I want something that I cannot have. I cannot have it because I don't truly know what it is. I've seen it polished and propped as if it were on display and I've heard the stories of how much time and effort it took to make it look as such. But I want it. I want love. I want the idea of it at least.
I want the fights brought about by events simpler and less important than the time we wasted to have them. I want to be pained by the sight of her pain and know that the feeling of knives piercing my chest when I see her cry is there because I would literally drive them there myself, if only to prevent her tears.
I want our laughs to intertwine over the smallest things and our conversations to stretch our minds over the biggest. I want to see you sleep at night and I'll smile because I know that you're finally at peace. And I want you to smile when you wake up because you know that I'm fighting to make your reality better than your dreams.
I want love. I want romantic love, I want crazy love. I want passion. I want to pick you up in my arms and in that brief present get lost in your presence. I want to be in you when I am in you and have you wish that I would stay forever. I want to be in your heart and mind, and I want our love to be torturous and blind.
I just want love. I want the idea of it at least.

Even with insects--
some can sing,
some can't.

The other day
I happened to see a friend
who had passed away.
It was not until I saw him
had I realized,
I no longer cared for him.
I had been busy living
and after all these years
he was still the same.
How does one explain
to a dead friend
that people change?

Incredible butterflies
Not the good ones,
more like the other kind
Hennessy and THC
just increases speed
in my running mind
An overwhelming need
to bring it under a light
I remember the good times
and some of dumbest,
hands down funniest fights

It took a while to see
that it was mostly me
Holding grudges
like Christians gripping rosaries
I didn't know that I needed
a bunch of of therapy
to chase out demons
Before throwing away
everything closest to me

We had to move on
but for only a minute
Lately I'm thinking
it's been way too long
The thing is, I still picture
your image when listening
to rhythm and blues songs

I know day by day
another memory fades
However, some of them won't fade
It would definitely take
more than reincarnation to break
They're too great
I've dedicated times of the day
for heart racing meditation
So they'll glimmer on replay

Now that my mind's straight
I still can't contemplate
the words to say
Even if said in a perfect way
may not deserve a place
back in contention
to earn your grace

I already know, it's no joke
to let boat loads of hope float
without anyone knowing
so no emotions expose
It's hard to throw in a towel
when I'm holding a rope
Flicking through old pictures
on a brand new phone
Just to regain that feeling
The feeling of home

It's hard to let it go
Don't hold in emotions
They will soon take control
Setting off explosions
The truth is, I didn't know it
until I saw Frozen
Now they won't stop flowing
like rivers toward oceans

The very thought
of knowing you're okay
and someone is telling you
you're beautiful everyday
Legitimately puts me
in a happier place
Everybody has that ONE
they let get away

Thinking about our dog
happy and loving his love
Is the only other thing
flooding my tunnel with light
Please don't think
I won't forever be
emotionally connected
We built a family

With that I'll say
Goodbye for now