered tones
one lie, listen close
wondering how I will feel after . . .
a song, a friend
bloodshot eyes and a broken bone.

can every memory sound this crazy?
I hear you, but my recollection is hazy
can every night be this predictable?
touching the breeze as it slips through the window
I'm lazy, for a more journalistic approach
can't faze me; I'm too far and tied down.

one mind, three others
hoping, wishing for a meeting with brothers
a glass, almost empty
wasted away cause the night tips you uspdie-dwon
one single dream, an alarm to wake
reality defines and leaves to ache

It's alright if you want to
Steal my future away
Rummage through my past
And pick the garbage away.
I'll say it's okay
for a good brain to rot bad
Because the heart is alive
My big heart pumps red.

don't have reasons not to try
go ahead, you left me in the dark
the world's a mystery to me
breathing deeper than my heartbeat
to overcome the weight
that sprung from disappointment
too little, way too late

restoring decency because it's all you try to do
doubtful objectivity
I could question you for monstrous heights
shrink and cower when defendable
you sound like a chick
distractions own lives when you club them
remove thyself from the competitors and seekers
maybe seriousness is to be taken lightly
like a fish lecturing a doctor
negative hesitation balances victimization
but then you want to be higher
agree with me

right where I am supposed to be
aligned. in communication with the non-physical
connected from the heart
I am POUNDING ALOUD. SCREAMING OUT.
I'm overcome, and made still.
I'm filled, and overflowed.

quiet stares as friends are made
a trade within your own space
playing all the same songs
why can't the melodies change?
deranged and uncomfy
one ticket to love me, but
am I coming on too strong?
I just want to move this along
making the most of this time
the short while you're mine
an endless night
of wine, I'll tell you
secrets a thousand souls have heard
and you'll laugh like they're brand new
because I'm still brand new, to you.

I hope to God that you have a greater plan.

Monday          I'm caught by surprise
Tuesday          I'm taking a drive
Wednesday    I'm unsure, no doubt
Thursday       we're making out
Friday             I'm in love

slyly understating
affections for secrets kept
behind darkened doors

mask the inevitable
to increase the heartbeat of a girl
souls unsweetened
it gives me a rush, I'm unable to lie
and one feeling crushes her doubt

don't pour out her generous ways
to fill her with aspirations
the filthy kind
that beg for darkness

she'll deduce and uncover
much to your dismay
a need to discover another mistake

she helps those in need
by helping herself

                  angelic expressions
                                     hide brutal intentions.

1.  He is dangerous yet enticing
2.  He speaks manipulatively and knows it
3.  He is a ****** deviant
4.  He tempts you to abandon your morals
5.  Both their names start with "S"
6.  He came from Hell
7.  He is a master of deception
8.  His words flow smoothly... too smoothly
9.  He looks like Satan honestly
10. He wants to conquer my body and soul!

Are you high and deprived?
When is the last time you dreamt?
When is the last time you saw me, running towards you, the sky swirling and rain falling in an opposite direction?
Slept in the shadows,
Curtains closed in a secret attempt to escape?

We're on a boat,
Drowning in this rain,
The sun went and hid away,
The waves crash consistently by day,
On this sea, we're alone.

pull me in just to
pull it all away.

stay seated and quiet
all the babbling runs out
we're alone with another
evil man to convince
convicted and slaughtered like a ravenous pack
let's skip the routine
just for another day in these arms
armed with a band of weapons galore

