Point your toe
And smile dear
Add sass to every step
Don't you dare forget to stretch out first
And always look up
Turn out
And flex
And bend
And leap

I'm so glad
That that's not *me

Apparently I'm crying
I hate it when I do that.
Most times I don't notice
Till my shirt's stained

Pink pens on pink paper
Love notes lost in time and loopy letters
Twirls that thread their hearts together
When the sounds become distant
And the colours fade,
You can't blot them out.
They're tied together
With loopy letters
Lost in time,
Written in pink pens
On pink paper

Throw stones
In the house of mirrors
Shatter the image
I like the delusion of perfection
I don't have to be real
I know what I look like,
I don't need to see
I need to feel something other than fear
You are standing at the base of a mountain and unafraid
I stand at the base of a hill and tremor
I don't need to see my hair out of place
Or my tired eyes
I know that my clothes are wrinkled
I don't need a reflection to tell me so
I'm OK with who I am now,
And I can try again *tomorrow.

Sometimes,
I used to feel like I was floating away
Or fading away
So I put elastics around my wrist
Even when my name is called
I can fall into a sound
Become unreachable
And get lost.
I don't like getting lost
I don't put my head in the clouds
It just floats there
Even when I hate losing touch with the ground.
I don't always do what I want to.
Change happens slowly,
Over time,
But the time flies by
I fly, too,
But in the wrong direction
I tend to think backwards,
(I'm a big fan of velociraptors)
Or outwards,
(Like jumping in a rocket,
And flying past Pluto.)
When I can't feel the elastic,
I know that I'm dreaming.
I think, therefore I am
Isn't
I think I am,
But I'm actually not.

I imagine you taking my hand and spinning me
Like my daddy did when I was a little girl
I imagine my dress flaring like it does when I dance around the kitchen
When I remember the night my father showed me how to Waltz
And I kept stepping on his feet,
I remember how for a few seconds I swore he was you

To be brutally honest,
It hurts like hell knowing that you aren't here
I walk into school every morning without you.
Ever since December,
Ever since December

Sometimes you're
A passing dream,
Or a fading memory
A fading memory
Some days I need you more than I need to breathe
Somedays I can't breathe without you

I turn off all the lights
And lock all the doors
By myself now
It no longer makes me jump
When every footstep in the dark is my own
And I know that
I braid my own hair
And make my own bed
In the blackness
Pierced by hopeful glows
Of charging lights
Or connected to Wi-Fi notifications
I don't want to go to sleep
Because I will wake up soon
Some nights I should wake up screaming
But I know what nightmares feel like

I don't like it when pretty songs fill rooms
I prefer they fill my head
I'm not a creative person
But I am very passionate
And I like pretty songs
People hear a pretty song and expect miracles
I hear a pretty song and expect
To be bathed in simple beauty
For two and a half minutes
You see,
Miracles only happen when you make them
So why don't we make them?

My fears do not define me
I can walk out where there's people and not drown
Social anxiety does not mean I can't have friends
Germaphobia does not mean I can't touch anything
(Most of the time)
I can function
As a human being
Without your assistance
So stop patronizing me
I can't control my fears
But they don't define me.
I do.

this can't exist anymore

Writing is just
Borrowed ideas
And slivers of insanity
Put into words
By someone else

Writing is just
One last chance
To tell them how much you love them,
Or to say goodbye
Just the right way

Writing is just
Dreams being given life
Ideas being given legs to stand on
People being given second chances

Writing is just
Kissing you goodnight
No matter where you are

Writing is just
People falling in live before they meet
And losing track of time before midnight

It's falling asleep with the lights on
And dreaming of yours dreams
It is personifying your imagination
And aspiring for you
Writing is backing out
Without giving up.
Writing is worth a lack of inspiration,
Or a perfect love letter
It is worth my hair in my face
And my heart where my head should be
Even when my dreams are splayed about, shattered
My spirit is unbroken

Today the kids told me
That I would die lonely
When I told them I liked being alone,
They laughed at me
"Die alone, die alone."

