It's cold outside
Fog is just rolling in
I think it's a quarter after 8
Seems like the moon
Is playing peak-a-boo in the sky
Its quite fascinating
I guess I will miss all of this
I just wrote a poem
Three pages front and back
Simply saying I was going to die
That I didn't want to end it
But I had a feel that I had too
A feeling that I was the reason
To the reoccuring temporary problem
So I have the permanent solution
And maybe this solution
Could inspire the lives of others
Maybe my death could bring peace
To a family so torn and broken
Maybe their tears will be the glue
That will forever hold them together
Or maybe they wont show
Maybe they are sick of me
I know they don't
Because they are afraid to look me in the eyes
Afraid that I'm too dark
That my whole life is meant to revolve around them
So this is just a way
For me to say goodbye
I already had 40 pills
From the 8 bottles with a prescription
For about 4 different disorders
The 2 doctors think I have
It hase only 1 name
Its ******* depression
I'm not insane
Bipolar, paranoid, or OCD
I am me and your greed is destroying me
So I'll take another 30
All at once so I can be sure I'm gone
Hope this poem
Makes you realize
That you should of listened
When I asked to hear my poems
To listen when I was ******
So I hope that guilt kills you
Litterally decays your body
From the inside out
But wait like you said
Last night when we fought
"It would be another poet dead and gone"
Well *******
I was never a poet
Just a kid trying to relieve his pain
The very pain you gave me
So adios
I'm gone
I can feel the chemicals mixing in my stomach
It hurts like hell
But I guess being free has its dues

I walked this road for so long
It's been 16 years
Since I have rested
Feels like I've been tested
For all these years
This highway I walk
Has many shadows
Too many twist and turns
Every car that passes by
Just zooms right on by
As vultures stalk above
I grow weary
Would it be easier to end my life
Or just see if this road
Is a dead end highway
Every step is impossible
Every second is unbearable
I walk carrying the tools
To finish what this highway started
I walk and walk
Passed graves
Homeless people begging for money
Passed lovers kissing
Passed newlyweds
Passed mattress stores
And I know I walk this highway alone
No one to hold my hand
No one to stop my feet
No one
Not a soul
Not a heart
Nothing to save me
Before I create the end
To this god forsaken highway
I will force myself
To meet the end

It wasnt enough for you
To say you hated me
You had to reach into my chest
Pick out the pieces of my heart
And let them bleed at my feet

It wasnt enough for you
To say you never loved me
You had to take the remnants of my sanity
Break it into tiny pieces
To the point you couldnt break it further

It wasnt enough for you
To walk out that door
Saying "*******" on the way out
Giving me the finger
And telling me to **** myself

It wasnt enough for you
Everytime I layed in puddles for you
Everytime I wrapped myself around your pinky
And pleased you better then any other man before me
But you wanted something I couldnt give

It wasnt enough for you
You just had to comeback
****** because you realized
You really did love me
You really found yourself missing my llove and affection

It wasnt enough for you
That you couldnt comprehend
That I got over you and moved on
So you had to pull out the pistol
The very one I gave you for your birthday

It wasnt enough for you
To watch my new girlfriend plead for her life
But blow her brains out all over the walls
Screaming and crying "Why did you do that?"
Knowing already the reason I moved on

It wasnt enough for you
That you decided to end your life
Right here in front of me
But not before you took a shot at me
Knowing I would die not long after you

You knew I still loved you
But you wouldnt listen to me
You just continued to wave that gun around
It wasnt enough for you
That you made sure our last moments were with each other

My problem is I flirt too much
Every chick that walks into view
I'm bound to flirt with eventually
I'm not the best looking
Nor am I the sweetest
I'm the chocolate covered cupcake
You pass by everyday
On your way to and from work
Calling your name
With my delicious temptation
I taste sweet but another bite
BLAMM 32lbs you just gained
I'm good for all the wrong reasons
I'm the **** in disguise
So thank you for reminding me
Anything else you want to get off your chest?
You have my number
You know where I live
My work isn't far from you
So come on
Tell me how you really feel
I couldn't care less
It's just Charlie Browns mom
I'm hearing from you
I tuned you out the moment
We had our first fight

Rest in arms wide with care
Come rest your head
On a pillowed chest
I'll never let any harm come your way
Maybe I am lying
But I will try
Just don't leave me alone
Don't leave me to my demons
The voices in my head
Keep me safe
And let your voice
Drown out these eerie ones
Rest your shoulders
Burden me with your worries
I have more strength than you
I can be your rock
Let me grasp your anchor
Let me be the wind in your sail
Just never let me go

But I think it would be better for you if you did and just forgot me.

