Every day gets better and I can sense the deepening connection but then he turns his back on me, taking us back to the beginning and leaving me in constant wonder. And he's beautiful like a chilly Big Prairie night sky with skin that beckons and a song that sends shivers.  How can I keep winding down this dark road when I know, yes I know, that so soon we will fall? My holiday road, so narrow I crawl, attempting to reach something out of my reach! My dear, come near, you're needed right here, alone but I feel like I'm with the whole world. How can you deceive, how you move every string, delicate and tender and afraid of tangles, how can you be sure of a love so undiscovered? A misunderstanding, perhaps no more than a dream.

still the tongue of possibility slithers its way
into the corners of my lips, but I remember
how you told me to always stay away
be near me, love deeply
if I blow you a kiss, do not catch it
if I tell you I love you, believe me
run away when our time comes to an end, because
someday you will be happy you fled.

I like how you evaporate into the atmosphere
Hard lines become soft
My head falls back
     and I laugh
Reminds me of grade school,
Falling asleep in class

And when my eyes fall on you,
I like how the yellow glow snakes around
the outline of your body
Like a trail of fairy dust
     or neon toxic waste

Eyeballing the past
I can see us, tripping into love
Flowers in my hair
Music in the air
Hunger in your eyes,
We're alive!

I'd lose myself forever, for you
if you would never leave
I'd become broken and bruised
if you'd hold me through it
I'd give up my life
to give you another day
Just one day without conflict
A glimpse of an easy life
I'd give up the rest of my days
for you to experience stable happiness
even without me.

seize my heart and take the rest away
frazzled on a sunny day
I hope to God you're here to stay

Lulled to rest in the darkness hiding your treasures
I will make the world obey
Some seven days
Modestly virtuous, but not without illustrious intellect
Take this pouring vessel with eyes still dazed
Fill the vacant place, there
And suddenly, of a free woman comes a bond-slave
Accepting the sickness that must overtake us
Only then
Can these rituals remain
Whether they help or harm
No one knows

every word that slips from my mouth
every sentence uttered under my breath
they're all for you,
I take refuge in those who see us.
if only you could see me
in my new lucky overalls, we would be
together at last, a drunken night and a fast

don't take my seriousness to heart
for I'm in a solemn place
and although I complain, although I whine to you
it's your lightheartedness that's pulling me through
so never quit, never give up on me
propose like it's the first time, every time
making room for new ways. . .
delay your tired eyes
so I can savor a moment so rare.

and whatever you do, never say "I love you,"
because I'm young, and you're a typical dreamboat

and not until we are 48 and wiser than now,
we can turn our strong feelings into love somehow.

and with one look,

he stole the youth right from my eyes.

Take cover, take me with you
Words with actions unmatched
Take me under, take it away
I'll scream until the rise of a new sun
A flowing harmony retracts
Running around, blowing stacks
Spotting her under a different canopy
With eyes unknown
A smile at ease
Killing time to watch it drain away
Underground to childless brains
I'm right where you left me

wavelengths rehearse their dance for me
a meek and assuming afternoon
no lover has lost their remorse
and no mistress was ever dethroned
absorbed by the power and blindly submitting
so sing to me, let it be me for today
and each day after this
can be swiped from our grasp
but, honey, I'm still so obsessed!
as ashes emerge from a raging hot storm
I inhale and am deliberately consumed
she's no witch, but you'll burn
she's no god, but you won't be absolved
the screech of your voice takes me ten levels deep
love, I fear I can still sketch your face from my brain
each indent and curve, it's permanently burned
into a chamber of connection
a connection never experienced
break the ice, break a woman
lay all your affections to rest.

recently
not so much recently, more for a while
i seem to carry the weight of you
a weight i'd always try to keep from you
the simple and painful longing for an ending ever less tragic than ours
your good is always resting in my heart
a voice that could lull me to sleep in a beat
but i'm not allowed to speak romantically of you, anymore

Shockingly bright skin
Black wrinkles and long flowing
Hair, and taking a
Purely unfailing grip on the
Window where I can't rest
I can't seem to be still
Nervous until
His fingers without nails
Eyes without depth
A touch as cold as his every breath
Reaches out to instill fear
Hopeful thoughts until he
Leaves you here

how do I see?
I'm free,
I'm free,
how shall I proceed?
I'm in deep, I'm in deep
how many letters would you read?
too many apologies
all of my apologies
did you ever really care about me?
let me think,
let me think,
I can't say right now,
I can't ever say.