Right now I should be sleeping
Late at night,
I sing songs so that I don't cry
I'm not depressed
I just don't want to be touched
I shouldn't have been touched
Just poking my face violated me
I begged you not to touch me
You and your friend
Please get out of my face
Stay out of my dreams!
Stay out of my nightmares!
You get to laugh
While I stay up crying.
You're not worth crying over

I turn off all the lights
And lock all the doors
By myself now
It no longer makes me jump
When every footstep in the dark is my own
And I know that
I braid my own hair
And make my own bed
In the blackness
Pierced by hopeful glows
Of charging lights
Or connected to Wi-Fi notifications
I don't want to go to sleep
Because I will wake up soon
Some nights I should wake up screaming
But I know what nightmares feel like

It quivers out of my system
In tangible shudders
And slamming heartbeats.

Some nights,
I should wake up screaming
But I know what nightmares feel like

When I walk out of my bedroom
And everybody's acting normal,
I have to remember that
They didn't know I was crying

I always play my sad songs first
So I remember that there is an absolute certainty
That someone else feels like I do

I miss the dull numbness
Right before I break down
Where I can't feel anything
At all

I turn on the morning
Up before the sun rises
I turn on the lights
And heat up the oven
I start singing softly
And the dogs and cats wake up
My mom's alarm goes off
And I flee the scene
My mother takes over the house
Lit up like a Christmas tree

I turn off the world at night
I'm only a child
But I lock the doors
Close the windows
And turn out the lights
My mother is asleep by the time I do
And my father is out of town
He'll be back tomorrow
But tonight
I braid my own hair
And read to my little sister
I don't mind that he's gone
Or that mother's asleep
I know they love me very much
I'm just careful not to fall down the stairs
In the dark

Day after day,
And night after night
I wait to hear your voice

She smiled at me
As she told me
It was worth a poem
A funny sort
Of true tale
Of bright yellow cars
And favourite teachers
A three year mystery
That concludes
Shortly before the end
Making smiles
And making days
"Worth a poem,"
She said.

You make me want to break the mirror
I hate the mirror I hate you
But I need you
Why the heck do you do that?
I feel
Vulnerable
In the mirror
Like when I see myself
I can be broken
Or maybe I already am

I won't compare life to a
Path
Or a roller coaster
Or a road
No,
Not quite.
My life is a bottomless pit
A straight shot down
Or a straight climb up
But you never hit the ground.

I can not pour my heart onto the table
Or dream on display
I can not express what I can see
I have never written something
So deeply penned
That it breached my skin,
Reached out
And touched someone's soul
Or changed their life
I do not want to change the world
I want to change someone's life
But I don't want their life in my hands
I don't want to find meaning in life,
I want to create it
I want to create something brilliant
And express the world
That no one sees.

I typed it out
How upset I was
I didn't press send
I slid my hand down
And held delete

I hope you don't forgive me
I don't argue with anyone but you
It's so demeaning!
I act so baby-like with you

I hate you
For making me a child
I feel as if you beat me
You beat me with
Soft sweeping passes
That I beg you not to take

You never hit me
But you don't have to
If you're upset,
I'm on my knees
Every comment I make
Must be worded
With unbearable precision

I hate knowing you.
You let me go
To steal me back
And break me
Once again.

I don't believe in
Open dreaming or
Fairytales
I believe that
You can not escape the real world
So you shouldn't try
If I should have a child
I will tell them
"Only dream of the things yet
Unwritten"

I vow to love you
Forever and ever
When the stars stop shining
And the suns burns out
When the earth stops spinning
And the people give up
I will never give up on you
For as long as I shall live
I will protect you
To the best of my ability
I will catch you when you fall
And stand you up again
I will dance with you
The way my father taught me too
And sing to you
Straight from my heart
For as long as we both shall live

Why must the stars
Only shine at
Night?

I dream of sitting with you
In a field of flowers
With my puppy
Or walking through a forest
To a waterfall
I know the perfect place
Have you ever broken the rules
Climbed the trees
Or strayed from the path?
We could make our own path
I'd like that very much
I'm very fond of you.