Condemned
To a life that wants to take me
To a heart chained and restrained
To emotions not shown or supported

Condemned
To love for you that kills me slowly
To darkness forever with no way out
To fears that no one can understand

I’m tired and sick
Of trying and failing
Thinking I had a reason to get back up
But look to see and its gone

Condemned
To people who believe in a god that doesn’t believe in me
To a world lost and forsaken
To anger, hatred, and pain towards the giver of my life

Condemned
To demons I created for myself
To be a nightmare the world created
To be an orphan of society

Gene grant me this one wish
Don't call me master
I'm the guy asking for your help
Calling on your powers for one wish
I don't want to end world hunger
**** the corruption in our politics
Forget world *******
I don't know if you can grant me this wish
But gene if I had one wish
It would be to hold her one more time
Kiss her while the world comes to a stop
Bring her back into my arms
Let me whisper into her ear
That I'll never let go
Till her body turns to ash
From the burning inferno of times
Decaying hands ticking at our flesh
Gene grant me this one wish
I wish I could be with her one more time
To do all the things I never had the chance to do

I guess you wouldn't see this everyday
A 43 year old man writing in a diary
But hell what other choice do I have
See a shrink
Talk my problems out

So I'll give you the details
My names Karl 43 yrs old
Divorced 5 times
7 children I barely get to see
Kids mothers think I have manic depression
Judges took my supervised visitation rights away
Because I had a mental breakdown
Ended up in the psych-ward for a month
I'm working three jobs
Little Ceasers, Raising Canes, and a handyman
I'm living in my moms basement
Paying rent out the ***
Even though I'm barely here
You tell me if I've had it rough
My dad drank himself to death
Beating my mother and me
My older brother died during service
My younger sister is a crack fiend
And I've spent more money on her
To stay in rehab than I have on clothes
For both me and my kids
I've been recently cutting
I saw my oldest do it
When I confronted him
He said it relieved the pain
He was right
Still feels wrong
I just wonder when enough is enough
When you finally give up
I've been a devoted Christian
Yet I've never seen the end of it
The constant pain
The endless torture of reality
Hell would be my heaven right now
I have no friends
I don't have a single clue
Where my life went to
But I'm sure it's heading nowhere fast
Thought about ending it
But the picture of me and my kids
Always seems to stop me cold
I just wish I could say I'm sorry
That I wish I could be a better father
A more devoted husband
But how can I do any of that
When the woman I've been with
Only wanted my wallet more than my heart
I don't even remember the smell of cologne
I guess I'm just rambling
But how old do you need to be
To die from a broken heart

Here I stand
Looking at people
Mourning over the death
Of a son or daughter
Another victim to suicide
Another forgotten soul

They say she was happy
They say he was perfectly fine
But how would they know
They didnt know what was going on
Behind thier eyes
But does it look like it now
The proof is before your eyes

Take a closer look
Your son wasnt perfectly fine
Your daughter wasnt happy
They hid themselves from you
Afraid of your disappointment
Lost to thier depression
Having no one to turn to

So they jumped on the blade
Cutting themselves at night
Getting high off the pain
No drugs or alcohol needed
You were to busy in the kitchen
Fighting over whatever you wanted

Remember when they were little kids
After you read them a bedtime story
You would say
I will never let anything happen to you
But now its just an empty promise
As you mourn over thier lifeless body
Cursing the heavens for taking them from you

But it was your selfish actions
You never read thier poetry
You never seen their drawings
Nose deep in work
Not taking time to listen
Dont you regret it now

Its not just your son or daughter in that coffin
Its a soul soon to be forgotten
Thier memory wont live on forever
Just a victim of suicide
Someone no one was around to hear
Another forgotten soul
Again buried six feet below our feet

Perfume bottle of ecstasy
Broken glass covered in rose blood
Her body laying on carpet
Blood blanketing her corpse
She smelled like roses and death
Yet they say she smelled like me the most

am i the reason
she haunts
my very dreams
or still yearns
for peace to come

i guess that
i am the reason
i should be dead
i can't say i'm sorry
i have no remorse

am i the reason
you never forgave me
for tearing your heart apart
or taking that last bit
of sanity you tried to perserve

my actions say i am
my soul says i am not
but yet you lurk
around every corner
partying with death
hoping and waiting to feast
in my list of sins

am i the reason
you were selfish
enough not to take me
or care enough
to say goodbye

am i the reason
your sorrow filled yells
remained unheard
or for wasting
time on such evil

am i the reason
you ignored
my warnings
or was it
your stupid heart

my heart says i am
but i can't believe it
you wrote your story
unfortunately you finished
a bit too early
are you the reason
for these tears

The sound of my destruction
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                           Tick
I know it rest within me
I hear it day and night
Just ticking away
Like the hours on the clock
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                            Tick
It has became annoying
Never ending
I wonder when it will go off
So the pain will disappear
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                            Tick
I wish I had the button
To press it myself
But I noticed everytime I grow angery
Another minute falls off
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                            Tick
Such an aggravating sound indeed
But as I try to write
And hope the words I use
Capture a glimpse of what goes on in my mind
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                           BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!
The world goes white
Then red
As my blood and flesh
Paint every corner

No more pain
Just more bodies
The bodies of those who have always judged me
This is what you created

And with its detonation
Your death came to be
Ticking was my rage
Ticking was my tolerance
                                                 Tick
                                                       Tick
                                                             Ticking no more

