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312 · Jun 2014
To My Sister & Friend
Renae Jun 2014
The beauty that only exists in an encouraging word, is the kind of beauty you radiate. The kind that I will always remember and cherish, until the end of time.
For Janice Boker,  I love you sister.
312 · Mar 2014
A tragic truth
Renae Mar 2014
It's too bad you treat me so poorly
I might have even taken you back
Now that you've shown your true colors
I couldn't imagine that downfall

Trying desperately to be something I'm not
All for what?
For your disdain
Perhaps your dismissal
Somehow I don't
feel so sorry for her
312 · Nov 2014
This game(10w)
Renae Nov 2014
Endurance*
is the name of this game
so, I do.
307 · Nov 2013
I can't
Renae Nov 2013
I can't help it,
I'm falling all over myself
I can hardly get the words out
Don't you understand my frustration?
It's been going on for too long now
I am fatigued
I feel used up
It's not healthy to feel like this
I should be stronger by now
I've been doing it for years
but it gets no easier, the fight drags on
Is this what you call fair?
I guess I deserve whatever you decide
I don't know
I can't help myself
306 · Oct 2017
Unwanted
Renae Oct 2017
Do not dig please
Leave it
burried deep
Layers upon layers
scars so thick
Creating a wall
Guarranteed to hide
Comfortably numb
it's alright
Love is here
Where loyalty is mine
even though outside
It may seem I'm
Unwanted
♡♡♡
305 · Jul 2017
Planted
Renae Jul 2017
I turned around
Found you hiding
You smirked slyly
Ask me to keep my lip zipped
You must've thought me niave
Without the smallest shield
Certainly no breastplate or
Sword of protection
You assumed me a helpless mess!
My only crime,
Assuming you were honest
Honesty was too high a price
For you could not afford the consequence!
After realizing my mistake I found my
Roots so deep
Planted into the richest soil
By a never ending stream
My trunk so thick
No longer can you sway me
I am immoveable
Steadfast
**Planted
304 · Apr 2019
Your Roadway
Renae Apr 2019
When I walk your roadway
I love the steep hills
I notice the beauty
I see the greenery
The shade of oaks
Covers me
The breeze cools my skin

When I walk your roadway
My intentions are pure
My heart sees only the good in you
My eyes try to find honesty
In yours

When I walk your roadway
I hope the best
For your life
My thoughts towards you
are only peace

I do not seek to waste
Your time or mine
I sacrifice my own
To walk your roadway
Service
302 · Nov 2014
She
Renae Nov 2014
She
She's off!
On an adventure of her own
Experiences that will light up her darkness
Lifting her hopes and dreams
Love she's never known
Opens doors
She never knew they existed
Growth!
In measures unimaginable
She's running forward
No looking back
She's smiling
She's alive
She's loved
300 · Aug 2013
Over you
Renae Aug 2013
I am sad, I am discouraged
but isn't that what you wanted anyway?
Does it make you smile to see me cry?
I bend from sheer emotional exhaustion
I am sick to my stomach with pain and you laugh you laugh at my crisis
so I ask you how can I care?
How could I even glance your way?
Never again will I fall for you
or believe in your lies
you have decieved me for the last time
and I am finally over you
297 · Feb 2018
Black
Renae Feb 2018
One day you're walking in a lavender field at sunset
Rich aroma fills your senses
Genuine excitement
Contentment
pure joy in heart & mind
Simply put
love is in your grasp
nothing can stop your
happiness