1)To my therapist (4 years ago)
When I said, "I don't like my little sister," the proper response was not "That's ok. You have to love her"

2)To my first grade teacher
Thank you for spelling things like colour and favourite with a U. I can't break the habit, and I get made fun of a great deal now.

3)To my student teacher (this year)
You are the first person who changed my life. I still have your notes on my assignment.

4)To the old lady who yells at me for walking my dog down your street
Stop

5)To you
Gosh I love you,
Please come home.

I saw you in the sunset
Bright and happy
Like when you laugh
I see you in the moon and stars
Like they spell out your name
Your name is perfect
And I like saying it
I see you in my puppy
When she smiles at me
I remember when you smiled at me
I liked it when you smiled at me
Even when you were mad
You were adorable
You were always perfect
You still are
I just don't see you enough
Like the stars
Going behind clouds
I want to see you more.
I love to see you
Because I love you

How wonderful you are for waiting
How strong your grip
Upon the ground
Must be
The terrors that I've seen you face
Upon your lonesome
How hard you try to understand
My efforts
An my failures
My terrors you attempt to remedy
While fighting your own demons
How hard you try to understand
And even when you can't
How hard you try to help
How wonderful you are for waiting
How strong you must be
How much I love you

I don't want to show my shoulders
In the silky dress
I bought months ago
It was so surreal then
And now,
It's just a few hours away
I can feel their eyes on me
It's tonight

I've never looked pretty
I bit my nails to the stub
I don't cover
My sun burnt face
With makeup
Until last week I only owned two pairs of shoes
Tennis shoes
And slightly nicer tennis shoes
I always wear my hair up
So people can't see it.

Tonight
I have silver sandals
And hard
Fake nails
I bought a strapless dress
That I would never wear

Tonight
People will take pictures
Of the ball gowns
And the suits
Will guys be wearing suits?
I feel so,
So,
Not ready

Tonight
I guess I'm not myself
Because I only wear sneakers
And I don't wear makeup
I certainly do not wear flowy pink dresses
But

Tonight
I want to be a
Princess

For a second today,
I didn't love you.

Today,
You seemed distant
As if I was a dream to you
Or a nightmare
As if I were holding out my hand to you,
But you were afraid to take it

Today
We were out of sync
I didn't know how you felt
And I was terrified

Today
I couldn't help you
How can I
deserve
To love you
If I can't help you

Today
You were distant
And we were out of sync
And I couldn't help you

Today
For a second,
I didn't love you.

I am your little girl
I blush when we speak
I want to tell you as I learn
Of all the wonders we can share
I want to look pretty when you see me,
And I love seeing you!

I am your little girl
I do what you ask
I play your games
You rule me with fear,
Because you're bigger than me.
Well,
You think you are
I can't get away,
Because you are my safe harbor
(For the moment)
You flip like a switch
Faster than I can escape

I was sitting next to the mirror
I almost looked into it
I turned away
I don't like the mirror
What makes me real,
And not my reflection?
If I shatter the mirror,
Do I shatter her?
What if somebody loves her?
What makes a person real?
I don't like the mirror.

Slip into the shoes you have
Waiting by the door
Braid your hair
Down your back
Let wisps slip out
Whisper in the doorway
No one else is awake
Slip out the door
Forget your phone
And climb the tree
To where you can feel the silence
You can feel the wind
And watch the moon linger
Let your hair fall out of your braid
And your shoes off your feet
And let yourself fall into the feeling

I went out
To bring my dog inside
But I got a little *******
In staring at the stars
And a little game of chase
It was nine o clock
But we didn't care
We were ******* in the stars
And the wonders they unfold

I love the strong wind
It feels soft on my face
It feels
Free
It doesn't hold me where I stand
It doesn't control me
It doesn't make suggestions
And it doesn't make mistakes
It's so
Fascinating
How it roles about
And you can't even see it.
It just is.