Hey Bartender
I'd like three shots of whiskey
Here's to the ******* in me
For apparently not caring
Because one bad joke
Led her to get ******
Without me realizing it
You think she'd tell you
It offended her
That way you could apologize
But delayed reactions cause pauses
In thoughts and roughly
I can't stand being ******* at
For **** I didn't realize I ****** up on
So I tried to make a peeping tom funny
While trying to show I cared
Because I didn't want you to be viewed
Like drive through ****
So three shots whiskey
Here's to the ******* in me
For not knowing why you were ******
You never wanted to say it
You never explained it
And before we had a fight
All you had to do was say
Hey ******* this is why you ****** me off
But no, I'm a mindreader
I'm a California psychic
Able to tell you your thinking tacos
Over a thousand miles away
I'm the amazing Gorvoski!!
I know all see all
Let me look into my crystal ball
Three shots whiskey
Here's to the ******* in me

He lied to me when he said I love you
He said he would never hurt me
Yet the first thing within the three months we have been together
Is cheat on me with my best friend
How could he do that to me?
I have my best friend/brother Robert
He beat him up but I gave him a ***** look when he came back
I love Robert
Adreishka thank you for making him let me vent
I know I haven't said much but I hate his guts
And You letting me sleep with Robert was very comforting
I needed to feel loved and safe
He told me how to spell your name
He really likes you
I just can't believe the guy who took my virginity
Cheated on me and then lied to me
The whole time we were together
**** I HATE HIS GUTS!!!!!!

Sincerely Amanda :)

They said it was impossible
But they're not desperate enough
They're not me
Not even close
This darkness always engulfing me
It's time I build a flashlight
In this oblivion
And make my own light
At the end of this never ending tunnel
They said you can't manufacture happiness
Well meet my new company
Making happiness in the dark
Bringing back the dead
Breathing life into the suffocated
Finally replacing the mirror
To repair the broken reflection

"Guilty"
That's what the gavel screams
Echoing on the steel bracelets
Bolted to my wrist
"Guilty"
Convicted of 32 counts of ******
403 counts of manslaughter and torture
Unanimous vote by the laughing jury
Eyes struck cold with the fear
A mass murderer before their eyes
"Guilty"
Solitary confinement for me
*******, bolted, and chained
To four walls playing ghost in my ears
Whispering the verdict
"Guilty"
****** weapons found in my hands
Set fire to the bodies
So they couldn't laugh anymore
Played cat and mouse with their tongues
My scars aren't a joke
Yet I still hear the laughter
Driven mad enough to hear
"Guilty"
32 kids, 68 adults, 303 other voices
I had to silence
I couldn't take it
The laughter, paralyzing glares
Smiles embedded in ruby eyes
"Guilty"

Jokes on you
I told you to hold tight
Onto this love I offered you
But you abandoned it
One month into it
Jokes on you
I'm not giving you a second chance
I will not give anyone a second chance
So I'm laughing at you
Because you're on your knees
Begging me for another chance
Sorry :)
I'm engaged
I'm not ******* this up
Because she accepts me for me
And hasn't given up on me

I'm not asking for a kiss
I'm not Pink
I'm literally telling you to *******
Put my **** in your mouth
And ******* blow *****
I hate your rotting
Eroded cancer infested guts
I hope you ******* die
So ******* *******
I'm ****** beyond any limit
I'm three, two seconds away
From hunting you like forest animals
Hang your head above my mantle
The perfect trophy
******* *****
Not a kiss like Pink
But literally take this **** from between my legs
And ******* *****

It wasn't just you
With intelligence that rocked a body
Holding mistletoe hair stands
It was those Come Kiss Me lips
Heaven Reaching eyes
God please hear my prayer cheeks
With rose pedals dancing on them
Baby It wasn't just you I fell in love with
It was every metaphor you made my heart sing
You make poems blossom like hurricanes
Baby if I could spend my common sense on you
My Sixth Sense would be priceless to every collector
Baby it wasn't just you
It was only you, all of you
That made me want you in the first place

In my pocket
Old and wore out
A symbol of every color I felt
This old paint brush
Has seen miracles
Made many more
Revived old houses
Brought life to a dying kids eyes
As she watched her playhouse
Become healthier then her
This old paint brush
Painted a future for me
In every smile of every homeowner
Brought beauty where darkness resided
Yet I never tried to let it
Bring colors into my heart
Bristles are missing
Brass is dented and caked over
Handle barely holding on
But its my brush
My favorite brush
The only brush I'll ever use
Because its the brush
That painted more miracles
Then Jesus performed

I walked ten thousand miles
In the many years
I've joined hands with my insanity
Walked hand in hand
Like shadows and feet
Grasping a new perspective on the instance
That reality is just a fictional world
We lose ourselves in
Where is the real you?
Is that truly you in the mirror
Or the reflection of the world
Taken it's tole on your weary bones
Fragile shapes bearly holding a grin
I've walked so many beaten paths
Beaten so many paths
Bean beaten by paths
Yet still find myself walking
Down the only path
Covered by thorns and barbed wire
One way in no way out
It's the path we all walk unknowingly
The path of our own troublesome sanity