The next day
Suddenly
the lavender turned black,
the sky black,
your heart.....black,
hopelessness
engulfs heart & mind
The love you so desperately crave forsook you & took your heart from your chest
293 · Oct 2014
All wrong
Renae Oct 2014
.................................................................­................
How was I to know you'd be all wrong
I was convinced you were amazing
I was sure
I thought nothing less would suffice
Until I saw your true colors
Blazing
Now I pay the price
...........................................................­......................
293 · Jun 2015
Cherished
Renae Jun 2015
I had a moment of truth today
I listened to your voice
Laughter in my favorite tone
Smiling in my ears
I whispered in my thoughts
"I miss you"
292 · Jan 2015
Understanding
Renae Jan 2015
Oh mind of mine
Stop thinking
Accept misunderstandings
Find the serenity
I know it is confusing
Though He is not
And your heart is full of want
Time is unforgiving
Unfair is all your feeling
Try to find comfort
Without understanding
Thanks be to Jehovah for being greater than our hearts.
291 · May 2014
All I wanted
Renae May 2014
Maybe I just wanted to see the beauty of the ocean in secluded perfection
Maybe I just wanted to smell the palm trees swaying in the breeze
to feel the summer sun on my coconut skin
Maybe I wanted you and me in a perfect
setting, a dreamer yes I guess I must be
I suppose
our eyes will never lock again
An embrace of minds, a second of truth
gone forever
291 · Jun 2015
Last words
Renae Jun 2015
These are my last words
Just in case I go
Just in case for some reason
I am no longer there
Always remember this:
I hung on a long time
I tried so very hard
To live everyday
for you
I want you to know
Nothing meant more
to me
than your happiness
You were the very heart of me
My reason
You were the one thing
That kept me above it
The one and only why
I didn't want to quit
I love you
With every fiber of me
Please keep these
Last words
*Love, me
For my children
290 · Jun 2014
Sometimes (like a song)
Renae Jun 2014
Sometimes it gets to me
all I do is think sometimes
and sometimes I want to die
sometimes I just cry
oh sometimes

Sometimes I want to quit
mhmmm mmm
sometimes I can't even begin
when it feels like I'll never win
sometimes

Sometimes the sun shines
even on the inside
sometimes I get a second wind
sometimes I can see the end
oh oh oh sometimes
290 · Mar 2014
Important expressions
Renae Mar 2014
It's amazing to me
how one small expression  
changes my whole world
Instantly walls fall down
I am back in a place of yesterday
When life was predictable
You were mine and I was
fearless........ of anything
Your important expressions
make my tears flow
effortlessly
289 · Oct 2014
Empty
Renae Oct 2014
Why is love so complex
It should be simple
It should be something
you know right away
Without doubts
Without a question
It should be magnetic exhilaration!

Instead love is cruel
heartache and depression
Isolation
Broken hearts
flooding eyes
Bleeding
Crippled minds
Empty arms
Empty lives
288 · May 2016
Untitled
Renae May 2016
Strings and sticks
holding
About their wrists
about their feet
You command
"dance!"
they do
Its fear
You tell them it's love
Of course
Writing their verse
Sticks & strings
holding
Tighten the grip
You believe
In love with control
Influence and such things
Tightly holding on
To something
You see
like a stage
A performance
entertainment
purposed

The one above you
Sees you

Puppets are toys
And toys are for children
Showing
Yourself a child
Playing
Until the toys,
The children,
The grass,
The air,
The food,
The dirt are useless
Ruining
What does not
belong to you
288 · Jan 2017
All I ever wanted
Renae Jan 2017
Kiss me as if my kiss
Was all you need to be content
It's all I've ever wanted
Hold me as if I was the softest mink
As if my warmth was your craving
Love me like you would if
You knew I'd be gone tomorrow
Love me with all you are
Love me like I was you
It's all I've ever wanted
288 · Jun 2014
Us
Renae Jun 2014
Us
I don't want to hear anymore
I never want to feel unwanted
This knot in my stomach
I am tired of being the scapegoat
It's been time, I know it,
Might as well face it
Once the trust is gone it's over
Nothing is all that exists of us
Nothing but a memory
A fantasy
Of something you would throw away
Again and again
Throwing me away like trash
Like yesterday I am forgotten
As is this tragic story of we
So hide it in a box
Never to be told,
A nightmare of us
& all we tried to be
287 · Mar 2014
I read
Renae Mar 2014
Of sadness and confusion
of dreams and hope
Of illusion
I read writings of pure honesty
in those stories
I see the ruins of you and me
287 · Mar 2014
Young at heart
Renae Mar 2014
I tapped my toe
while the little man sang
Frank Sinatra's words,
they go something this way
"For it's hard you will find
to be narrow of mind
if you're young at heart"

As I pondered those words
I felt a little absurd
many must feel
I have an elderly heart
With the heart being center
of any decision
I feel that creates
way too much derision
Often we regret that part
Nobody wants to admit it
Yet we finally get it  
stumble and tumble
when life falls apart
All because
we followed the advice
When you are among
the very young at heart

So never forget
to take your brain with you
not just words in songs
Keep your head on straight
consequences continue
things sometimes go wrong
Remember your virtues
I know all you really wanted
was to follow your heart
286 · Aug 2014
Enough
Renae Aug 2014
Enough is exhaustion, it's had it too hard, it's been too strong for too long,
enough is through
285 · Feb 2017
Gifted
Renae Feb 2017
Why does it seem
only the ones who dream
are gifted of
so many things...
Yet cursed of happiness?
284 · Oct 2014
Under the bridge
Renae Oct 2014
It's gone
Rushing away
Tumbling, turning
Fast as the current carries
I watch it disappear
Out of my sight
No way to turn back
While I sit
On this bridge
281 · Mar 2016
Rain
Renae Mar 2016
Sometimes I feel
Like the rain when it slides
Down my window slowly
One by one
Sliding down
My face no longer smiles
Easy like it used to
Even when my heart would cry
I could muster something
No longer now
Like the rain I am poured out
Like the rain I will dry up
280 · Feb 2014
One short call a day
Renae Feb 2014
Just one short call is all it takes
Just one short call a day
To say I just wanted you to know I love you
One short call to let someone know
nothing is more important
That you have five minutes a day to spare
For someone so special
they will always deserve
just one short call a day
Nothing should be more important than your family
280 · Sep 2016
Money
Renae Sep 2016
Money cannot love you
Money cannot cry
Money cannot care
Money cannot try
278 · Jun 2016
Pain
Renae Jun 2016
The most wicked
unimaginable pain
caused by...

nothing to the naked eye

a wretched
and broken lie

to a child
to a teen
even to an adult being

is this

*"I can do it, but you can't"
278 · Dec 2013
Your love
Renae Dec 2013
How do I begin when somehow it feels as if it never ends or sometimes as if it never ended....

The taunting smirk of your love leaves me feeling abandoned or at a loss; a bit irritable.....

After all you keep touching my waist and tempting me with that laugh, that smile, those hands...

You come here intoxicated and leave me to sleep alone wanting to be intoxicated too, only with your love.

Love is funny like that, that it's just so upside down. So full of mercy and hope & mystery...
277 · Mar 2017
Tired
Renae Mar 2017
Slowly sliding halfway off the cushion
The pillow behind my head feels a bit too
Hard for my liking
It keeps my eyes peeled for something
Anything that might spark my interest
Enough, is there any such thing that exists?
No, I've decided, nothing could keep me
It is too late to resist, heavy as they feel
Eyelids close
like blankets covering windows
Cover these loud Windows please
Life is much too chaotic for the likes of me
No, I feel myself drifting
I am much too tired for anymore of this
Much much too tired
277 · Apr 2015
Cold
Renae Apr 2015
Like ice to the touch
Clouds of breath linger in frigid air
Talking about nothing
Shivers of goosebumps on arms
Hands in pockets hoping for warmth
Finding frozen fingertips hidden
Between the cotton
This is too thin, we need something more
My hands are too alone
My mind too isolated
Carefully choosing thoughts
Words unsure of the ears that listen
It is too cold here to feel safe
276 · Apr 2014
Riddle me this
Renae Apr 2014
To take thee.....

     lying in pieces me

.          Two makes three.......

.                  yet,  tisn't we

.                           after all
.                
.                            who break free
275 · Oct 2014
Temptation (10w)
Renae Oct 2014
You were mine &
I was a game you played
274 · Apr 2015
Trigger
Renae Apr 2015
It goes off
Before you know it
Before you can think twice
One slip bliss
No more worry about this
No more worry about you
No more thinking it through
I'm tired of these triggers
Stabbing like a knife
Tired of hurting  
Tired of life
273 · Apr 2014
Silence
Renae Apr 2014
Silence can be so loud
It deafens
shattering the heart to nothing.
272 · Mar 2014
Dreams
Renae Mar 2014
Dreams are funny things
I had a dream last night
After all this time gone by
My head against your heartbeat
Your arms around me
Our smiles like they used to be
It was so real
Dreams are such funny things
271 · Mar 2015
Trust
Renae Mar 2015
A girl once had a precious jar, it held inside all of her heart. It was filled to the top with special things, like trinkets and pictures and memories. It was painted all pink and glittery. Across the top read her name, she kept it safe behind a frame. Then one day a school friend came by,.... ever so curiously, poking around her jar of special things. Clumsily asking her what was inside, "oh it's really just nothing " she quickly replied.  Honest to God she doesn't want them to see... her very private  personal memories. Some of them good and some not so much,... "You can look at the outside but please don't touch". And this truly was all she'd ask, it shouldn't have been such a very hard task. Alas and still he waited until to the ladies powder room she wondered. He felt the glass, the glitter and paint picked it up and shook it! To the ground it shattered! All over the floor her memories were scattered. Quickly he rushed stumbling this way and that, ripping some papers stepping on glass. In the blink of an eye and it was all over, as quick as he came he ran out the front door.
268 · Oct 2014
My own
Renae Oct 2014
Who am I to say how this will go
Or how that will turn out for anyone
I am no king with a sceptor
I am no queen on a lofty throne
Though I am no jester either
I am just peering into a holy law
I will find answers
I'll look into my own mirror
This shall suffice
I will place my focus
On the most necessary path
My own
268 · Aug 2014
Mr. Sunshine
Renae Aug 2014
If you have no sincere smile
to share with me

If your gut has never hurt out of
sheer laughter

If you cannot find a reason
or a tune to hum it all away

The silver lining in your life
has depleted

Don't run to me...

I would only regret
I could not change you
I dont want to be an option, I want to be the only one. Humor is an essential part of any relationship
268 · Apr 2014
Says you
Renae Apr 2014
You say you know me
oh so well
you say you know
what I want, how I think?
You say you know
about my dreams?
About my hopes my fears
about my fantasies?
Says you you say says you
Walk in my footsteps
then tell me true
It's not what says you
267 · Sep 2016
Impatience
Renae Sep 2016
I'll be the first
though it's hardest to admit
What you say?
Impatience

Like a predator
Ready to pounce
In an instant
A sharp Crack
Stab of words!

So Impatient

Still.....

It lingers on me
I am unable to deliver
demands you seek
I am stiff like a cold
hard drink held in your fingers
I sting
until I am tasteless
Impatience
266 · Oct 2015
Poetry
Renae Oct 2015
It's blurry
Why
A smear of reasons
I venture
Back
Stumbling upon words
I didn't think
I'd see
Back to poetry
263 · Oct 2017
My love
Renae Oct 2017
The only love I've ever known
I have never seen
The only ear that's ever listened
I've yet to hear him speak
But I know he speaks
Through pages I read
In moments
Experiences
I relive in memories
The only love I've never known
I talk to more than anyone
I talk about him too
The only love I'll ever want
I have yet to meet
But somehow I know I will
One day

That day is worth living for
To me it means everything
♡♡♡
263 · May 2014
My heart
Renae May 2014
Torn to bits
Ripped to shreds
Smashed up and beaten
Left for dead
262 · Jan 2014
Time
Renae Jan 2014
It seems slow, time does,....but he will sneak right by you, before your eyes begin to see
One day you find life is wild like white water rapids, most all highs and carelessly crashing, tossing you aimlessly this way than that, the next day you're dry as the desert plain, cracked and hopelessly deserted.
You won't find time crying for you. You won't find him waiting, but in a moment, in a smile or in a kind word, with every passing hour; time might pull you through.
260 · May 2017
Empty headedness
Renae May 2017
I peered inside
For just a few moments
To see if I could find any depth

I found wisdom was non-existent
No truth resides, it's inept
all that remains

A small tickle of comfort
In empty headedness
259 · Nov 2014
Mirrors
Renae Nov 2014
We see in others
what we see in ourselves
We are attracted
to our favorite things about ourselves
Treat others
with the same love you'd want in return
For we are all just mirrors
259 · Oct 2014
Our story
Renae Oct 2014
You looked, I listened
You attempted, I gave a response
I invited you in and you accepted
We began the story of us

I watched you; so captivating
so very devenaire
Was I caught up?
Could this really be?
Could you really be so sincere?

I'm so scared
I've been hurt too much
I don't want to go back to that
Then all of a sudden
you showed me your instinct
I about had a heart attack

It was confusing; oh so tragic
I couldnt help myself
so I panicked
Like a crumbling puzzle
A sudden sadness
I began to fall apart
For I knew deep inside
you would only break my heart
  
Time went by for hours and hours
Every moment of everyday
I couldn't stand it any longer
I thought about you constantly

So I did the only thing I knew
I could do
I had to find
my way back to you

I attempted, you reponded
To my shock and suprise!
Together we both decided
To continue this wild ride

Again you accepted
my invitation back inside
You continue to shock me all of the time

I though I was seeing
You were not like the others
You seemed different I think
I know all too well fairytales don't exist
Charm me with the truth
Sweep me off my feet
Doran
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