my honey, where'd you go?
I never could have known
and might I just say, just one sorry little pry,
would it have been better to lie?
in that faint yellow dress, tassel necklace, look your best
and you rest, shirt is pressed, but your faded green tie...
it reminds me of the greed, that little twinkle in your eye
honey, honey, where'd you go this time?
time again, hone your skills, just to have a good time
drive your car, hands up high
you are looking very sly, my little mystery boy in that sleek black tie...
I'm your girl, hair in curls, plum dress draped along my sides
we never stuttered, we just dove in with closed eyes
you and I, rocking chair silences, we cannot lie to each other
between these honey-flavored cherries and your big blue eyes
honey, honey, where'd you fly to this time?
honey, where'd you go?

don't change me cause I'm not looking at you
everyday offers chances that change
but just because I won't take them
sitting back to enjoy the view
or maybe too lazy to try

Knowing a little bit about a lot
I'm covered in remains
of dust from stars we had captured
Held tightly to my chest,
just something I cannot let go of.
Can't you recall,
the spirit of adventure,
prevalent
Prevalent
In everything you do
We left the memories behind us
but the light still resonates through you

I won't tell you how the sun shines on my skin in the morning
Or make beautiful exaggerations of the whispers of the wind while I'm walking
I won't pretend that every conversation is poem potential
Because since you, words burn like Hell

spoken illiteracy through twisted tongues
asinine anticipation within myself
synthesizes her through her sides
sends shockwaves to her chest

hit the floor, screeching adore
offbeat stomps, sync my heart
feeling the beat
singing in my head
clapping away my dreams
welcoming the imp
crimp! crimp! shrimpy swine
electricity without a touch

smells like flickers
eat the blood, sprawled out in awe!
it's wonderful, it's faint
sticking to my tongue like spoiled paint

i'll quit you someday,
like the light of a last cigarette
like the stop of the high before it hits
i will give up what i've given to you
you're no longer special to me,
not special like a drink today
i'll lose you if love hits too hard
to me you can matter no more
so like an old record,
that I need no more,
i'll offer you up
i'll walk out the door
because you're just another thing
I'm going to have to give up

the world is dark
lay your troubles on me
I'll take them, I promise
no reason to be
so afraid to embark
on a journey so fragile
just listen to me breathe
and I'll nod as you speak
in vulnerable tones
feeling like you've lost
something I can replace.

come to understand
you hold my happiness in your hand
for the rest of my life
eyes locked on a dream
feed me hope, overflow
and I'll give you a break
always making it known
that I'm your buffer for pain
look at me crazy,
I've seen it before
all the fears and dark fantasies
scattered on tile floors

the rhythm of your breath
keeps me awake
I slip into dependency
so save me from your tired temptations
apart however long,
I'll still sing your songs
meet with me in the night
a sweet tangerine
a daydream less understood
by the people who killed us.
they killed our last song

to me, hear me out,
your radiant eyes
holding love like a light
gazing strong into mine
provide a sensible lover,
too kind not to love
sinking too deep to take lightly
we'll fall into forever-care
delusion to them, but
euphoria to you, and a miracle to me.

Beautiful and Deliberate
Such a faint little hope
Contrary Things
Taken back to infinity
No One Can Be Happy Unwillingly
Applying punishment for ignorance
Living Carelessly
You're pushing me off the deep end.
Vice Of The Soul
Corruptions Of The Body
Beyond a human being
Is where I lie...
Undaunted.

I'm working towards numbness
and there's nothing you can do.
Darling, don't you see?
There is nothing you can do.
Nothing to lose.

Their cares are misplaced
and nobody sees it.
How long can I sink,
till I'm nothing at all?

Let's make this a challenge
I'll play this same game.
Wishing my life away
I am wishing my whole life away . . .
Desperate for change
and a new circuit home.
Desperate to change before heart turns to stone.

There's nothing they'll miss,
and no words to stand out.
My dear friend, I've become instant.
A fleeting feeling of well-deserved fame,
gone like a lighter . . .
The fire won't stay.