**** digging deeper
Maybe she can take it
Hope this rubber don't break
I don't feel like being a daddy today
But ****** she'll call me daddy
As we're ******* tonight
Leave a path of clothes
A trail of breadcrumbs
From door to bedroom
Rose pedals tracing out our hearts
As her moans stain the sheets
She'll call me daddy tonight
Even after all the hell I put her through

These gremlins are messing with me today
Siting on the ***
With a book to read
A video game on the phone
No toilet paper for me *******
I got the bathroom blues
I'm yelping for some helping
Getting nothing but a silence
Oh these bathroom blues
Got me bad

Say "Cheese"
Look into this lens
Of forgotten smiles
Let me capture your elegant beauty
They say a picture holds a thousand words
But this picture of you
Still holds me breathless
Your beauty is playing Cat and Mouse
With this tongue of mine
And my jaw hit the floor
With that smile of yours
It's cute how you try to hide it
I know you don't like it
But I love it
Smile for the camera
For me one more time
So the memory of you
Will never fade away

A fairytale not many can relate to
A paradox not many can understand
The fusion of ions
The immense ritualistic ways of comprehension
Are you following me still?
Slightly confused by the previous words?
Yeah same here
I don't know much anymore
Poetry went wacky
Seriously, it's repulsive
I don't even make sense of the emotions
That every metaphor or simile has to offer
I lost in confusion
Who's side do I fight on
Who's side will be the most beneficial
Do I side with something that has always brought distress
Or do I side with something that has always brought me synthetic emotions
Confusion, oh oh, confusion
What do I do when I'm so ******* confused
Yeah I just sang those two lines
I'm bored
Being confused is a *****
Russian roulette could bring more results
You have to love Russians
They have the best liquor
And they have the best games
I love Russia
Maybe I will move there one day
I'm confused
What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah right me being lost in confusion
Eh you get the point
I don't know what to do anymore
Just drown in darkness some more

weeping willow tears
heavy and warm
drowning herself
for the pain sge has watched

many years have passed
now a river flows
where the weeping willow stood
she lays at the bottom
still she cries

a heavy burden it is
as she watched young girls
fall victim to loves dangerous game
"No Mercy" love yelled
as the weeping willow began to cry

weeping willows tears
powerful and moving
drowning the village
with words unspoken

no more will the weeping willows tears fall
for she lays in peace
with love finally falling victim
to his own dangerous game
now peace is restored
to the weeping willows eyes

Final words echo
Bouncing off the walls
Rubber ball words beating eardrums
Crowd stands in awe
Applause roars from the cricket filled room
The end
It finally came
Here I stand
Taking my final bow
This old hand finally ran dry
This heart shrunk
Deleted the room for love
No more emotions
The end
Where everything just stops
Time to draw
Made friends
I thank you all
Reading, liking, complimenting
Even the worst of my work
So I take this final bow
Bid you all farewell
I look forward to reading your work
If I ever find the strength
To pick up the pen
Here my words shall fall


The End

Your body tenses
You want me to kiss you more
From your lips to your neck
My hands exploring your body
Learning every curve It has
Kissing your body
Where my hands just reached
Your breathing is heavy
Our pulses racing
In sync with each others
We were born for this moment
Making love to each other
Your body so close to mine
Naked and sweaty
Smooth skin calling me on
My ******* not ceasing
Your moans growing louder
The next door neighbors
Yelling out their window
To keep it down
But how can I do that
When your slightest touch
Gets me up and hard
And all my mind and body wants
Is to have you close to me
Plunging myself deep between your legs
Going through the motions
To make you say my name
To hear you moan even louder
To feel your body twist and turn
As your ******* peaks
While my heart fuses with yours
I whisper I love you one more time
Just as I come to your voice saying the same
You beg me to stay in bed with you
Your eyes say you want me more
So I wrap you in my arms
We lay there for hours
Our hunger burning again
And I flip you on your back
Clasp both your hands
Pin you to the bed
And look into your eyes
That seem to scream that you want me
So I kiss your neck
Your body tenses again
We start making love again

His journey started
When his mother abandoned him
Leaving him for dead
With a father
That was hardly ever home

He grew up
Not knowing what was next
He thought his life was perfect
Till he heard
The mother he knew wasn't his

He wanted answers
Grew into a depression
Anger and hatred boiling
Fueling the rage
That would soon be seen

He contemplated his suicide
Attempted it but failed
Something wanted him to live
He still contemplates
just never attempts

He slept with women
Having meaningless ***
Never staying for too long
Lost to his world of dispair
Creating demons for himself

He hasn't cried
Since he was eight
He watched his family fall apart
Dropping like rocks
Hoping for his time to come

He writes poetry
He draws endlesly
Wanting his emotions
That stain his soul
To disappear into the words and lines

He thought he was in love
So many times before
But they only deserted him
when those words
slipped off his tongue

Now he sits
Thinking constantly
About how the future would be
If the past wasn't so hard
Just how simple his life could of been

But when a girl
Walked into his life
Curly hair and a bright smile
Beauty crippling him
He said hello