Tonight                  could           be unusual
You'll n e v e r              m/e/e/t    me again
?what's it change?
L0V1NG with all you've got
I'm lying there underneath the HOT
Burning sun with my hand in the s...a...n...d...
You're o  b s  e s  s e  d with y.o.u.r ability to
Change w'h'a't's "around" you (but)
Some
times
it's not EZVZEZRZYZOZNZE Else,
Just a w-av-e_ that runs -t-h-r-o-u-g-h- you
And maybe today you can stay
Just $lightly quiet......................................
Pre-tend like I AM YOURS>>>
Like we have it m*ade, though
(Nothing)'s for .certain.
$$ You're not g. e. t. t. i. n. g.  paid $$$$#$
And the people I meet 411(all) laugh
& throw & their & heads & back
Unless I sAY spoken words and utter some views and let feelings slip because then
I am a str A Y
With no where to l A Y down and
No reason to pr A Y
I have nothing to s A Y!1!!!
You're a B>>E>>AST of a man, with UR hair in disarray and your shorts are untied. . .
But let's ,ignore, the disorganization of the ^^w,O,rL,D around us
Taking ThIs moment beFORe us
It'll ring like a cHoRuS.. . . ... . ... ... .. .. . . in and outside the W ell.
We'll make it like n/e/v/e/r beFORe
____ No feet on the fLOOr ____
Just a !j!u!m!p! into un certain ty
(v)(v)(23)(fv)(4)()(z)()(0)(0)()()(9)(). Where no one will be W/ me
And while eA GleS take the j OOURRENYEEEYY . . .
P a s t the One empty"              trailer"
On                  the s.i.d.e of the                                            road
You and I, we'll CoRRoDE!
After "s"t"o"r"I"e"s untold&
Memories unfold
We will n e v e r grow O L D!!!

guilt leaks from my eyes
and I am veiled with blame
for good reason, to hell with my name.
let me wither
in your violet shadow
[ kept company by beautiful darkness,
and clothed in the whitest of white. ]
you've stolen my arms,
you've left me unarmed
and still you will fire away
[all of the gems in this world and regret
could never repay all my debt.]

does connection have a purpose
creating memories and special little jokes
digging deep into another person's brain
into their soul and heart
is there truly a point
when every connection comes with a catch
a stab in the back, perhaps
or indifference towards you in the end
what's the reason for a lover, a friend?

I am uncomfortable!
I don't want to belittle you! but. . .
(how did she know?)
embrace the loss.
lose yourself.

I miss my life before you hated me.
come together -
lose yourself.
the members of the bohemian grove, theatre babes.
I guess I can't seem to discover...
how can you feel?

I'm not as good as they say I am.
Just a mop top **** with no direction.
I'm not as selfless as I want to be,
consistently giving in and giving up.
Stand your ground, show them you're strong.
Then go and disappoint yourself.
Help up like a rat, where you always belonged,
because there's no group central enough,
no friend generous enough,
no mother caring enough or boy even willing to try.
My isolation is a defense from the drama,
from the empty conversations and recurring embarrassments.
Like a clock, my hands have been broken,
worn from unfinished paintings,
and poems I don't have the courage to end.
I'm not as creative as they say that I am,
unable to fulfill requests as they come,
and I run from opportunity like it'll **** me.
A pretty face with a pretty sweet talk,
but I'll fool you like you've never been fooled before.
I'll show you things you have never seen,
like unjustified morals and an unwillingness to fight.
[ I'll show you a home for the most passionate desires,
with all it's doors locked so they can never escape. ]
And I'll stick around
for the hopeless dream that someday I may find somebody who cares half as much as I do.
I'm weak, I am afraid of pain,
Afraid of acting too much like myself.

I miss you more than you can imagine
I love you, unconditionally
You are the rock and the ground that I stand on
Without you I know I'll fall down
Please don't give up
Don't call it the end
You are my best friend
I need you through the downfalls
I know I don't know
Much about this life
But I know you
And that is enough for me

can't fight these harsh feelings
they fill my brain and envelop me
every time I see you,
my vision is blurred and I remember,
I start to remember the words you first said
I thought they were so stupid
but I laughed right along,
assuming the best of you.

I don't like to remember all the good times we had
for reality is far too painful to comprehend
without you, babe, I never even thought
I needed you
or someone like you . . .
it hurts to relive the glory days

I love to remember all the good times we had
for they fill me with hope that,
someday I'll be with someone even better
stronger, kinder, more honest, even
can you imagine? my head has a hard time
grasping an image of happier feelings
than the ones you were able to make me feel
every single waking second.

the emotions blow over,
as I am forced to ignore you
but remember love,
I was so ready to love you.