Secluding myself,
inducing my Hell.
The feeling of touch leaves my hands,
I'm thinking alone,
I'll choose to here stand.
No stories to tell,
and the ends of my skin pull numbness whole through.

There's something in the way you ignore me.
I'm craving a rainbow of thought.
Attention is mildly overrated.
Something tells me I am more sold than bought.

Slowing,
slowing,
your voice kills my soul.
Pretending to listen.

you're always drinking
when I need you
the very most,
I can't get through to you
even in the simplest
of times, reliability
falls short.

and to think
on one side, pure infatuation
but more, real love, deep, dark, painful love
genuine care and heart-sinking worry
on another, carefully timed and rehearsed
seducing on the outside, scheming on the inside
with a need to hurt the other person...

rage sounds throughout cottages
killer fists pass by
illusion of wrap-around porches
steps leading the blind

protecting profits
popping out of the armchair's left
morality looks like me

cartesian dances surround their eyes
cursing makes you credible

I am distracted from sadness,
but it is still there,
always.
I want to be with other people
to take away the physical hurt I feel
from not being with you.
It's a crushing feeling,
feeling you gone.
I don't want it to be like this.
But I also know what I deserve,
and I know you cannot give that to me.
I am not sure that anyone can.
All my life I have been
a hopeless romantic,
always seeing the beautiful sides of things
and ignoring the ugly.
But maybe there's just
too much ugly,
and there's no way I can
avoid or escape it anymore.
I want to be with you,
forever,
even still.
I miss the darkness.
Maybe I am not destined to be happy,
to be satisfied.
I still know that I am meant
to be with you,
and I long for you to be next to me.
I think I should call you.
I think I shouldn't,
I think I will.

Keeping careful distance, I uphold the illusion of safety
Sleeping Monster
Capable of Destruction
Prone to Obsession
Let us close this window of opportunity
Even so, there is no hope for my own distractions
I've mastered the Indulgence of You
Each button pressed
Each obsessive dive
You immerse. You crack. You crumble.
I can't always expect people to be as delusional as I am
Normal Mask
Explaining would seem redundant
But let's discover your more vapid, swanky, decaying quirks
I'll use them to write stories about you

How terrible a feeling, but I can’t feel those pesky emotions! I have found a way around you devils, a shorter path, a detour. May be the cause of self-destructive behaviors? Please. All I’ve got may not be worth the chase, may be better if I strangled with lace? No, stop those thoughts, because sometimes the emotion knocks so hard that it reverberates into your brain, over and over, all day. It could possess the power to break the shield of your one last chance at your cheat, and then what will you do?

engaging lucidly to keep you with me
waking, working, no thinking
until dark night arrives
opening my consciousness to be with you

get out of his dreams and get off of his phone
stabilized thoughts that are hard to grab hold of
a secret you know he'd like to take back
breaking the rules so he could be your man
not safe at night cause you're in his mind
not safe in the day cause your name will come up, anyway
a glorious estate filled with rubies and pearls
show him you're alone so he can feel at home
I guess it's okay, this life that's forced on him
for when he gets back, you'll be waiting wholeheartedly
not saying he wants you, not saying he can
but he's sick and delusional
bad vibrations, it's personal
can your ghost only leave him alone?

happiness feels immeasurable
days go slowly but us,
we make time speed past
jokes about misfortune
but it's all fun and games
your laughter fills the hall
it fills me up, too
I'd lie and say I don't know you
never a day passes,
car spoken dialogue.
take me there
just so you can
take me back.
every girl is jealous
every guy wants at least one.
but me and you have got something new
equal and dumb all rolled into one
every adult knows, laughter shows
accepting as you are, coming as I am
debating and fabricating
new ideas and old reasoning
I've never had a friend like you

my time is spent in funny ways
my love is spent on solemn Tuesdays
switch my ring, your words still sting
and I'm left to my own devices

you're a color I've never seen before
an act I cannot distinguish
though my love is spent in funny ways
your heart can never hold all of my rage

because what am I to do,
when I wake up with a headache and intent to enjoy
and it's evident in a heartbeat

my violets are withering
my eyes are glazing over
over, begin, what are we to do?