When he left
All he did was think about her
She followed into the next grade
He was overjoyed
And he knew he was in love

He took a leap of faith
And said '' I love you''
She shrugged it off
Like the words themself
Had no meaning or value

He strived to prove to her
That he truly is in love
He thinks about her
He wants to comfort her
When she thinks she's not perfect

He finally convinced her
That she was never
Going to lose him
But it wasn't enough
He wanted her to know his demons

She asked countless times
To see his heart
So he gave it to her
And said ''Take a look for yourself
This is why I'm a mistake''

A waste of time and life
A waste of space and air
Is what he thinks of himself
A monster worst than any evil
That he created in the dark

She only told him
She loves him once before
He just wants to be hers
To be there even more
So she will never be alone

He thinks he's not good enough
That he can't make her happy
He's probably right
She never proved him wrong
And may never

He wants to kiss her
To love her
Go to sleep holding her
And wake up to her smile
Each and every day

He write poems for her
Thinking endlessly of her
But doesn't know where to start
When he's never felt like this before
Hoping she can help him

He wants to hear those words
Not I love you
But I want to give you a chance
He wants to ask for that chance
But too scared of the answer

He looks into the mirror
Ask the reflection some questions
Hoping for a better answer
Only getting what he wants
Not what he needs to hear

She loves him
He loves her
They want the same
But don't known where they stand
Still stuck in thier own fantasies

An unknown mans life
Is what he lives
No one knows who he is
What he stands for
Or where he came from

He's just a shadow
Like flames licking at your feet
Waiting to be heard and known
He's the poet born with rage
Letting his emotions be known

His work doesn't reach out
To every man, woman, or child
But to those who suffer
From countless days of pain
But he remains unknown

She encourages him on
She is his muse
The love he can't have
The Juliet to his Romeo
The only person keeping him sane

He stands on a cliff
Letting the ocean spray
kiss his face
As he listens to the calming winds
With her close to his heart
Thinking of his next poem

I look into the dark oblivion
That is my room
I stare blankly at the ceiling
The cold still darkness
Slowly becoming darker
I wait to dream
But I fear what it is
That I may dream of tonight
I begin to think
Of where my life has gone
Where it is that I stand
And I realize
I am standing in darkness
My evil pool of misery
My worst fears compiled and drowning me
Is it sad to be scared of my dreams
The dreams I dream are not dreams
They are nightmares
Simply put on steroids
And injected daily
Into the wasted remnants of my brain
Mutating into a monstrous demon
Vividly I watch as my limbs are torn from my body
My sanity has cursed me
With this image
In a flash
Quicker than lightning
The scenery changes
The world is dissolved
Eroding faster than nature intended
The sky opens up
Demons walk to the edge
I look down to where Hell once laid
And see the decaying and half-dead bodies
Of archangels and angels
Wings torn from their backs
And a sense of hope
Banished from my mind
I fear my soul is lost
I awaken in horror
Just as demonic eyes
Pear into my soul
Intentions for me clear as day
Is it sad to be afraid of my dreams
My dreams are inhuman
They are wretched wild things
No human shall endure
But maybe I am not human
Maybe I am a monster
A demon hidden under human flesh
Clawing at the surface
Begging to be free
Oh that would be a terrifying dream
To watch as my flesh
Ripped from inside
As scaly skin appears
With a burning amber color
Tampered with blood ruby eyes
Focused on engulfing the rest of the world
Infecting the planet
With more of its kind
Is it sad to be afraid of my dreams
If my dreams are real
With a slightly different wording
To exaggerate the fact
That killing me could end a lot of problems
Bringing a new sense of peace
With a demon gone
I am afraid of my dreams
Because I don’t have to be asleep
To have these dreams
Just looking at the window
Watching the world **** itself
This is a dream not so friendly
One you cannot awaken from
This sadly is our reality

Ehi, ti amo
Non ti ** mai detto che ** fatto
Forse **
Mi hai sentito quando l'** detto?
Adreishka ... ti amo con tutto il mio cuore
Non voglio mai lasciarti andare
Voglio che nostro figlio sia perfetto
Lei è perfetta
Io non ti merito
Mi voglio sposare
Quindi, mi vuoi sposare?
Adreishka So che hai già detto sì
Ma dico sul serio
Voglio farti felice al di là di confronto


Translation for the people.


Hey I love you
I never told you that did I
Maybe I have
Did you hear me when I said it?
Adreishka...I love you with all of my heart
I never want to let you go
I want our son to be perfect
You are perfect
I don't deserve you
I want to marry you
So will you marry me?
Adreishka I know you already said yes
But I really mean it
I want to make you happy beyond comparison

Be my gorgeous nightmare
Be the reason I stay awake
The reason I fear breathing
Be the existance in my heart
Just wait till i sleep
And haunt me there
Hunt me like Im your prey

Abuse me in my dreams
Be my goegeous nightmare
Be the reason I awake in terror
Hold me when I do
Dont reject me
Because I cant trust you
I do love you though

I am at home
I am immortal
I can never die
In her eyes
I will be a hero

No matter what I do
I can do no wrong
In her eyes
I can get lost
But I'll always be found

