her capacity for stoicism
is diminishing hourly
as pain becomes both
insidious and barefaced

her world is now small
one specailized chair
in one room and then
those who visit, catch her
attention, but for awhile

she seems to have shrunk
curling in upon herself
like a leaf, separated
from the tree

i have watched others die,
this, this is so much more
difficult and complex
there are so many ties
some made threadbare
by years of casual use,
some still strong that will need
to be unravelled over years of memory

she once was so large,
so vibrant and strong
but pain like water
is undercutting her banks
and soon this river will pass out to sea
as her wellspring gives out

then we all will be smaller for her passing

to hear your voice again
lifts it from my stomache
where it hides in pain --
to my throat
in sweet Hallelujah
a thanksgiving hymn
a gregorian chant of Love

doubt is the handmaiden of fear
who carries a basket full
of tears and banshee wailings
and makes it hard to keep
my head above the ego
yet
it is my head that is off key
my heart is on
I listen to it harmonize
with the song of your voice

that lifts my soulheart to hear


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

in the landscape of you
I am a wandering soul
with but my words
                for protection
as I make you my goal
in the expanse of your vista,
I wear the cloak of our depth
your heartbeats in mine
as we breathe
           the same breath
I feel your rugged peaks,
your valleys that sink
your core's wildflower essence
that stains me with ink
I bathe in its fragrance,
a tattooed poet's imprint
in the primal spheres in my being
enveloping my core
all the clearer
          for seeing

and when your rough
                 tempest storms
are afar, yet in view
I dive straight to
                  their center
into the magnet of you
for
     I will water your deserts
infuse fresh creeks
                        in your dry
I will run through your forests
as I call to your wild
as I straddle your cliffs,
festoon your tundra
             with blooms
steam will rise from
                your earthcore
and fill up my womb
Through the dew on our lashes
through my lava that flows,
the stars in your eyes
make my universe glow

these geographic measures
                                 I take
as you let me inside
our bloodstreams merging
as we get lost in the tides
electric pulsed woodlands
that spread iced wildfires
slaking the loops
  of floodgates' desire
and I will hold you together
if you fall, torn apart
bonded forever
in this map of our
                    hearts

I fell in love with you
at first sight
not in my head,
from the lure of
****** attraction
no, it was simple
and from my heart
it wasn’t deposited there
it appeared --
simple
naked and
whole

it was the sidelong look
you gave me as
we said goodbye
it was the bright smile
with that look
then
there it was -- simple,
naked, and whole
the Pharos light
my wandering soul was seeking
undeniable
ineluctable
remembered


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I will wait
blindly scraping through each day
on skinless knees
clawing through with bloodied fingers
searching for the truth to clench to

I will wait
in the bowels of a twisted mind
bending flickers to shadows
in endless search of the light
that teased with relentless promise

I will wait
for this Hell to freeze my bones brittle
buried in glacial daydreams
of a time that day meant
I could feel the warmth of the sun

I will wait
for the accidental happiness
that covered me like a puddle I fell into
while stumbling through existence
simply drawing breath

I will wait
in jagged darkness for the only reality
that makes sense of this place
for in that union is peace so pure
it washes the universe in light

So, yes, I will wait
an eternity of gaping wounds
bathed in the brine of silence
never giving voice to the grated truth
of the best part of who I am

I sing to the trees
a lamentation
for the loss of you

I sing to the trees
as I look up at them
they look down at me
my lamentation
is heard

the shatters of my heart
collect like autumn leaves
under my throat
ready to be sung out
clothed in notes
of gossamer and gold

I sing to the trees
a greeting, a sorrow
for the loss of you

and the shards of my heart


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

be my soul friend
my anam cara
play my water harp
my water heart
make music of me
sing me back to
the way I was
the way I can be
the way I am with you

friend, be my soul
my anam cara
make of me a cantata
a rondo
a dance flamenco
flame me back to
the way I was
the way I can be
the way I am with you

soul, befriend me
be my anam cara
make of me a garden
a stroll through Love
give me back to
the way I was
the way I can be
the way I am


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater