It's never easy
It was
Right in front of me
I let it slip away
Like water through my fingers
The not knowing kills
Impatient me
Being added to lists is terrifying
Why am I so complicated
Setting unreachable standards
Hoping for miracles
That fall from the sky
Careful not to fall too fast
As I'm trying to start again

Melancholy skies cry out in agony creating
A slick sheet of ice to cover over necessity
Slowing down moments and hours but not time

Compulsive thinker
                                      You're over analyzing
Acting obsessively  
                                      *It's pure passion

Always alone
until you came along
Giving me somewhere to belong
Ours was an adventure
shared by no other
Worthy of envy
so we held on stronger
I'd never felt so many feelings
I was needing to be with you
If only I knew
Oh how much you wanted me too
Absence should've
Made the heart grow strong
With us
everything went wrong
Up's down's
this and that's
You do whatever while I just nap
Disagreeing
on everything
You knew just how
to pull my strings
Blowing up
when I wanted to leave
Trying hard
to capture me
Place me in a cage
where I could never be free
That's not love dear
That's just
You and Me

Winding through
The evergreens
Up this way
Back down what brings
Sitting in the back
Swaying this & that
So many resturaunts
Adding inches to hips
Licking what's left
From fingertips
Bodies uncomfortable
squished in tight
Dying to stop
To stay for the night
All stretched out
All cuddled in
Continental breakfast
On the road by 6 am
We had some fun, we saw the sights
Exciting days & beautiful nights
Exhausted in the evening
When we hit the hay
Up bright & early
The very next day
Back through the fields
Down the winding roads
To familiar things
To a place called home

Eyes drift
From this to that
Sharp edges protruding
From the pieces of my shattered heart
How can I hide them?
Sand them down smoothe again
Keep calm now
Step forward
Leave the past where it is
Remind myself I can
Start again

The finest minds
Always make a choice

Whether wrong or right
Humble or proud
Admirable decisions
Or not so much

It's respectable
It's ****
Sometimes it means change
It's masculine

To take the lead
To make the difficult choice
To stand your ground
To show the real

It melts me

Violent dance
Contained
Hot
Back and forth friction
Motion glowing bright orange
Blue
You'll burn me if I touch you

Trust is a risky investment
It often backs me into a corner
So needless to say
Love does not come easily for me
Physical beauty is deceptive
Hair, eyes, lips, feet....
Meaningless, unless to serve
A purpose
Seeing, breathing & warmth
Clothing style...
shoes, hats, coats, scarves... accessories... fleeting
They only dress up the outside
So, now as we peel
back the layers of this onion,
We begin to reveal
The secret person of the heart
Here is where self love is possible
For here is where self love begins
Honest
Real
Giving
Thoughtful me
I am undefined
selfless really
These are just the beginning
Of my list
No
It's not super lengthy,
But the value to me
Is unmatched

I can hardly wait for you will finally
show me what you mean
& I,... I'll finally submit to your advances.
I get chills when I think of the seconds turning into hours on the couch with wine glasses, cheese and French bread
curled up with a blanket, stroking fingers, breathing in memories lost in moments
I can hardly handle the time slowly ticking, creeping towards the morning when steam rises from ceramic as the clear view of the mountains connects us in a remembrance of euphoia
I can hardly stand the giddy feeling I get imagining our December, when you love me again

They say ignorance is bliss
and bliss it must be
because
ignorance is just so easy

I stood there in the closet
Plotting it out
How I was gonna wear
her outfit
Without her figuring out
The one with the stripes
And the ******* belt

She always had something
I wanted you see
Something I couldn't have
Was what I wanted to be

Like the hand me down things
She handed to me
Her hand me down love
was my everything

I was walking on air
When she gave them to me
Like a million bucks
Felt like I won the lottery
In her hand me down love
I was glistening

Hand me down shoes
Hand me down rings
Hand me down clothes
Hand me down things

He touched me and I shivered
Smiled at me and I withered
looked in my eyes and I blushed
Told me he wants me so much
Kissed my lips and I'd melt
This is how true love felt

Tell me you want me
I can call you mine
Call me your boo
All of the time

Tell me Im beautiful
Look into my eyes
Make me believe
In all of your lies

Ignore me when I text
Ignore me
Give me mixed signals
Endlessly

Make me cry
Call me names
judge me as though
I am everything you say

You know it's just too little too late
When the experience comes before
& the advice comes after.

It's just too little love and too late to listen.

You know how it is, like when you already fell but 10 minutes later  someone yells  "Hey!  Watch out! There's a giant crevasse under that blanket of snow!" ...because the light already went out for you,  you're broken; bleeding in agony yet who can save you when you're so far down?

You're all alone so in despair you give in to sleep.  Just then  someone remembers you from miles away but the sadness can only linger now because no one can save you from what has happened ...

just too little too late.

Frantically scrambling fingers tug at the ball of confusion.... some strings loosely looped, some tightly wound. All deceiving the eye. Some seeming easy to untangle, yet all too caught up. It feels like a ball of eternal mess, but that too is deception.

Sometimes I think running away
Sounds like a dream come true

Minds thickly clouded with memories feel unworthy
Asking silly things
Falling on unlistening ears
just ready
To spill it back
out through other holes
in other spaces
in unwanted ways

No it's better mute
It's safe that way
Nobody hurt
Nobody blamed

Nobody hears the screaming...

But if they did anyway I would only want to run again

As if anyone could change
The elephant in the room
No,
Ignorance
makes it my elephant
And I guess
That's comfort enough

So I'll keep it to myself

I don't understand
but I'm not worried

It's out of my hands,
out of my hands

Been in motion for so long
it's not going to stop

I guess you shouldn't throw away what's written

Whether you want it or not

You can't change it no matter how much you wish

You can't stop what's been put in place

It's God's plan
Nobody can change it
for the Earth or for space

It's bigger than you
That's why life's a rat race

I'm in it too
Enduring
no matter what it takes

One mistake
won't take your life...
even if you make it twice.

Get back up and make it right!

We already know what the consequence is like

I'm not in competition with anybody,
I want you to win.

The only plea I have,
Is want the same
for me

This war isn't mine
I have no choice,
but I have faith
So I speak with
my voice

Eiffel Towering
Terror
Lost in traslations
In the name of a god
Love
Smashed in pieces
The heart of a city
Tried
Bonding together
Love will prevail

Soft small fingers
reach down
& pluck
the fresh tip
of a blooming daisy

Proudly proclaiming
"For you!"
Handing up the stub

All smiles
You snicker and
Happily accept

Even if
there is no stem
you grin and say
"How beautiful"

You ask me to sing to you
To write you a song
A love song
A triumph for you
That's something I won't do
When you go away
I will write for someone better
Someone true
Someone who is absolutely
Nothing like you

So many people compare
exquisite experience to heaven
as if they had an idea

unapologetically
the ideas evaporate
as though it never really happened
gone like $20 at the grocery store
in a snap
with little to nothing to show
besides maybe some small memory
that you'll  deny

It's not hard to see
once you stop staring
Noticing every flaw
Imperfect is easy

We lose hope
looking at eachother
don't even wonder
about his brilliance anymore
but it's there anyway
just waiting to be discovered

Nobody compares
nothing is as amazing
No stars shine brighter
because his love is healing


Untouched
Untouchable
Brilliance
Unmatched
Unmatchable resilience
His patience is incredible
And there's nothing
Like his forgiveness
Unmatched
Untouchable brilliance

All we can do is imitate
We aren't even carbon copies
We fail and fail again
He snaps his fingers and bam!
His decisions stand
without failing


Look at gravity
Look at the impossibility
Incomprehensible designs
Perfect in everyway
We try but we can't compete

Untouched
Untouchable
Brilliance
Unmatched
Unmatchable resilience
His patience is incredible
And there's nothing
Like his forgiveness
Unmatched
Untouchable brilliance

What is a promise anyway?
Promises should be kept, safe
Locked up and remembered
Promises are a foundation
On which a life is built
If cracked or broken
The structure will cave

Promises are meant to be treasured
To be honored
A promise is often spoken
Without a lot of thought
Crushing the listening ear
Breaking a young heart
An unknowing heart
A trusting heart

So keep your promises
Treasure what is said
Remember it
And keep your life flourishing

IF* I were to seek your approval
or just the agreeing nod of your head
IF I eagerly awaited the upturn
of the corners of your mouth instead

IF I was so concerned about your thoughts
of me and who I am
I'm afraid I would not go far at all dear
I'm afraid I'd be better off dead

Another dollar
another choice, another chance
what's on your agenda?