My life had no meaning
Till it fell into those eyes
In her eyes
I saw an opportunity
I saw an unlived life

In her eyes
I'm a god
I'm superman without a costume
My love is endless
Sanity isn't portraide

In her eyes
I see the future
I see the past
I see the present
But most of all I see her soul

I see the wrong she has done
I see the pain she has felt
I see me, her last hope for a better life
I see myself
In her eyes

I love her
Not for her beauty
But for the knowledge
She says she loves me
But she's not in love with me

But in her eyes
I see the truth
I see that she's in love
But not with me
But with the rage within

She knows that the pain
I can give
Could be the end
In her eyes
I'm her savior from this life

You tore her away from me
You bound her to me bed
You ***** her
You took your knife
And stabbed her over 30 times
Before you slit her wrist
And watched her bleed out

You sick *******
One day I will have my revenge
I will show you what its like
I'm even more sick and twisted
I'll make you pay for this
She was everything to me
You ******* stole my life away

I spent the last 5 years
Looking no hunting you down
Now that I found you
I see you have three little kids
A wife so gorgeous
You love them all don't you
Now you get to watch them die

I'll start with the youngest child
He's what 1 year old
I'll cut his toes and fingers off
Then his knees and elbows
Shoulders and hips
Then slit his throat and cover you in his blood
And watch as he bleeds out

How about your daughter
She's three right
Well I'll cut out her eyes
Sow her mouth shut
Cut her open
And pull her insides out
You can see her pain

Where were you
Their father, their savior, and protector
Daddy couldn't save them
Well how do you think I felt
When you stole my life
She was everything
And I wasn't there to protect her

Now for your oldest
He's seven ain't he
I'll cut him up
Pull out his insides
Cover you in in his blood
As it pours out
All over the floor

Now for your wife
Your sweet tender wife
I have something special for her
Something that will make you remember
What it was exactly you did
5 years ago today
When you stole her away from me

I'll bound her to your bed
I'll **** her
Take my knife
And tab her over 30 times
Slit her wrist

How does it feel
To be dressed in the blood
Of all those closest to you
Now you know what I felt
Now you can beg for death
But I wont give it to you
I'll make you an amputee
So you can't **** yourself

I want you to live with this pain
5 years from today
Maybe then I'll come back
And rip your pathetic life away
But I guess I already did
So leave and suffer
Feel my pain

I'll be watching
Your death will be by my hands
And it wont be pleasant
Because by the time you leave
The bomb I placed in your chest
Will explode, leaving you nothing
But residue on the grass

He had me by the nuts
Telling me every girl passing by
Was the girl for me
Looking back now
It all was a false reality
There isn't a girl out there for me
But a woman I can make happy
Hopefully
I've said a few prayers
Yet the one I whisper every night
When I stare at her picture
Goes somewhat like this
Dear Who It May Concern
I don't know if there's a heaven
Waiting to accept me
I know the devil made my heart
Into the fiddle it is now
Played by the immature
The ***** girls that come and go
The times I play it myself
Just to keep it in tune
There's only one thing I ask of you or you all
Let me hold her for an hour a day
Love her 4 hours a night
Kiss her good morning and good night
Whatever you can do
Make sure my path begins
And happily ends with her
I'm asking you (all) for a 24/7 chance
To be the man for her
Not the failure for myself
I guess I've been given too many
This one just feels right
I know she's reading this
So I guess I'll say it now
I've fallen pretty deep and even harder
For the one thing that proves
I'm truly insane for not believing
In some kind of god

Seeing your angelic face
Smiling and in the arms of another
Brings memories of you in mine
But also brings the pain I will never forget

These memories
This pain, anger, and hatred
They are my burden to bear now
I just wish the weight wasn't so much

Knowing you let me go
And I can't do the same to you
Makes the weight even more unbearable
**** I just want to give up

Collapsing under these burdens
Is my only resort
No help within reach
And my cries no longer loud enough

These racing thoughts add even more weight
And I don't want to drop these burdens
Because you were the best thing That ever happened to me

All the pain, anger, and hate
Burning so intensely
Threatening to consume what remains of me
Prevents me from finding peace

