Its like a black hole
Engulfing your conscious
Slowly
without much Effort
******* life
as if it were unimportant
Depression sets in
as easy as a breeze
Flowing
Through the leaves
Shivering gently
Some falling to the ground
trampled
Beneath feet
Tears slide
No gush
as waterfalls do
Flooding fingers
(Whispers)
Only for awhile
Hopelessness sets in
Acceptance
Despair
Alert to reality
Of stolen memories
Taken like nothing
Leaving nothing
No longer
With
Only without

Strings and sticks
holding
About their wrists
about their feet
You command
"dance!"
they do
Its fear
You tell them it's love
Of course
Writing their verse
Sticks & strings
holding
Tighten the grip
You believe
In love with control
Influence and such things
Tightly holding on
To something
You see
like a stage
A performance
entertainment
purposed

The one above you
Sees you

Puppets are toys
And toys are for children
Showing
Yourself a child
Playing
Until the toys,
The children,
The grass,
The air,
The food,
The dirt are useless
Ruining
What does not
belong to you

Thank you
For providing me
A place to bleed
From my eyes
And my heart

For everyone who stepped up
For all who could
You did it
Raise your heads up
You have Proven true
It was your time and you knew
I am so happy
You will have the glory
The experience to
Share in His fame
The vindication
of His holy name
This is all for you
You have Proven true
I am so happy for you

Once upon a time
Life was full
As the blossom of a rose
Tough times
Were today's good days
No worries
Choosing was the breeze
Never guessing was always
The very best to me
Wait
Rewind
Back up there
Never guessing?
Having a choice?
Just when were such things!?
Oh
It was all in your mind
Now I see
A story
Truly fantasy
Is the only theme
Beginning
*Once upon a time

Sometimes I feel
Like the rain when it slides
Down my window slowly
One by one
Sliding down
My face no longer smiles
Easy like it used to
Even when my heart would cry
I could muster something
No longer now
Like the rain I am poured out
Like the rain I will dry up

Blood drenched wrists
Dripping to the ground

"You are not enough"

Was all he heard from the crowd

Eyes blurry
Suffering
Handed thorns for a crown

Crying "please forgive them father"

On him, not a blemish could be found

"You will be with me in paradise"

Comfort to the man
On whose hands
Blood could be found

Was it not enough
To save mankind
Through only the one sacrifice?

I say it was more than enough
A balance of such

None the more
So profound

Sadly so this is what you wish:
    Try your best
    your hardest
    So as not
    to be sefish
   To be helpful
   And contructive
All the while helpless
Enabling the self destructive

When the walls are closing
The ceiling, crushing
Finding a way out feels impossible
When the pressure gets intense
What do you do to find relief?
Where do you go?
How do you cope?

Empty threats  
Fill up pages
Seems I come to see
Angry ink of
Thoughtlessness

With only four words her whole life changed "you bet your life" he mocked, and she did. She bet her life it would be just the way it was written. So she read the words over and over again. She promised and prayed with dedication. Then she stood back and watched it unfold. Just as it was told it happend and she knew. He was trying to make her doubt but she knew. She was not blinded by uncertainty; she was grounded in belief. Unshaken by fear she knew her life was important, important enough to dedicate. She was important enough to love. Some wanted her to think she wasn't but she knew that wasn't true, after all, she bet her life on it.

That glimmer in his eye
The charm in his walk, his talk
It was a curse
Didn't you notice his broken finger?
3rd one on the left
That was a present from his mother
No Doctor called at 6 years old
When the trunk slammed down
The remedy was olive oil
No CPS was called back then
They called him tough, brave and strong
But really it was a curse

Do you remember when we walked together along the sandy beach, sounds of the ocean in the background. I was collecting full seashells from the sand... I remember us. You were carefree; you loved to jog first thing in the morning. I was reluctant but I loved your spirit and oh how I longed for your energy. I envied your love of life, that was something I had never posessed...until I found you. I yearned to live with you in your love of life. I wanted so badly to feel the immense love you felt from every face you greeted and every laugh you caused. You were my life and they took you away from me. I may not deserve life or love or laughter but I am grateful I had your's even if it was for a brief moment and gone too quickly. I will remember.