I can't bear to leave you tonight
I may fall ill of the loneliness instilled
In my heart each time we must painfully part
Morning regret, mourning
I have waited, I've cried, I've so hopelessly tried to find you
Listening to the same songs
Until we become consciously insane
And clinically deranged

impulsive decisions brutally shaping life
a fading image of angels
time stops for one whole night
the memories could be fatal and
challenging to his future endeavors

if he wouldn't have kissed her
with words about magical presence
poetic bums forgetting about the present
separated by the northern winds

too afraid of losing each other to really hold on
she missed the night but
his hope never lessened
a love worth waiting for, it makes you patient

why waste time on anyone
when one day, to have a love that curious,
when getting to know someone isn't strenuous,
but entering her mind and all its cabinets
he recognized himself in the reflection of her green eyes

a simple story
timeless with regretful inevitabilities
no matter how destiny plays out
he will always wonder . . . . . . . .

what if?

in the middle of a crowded floor
surrounded by conformists and airheads
alone but better than not.
trying not to look at you
hiding in the bathroom
heart beats harder than before
is it real life?
can't keep me away from this
I'll always find a way to come back
chaos in a simple place
composure seems a foreign state
confused within my own brain
debating my moves as you sing
have I built it up to be more than it's worth?
worse than I ever imagined
I will never leave
I can't be made to
nervous thoughts take over until time is unreal
someday it will be as I hoped
and nothing shall be suspected

as I dug deep into the frozen ground,
I found a little memory that we buried
back when we were in love
as I stare at your face, I can't help but question it
it seems too impractical, even to ask
but have you always looked that way, or do my eyes deceive me?
have those eyes, so vibrant and bright, always held such looks,
like you are a blink and a half away from insanity...
tell me if I'm crazy, but
those dark spots on your skin, have you always had them? or did they suddenly appear the moment you rose from the grave?
a romantic conspiracy, blinded by the passionate longing
I'm sorry I never noticed the smaller parts of you
and my sincerest apologies for harping on and on...
simply, even the newest parts of you are buried in my memories.

how can I make this . . . untrue ?
telling me to find a new boy . . .
but you were a perfectly good one

no preference in particular
writing A's into E's
slipping past you with ease
please, gentle lover
I said it in jest!
it's hard to digest, I know, I know.
ride the wave of passion
take me past this disease
force me to make use of my time
help me, I'm crumbling
I don't think I can stand anymore
roll the die, let me die
can't handle your radiant eyes
can't deal with your selfish delusion
I was swimming by myself
you were too scared to join me
can I say I told you so?
is that a lie for a virtuous soul?
because good deeds follow goodness
green trees above the bushes

instead of an armed attack: a small-minded runaway
think "break;" you'll never miss
ready for an action or two
I'm drowning in this pool    without you
abandoned with false intentions
misled by a graceful pretension
stuck in a coma, all efforts to break loose
felt like this a thousand times

know me before it's late
feet hit the ground, but I feel up high
have you done this before?
this story feels different than the others I have read about
it's simpler
slower
thoughts circling too fast to rationally progress
acting on ambition and curiosity
sort through my heart like a music case
let's pretend we are comfortable
even if enjoyment comes from discomfort
intricate conversations, and I will try hard to concentrate
to digest the moment
like a distant movie that I barely recall
you overrate life, build it up to be more exciting than reality
admiration never felt this harsh
knowingly entering
the night where
futures change because of your delicate voice
I won't ever stop thinking
of the arcade where the last quarter rolled
under the bar, but you took my hand and said
let's walk, let's forget, let's live.

where do I draw the line between
surface level, go-with-the-flow, blind acceptance and
deep, deep pain and resentment with the past?
push forward, become a better version of you,
turn my head back and remember where I came from
all the souls who have guided me on this symbolic journey
instilling the values and preferences today I hold dear
who to confront, when life gets too low, the days
I wished I could run from myself and go
how do I differentiate past misery from present contentment?
the joy I feel in my life, like it's all finally coming together
exactly... the way... I always expected it to.
between....
the passion and the hunger for more, the idea that the future awaited me in all walks of my life
the brutal romance, all of those satisfying dichotomies.
I am a creature of contradictory sorts,
and when I remember just this,
it's a hurt like no other.