This poem could well be my last
I don’t care what score you give me
Whether it be a 10.5 or 11
It doesn’t matter to me
The reason for this poem
Is simply to get everything off my chest
To let the world
To let everyone within this room
Know exactly who I am as a person
To know me as the poet who almost never was
This is basically my life story
So please bear with me
It started February 10, 1996
I was born unfortunately
At 9 months old
I was taken from my mother and father
Placed in a foster home for 6 months
The foster parents couldn’t handle me
At 13 months old when I was returned
My mother soon abandoned me
The reason being drugs and alcohol
She never even looked back
She was offered help on several occasions
Sadly she refused
I lived a quiet life
Lived in California for the first 8 years
My father and the woman I believed to be my mother
Broke the news to me and told me this story
Since then I became the resentful
***** the world
Hate life and love all together
Person you see today
I spiraled down into the darkest parts of hell
Nothing amused me
I started using *** as a coping mechanism
At the age of 12
I than was introduced to drugs
Smoked *** and it numbed me
Started sneaking alcohol from my parents
And every relationship I had
I either failed or pushed them away
I keep searching for something
That no female can give me
And it’s a love not offered by anyone
Not even that god you so hopelessly worship
I don’t condemn it
I just don’t see the relevancy in it
Every year I become darker
My poetry a reflection of it
I have abandonment issues
As well as trust issues
My heart sealed away
Locked in sheets of metal
Covered in chains and barbed wire
I have really only loved two people
Both of who have abandoned me
Both of which I seem to torture myself
With the memories of them I have
I cant seem to do anything right
My parents cursing me and calling me names
Most likely the reason to my self-esteem issues
I have attempted suicide three times
One being when I tried to shoot myself
But I didn’t know it didn’t work properly
Two being when I tried hanging myself
But the tree branch broke
Three being when I tried overdosing
But my best friend rushed me to the hospital
Luckily the doctor was a friend
He didn’t tell my parents
Because I begged him not to
Since those failed attempts
I have killed myself in over a million fashions
The top ways being shot or strangulation
I will not continue this any further
For fear of being reported to a psychologist
But I will say this
Through all this Bs
I will stand strong
Continue to **** myself within my work
And if none of you like it
Get lost by all means
It’s to express me as a person
And also that no matter what
I will go down as a god

An Angels Sorrow
heavy like her heart
as teardrops fall from her face
falling through the clouds
not knowing which direction to go

i love her even when i lie
waiting and hoping to die
i caught her when she fell
released her from the depths of hell
i wish to carry her sorrow

an angels sorrow
a burden like no other
heavy like my heart
stained with others blood
no longer will she feel it

her sorrow i wish to relieve
her tears i wish to dry
her beauty i wish her to know
an angels sorrow
i relieve with love like no other

my love i wish her to see
her head i wish to clear
lay your head on my chest
listen to the heartbeat of a dying man
for deaths tattered cloak wrapped around me

an angels sorrow
a sorrow like no other
a sorrow i wish to relieve
my heart aches for her
as tears fall like rain

dark clouds shape the sun
an ominous wind blows
as her sorrow grows
an angels sorrow
the one thing that could **** me

as her sorrow ends
her beauty glows
her heart slows
an angels sorrow
i took away with my last breath

Baby you shouldn't be walking
When alligators are around
You said you almost fell in with them
When I told you where I wanted
To place my lips on your heavenly figure
Your knees grew weak
With every Word I speak
So stray away from the alligators
No snakes, monkeys, or rhinoes
Nothing is allowed to have till I do
I want to call dibbs on those legs
I want kiss your exotic lips
Feel the rush of your wild skin
Close to mine in the comfort of our bed
Baby I like you
You like me
We've established this
And everyday is my birthday
When I'm thinking of you
You're the wallpaper on my phone
The first thing I see when I wake up
The last thing I'm touching in my dreams
Baby call this what you will
But I like making your knees weak
With every word I speak
So if you fall
Fall into my loving arms
In this bed of endless adventures
Here's those kissy faces you love so much
:****
****:

Brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers
We bid you farewell for now
But we'll join you soon enough
You have accomplished so much

Footprints in the sand
Unable to be washed away
Impossible to replicate
Still you will never be forgotten

Names forged in stone
Medals pinned on your chest
Flag draped over your coffin
Laid to rest as the final shots ring out

Friends, uncles, aunts, and cousins
Family relatives of all kinds
Never have we seen stronger people
We salute all you upheld

Veterans, men and women of  war
Thank you for your sacrifices
Now on this day please
Rest in peace

I fell so deep
Waited patiently for rock bottom
Overdosed on love
And tumbled down
Limp and lifeless

I wish it never happened
I wish I never met you
But thier wishes
I made on a shooting star
Wishes that will never come true

I tried to be a friend
I tried to push down
The raging torrent of passionate love
So it could work
But my attempts were futile

I wish it never happened
I truly do
But still I cant help but say
I love you
Even as this love I want dead

You can cry waterfalls
But I will wish
And wish
Upon every falling star
That it never happened

You broke me
When others could not
I wanted nothing from you
But a love I knew was true
And someone who understood me

Your moonlight shines
Quite brighter than the sun
I love how you love me
I just want you to know
You're my chance at something better
I love you
Forever
I will be in your shadow
Eternity
I will love you undeniably
You are the star that accompanies me in the sky
You shine so bright in my eyes
I fell in love at first sight
I love you more than Adam loved Eve
You bring me hope and happiness
I love you
Forever isn't enough
Together
Eternity sounds better
Our love is as infinite as the stars
My heart burns for you
Like the mountains of crimson light
Burning, radiating their existence
In the galaxies so far away
My love
Forever is oh so short
Let it be accompanied with Eternity
Because that is what you are
My Forever & Eternity
I will never stop loving you
Even if Father Times heart gives out
Or if Mother Earth began to cave in around us
Our love is truly infinite
I can't walk away from you
My heart fused to the very ground
Your feet have come to call home
Our love has shackled me freely
Still calling me free but finding home
Looking through the barred windows of your heart
Knowing I will die in your heart
Making going to war and dying
A very ugly thought
I know a beautiful death will come
By being your Forever & Eternity
I know I have asked you to marry me
But I don't want you to marry me
I want to marry you
So will you allow me to marry you
And be your Forever & Eternity
Till death of all things living and unexplained