Crazy
You made me crazy
I never loved someone so much
I would travel over mountains over seas
Crazy
You made me crazy
I left everyone who loved me
Until they no longer knew me
That's crazy
I see my crazy
My children have no strong bonds
Their love is unattached
Crazy
Yeah that's crazy
After all I gave myself up for you
And you trashed me
Such a tragedy
We were meant to be
Instead
My love went
Crazy

The **** is so thick
It is impossible to clean now
It has caked onto the walls
Sickening as it is
When you see it you close your eyes
Still it is there and you now know
You know as soon as you follow
Unfollow
It's now in your brain
Because without taste
It was in your face

It's blurry
Why
A smear of reasons
I venture
Back
Stumbling upon words
I didn't think
I'd see
Back to poetry

Maybe I can't explain it
How it feels
Like a cool crisp wind
When the dew is on the blades
Fresh in the morning air
It takes your breath
And a shiver comes over you
Pulling tighter the sweater around you
Grasping for warmth
It pierces through the stiches
As if the barrier is too thin
So you move
Jump in place
Going nowhere
Trying to get warm
But there are no walls of protection
From that wind
That morning wind is cold
Cold like ice
Cold like him

Yes I am
I am angry when
Words are twisted
Lies are told
I am jealous
For righteousness
I am jealous
For His name sake
I am angry when
Selfishness
Takes the front seat
When no one notices
Truth in plain site
All because
Maybe the truth is
The lies
Taste too sweet

C'mon Justice
Don't take your time
Like yesterday never happened
Too much time goes by
Oh Justice
How can we recall
Until it doesn't matter anymore
C'mon Justice
You saw it all

Light soft,
ever so subtle
teasing strokes
lying hiss
coiled
whispering
meaningless messages
full of pleasure
nothing more
nothing less

What should be now
Was here last week
When it's in the bank today
The offer's nowhere to be seen
When I don't have it I need it
When it's here, the need is gone

Still somewhere in the confusion
My dyslexic life goes on
Here's a good example,
Take a read why don't you
Peak into my life's lessons
Desperation sure as truth:

He told me his thoughts
He told me his dreams
He made me feel
Like I was the queen
I said "please be there for me
for what I must go through"
He said "I'm sorry
it's just bad timing,
I chose her over you "

I don't know
what went wrong
Or where
It just happens
Just like that
One minute it's okay
The next it's over
The hurt is there
It's deep and wide
Like a canyon
Bottomless
How can you fill a canyon?
A canyon with tall steep cliffs?

I will pour myself in
Fall
Try with every ounce of strength
Every last bit
To reach across
To pull it together
To somehow bridge this
I am flexible
I can bounce back
I will dive in
With everything I am
Do all I can
To fill the emptiness

Who is she?
She is the:

C areless
O ne who
N ever even
N oticed
I
E xist

Who cares
Really
In theblink of an eye
Life can disappear
Who's left to care
Do they remember
A short while and
Time erases me
A distant memory
So fractured
Not so clear
Remembered
In feeling only
The story is shakey
It's a blur at best
Better exaggerated

Days feel like years
Like falling down a deep hole
Landing only
to fight through tall grass
Flowers singing songs
Lyrical riddles and thymes
Nothing makes sense
Then I see the sky
Showing me signs
Confusion sets in
Who am I again?
Stabbing words
Stinging ears
How could anyone
understand
Not I who feels
Broken when
It's over
With a blink

'           '           '       '       I  '        '          '         '    '
     '          '             love the rain.     '           '   '
'       '       It hides tears that trickle'     '
  '     down round cheeks that should be  '
'  smiling. Rain spilling out of an endless downpour.I look up to the vastness in awe
￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦￦
                                     ^          
                ­                      ^
                                   eyes
                                 closed
                                   shut
                                  hands
                                   open
                                   wide
                                  Wash
                                  away
                                 what I
                                cannot
                                conceal
                                    so I
                                   may
                                   pour
                                 myself
                                    out
                                  like a
                                   rain          
                                       s
                             r          h
                               e      o
            ­                       w

Back then
He was my strength
My everything
My only dream
I would have
Endured anything
Until he broke
Under the heat of you
I hate you
Wicked thing
You are nothing
Nothing to me
Nothing at all
Like he was

Look around you
Everything's
The same as it's always been
Nothing's changed since
Time began
People are the same
as they were back then

Everything just repeats itself
Nothing's new under the sun
So let's eat and drink
and be merry!
Life is for living
Just have some fun!

No time for slowing down now
Got to go to see and be seen!
Try everything new now
Let's be like what we see on tv!

Now there is no God to tell us
What to do or who to be
We don't need a leader
We're the leaders
You and Me!

The bible's just an old story
Written way too long ago
Those who do what it says
Are just a bunch of sheep
How could anyone follow?

Close your eyes now
No need to worry
It will all be okay
No need to do anything
Although everything's blurry
You don't need the answers today