You told me I was downgrading
I was selling out
Well I'm sorry to disappoint
But sweetheart I'm buying in
No more petty love affair *******
No more cheating on your humanly form
With the ghostly frame of my emotions
No more trading stock for a piece of paper
I'm selling out to buy into something else
I'm going to another company
I'm not trying to waste it all on you
I'm tired of living in this caddyshack rental
Coming home to another heart break
I'm not selling out
Baby I'm buying in
Into something you could never invest in
You're only mad
Because I pulled my investment out of you
And put into these inhuman emotions
Well baby this is the life I live
I'm signing my name in blood

a childs cries
as her mother lies
her blood staining the tiles
she hides in the closet
waiting to be found

as hands grab her
she screams and yells
she blacks out
and as she awakes
in the corner of white walls
her screams muffled by silence

a child cries
as he watches blood flow like rivers
his father tells him the highs
of sweet victory obtained
so he runs to the mountains
where he hides in a cave

as hands grab him
he screams and yells
he blacks out
and awakes to a cold floor
with four walls without a door
his screams are muffled by silence

our unheard cries
of help or sorrow
we pretend to hear
we refuse to listen
as children cry
for thier mothers and fathers

the world has turned cold
yet some choose to fold
others stand strong
proving thier might
even without light

we abandoned all hope
when hope seemed lost
we vacated all faith
when faith seemed unreal
when a child cries

still the childrens cries
the first to die when death struck
like lightnings quick flash
echoing like thunder through the ages
forever remaining unheard

Thats all you were
Young and fragile
Sweet and cheerful
But innocent all around

Your small dollish figure
Running around with a smile
Blinding even the sun
I wish you would remain this way

My dear girl
How sweet your name is
Bees wish they could talk
As if they never tasted sweeter

But the world cried
Every tear it could find
When your body was found
Still innocent and lifeless

What kind of evil
Could take such a beautiful life
Away from a world
Already lost in enough chaos

I'll be then thousand miles away
Drowning at the bottom of of the sea
The very one you hate me to dive into
Leaving bottles on the shorelines
Of your driveway
When you remember me
I'll just be a face without a name
A man once crawling into bed with you
Calling your name sweeter
With every breath you stole from me
By the time you remember me
I'll be so lost in my own life
I'll have forgotten
How gorgeous your body was
How every day was my birthday
When you said goodmorning
How christmas was every time I called
I sounded like a kid begging to tear open
The first present he saw
It was always you
When you remember me
Youll see that we were meant to be
That forever was worth living
While in each others arms
But you left me to run off with him
And I just heard
He cheated on you with his own step Mother

On the hills of mother America
Somewhere on the greatest of plains
Ten thousand jagged rocks cover my grave
You'll never see them
Only because they have an invisible weight
It is the weight of my insanity
The weight of the darkness in my soul
A weight that cannot be measured
So stone my grave
With your hate filled words
I'll know I'm still alive
Somewhere in the confines of your heart and mind

First glance my heart stopped
As my eyes lingered
My lungs began gasping for air
As my voice slurred out the words
Adreishka...I...l.love...y.you
You left me speechless
My love
You are the only thing
This world offered me
That was actually perfect
My heart plays rhythms for you to dance to
My soul sings songs for you to relax with
My body becomes your castle for you to be safe
My love
You left me speechless
Adreishka...I...l.love...y.you!!

screams of a child
as she watches
her father die
and his blood spills

screams of the dark
as they drag
the body away
and feast on his bones

screams of an angel
as she falls
when the clouds open
clipping her wings

screams of the helpless
as they starve
their bodies crumble like ash
bones showing aging scars

screams of everybody
yet nobody hears
muffled by refusal
drowned by prayer

screams of the restless
knowing they will never sleep
hoping for death
so they can sleep forever

screams of ghosts
as they try to find their way
no hope for them
they are lost forever

screams of the forgotten
as they march a path
paved by death and loneliness
never to be remembered

screams of the living
when they look in the mirror
and see time take its toll
death releasing them from times hold

screams of the tortured
as they are left stranded
helpless to nature
reckless in their steps

screams of the poet
as he loses his mind
sanity never gained
lost in words he choked on

I will not brown nose my way
Through this already ******* on life
I will not bow down to anything
Pretending your toes are the altar of god
I will not fight wars not meant to be started
Thinking I'll survive this eventually
I will not suffocate on the fumes of your corruption
Swimming on the hopes for one more breath
You think I'll live on my knees
But I'd rather die hanging from my neck
I will not justify your injustice
Cowarding under the glares of undignified politicians
I'd rather live fighting
Than die beaten
No it's said right
Because I'm not dying till I won